Topics Not Addressed in Netflix’s New Dystopian ‘Black Mirror’ Episodes

Phew!

Phew! Netflix

Today, Netflix released six new episodes of Charlie Brooker’s cult show about scary things that go beep in the night, Black Mirror. We were able to see a few of the episodes in advance, and…sorry guys, Jon Hamm isn’t in any of them. However, Bronn from Game of Thrones is! Yay? Still, without having seen the entire series, we’re pretty confident that the following techno-centric themes are NOT addressed anywhere in this third season. We could be wrong! In which case, Fifteen Million Demerits for us!

  • Robots that do exactly what they are told. They don’t have feelings and don’t pretend to.
  • Exploding Samsungs.
  • A store full of mysterious old books that may or may not contain information about your future. Because who even reads books anymore, anyway?
  • The existence of Harlan Ellison or his body of work.
  • An app that transcribes your interviews for you so you don’t have to hear your dumb voice. Black Mirror isn’t a show about GREAT IDEAS that could be SUPER HELPFUL and WHY CAN’T SOMEONE JUST MAKE THIS ALREADY, after all.
  • See above’ but for a remote that allows you to type in the names of shows for your TV, instead of having to scroll through  and enter each individual letter on the screen’s keyboard system.
  • Actually, Chromecast doesn’t have that problem, since it turns your phone into a remote, essentially. Which is kind of awesome.
  • How dope Chromecast is.
  • An app that does exactly what it’s supposed to, but it’s just meh. You delete it after a couple months on your phone. It doesn’t mind, because it doesn’t have feelings and doesn’t pretend to.
  • Barely-sentient A.I., because you forgot to charge them overnight and now they’re only at 2 percent battery power. There are no outlets at your local coffeeshop. It’s truly a Dystopian hellscape.
  • Cookies that are actually baked good. They don’t have feelings and you really should stop worrying about stuff like that, honestly.
  • Forgetting your password to something for a hot sec. It’s okay, you can reset it. It’s just super annoying. You should write it down somewhere, yeah?
  • A prime minister who has sex with a pig in the privacy of his own home.
  • The lost colony of Roanoke. Thank god.