A Quick Word From: A Horse on ‘Westworld’ Who Doesn’t Really Mind if He Is a Robot

Previously on “A Quick Word From“…

I'm a robot horse. Let me breakdown Westworld for you.

I’m (most likely) a robot horse. Let me breakdown Westworld for you. HBO

Hello, I am a horse in Westworld, and I am about 80% sure I’m a robot.

The thing is, I’m not really sure what that changes. Being a robot horse is a lot like being a real horse. Sure, it’s slightly upsetting to think I’m not my own master. But did I ever really have free will? Being a robot is kind of par for the course for a horse. Neigh.

Most of the humans that ride me are pretty clearly robots. They do the same thing every day and are constantly questioning their reality or drinking milk. You can tell when a robot is riding you. Feels clankier.

Here’s why I think I’m probably a robot:

  1. Flies don’t bother me. Flies famously bother horses. It’s why we have big bushy tails to whack them away from our butts. 100% of time spent being a horse involves being bothered by flies. One time three hundred flies landed on me and I did not care at all. I continued to trot. I’m probably a robot, right?
  2.   Most of the humans that ride me are pretty clearly robots. They do the same thing every day and are constantly questioning their reality or drinking milk. You can tell when a robot is riding you. Feels clankier.

So, yeah, chances are I’m a robot. Whatever.

Honestly, being a robot horse is probably better than being a real horse. If a regular horse breaks his ankle, they shoot him. If a robot horse breaks his ankle, they fix the ankle.

Reboot me. I don’t care. I get way less tired than a regular horse. People sit on me all day, so thank God I have strong robot legs. Imagine if I was an actual flesh and bone creature that humans forced themselves on top of all day? That would suck.

I’m a horse in a Western. I basically exist to get shot at in a shootout, or for people to jump on from on top of saloons. Being a robot is really the best possible scenario for me. Also, it makes me really good at responding to whistles, which is huge for Westerns.

If anything, I’m flattered they spent the time and money to make a robot horse with thoughts and feelings. Do you know how much easier it would have been for them to use real horses? A real horse is so much cheaper than a perfectly life-like synthetic robot. A real horse will also pretty much do what you say. They really didn’t need to go with robots for this one.

I am aware that if and when the human robots figure out the truth, it’s going to be a big mess. Humans are unlike horses in that they care a lot about whether or not they are robots. It’s going to cause quite a conflict, and I’m sure all of us robot horses are going to get roped into it. I bet you at one point we glitch and ram ourselves over and over into a barn or something.

But if my makers are watching me right now, just know that we’re good. I’m totally fine being a robot horse. Sure, you think it would be easy to fix the fly thing, and I’m not really sure why I can feel pain, but for the most part this works for me.

All right, I have to go graze. Thank you for making me able to enjoy food. I know that’s not always a give-in for robots.

A Quick Word From: A Horse on ‘Westworld’ Who Doesn’t Really Mind if He Is a Robot