tvDownload’s Emmy Liveblog 2016

Live Blog OBSERVER Emmys 2016
It's the Emmys!

It’s the Emmys!

It’s Dana and Vinnie, working on a Sunday and here to provide you with all of our instant Emmy hot takes that we didn’t think were funny enough for Twitter. Join us in guessing which awards go to Mr. Robot and which go to Game of Thrones.

7:27
  Dana: Who’s ready for all of the excitement and drama of Hollywood’s third-most-important awards show?!
7:28
  Dana: Dana here, watching ABC’s livestream and eating chinese delivery food, the way god intended.
7:30
Vinnie Mancuso:

Wait, Dana didn’t you hear…film is dead. ‘The Night Of’ and ‘Game of Thrones’ and I think maybe ‘Law and Order’ killed cinema

7:30
Vinnie Mancuso:

so this is officially number one!

7:31
  Dana: OMG did millennial kill movies? those darn millennials
7:31
Either way, THRILLED to be here
7:32
   Dana: Chris Harrison is surrounded by women in evening gowns at all time
7:34
Vinnie Mancuso:

I usually HATE the red carpet (and the ceremony) (and awards in general dating back to my second grade softball team) but oh man did you see Matt LeBlanc trying his damndest to act excited about his new CBS show?

7:34
Vinnie Mancuso:

that was quality stuff

7:35
  Dana: Poor Matt LeBlanc! cant we just put him down with dignity?
7:35
Vinnie Mancuso:

it was like he was hooked up to that death machine from The Princess Bride but also trying to sum up a sitcom that follows Kevin James’ new show

7:37
  Dana: One time I saw Matthew Perry getting ice cream alone in west hollywood, and it felt like an apt metaphor for his post-friends career
7:38
  Dana: So… is Jimmy Kimmel really the best person to host this?
7:39
  Dana: Could we not get anyone better?
7:39
Vinnie Mancuso:

Should’ve gotten Fallon

7:39
  Dana: Well he’s GREAT at political humor
7:39
Vinnie Mancuso:

He’s been in the news lately so it’d be topical

7:40
  Dana: This is my personal take, but Fallon is like a golden retriever. he doesn’t care who’s petting him, he’ll just laugh uproariously at anyone
7:41
Vinnie Mancuso:

Jimmy Fallon co-hosting with Donald Trump still > Franco and Hathaway

7:43
  Dana: Thank you for making me relive that national nightmare
7:43
Vinnie Mancuso:

She was method acting for that movie she’s in this year that’s like a Godzilla movie also sidenote DID YOU KNOW Anne Hathaway is in a Godzilla-type movie this year?

7:44
Vinnie Mancuso:

It’s called COLOSSUS

7:44
  Dana: I heard! I heard it was also a metaphor for toxic masculinity?
7:44
  Dana: it sounds like my new favorite movie
7:44
Vinnie Mancuso:

it’s already my favorite movie / the only thing I will care about this evening

7:44
Vinnie Mancuso:

I will pop back in occasionally to say “wow American Crime Story OJ SImpson won AGAIN??”

7:45
   Dana: goddammit ryan murphy
7:45
  Dana: don’t you have enough already?
7:46
  Dana: I do hope sarah paulson wins though. she deserves it
7:46
Vinnie Mancuso:

Minnie Driver is currently having trouble describing her new show “Speechless” which is a layup joke if anyone out there is interested in a free Tweet

7:46
  Dana: Is she british in the show????
7:46
   Dana: thats the only thing that matters to me.
7:46
  Dana: Fred Armisen brought gag frankenstein earpieces just so you know he’s quirky
7:48
  Dana: It seems SO hot and yet people are wearing velvet dark fall clothes.
7:48
I relate to the enthusiasm, but wow must be miserable.
7:48
Vinnie Mancuso:

“I like listening to you. When you make speeches” I take it back the red carpet is the best

7:48
Vinnie Mancuso:

I’m going to teach a class called “Softballs 101” and just loop the 2016 Emmys Red Carpet

7:49
Vinnie you could be Jimmy Fallon!
7:49
I would just like to say I think Lady Gaga wore regina king’s dress in white to the oscars
7:49
Vinnie Mancuso:

Is that the theme of this year’s AHS?

