To Do This Week: Smoke a Corncob Pipe, Load Up on Rillettes

Metropolitan Museum Young Members Party 2012 PHOTO: Joe Schildhorn

Metropolitan Museum Young Members Party
Photo: Joe Schildhorn

Wednesday, July 9

The Esquire Society, which is having a pre-launch party tonight, calls itself “an ultra-high-end, exceptionally exclusive social club.” To get in, “applicants have the opportunity to take our objective, online assessment to determine whether they have the traits and characteristics of the ideal Esquire Society member.” You might think those qualities entail being a snob with a black card, but I’m thinking they really entail yodeling and an ability to whittle a corncob pipe with your teeth. Either way, this is the kind of party I highly encourage you to hunt down and crash, a corncob pipe clasped magnificently between your lips. I hear there are canapés. Private Meatpacking District rooftop, 6 p.m., 859-552-8711, Invitation Only

Thursday, July 10

Tonight you may be going to the Metropolitan Museum Young Members Party, and if you are, the hardest thing is going to be picking an outfit that can even roughly compete with the Charles James exhibit you’re going to see, unless you plan to ransack the museum, which I am totally not against. Basically, nobody makes a better ball gown than Charles James. They are perfect works of art. So maybe just focus on making your hair look as good as possible and enjoy the music from the Antoine Drye Jazz Quartet. Metropolitan Museum of Art, 7:30-11 p.m., metmuseum.org, $135

Photo: Dallas Boesendahl

Dallas Boesendahl at the Bridgehampton Antiques & Design Fair

Friday, July 11

There’s something about the Bridgehampton Antiques & Design Fair that imparts a feeling of infinite possibility, the kind that says, “I do not have to sit on this rickety rattan chair with a hole in it that I have had since college.” Instead, you could buy a gilded chair owned by a king, and you could begin your quiet take-over of small neighboring states (I’d start with Vermont, they seem feeble, they seem like the kind of state that could be intimidated by good furnishings). Or you could just get something with a nice cherry wood finish that could really dress up your living room. It’s up to you, really. The Bridgehampton Community House, 2357 Montauk Highway, 10 a.m., 27east.com, $5

Saturday, July 12

Tonight is The Midsummer Party Dinner, honoring the Parrish Museum and promising a “theatrical approach” to dinner by Olivier Cheng Catering and Events. Do you know what that means? I do not. I imagine something flambéed and presented by mimes, or maybe meals recreated from Shakespeare? Whatever it is, I’m excited. Parrish Art Museum, 279 Montauk Highway, 6:30-1 a.m. Dinner is currently sold out with a wait list, but the after-party, which starts at 10 p.m., has tickets available for $225

Photo: Sasha Arutyunova

Bastille Day Photo: Sasha Arutyunova

Sunday, July 13

Let’s be honest: Bastille Day kicks July 4th’s little red, white and blue hiney. I mean, on July 4th you get fireworks, beer and hot dogs, whereas on Bastille day you get the fireworks, champagne and rillettes! Today celebrate Bastille Day with The French Institute Alliance Française, which promises a lively daylong fete sans le chien chauds. The French Institute Alliance Française, 22 E. 60th Street, 12-5 p.m. Open to the public

Monday, July 14

If I had any art skills whatsoever I’d definitely be an art forger. Luckily for the art world I don’t, but perhaps it’s not too late to learn, starting with tonight’s lecture at the National Dance Institute, Oscar White Muscarella on Fakes, Frauds, and Forgeries. Gerhard Richter watch out–I’m coming for you. National Dance Institute, 217 W. 147th Street, 6:30 p.m. $100

Tuesday, July 15

Do you like food? Or do you absolutely hate food but like certain kinds of flowers? Either way, we’ve found an event for you: Celebrate Flatiron Chefs hosted by the Madison Square Park Conservancy, which offers dishes from the finest chefs in the Flatiron area, with proceeds going to Madison Square Park’s horticulture, maintenance and free cultural programs. Madison Square Park, 5:30 p.m. $350 for early admission, $200 for general 6:30 p.m. admission

Wednesday, July 16

Tonight’s 3rd Annual Edeyo Gives Hope Ball, hosted by Stephen Baldwin (the kinder, gentler Baldwin), focuses on improving the lives of underprivileged children in Haiti by providing high-quality free education, food, water and social support. As if being a legitimately good thing to go to weren’t enough, there will also be a champagne service and what sounds like a pretty great gift bag. The Liberty Theater, 233 W. 41st Street, 7 p.m. $250