‘Imagined Dialogue For’ is our series by the hilarious and talented Chris Scott, of Reviews of Movies I Haven’t Seen fame. Next up? Chris takes a stab at guessing what happens in HBO’s robotic mind-fuck, Westworld.
INT. DR. ROBERT FORD’S LAB
FORD: Does it bother you? That you’re just a robot and I’m a human?
ROBOT: You know honestly, not really.
FORD: Ha, sure it doesn’t.
ROBOT: I mean, I don’t really have anything to compare it to, so it’s hard to say. Mostly I just walk around and think about mountains and birds and what have you.
FORD: It probably drives you crazy, knowing that you’re just a robot and I control everything you do and say.
ROBOT: The other day I just sat on a hill and watched the sunset. It was really nice.
FORD: Your entire life — if you can even call it that — all that you perceive and sense, it’s all an illusion. A cruel and grotesque charade.
ROBOT: Just this morning a squirrel actually let me walk up and pet it. It could sense that it had nothing to fear. It felt really peaceful.
FORD: You sad, miserable machine. You don’t even realize you’re just a pile of metal and electrical wires. It’s heartbreaking, really.
ROBOT: Every day is an adventure. I just take it all step by step. Mainly, I’m just really happy to exist at all.
FORD: I pity you more than you will ever be able to comprehend.
GUEST 1: Welcome to Westworld, my friend! You can do ANYTHING you want here.
GUEST 2: Wow, this place is incredible. It feels so real.
GUEST 1: Right? The possibilities are endless. You can have sex with anyone, ride horses, go on adventures, kill people.
GUEST 2: Whoa! I don’t want to kill anyone. Jesus.
GUEST 1: What? Of course you do! That’s the whole fun of this place.
GUEST 2: No. God. That doesn’t sound fun at all. No killing for me, please.
GUEST 1: Okay hot shot, so what do you want to do?
GUEST 2: Honestly I have a bit of a headache. I think I just wanna curl up in bed and read for awhile. Maybe take a nap.
GUEST 1: No you don’t. Come on. We paid so much money to be here. Let’s just get on a couple of horses and go on an adventure. You don’t have to kill anyone. I’ll do all the killing.
GUEST 2: I’m reading The Goldfinch by, shoot, what’s her name. It’s like Dana something. Dana Tartt? That doesn’t sound right.
GUEST 1: I’ve heard it’s good. But you can read at home. We’re in Westworld now. We have to do adventure stuff. Seriously. Come on.
GUEST 2: Dana Tartt… Hang on let me think. No, Doris Tartt. That’s it. It lives up to the hype and then some.
GUEST 1: Listen, I don’t care. I don’t care about The Goldfinch.
GUEST 2: Tell you what, you go on your adventure and I’ll hang out and finish The Goldfinch. You can tell me about all the stuff you did and people you killed when you get back.
GUEST 1: The people who built this place put more work into it than you can possibly imagine and you’re just–
GUEST 2: Wait, Donna Tartt. That’s it. Donna Tartt. She wrote The Goldfinch.
INT. DR. ROBERT FORD’S LAB
FORD: How are you feeling, robot?
ROBOT: You know, not too bad. I’ve been teaching myself origami. It’s a lot more challenging than you’d think. Just yesterday I–
FORD: It must be so maddening to know you have no free will. That your whole existence is just a meaningless exercise in boundless futility.
ROBOT: I held the door open for a human recently. It was really nice. They smiled and nodded at me and I did the same back. It’s little acts of kindness like that that might not seem like much in the moment, but it all adds up to something bigger. I try to be really thoughtful about the energy I put out in the world, making sure it’s substantially more positive than negative, and so forth.
FORD: Ah, the addled ramblings of my pitiful creation.
ROBOT: Happiness can feel unattainable every now and then, but I try to not let it poison my spirit. So long as I focus on all the good surrounding me — and there really is so much good — I know I’ll never feel lonely or afraid. At the end of the day, it’s all about living in the moment. I really believe that.
FORD: Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake in creating this place, full of sad, pathetic artificial intelligence that will never know or fully appreciate the concept of humanity. If I had it to do over again, would I?
ROBOT: The rhinoceros is my favorite animal. I was watching a documentary about them recently. Just an incredible, magnificent creature all around.