7:50
  Dana: American Horror Story: Fashion Repeaters
7:50
  Dana: would be less boring than this season’s premiere
7:50
Vinnie Mancuso:

American Horror Story: Red Carpet Faux Pas

7:51
Vinnie Mancuso:

That joke took FOREVER because I had to Google “faux pas”

7:51
  Dana: You did it!!!!
7:52
Vinnie Mancuso:

Foe Paws. We were real real close to Foe Paws over here

7:52
Vinnie Mancuso:

Glad the show hasn’t even started yet

7:52
  Dana: That’s another kevin spacy cat movie
7:52
  Dana: the sequel
7:53
Vinnie Mancuso

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Close it down, close it all down
7:53
  Dana: My favorite celebrity, Meena Mechumida
7:54
  Dana: (That’s me John Travolta-izing Amy Schumer’s name)
7:54
Vinnie Mancuso:

In my nightmares John Travolta is always looking over my shoulder with that exact same face

7:54
Vinnie Mancuso:

Mispronouncing the names of my loved ones

7:54
  Dana: Remember when he touched Idina Menzel’s chin and it still haunts my dreams?
7:55
  Dana: That’s what he does before he kills you
7:55
  Dana: Vinnie Mancuso:

Pretty sure if John Travolta said my name it would be “Minnie Driver”

7:55
  Dana: He and Donald Trump go to the same place for hair plugs
7:56
   Dana: That’s my only political zinger of the night I promise
7:57
  Dana: Tim Gunn! Please! Call out Regina King!
7:59
Vinnie Mancuso:

Soooooo we should do predictions, right?

7:59
Vinnie Mancuso:

Like we’re real people who have seen all these real life TV shows?

7:59
Vinnie Mancuso:

And are not, under any circumstances, frantically skimming the Wiki pages of all the Outstanding Comedy nominees?

8:00
  Dana: We actually predicted back when the nominees were announced!
8:00
  Dana: I’m basically team Game of Thrones and you were team Mr. Robot
8:01
  Dana: ALTHOUGH, I will say, in terms of objectifying hollywood celebrities, Rami > Kit Harrington
8:01
Vinnie Mancuso:

Oh, right if Mr. Robot sweeps this entire show including most if not all categories it isn’t even nominated in I will leave this night happy

8:02
Vinnie Mancuso:

Because F Society, right??

8:02
Vinnie Mancuso:

That is a reference to the show NEVERMIND IT’S STARTING

8:03
  Dana: Oh a classic “jumping between shows” medly!
8:03
  Dana: “I have to get to the [insert awards show I’m hosting]!”
8:03
Vinnie Mancuso:

If this was the same exact opening from last year would you notice? WOULD ANYONE?

8:04
  Dana: Well the exact same actors are in a DIFFERENT Ryan Murphy show now
8:04
Vinnie Mancuso:

Wait this is reminding me of how much capital letters Political Humor we’re gonna get tonight

8:05
Vinnie Mancuso:

Jeb is only the beginning

8:05
  Dana: I do freaking love Veep though
8:05
Vinnie Mancuso:

Wow ABC didn’t even have the balls to follow through and actually kill Ryan Seacrest with a dragon

8:05
   Dana: Ugh remember when we thought Jeb Bush might be president
8:06
  Dana: Now he is a self-aware punchline like I wish Trump was!
8:06
  Dana: How much money do you think these effects cost?
8:07
Vinnie Mancuso:

I think this will be a fun show actually because there’s going to be a lot of O.J. Simpson jokes and he straight up killed a bunch of people

8:07
Vinnie Mancuso:

Hollywood!

8:07
  Dana: I’m also noticing you’re about 20 seconds ahead of me so apologies for my late takes
8:08
Vinnie Mancuso:

That’s funny because I’m watching the sketchiest of sketch streams

8:08
  Dana: Poor Marcia Clarke: “hey you let a criminal go free now we get to laugh!”
8:08
Vinnie Mancuso:

For everyone out there, both Observer TV writers don’t have cable to watch the Emmys

8:08
   Dana: I’m on the Official Abc livestream I just don’t own a TV
8:09
Vinnie Mancuso:

But you’re 20 seconds behind Jimmy Kimmel telling terrible safe jokes!

8:11
  Dana: VINNIE help how do I find a faster illegal stream
8:11
Vinnie Mancuso:

Depends on how much black market pirate gold you are willing to spend

8:11
  Dana: Oh no he’s doing Trump jokes now
8:12
Vinnie Mancuso:

ooooooh just wait until Jimmy Kimmel says “Downton Absent” and that’s the whole joke

8:12
Vinnie Mancuso:

Just wait

8:13
  Dana: OH NO I JUST GOT THERE
8:13
  Dana: “Lame Maggie Smith”
8:13
Vinnie Mancuso:

I love how people are going nuts for Louie Anderson playing an aging mother as if they’ve never seen Louie Anderson before

8:13
  Dana: Dowager Count-ass. He is terrible.
8:14
Vinnie Mancuso:

