Pharrell, Jennifer Love Hewitt and the Celeb Subscription Box Trend Nobody Asked For

You, too can own celebrity-curated schlock.

  • There are a lot of things that a person has to grapple with in life. Big, universal questions about self, love and identity. And, probably most poignant of all struggles: the impulse to throw away a stupid bobblehead that was a present from Snoop Dogg.

    With the opening of the brick and mortar Birchbox store earlier this summer, the general consensus has been either excitement or confusion around the subscription box hype. For those not in the know, Birchbox is a subscription box makeup service: a box full of the hottest makeup samples are sent to subscribers via mail. Like a magazine, but with stuff.

    The subscription box trend has spun off a variety of genres, from geeky NerdBlock to baby-centric BoxMeMommy — crafty with WhimseyBox and stylish with StitchFix. But sometimes, you can not only choose the kind of box you get, you can choose the person who picks them for you.

    Celebrity subscription boxes are all the rage, and we’ve scoured the web to find you the best, worst, and weirdest ones out there, “curated” by people like…

  • Tritest: Pharrell Williams ($50 per box each quarter)

    From the looks of the site, it seems like everything in these overpriced boxes has something to do with his more annoying by the day song “Happy.” Most are trite, like the CD with only one song on it (guess which), a “Happiness Is The Truth” print and a smiley face stress ball. Some are downright pathetic: “Exclusive plant photograph taken by Pharrell.” That… well, that’s kind of adorable, actually. Next month: exclusive macaroni necklace?

  • Most educational: Bill Nye ($50 per box each quarter)

    BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! Need we say more? Bill Nye’s science-filled boxes are for an age bracket most people who can afford his subscriptions don’t belong to. But, I mean, that robot kit says seven and up, right?

  • Most forgettable: Jordin Sparks ($50 per box each quarter)

    Oh, right, didn’t she win American Idol one time? Is she even still a thing? The contents of her boxes are as mismatched and blandly unmemorable as her personality.

  • Most inexplicable: Harry Shum, Jr. ($50 per box each quarter)

    Plays Mike Chang on Glee. Why does this person even have his own subscription box? Has he done anything other than dance on Glee and be victim to borderline offensive asian jokes made about him in a high school choir room?

  • Most surprisingly good: Jennifer Love Hewitt ($39 per month)

    Ecclectic and quirky products curated by JHew. Remember? She was that person who was in those things a long time ago and now features in such gems as “Hot in Cleveland” (where your career goes to die), Lifetime’s The Lost Valentine and Jewtopia.

  • Most narcissistic: Coco Rocha ($39 per month)

    Necklaces with Coco Rocha written on them, bracelets with Coco Rocha written on them, magazines with Coco Rocha’s face emblazoned on them. Like, there are other things, too, but it seems to us Coco Rocha is a little too into Coco Rocha.

  • Most tragically discontinued: Pink (tragically discontinued)

    You were too much for this world, Pink Fancy box. To give you some context, a few selections included a Babycakes Brownie Maker and a “Creative Cursing” book. We need some time to mourn this sub box’s passing.

  • Most disappointing: Kelly Rowland ($39 per month)

    Her picks (golden sequined pouch, stick on nail polish, water bottle, hand lotion) are uninspired and uninteresting. One might say her boxes are the Kelly Rowland of subscription boxes.

  • Most unsurprising: Snoop Dogg ($42 per month)

    Snoop delivers what he promises: Past items include a “How High Am I” journal, a Fire Bucket Ashtray, Solopipe, an issue of High Times, a Snoop Dog Cone, and 100 dollar bill napkins so you can make it rain after you wipe your mouth from those special brownies you just whipped up.

  • Most Stylish: StyleMint (price varies)

    From megalomaniacs — er, entrepreneurs — Mary Kate and Ashley Olson comes a site that specially selects your clothing. Having multiple successful clothing lines, the Olsons were a natural choice for this kind of box, even if there’s clearly something unnatural about the sheer amount of dolls that have their their faces.

  • Most WTF: HomeMint (discontinued)

    So Justin Timberlake is in charge of a home style subscription box site. Pretty sure that was one of the signs of the apocalypse. We know a lot has changed since his days with NSYNC, but somehow we just can’t bring ourselves to accept decorating advice from someone whose hair used to be a bowl of ramen.

  • Most risqué: IntiMint (price varies)

    Brooke Burke has got the reigns on IntiMint, and if you haven’t noticed, there’s a variety of mint sites to cater to shoes, beauty, jewelry, etc. They cover all the bases — but Burke’s site may help you get to all the bases.

/Innovation

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