Every Time Prince Philip Is a Jerk in ‘The Crown’

It's like he didn't realize he'd be marrying the queen or something

"I want a crown"

“I want a crown” NETFLIX

ELIZABETH: hey, could you please not smoke? I really hate the smell. Also, my dad is dying of lung cancer and so it’s a pretty sensitive issue.

PHILIP: [lounging on a golden sofa] do I have to give up EVERYTHING for you? UGH.

[Philip lights eight more cigarettes]

 

PHILIP: I don’t understand why we can’t live at Clarence House. I want Clarence House, the other palace that belongs to your family but the one I got to decorate

ELIZABETH: I like it too, but I’m the queen now and the monarch has to live at Buckingham Palace

PHILIP: but whyyyyyyyyy

ELIZABETH: be–because I’m the Queen

PHILIP: [mumbles] queen of being a poophead

ELIZABETH: what?

PHILIP: nothing

 

[Returning from an extravagant global vacation]

SERVANT: excuse me, sir, you have to walk a few steps behind Her Majesty. The Crown takes precedence

PHILIP: uuuuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I hate this. everything is terrible.

 

PHILIP: be sure to tell the prime minister that we’re naming our kids, and our entire house and all of the kings forever after me

ELIZABETH: your last name is Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg…

PHILIP: not THAT one. Obviously not THAT one. Mountbatten. The fake name I just took, from my seedy uncle, when I came here to marry you

PHILIP: all of the kings forever. house of Mountbatten.

ELIZABETH: I think I’m probably going to go with Windsor, you know, which has been the name of my family since Queen Victoria.

PHILIP: I will literally never forgive you.

 

ELIZABETH: so at the coronation, you’re going to need to kneel to proclaim your loyalty to me, the Queen

PHILIP: what. what. what. no. fuck that. you’re my wife. no. what? I don’t get it

ELIZABETH: because, it’s my coronation. And I’m the Queen

PHILIP: [bitterly] what kind of family is this? What kind of marriage?

ELIZABETH: It’s—It’s a marriage to the Queen of England. you know this, Philip

 

PHILIP: can I be racist? I’m going to be a little racist.

ELIZABETH: please don’t

PHILIP: [is racist]

 

PHILIP: who’s that horse guy you’re always hanging around with?

ELIZABETH: Porchey? He’s the head of my stables, and one of my closest friends

PHILIP: I don’t like him. You’re always talking to him. You gave him your private phone number

ELIZABETH: I have so few friends, Philip. he’s like a member of the family. you don’t even like horses

PHILIP: I also don’t like my wife fucking random horse dudes

ELIZABETH: philip, you are the only person I’ve ever loved. can you say the same to me?

PHILIP: [rolls his eyes] whatever, MOM

 

ELIZABETH: you’re very mean to our son sometimes

PHILIP: yeah, I hate him and he doesn’t know how to fish

ELIZABETH: darling, he’s four years old

PHILIP: and a GIRL

ELIZABETH: what?

PHILIP: our son is a PUSSY.

[To his toddler son] COME OVER HERE CHARLES LET ME BEAT THE SENSITIVE OUT OF YOU.

 

PHILIP: I want to fly a plane

ELIZABETH: what?

PHILIP: a plane. Zoom zoom in the sky. I want to

ELIZABETH: okay, I can check with parliament. I’m sure I can arrange it

PHILIP: you better

PHILIP: zoom zoom in the sky

 

PHILIP: I want to feel USEFUL. I don’t feel USEFUL

ELIZABETH: actually, could you go to Australia and open the Olympic games—

PHILIP: why would you DO THIS TO ME? That’s PRIMO time I could spend beating the sensitive out of our son. no. I won’t go.

ELIZABETH: I actually really need you to g—

PHILIP: hope u like feeling alone because I just emotionally PEACED OUT have fun raising our pussy kid

ELIZABETH: why are you like this

PHILIP: [whispers] i wanna go zoom zoom in the sky

 

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