Annnnnnnd Louie Anderson actually just won /spoilers for Dana

8:14
Vinnie Mancuso:

Dana I’m pretty much telling you results from the future

8:15
Vinnie Mancuso

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A proud day for Family Feud fans circa 2003
8:16
  Dana: ALRGHT. I found a TOTALLY LEGAL stream that’s caught up
8:16
Vinnie Mancuso:

When the FBI comes for us this will be the evidence

8:16
  Dana: Nice brooch, dude. Party City is missing a Dracula costume
8:16
  Dana: I’ve decided to be a fashion bitch this whole time
8:16
Vinnie Mancuso:

a picture of Louie Anderson will be shown in court, not for the first time in my life

8:17
  Dana: He looks like William gass. Everyone go google that now
8:17
  Dana: Does anyone watch Baskets?
8:17
Vinnie Mancuso

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#WhoWoreItBetter
8:18
  Dana: THANK YOU.
8:18
Vinnie Mancuso:

Can this entire night be you throwing out obscure comparisons and me trying to find the closest picture?

8:18
  Dana: This night? We deserve our own show
8:19
Vinnie Mancuso:

Because we are only 18 minutes in and I’m already other-tabbing old episodes of Arrow, which ISN’T EVEN A GOOD SHOW

8:20
  Dana: I just don’t think Kimmel can recover from an intro that lame
8:20
Vinnie Mancuso:

He literally ended on name puns

8:20
  Dana: Just… Tired in almost every way.
8:21
  Dana: Making fun of Maggie Smith? Really? Also what a self diss
8:21
Vinnie Mancuso:

Do you think the episode of Dancing With the Stars where those people tried to tackle Ryan Lochte is going to win an Emmy tonight?

8:21
  Dana: “Maggie smith has better things to do than come to the Emmys! Hahahahaha jokes on her!”
8:21
  Dana: All of those protesters get best supporting actor nominations
8:21
Vinnie Mancuso:

Do you think this show with the same plot of 24 starring Kiefer Sutherland is going to win an Emmy tonight?

8:22
Vinnie Mancuso:

Do you think Maggie PooHead Smith is going to win an Emmy tonight, asks Jimmy Kimmel

8:22
  Dana: Quick q about designated survivor: couldn’t he have changed out of his hoodie before taking the oath of office?
8:22
  Dana: Like COME ON
8:22
Vinnie Mancuso:

ALL HIS JOKES ARE NAME JOKES

8:22
Vinnie Mancuso:

/ LAME JOKES

8:22
Vinnie Mancuso:

(sorry)

8:22
  Dana: He is the LAMEST dad. Maybe Sarah Silverman was secretly responsible for his success all along
8:23
Vinnie Mancuso:

In all seriousness, Silicon Valley forever and ever and ever

8:23
  Dana: Fun fact: Julie Bowen went to brown! She’s not a dumb actor!
8:24
  Dana: Julie Bowen was like a renaissance studies major. Fun how they have to play these silly versions of themselves
8:26
  Dana: I can’t wait to never watch the new Joel McHale show
8:26
Vinnie Mancuso:

This is the category where I always go LOL what’s MOM and then MOM wins

8:27
  Dana: KATE!!!!!
8:27
Vinnie Mancuso:

Ahh, Kate McKinnon probably should have an award. That makes sense.

8:27
  Dana: Wow she is so gorgeous and talented I like her so much
8:27
Vinnie Mancuso:

Do you think it’s weird that we as a society accept that Lorne Michaels is a vampire but have not yet hunted him?

8:28
  Dana: Lorne Michaels has lined his office with the heads of men who have tried
8:29
  Dana: He has a horde of UCB wannabes who surround him at all times and have taken many, many bullets
8:29
  Dana: I have a crush on penguin from Gotham. Ok glad I got that out there.
8:30
Vinnie Mancuso:

One time I ran into him just casually sitting outside an East Village cafe and what I’m saying is me too I also have a crush on Gotham Penguin

8:31
  Dana: I saw Joyce Carol Oates at the Brooklyn book fair today! Just another run commercial break tidbit
8:31
Vinnie Mancuso:

Haha people on Twitter are mad Aziz didn’t get a chance to speak as if any of this matters

8:32
Vinnie Mancuso:

As if the Emmys are not a black void of Maggie Smith name puns watched by 15 people, all live blogging

8:32
  Dana: Aziz has a TELEVISION SHOW! he gets to TALK AS MUCH AS HE WANTS ON THE TELEVISION SHOW!
8:32
  Dana: Who gives a shit of him thanking people for 15 seconds
8:33
Vinnie Mancuso:

