Wow, These Japanese Beauty Gadgets Are Terrifying

Buckle up.

  • Japan is responsible for a lot of great beauty products, including everything ever made by Shu Uemura. But as we recently learned while perusing our favorite one-stop ecommerce destination, Japan Trend Shop, this nation also has some pretty questionable beauty products to offer you and your family.

    Most of them are plastic, we’re pretty sure none of them work, and they range from goofy-looking to downright dangerous. Take a cruise through this slideshow and rest assured that your $50 wrinkle-cream habit isn’t that weird, after all.

  • It positions your tongue so that your voice will be "dulcet" and you can be more like the girl in the bottom right corner there.

  • Someone should check on her.

  • Apparently, sitting all day is conducive to obtaining a beauty bottom — as long as you're sitting on a pink cushion with a little hole so you can poop without getting up?

  • It's unclear what the "parts" are. The website helpfully says, "Instructions: Japanese (but easy to wear and use)"

    It's unclear what the "parts" are. The website helpfully says, "Instructions: Japanese (but easy to wear and use)"

  • Wear these giant wax lips to make the rest of your face/body look skinnier, I guess.

  • So that your breasts can get into the Olympics?

  • "Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, here comes another," Japan Trend Shop says of this device, apropos of nothing. This mask is supposed to help you get rid of wrinkles. It's also perfect for next Halloween's Sexy Bane costume.

    Perfect for next Halloween's Sexy Bane costume.

  • A cold, hard, plastic machine that FWOOP! de-inverts your nipple. Somehow it's even more insulting that they've colored it pink.

  • Stretch your face out while wearing a giant sock on it! Honestly, there's no point being hot if DOING THIS is part of your daily routine.

  • Okay, maybe technically not a beauty gadget. But hey, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

  • Bleach for your nipples so that they'll be an acceptable pink color, you hideous monster. "Hide those tell-tale signs on your chest that can ruin your appearance," the website says. What are brown nipples telltale signs of, besides melanin? I'm not sure. All I know is that this nipple bleach from hell allegedly has a "faint fragrance of roses," which frankly sounds carcinogenic.

/Innovation

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