Imagined Dialogue For: The Next Several Seasons of ‘The Night Of’

The Night Of.

The Night Of. HBO

‘Imagined Dialogue For’ is our series by the hilarious and talented Chris Scott, of Reviews of Movies I Haven’t Seen fame. Next up? Chris takes a stab at guessing what happens in the next several seasons of HBO’s crime-drama, The Night Of

Season 2, Episode 1

INT. KHAN RESIDENCE.

[There’s a knock at the door.]

NAZ: Yes?

DETECTIVE BOX: Nasir Khan, you’re under arrest for the murder of Stacey Phelps. You have the right to–

NAZ: Wait, again?

DETECTIVE BOX: … remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in–

NAZ: This is a joke right? This can’t possibly be happening again.

DETECTIVE BOX: You’re going to jail, Naz. This time for good.

NAZ: But I’m innocent. Just like the last time. I didn’t kill anyone. Also, aren’t you retired?

DETECTIVE BOX: I came out of retirement to bring you to justice, Naz. You’re coming with me.

NAZ: This is really unbelievable.

/////////////////////////////////////

Season 3, Episode 1

INT. KHAN RESIDENCE

[There’s a knock at the door.]

NAZ: Hello?

DETECTIVE BOX: Nasir Khan, you’re under arrest for the murder of Anthony Sullivan. You have the right to–

NAZ: You’re kidding me, Box.

DETECTIVE BOX: I’m afraid not, Naz. Now here are the handcuffs. You know the drill.

NAZ: I was just acquitted of Stacey Phelps’ murder 3 months ago. Your case fell apart pretty much immediately.

DETECTIVE BOX: This time it’s different. We know you killed Anthony Sullivan. Why’d you do it, Naz? That’s what I can’t figure out.

NAZ: I didn’t. At all. I don’t even know who this guy is. I didn’t kill Anthony Sullivan or Stacey Phelps or Andrea Cornish or literally anybody ever. Nor will I, at any point, for any reason, ever. You guys have got to stop this.

DETECTIVE BOX: The facts are the facts, Naz. I’ve been a detective for 30 years and this is the most airtight case I’ve ever seen.

NAZ’S MOTHER: We’ll see you when you get out, Naz.

NAZ: Goddammit.

/////////////////////////////////////

Season 4, Episode 1

INT. KHAN RESIDENCE.

[There’s a knock at the door.]

DETECTIVE BOX: Nasir Khan, you’re under arrest for the murder of Andrea Cornish. You have the–

NAZ: We already did this. It ended in a hung jury. We found out the killer was some other dude. This whole thing already happened. Remember?

DETECTIVE BOX: Ah damn, yeah, you’re right. That’s my bad. You wanna just go to prison anyway?

NAZ: I don’t.

/////////////////////////////////////

Season 5, Episode 1

INT. KHAN RESIDENCE.

[There’s a knock at the door.]

NAZ: I’m not opening it. I’m not opening the door.

DETECTIVE BOX: Please just open the door, Naz. I’m not here to arrest you this time.

NAZ: You promise?

DETECTIVE BOX: You have my word.

[Naz opens the door.]

DETECTIVE BOX: You’re under the arrest for the murder of Rebecca Walsh.

NAZ: Dude. You promised.

DETECTIVE BOX: I had to. You would’ve done the same.

NAZ: No, in fact. I wouldn’t. Nor would I arrest the exact same person four different times, for four separate murders he didn’t commit.

DETECTIVE BOX: Why’d you do it, Naz. Why’d you kill her?

NAZ: Jesus Christ.

NAZ’S FATHER: You know, Naz, maybe you actually did do it this time. It seems unlikely the cops would screw up in identical fashion this many times in a row.

NAZ: Are you shitting me, Dad?

NAZ’S FATHER: I’m just saying. Maybe they got this one right.

DETECTIVE BOX: Thank you, Naz’s dad. Ok Naz, let’s go.

NAZ’S MOM: We’ll see you when you get out, Naz.

/////////////////////////////////////

Season 6, Episode 1

INT. KHAN RESIDENCE.

[There’s a knock at the door.]

NAZ: Alright, Box. Who’d I kill this time.

DETECTIVE BOX: I don’t know.

NAZ: What?

DETECTIVE BOX: There haven’t been any homicides reported yet. I just figured that on the drive over here, one probably happened. So let’s go ahead and get these handcuffs on you.

NAZ: Ok. Detective, mom, dad, brooding older brother. I want everyone to gather around and dig in and listen to me super close. I didn’t kill or have anything to do with the deaths of the four — FOUR now — people I’ve been accused of killing. Nor did I kill this fifth, unspecified person who nobody even knows who they are or if they exist, or if they’re even dead. I don’t really know where to begin with that whole thing, to tell you the truth. I’ve never killed anybody. Period. If you seriously arrest me again, I will have gone through five trials and five stints at Rikers Island, only to be acquitted every single time. I don’t know if this is just my entire life now or what. Maybe it is. I guess I can live with that. Or, just throwing it out there, maybe you could find it within yourselves to stop accusing me of killing someone every few months.

NAZ’S MOM: We’ll see you when you get out, Naz.

NAZ: I hate you. Every single one of you. Especially you, mom.

/////////////////////////////////////

Season 7, Episode 1

INT. KHAN RESIDENCE.

NAZ: Hello?

DETECTIVE ANDREWS: Nasir Khan, you’re under arrest for the murder of Detective Dennis Box. You have the right to —

NAZ: I did it. 100%. Absolutely.

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