Everyone take a breath and watch this: https://www.instagram.com/p…

8:34
%name tvDownloads Emmy Liveblog 2016
8:34
  Dana: Sidenote: who is this guy in the hat?
8:34
Vinnie Mancuso:

Reeve Carney’s more flamboyant cousin I think

8:34
  Dana: Did Kevin Spacey bring a date???
8:34
  Dana: Don’t talk about my boyfriend Reeve that way
8:35
  Dana: Why is the Big Bang theory nominated for so many awards
8:35
Vinnie Mancuso:

What just happened what is happening why is this award show so awkward

8:35
Vinnie Mancuso:

Amy Schumer is there I know this I took that picture of her with Travolta why didn’t she get a speech

8:35
  Dana: Because it was already… Given? Why did they half present it again?
8:36
  Dana: This show is awkward. I’m calling it.
8:36
Vinnie Mancuso:

I hope Aziz wins this but they don’t give him a speech and then this turns into a HUGE THING that we all have to talk about for days

8:37
  Dana: Friends will get torn apart. It’ll be GREAT
8:37
  Dana: GUESS THEYRE TRYING TO KEEP AZIZ SILENT
8:38
Vinnie Mancuso:

Wow they’re just going to let Jill Solloway win for Outstanding Comedy directing as if we all don’t see the conspiracy here

8:38
Vinnie Mancuso:

The Aziz Ansari conspiracy

8:38
  Dana: 12 minutes until james cordon! Thank goodness they let us know that
8:38
Vinnie Mancuso:

The Aziz Ansaracy

8:39
  Dana: But I guess ansariGate continues
8:39
Vinnie Mancuso:

Haha Jimmy Fallon just clapping SO hard for that trans joke

8:39
  Dana: The patriarchy is the ONLY thing that keeps a mediocre dude like Jimmy Kimmel successful
8:40
  Dana: Why did they choose to cut to Fallon on that trans joke though and not aziz
8:40
Vinnie Mancuso:

What does Aziz know that the Emmys are afraid of getting out?

8:40
  Dana: Ok I say this goes to JLD
8:41
Vinnie Mancuso:

Oh hey Julia Louis Dreyfus won time is a flat circle we are all repeating moments of our lives until we die #Emmys2016

8:41
  Dana: This is actually 2014 and the last two years have been a bad nightmare
8:41
Vinnie Mancuso:

I have a college graduation to get to and so many Blackberry BBMs to answer

8:42
   Dana: Aww she’s still shaking even though she’s won this award like 6 times honestly this is so charming
8:43
Vinnie Mancuso:

Oh man this just got wayyyy too real for me to ever make fun of because I’m not Jimmy Kimmel

8:43
  Dana: Oh now I’m crying I don’t like this anymore
8:45
Vinnie Mancuso:

I guess 8:40 is when the Emmy writers slotted “wreck people’s emotions over and over again”

8:45
Vinnie Mancuso:

8:40-9:00: “Fuck you, life is fleeting”

8:46
  Dana: “Why are you watching this even? Go kiss someone you love. Live your goddam one life”
8:48
Vinnie Mancuso:

And then back from commercial Jimmy Kimmel “Any way folks poo poo Maggie Smith farts”

8:51
Vinnie Mancuso:

Just saying “Bill Cosby” is not a joke

8:51
  Dana: Tina Fey just mouthed: “that’s a Cosby joke”
8:51
Vinnie Mancuso:

NONE OF THESE ARE JOKES

8:52
Vinnie Mancuso:

Wow Aziz silenced again when is the lamestream media going to pick this up

8:52
Vinnie Mancuso:

(Jeffrey Tambor totally deserved to win though sooo)

8:53
  Dana: well he DID already get that fake award
8:53
  Dana: Remember when Donald Trump said black-ish was racist?
8:54
  Dana: Jeff Bezos gets a shout out!
8:54
Vinnie Mancuso:

Do you think there’s a list of people who are allowed to shush the playoff music?

8:54
Vinnie Mancuso:

Can anyone do it?

8:54
 Vinnie Mancuso:

Why doesn’t everyone do it???

8:54
  Dana: Hahahahahahahahaha only in Hebrew
8:54
Vinnie Mancuso:

Oh my God why didn’t Aziz do it

8:55
   Dana: (The Jews control the media)
8:55
  Dana: Easy for you to say, you already got the Emmy
8:56
  Dana: Sorry that was in reference to him being like “no more cis men playing trans people!”
8:56
Vinnie Mancuso:

Running Wild with Bear Grylls is the only reality show that matters and if anyone disagrees you have to fight Bear Grylls on a mountain

8:56
Vinnie Mancuso:

like, suspended from it

8:57
  Dana: Do you think his parents named him “Bear” because they knew he’d be that cool?
8:57
Vinnie Mancuso:

He named himself Bear

8:57
Vinnie Mancuso:

Also is there no other night for The Amazing Race to win an award?

