Mortality Report Predicts What New Yorkers Are Most Likely to Die of

Those accidental falls into sidewalk vents are really adding up

An young Japanese girl wears a face mask

Life is but a death trap.

One day we’ll all go to that big city in the sky. Though we can’t know when it’ll happen, this study makes it easier to guess how.

Pulling data from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2005 report on deathSlate synthesized each state’s most common causes of death. It’s just a matter of picking your poison, really.

After factoring out cancer and heart disease—the actual number one cause of death for New Yorkers—the runner up for our most likely fate is respiratory diseases. Which makes sense, especially for us city dwellers constantly inhaling all of the delicate aromas seeping out of sewer grates, not to mention those poor souls who got caught up in smoke on the 7 train yesterday. Following suit, the cause of death disproportionately affecting New York is influenza and pneumonia.

But once you get past these pulminary-pounding afflictions, the rest of the data is almost a breath of fresh air.

When looking at the age-adjusted rates compared with the national average for accident death, cancer, diabetes, Alzheimer’s and kidney disease among others, New York has sustained fewer deaths.

You know what they say: Nothing is certain but death and taxes. It’s just a matter of which gets to you first.