On the Market: The Times Discovers ‘Quooklyn'; Williamsburg Now a Fancy Mall

neatnessdotcom/flickr.

neatnessdotcom/flickr.

Remember last month, when Manhattan rents actually leveled off? That was a nice breather, but now Crain’s reports that they’ve resumed their upward march. Hey, at least you can still get a relative bargain in Gramercy, according to DNAinfo, with the rent for one-bedroom units dropping to an average of $3,500. Oh, is that all?

Of course, money is no object for so many Manhattan residents these days. Like Alice Walton, who just bought the $25 million apartment at 515 Park that belonged to the late Christopher H. Browne, at least so claims the New York PostOf course, in April the Post claimed that the Walmart heiress was the buyer of the $70 million co-op at 960 Fifth, who, as the Daily News reported last week, is actually Egyptian billionaire Nassef Sawaris.

Too bad for the tabloids: Aby Rosen and The New York Landmarks Conservancy have ended their feud. The real estate mogul and preservation group have reached an agreement to move the Picasso curtain that currently hangs in the Four Seasons to The New York Historical Society, The New York Times reports. Mr. Rosen had claimed that he needed to move the curtain to do necessary repairs and upgrades, while The Landmarks Conservancy argued the curtain was too fragile to move and the necessary repairs merely a ruse for relocating the curtain. It remains unclear if the curtain is any less fragile than originally presumed.

Gothamist documents what may be the worst breach of urban etiquette the city has ever seen—yes, even worse than butt-hugging the subway pole in a pair of flesh-colored leggings—a woman using a water fountain in Central Park as a dog bidet. And lest you think the woman was, perhaps, just using the water fountain as a dog bathtub, when asked, she specified that the cleaning was specifically butt-related.

In other terrifying news, The New York Times attempted to dub Ridgewood “Quooklyn” in a restaurant review. As Gothamist points out, this is ridiculous “because everyone knows it’s already Ridgewick, located just east of Jefftown and Bedwick. Get it together, lamestream media.”

Williamsburg, meanwhile, is so over that the New York Times won’t even be able to write articles about discovering it anymore. The Wall Street Journal reports that its retail strips are going the way of Soho—high-end mall–and hotels are flocking to Wythe Avenue, which would be awash in luxury housing like the rest of Williamsburg if zoning allowed. According to Crain’s the developer behind South Williamsburg’s Condor Hotel in South Williamsburg is planning a 180-room hotel at 121 N. 12th Street.

Finally, who doesn’t like a good rant? Allan Ripp rails against the indignity and inconvenience of building passes in Crain’s—the dubious system of security that the city’s Class A buildings adopted post-9/11 that is likely as useless as it is complicated: “add 10 minutes so you can queue up at the front desk, present your driver’s license for a terror-watch check, wait for the uniformed guy to rifle through his directory and call whomever you’re meeting upstairs (“Yes, I have a Mr. Pipp here to see you”), and have your horrific portrait taken.”