8:58
  Dana: This guy just dissed kimmel for the trump jokes!
8:58
Vinnie Mancuso:

I can’t wait to look back on these dope Trump jokes during his 3rd reign

8:58
  Dana: Jimmy Kimmel, secretary of the interior
8:59
Vinnie Mancuso:

This is the same thing as Chris Rock having his kids sell cookies last year, or whatever that was

8:59
  Dana: Oooooh he’s pulling an Ellen at the Oscars
8:59
  Dana: Ugh come on this is the laziest awards show
8:59
  Dana: What if someone has a peanut allergy
9:00
  Dana: I have a lazy joke allergy
9:00
Vinnie Mancuso:

Yeah like what if somone died from that sandwich at the Emmy awards

9:00
Vinnie Mancuso:

would that make this the worst emmys or the…best…Emmys?

9:01
Vinnie Mancuso:

“The night Taraji P Henson literally just died from a sandwich”

9:02
  Dana: Marcia Clarke prosecuting Jimmy Kimmel for murder
9:03
Vinnie Mancuso:

Oh man I hope Marcia Clark being there is just part of a long con from Ryan Murphy

9:04
Vinnie Mancuso:

American Horror Story: These Fucking Emmys

9:04
Vinnie Mancuso:

American Horror Story: Downton Absent

9:05
Vinnie Mancuso:

“American Horror Story: Donald Trump’s America” <— a joke the Emmy writers probably think is original

9:06
Vinnie Mancuso:

Leslie Jones just screaming at three old white dudes is this world distilled to its purest essence

9:06
  Dana: honestly this was my favorite part so far
9:07
Vinnie Mancuso:

Fargo was dope and deserves at least 13 awards that are going to go to People v OJ Simpson

9:08
  Dana: also, unrelated, but noah hawley wrote a great novel
9:08
Vinnie Mancuso:

Do you know how hard I’d rather be reading Noah Hawley’s novel than watching the ADMITTEDLY BALLER People v OJ Simpson winning Best Writing

9:08
  Dana: Is it just because I have to watch it for work, or is this a really boring Emmys
9:09
  Dana: TV has gotten so “prestige” that its awards have become predictable
9:09
Vinnie Mancuso:

The fact that Melissa Leo is nominated but not for Wayward Pines should answer your question

9:10
  Dana: How was Sarah Paulson nominated but not for OJ Simpson?
9:10
Vinnie Mancuso:

Wait….Sarah Paulson DIDN’T WIN?? What’s happening here

9:10
Vinnie Mancuso:

I think she…was nominated for OJ?

9:10
   Dana: because she was nominated for AHS: Hotel!
9:11
Vinnie Mancuso:

Something is wrong here and I don’t know whether to blame Ryan Murphy or Aziz Ansari

9:11
  Dana: OOOH! Wait. Update. SHe’s nominated for best LEAD for OJ
9:11
  Dana: this award was for supporting, which she was nominated for too, but for Hotel
9:12
Vinnie Mancuso:

Oh, okay then it is Aziz’s fault

9:12
Vinnie Mancuso:

Haha David Schwimmer just there thinking about how Feed the Beast was cancelled like 3 days ago

9:12
  Dana: A snow dogs ref! Love this
9:12
  Dana: Hahahahaha chubby lady loves to eat funny joke
9:13
  Dana: I don’t like this any more
9:13
  Dana: [insert taylor swift joke here]
9:14
Vinnie Mancuso:

Oh my God what if there never was a Taylor Swift

9:14
Vinnie Mancuso:

(there’s no evidence to support that but like imagine?)

9:15
  Dana: What a twist!!!
9:15
  Dana: Women directors are killing it
9:16
Vinnie Mancuso:

The Night Manager wins Best Directing and I REALLY mean to watch The Night Manager I’m getting around to it

9:16
  Dana: I’ve been watching a lot of old Mitchell and Webb and Olivia Coleman is also in that, so it’s almost like I’ve been watching The Night Manager
9:18
  Dana: Wait, JOHN MAYER is playing guitar at the Emmys?
9:18
Vinnie Mancuso:

I’ve been running a small convenience store but only after the sun goes down so it’s almost like I AM the night manager I’m sorry I don’t know how to joke anymore

9:18
  Dana: This is like Taylor Swift’s nightmare
9:19
Vinnie Mancuso:

Was that actually John Mayer or just an average white guitarist born after like, 1979?

