Phrosties Are Just Glorified Alcoholic Slurpees

Sipping a Phrostie is like sipping a glass of wine now. Except not so classy.

@Phrosties, old Instagram account (Courtesy of @Phrosties-Instagram)

@Phrosties, old Instagram account (Courtesy of @Phrosties-Instagram)

It turns out Phrosties aren’t as bad as we all thought.

The unregulated alcoholic drink, which debuted this past spring, quickly gained a bad rap after people claimed they had “borderline hallucinogenic” effects. Customers would text a number on Phrosties’ now-defunct Instagram page and, $10 and a few hours later, a clandestine slushy would arrive at their door.

Following a State Liquor Authority investigation and an overload of publicity, Phrosties killed all operations and has since become just another boozy relic of yore.

Luckily for Phrostie Phans, Daily Intelligencer sent the controversial drink to a lab to be scientifically examined and the results are in…

It’s basically just a glorified frozen margarita.

Phrosties are apparently no more alcoholic than wine, nor do they contain codeine or any other illicit drugs. Doctor Raghvendra Sahai of EuTech Scientific Services lab in Highland Park, NJ, determined that the Phrostie was 12.3 percent alcohol and 5.9 percent sugar (that’s a lot).

“This is a very clean alcohol, and very transparent,” Dr. Sahai told the Intelligencer. “Vodkas, rums, and whiskeys are all very clean. I think the owner must be playing safe, and the safest thing is take Kool-Aid, or something like that, some standard alcohol, Bacardi, and then mix the two together, with ice. It seems like that’s what they’re doing.”

And you thought Phrosties were getting you more phucked up than usual.