You know what I don’t need? I don’t need The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story, the tell-all Lifetime biopic set to divulge what it was really like behind the scenes on Saved by the Bell.
I didn’t need to know when the dog from Air Bud died. I really didn’t need to know that Flick from A Christmas Story was later in a porn called Dirty Bob’s Xcellent Adventures 35 (and 36, actually). And I really, really didn’t need this.
So why would I need another childhood-ruining movie about how behind the scenes at Bayside High School A.C. Slater, Zack Morris, Kelly Kapowski and Jessie Spano were all doing drugs and having orgies (if Dustin Diamond’s book is to be believed, that is).
For those who are interested, the movie is set to air on September 1. Buzzfeed has the entire cast list, which is filled with some relative unknowns that, look-wise, seem up to the job. Sam Kindseth as Dustin Diamond is pretty much spot on, as is Degrassi:The Next Generation’s Dylan Everett as Mark-Paul Gosselaar.
But I’m still not on board. Check it out if you want but if anyone needs me, I’ll be listening to this and pretending The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story doesn’t exist.
It’s alllllllright. It’s alllllright. *cries*