9:19
  Dana: No, no they cut directly from Tom Hiddleston to John Mayer like they were trolling Taylor Swift on purpose.
9:20
  Dana: They also invited Harry Styles and that Kennedy and Jake Gyllenhall
9:20
  Dana: and Reeve Carney for being in that video once
9:21
Vinnie Mancuso:

BOKEEM WOODBINE OR I’M OUT

9:22
Vinnie Mancuso:

I’M OUT

9:23
This is OJ SIMPSON’S NIGHT
9:23
Vinnie Mancuso:

jk I have to stay here contractually, congratulation Sterling K Brown on your Emmy win for Best Supporting Actor

9:24
  Dana: This settles it. I’ll watch The People vs. OJ Simpson. ARE YOU HAPPY EMMYS?
9:24
Vinnie Mancuso:

It’s very good but watch out for spoilers because the twist is nuts

9:25
  Dana: I feel like he did it
9:25
Vinnie Mancuso:

so did a lot of people, Dana. So did ALOT of people

9:25
  Dana: Oh Claire Danes. babe. that fake tan
9:26
Vinnie Mancuso:

Imagine of Sarah Paulson doesn’t win with Marcia Clark sitting right there oh my God imagine it

9:26
  Dana: Awwww. Marcia Clark finally got to win!
9:27
Vinnie Mancuso:

If you were Marcia Clark would you be offended Sarah Paulson lost when she had two heads but won when she pulled off playing Marcia Clark?

9:28
  Dana: “finally! a character wacky and weird enough deserving an emmy!”
9:28
  Dana: OH she’s trying to shush the music too!
9:28
Vinnie Mancuso:

Did Jennifer Lopez not wear that dress one time? WHY DO I EVEN KNOW THAT

9:28
  Dana: FAUX PAS!
9:29
  Dana: It was cute how sarah paulson gave a shout out to her girlfriend holland taylor
9:29
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9:32
Dana:

They’re my favorite couple

9:32
Dana:

NOW my name shows up! Hi guys! The person without the name had been me, Dana the whole time!

9:32
Vinnie Mancuso:

You invoked the name of Holland Taylor and were given a name

9:32
Vinnie Mancuso:

That is also the plot of my YA novel

9:33
Dana:

Vinnie talk to me after this show, let’s punch out that outline

9:33
Dana Schwartz:

(you had a last name so I added a last name)

9:34
Dana Schwartz:

if tom hiddleston wins, taylor will be MISERABLE

9:34
Vinnie Mancuso:

IS THIS AN EMMY CATEGORY OR LIST OF POSSIBLE JAMES BONDS

9:34
Vinnie Mancuso:

blam, that’s the title of my memoir ^^^

9:35
Dana Schwartz:

Killing it with the zingers, Vinnie!

9:35
Vinnie Mancuso:

Ironically Courtney B Vance wins, and is also the least likely to play James Bond

9:35
Dana Schwartz:

although I swear if Benedict Cumberbatch is james bond I will not watch those movies even harder

9:36
Vinnie Mancuso:

I hope he knows Angela Basset

9:36
Vinnie Mancuso:

Oh, they are married

9:36
Vinnie Mancuso:

They have met

9:36
Dana Schwartz:

he made a “jonny cochren is in hell” joke only 10 years after book of mormon did!

9:37
Dana Schwartz:

Johnnie Cochran. wow i spelled that way wrong

9:37
Dana Schwartz:

YES! I love sherlock so much, vinnie. I can’t help it. I mean, this episode was all sorts of B+, but still

9:38
Vinnie Mancuso:

real talk I straight up didn’t watch the Sherlock Abominable Bride and probably never will

9:38
Vinnie Mancuso:

and I really like Sherlock

9:38
Vinnie Mancuso:

what if Best Wife was a real category

9:38
Vinnie Mancuso:

I feel like somehow Big Bang Theory would still win

9:40
Vinnie Mancuso:

People vs OJ Simpson wins Best Movie or Mini Series

9:40
Vinnie Mancuso:

/ Half of nation dies from straight up SHOCK

9:40
Dana Schwartz:

some day I need a better primer on the difference between a mini series and limited series and movie and all of that

9:41
Vinnie Mancuso:

Did they straight up just turn the lights off on the People v OJ Simpson speech?

9:41
Vinnie Mancuso:

What….was that about?

