Welcome to the Dollhouse? Heather Matarazzo’s UES Studio Can be All Yours for $315 K.

Heather Matarazzo. (Patrick McMullan)

Heather Matarazzo. (Patrick McMullan)

Remember Dawn Wiener, the painfully-awkward, lovesick protagonist of Todd Solondz’s breakout feature Welcome to the Dollhouse? Have you ever wished you could see her grown-up apartment? Very probably not. Excellent as Dollhouse was, watching Dawn struggle through a brief stretch of middle school delivered just about the maximum dose of still-pleasurable, too-close-to-home-variety discomfort. (Anyway, chances are she ended up being a hoarder, and nobody needs to see that.) But for actress Heather Matarazzo—who played the unfortunate young lass—things have gone pretty well. (She’s appeared since in numerous films, The L Word and, of course, on Law and Order.) And now that her place at 342 East 53rd Street is on the market, and for an altogether reasonable $315,000, you might just want to take a gander.

The catch, of course, is that the unit is itself something of a dollhouse—a wee studio co-op with an open kitchen. Hey, there’s no such thing as free lunch. Listed by Kristin Hurd at Brown Harris Stevens, the unit has great light, a wall of exposed stone and hardwood floors. There’s stainless steel in the kitchen, and a granite counter top that looks suitable for dining. On the whole, it is, as the listing, suggests, on the adorable side.

If only Dawn Wiener had been so lucky.

How quaint.

How quaint.