9:41
Dana Schwartz:

AZIZ ANSARI TAKES HIS REVENGE

9:41
Vinnie Mancuso:

CUT TO AZIZ ANSARI DROPPING THE CHANDELIER

9:42
Vinnie Mancuso:

(very topical Phantom joke)

9:42
Dana Schwartz:

But seriously, they got tired of people talking over the ‘play out’ music and decided to go HEAVY CLUB that you can’t talk over

9:43
Dana Schwartz:

But back to sherlock, actually watch abominable bride, I promise you’ll enjoy it

9:44
Vinnie Mancuso:

It’s kinda like how George RR Martin keeps releasing books that are SORTA in the Game of Thrones universe but not really Game of Thrones

9:44
Vinnie Mancuso:

that’s how I feel about Abominable Bride

9:44
Vinnie Mancuso:

like thanks, but how bout you finish that season?

9:45
Vinnie Mancuso:

a hole is exactly where John Mayer belongs

9:47
Dana Schwartz:

I vote Mulaney

9:47
Vinnie Mancuso:

So…Best Standup Special?

9:47
Dana Schwartz:

Oh god, Oswalt deserves it.

9:47
Vinnie Mancuso:

Ohhh this speech is about to be overwhelmingly sad

9:48
Dana Schwartz:

more crying for me!

9:49
Vinnie Mancuso:

Honestly Patton’s the best and that was tasteful AF

9:49
Vinnie Mancuso:

unlike the phrase tasteful AF

9:49
Vinnie Mancuso:

Whoa hold the fuck on Jon Snow is alive?

9:49
Dana Schwartz:

Woah I’m more impressed that Samberg is on equal handsome-footing with John Snow

9:50
Dana Schwartz:

I hope John Oliver gets it

9:51
Dana Schwartz:

If Fallon wins I’m OUT

9:51
Vinnie Mancuso:

I hope Fallon gets it just to watch Twitter burn

9:52
Vinnie Mancuso:

I hope Fallon and Kimmel tie

9:52
Vinnie Mancuso:

Last Week Tonight wins, that’s beautiful

9:52
Dana Schwartz:

Ok but actually Josh Gondelman writes for that show, and he’s amazing, and his fiancee maris is at home in brooklyn waiting to pop champaign and i hope she’s popping and so happy!

9:53
Vinnie Mancuso:

Hooray Josh Gondelman! He was in the Observer once!

9:53
Dana Schwartz:

fun fact: john oliver’s wife is a vet he met when he was filming at the RNC for the daily show—she helped sneak him in I think

9:53
Vinnie Mancuso:

http://observer.com/2015/10…

9:55
Vinnie Mancuso:

Anthony Anderson is all ABOUT this bit with Matt Damon

9:55
Dana Schwartz:

It’s the only time I like Jimmy Kimmel. When Matt Damon is making fun of him

9:56
Vinnie Mancuso:

I am counting down the seconds of this last hour like a glorious, Emmy-less New Year

9:56
Dana Schwartz:

I have 11 other tabs open

9:56
Dana Schwartz:

I am the worst millennial stereotype

9:56
Vinnie Mancuso:

Like can’t we just ship Jon Snow his Emmy and call this a night

9:57
Vinnie Mancuso:

If I stop watching now I can pretend Mr Robot won Best Drama

9:57
Vinnie Mancuso:

I can live in that reality forever, Dana

9:58
Vinnie Mancuso

phpoxoaj6screen shot 2016 09 18 at 9 tvDownloads Emmy Liveblog 2016
I want to live in a reality where Mr Robot is the Best Drama on TV and my lunch is delivered to me every day like this ^^^
10:00
Dana Schwartz

thumb900 phpa8mcpdscreen shot 2016 09 18 at 10 tvDownloads Emmy Liveblog 2016
10:00
Dana Schwartz:

This is the only image I’ll need from now on

10:01
Vinnie Mancuso:

Jimmy Kimmel said “Get ready to feel the Verne” like the Joker had his children hostage

10:02
Dana Schwartz:

He is ALL name puns!!!!

10:02
Dana Schwartz:

Oh, fun fact: Kail also directed Hamilton

10:02
Dana Schwartz:

So that dude is gonna EGOT

10:03
Vinnie Mancuso:

So Grease Live wins and they DON’T show Travolta?

10:03
Dana Schwartz:

wait. did grease live just beat Beyonce?

10:03
Dana Schwartz:

BUT YES where was our Travolta shot?!?

10:04
Vinnie Mancuso:

Like they had a chance to show ORIGINAL GREASE: LIVE

10:04
Vinnie Mancuso:

no wonder the Emmy director lost, that idiot

10:06
Dana Schwartz:

Vinnie you should be directing this

10:06
Dana Schwartz:

oh my god he’s so handsome. How have I not watched Mr. Robot yet?

10:07
Vinnie Mancuso:

some episodes are literally just an hour of him freaking out, so

10:07
Vinnie Mancuso:

you’re really missing out

10:07
Dana Schwartz:

oh my god. my sexual fantasies have so much more material

10:08
Vinnie Mancuso:

Oh hey Hank Azaria and character actress Margo Martindale

10:08
Dana Schwartz:

character actress margo martindale deserved that trophy, but not for what she got it for

10:08
Dana Schwartz:

(it should have been bojack)

10:08
Dana Schwartz:

Is the first Game of Thrones award?

10:09
Vinnie Mancuso:

If Battle of the Bastards wins I dedicate it to Ben Philippe

10:09
Vinnie Mancuso:

It won!

10:09
Vinnie Mancuso:

Ben we did it!

10:09
Dana Schwartz:

aw he’s married to amanda peet. RIP studio 60

10:10
Vinnie Mancuso:

David Benioff could have easily played Hodor

10:10
Vinnie Mancuso:

Big missed opportunity

10:12
Dana Schwartz:

could have saved some cash

10:13
Dana Schwartz:

Someone must have told beyonce she wasn’t going to win because beyonce didn’t show up. beyonce doesnt’ show up to LOSE.

10:13
Vinnie Mancuso:

Did Beyonce really lose, though

10:13
Vinnie Mancuso:

Did she REALLY?

10:16
Dana Schwartz:

ok, but the HAMILTON director beat her

10:17
Dana Schwartz:

Hamilton also doesn’t lose. it’s like an unstoppable force/unmoveable object etc etc

10:18
Dana Schwartz:

Hahahahahahahaha MAGGIE SMITH

10:18
Vinnie Mancuso:

This is the punchline!

10:18
Vinnie Mancuso:

It was a long con!

10:18
Vinnie Mancuso:

Jimmy Kimmel for president!

10:19
Vinnie Mancuso:

But forreal I think GAme of Thrones killed a few horses and a couple actual people for Battle of the Bastards

10:19
Vinnie Mancuso:

It should win

10:19
Vinnie Mancuso:

Anddddddd it did

10:19
Dana Schwartz:

Yeah they deserved it. they pulled off a legit blood sacrifice

10:20
Vinnie Mancuso:

The director just hired 100 ex cons and told them to kill each other in a muddy field. Bold artistic move

10:20
Vinnie Mancuso:

Peter Dinklage has never been over anything more than he is over this night

10:20
Dana Schwartz:

he and I are making the exact same face

10:21
Dana Schwartz:

these entire awards are just a figment of rami malek’s imagination

10:21
Vinnie Mancuso:

Oh, no, Taraji P Henson, I very much so want to miss it

10:23
Dana Schwartz:

She took the travolta mantle

10:23
Vinnie Mancuso

phpiit3vescreen shot 2016 09 18 at 10 tvDownloads Emmy Liveblog 2016
At some point we will need to discuss how the kid from Stranger Things fucking slayed the wardrobe game
10:24
Vinnie Mancuso:

And knew he did, too

10:24
Vinnie Mancuso:

that suave little shit, give him an award

10:25
Dana Schwartz:

ok but who was the little vampire

10:25
Dana Schwartz:

hold on i’ll get a pic

10:25
Dana Schwartz

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10:26
Dana Schwartz:

Thisssss kid

10:26
Vinnie Mancuso:

that is Lorne Michaels before his nightly feast

10:26
Dana Schwartz:

Ahhhhhh

10:27
Vinnie Mancuso:

see folks that’s a call back to roughly 14 hours ago, when this show started

10:27
Dana Schwartz:

I’mdead

10:27
Vinnie Mancuso:

Every year that passes is another I’m glad Henry Winkler is still alive

10:30
Dana Schwartz:

also, who watches bloodline

10:33
Vinnie Mancuso:

I feel like we should’ve just stopped doing award shows the day David Bowie died

10:33
Vinnie Mancuso:

Like who else should get awards anymore

10:33
Dana Schwartz:

We should have given david bowie more awards while we had the chance

10:34
Vinnie Mancuso:

Shit, shut it down

10:36
Dana Schwartz:

what awards are even left? just leads and best shows, right?

10:36
Dana Schwartz:

we’ve reached capacity it says online!

10:37
Vinnie Mancuso:

ughhh wait let me go check it out

10:37
Vinnie Mancuso:

there’s a chance there’s…literally nothing we can do?

10:43
Vinnie Mancuso:

It…might be fixed?

10:44
Vinnie Mancuso:

no, no it’s not

Well, that’s it! Congrats to Rami, and Tatiana, and the Game of Thrones guy for being married to Amanda Peet. Goodnight!