The celebs of Spring...
Your niece already has posters up on her wall of this fake redhead with the perfect body, and he’s just going to start getting more attention. The Kiwi actor got his questionable dye job to play iconic comic book character Archie Andrews on Riverdale, the CW’s Twin Peaks meets 90210 take on the classic. The latest heartthrob for the Snapchat set, Apa, the rest of his crew, and all eight of his prominent abdominal muscles will be back for Season 2. Oh, and, for the record, the 19-year-old is currently single.
Yes, that Dave Chappelle, the one who dropped everything at the height of his Comedy Central fame and hasn’t really been heard from since “SexyBack” was all over the airwaves. (If you want to feel old, that was more than 10 years ago.) Now that Netflix has taken over standup comedy, luring Amy Schumer, Louis CK and Jerry Seinfeld onto their roster, they’ve also gotten Chappelle out of self-imposed retirement. The first of his three comedy specials for the streaming giant kicked off March 21.
If you don’t know Gigi and Bella Hadid, then you’ve certainly seen their faces in fashion shows, beauty campaigns, billboards, T-shirts, clothing and just about every flat surface where it is possible to print a human face. Their 17-year-old younger brother is the only member of the clan who isn’t super famous yet, but he’s well on his way. The aspiring model has almost 1.5 million Instagram followers where he’s always posing in #Twinning black and white romantic pictures with his older girlfriend, actress Nicola Peltz. He might not be a big deal quite yet, but these Hadids are big business.
We only caught a brief glimpse of the newest actor to play Spider-Man (the third in modern memory) during Captain America: Civil War, but if the Marvel publicity machinery has anything to do with it, you’re going to be sick of him by Labor Day. Spider-Man: Homecoming will be released this July, which means get ready for the full court press of red carpet appearances, late-night talk shows and publicity stunts of all stripes. But, don’t worry: We don’t have to remember web slingers for long. I mean, what are Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield up to, anyway?
Speaking of Marvel, people are getting to know more about Iron Fist star Finn Jones, but for all of the wrong reasons. It was already a controversy when Marvel cast a white guy (formerly of Game of Thrones) in the lead of the kung fu show and was feeling pressure to cast an Asian actor instead. He said critics hadn’t seen the show and should wait to see it before judging it. Then, when critics slammed the show, he told them they didn’t get it, and he didn’t make the show for them anyway. So, yeah, you’re going to have to know Jones, even if it’s just to hate him.
We all started learning more about the Suits actress when she started dating Prince Harry at the end of 2016. However, the media saturation is going to be absolutely insane if the former party boy, famous for his naked Vegas pictures, finally decides to settle down with the actress. When they attended their first wedding together in March, palace watchers started speculating that Harry was ring shopping, even if it might be a no-no to pop the question to a divorced American, which is about as far from traditional as he could possibly get.
The former Page Six fixture sort of fell out of the news after both her marriage to Topper Mortimer and her first foray into reality television, High Society, failed miserably. She came roaring back last spring when she was arrested for trespassing on the front lawn screaming at her boyfriend, sugar baron Nico Fanjul (10 years her junior). After a serious drama like that, reality TV came calling again, and Mortimer is now the newest Real Housewife of New York. Now it’s going to be all of the Bravo obsessives screaming for her when the show debuts April 5th.
She hasn’t made a blockbuster in forever and instead has been absolutely killing it in weird indie movies and strange French fare like this spring’s amazing Personal Shopper, where she plays a fashion slave to a rich lady who also might be texting with a ghost. (It’s better than it sounds.) She also courted controversy cutting off most of her hair and dying it blonde. Then, in one Saturday Night Live monologue she managed to drop the F-bomb, publicly come out as gay and criticize Donald Trump. This is the future liberals want. Whether or not we (or she) know it yet, this is prime of Stewart’s career, so pay attention.
Hollywood’s latest secret is that a huge chunk of their money is coming from the Chinese box office. As they’re chasing those red dollars, it’s more and more important to have Asian stars in their big budget tent poles. That means we should all get to memorize the lovely face of this Mandarin-speaking superstar. This year she co-stars in both The Great Wall and Kong: Skull Island and is currently filming Pacific Rim: Uprising. However not everyone is a huge fan. In her home country, she’s regularly nominated for the Golden Broom Awards, the Chinese equivalent of the Razzies, for Most Disappointing Actress.
The latest output from the Disney Channel child star factory, she’s already a tween sensation for starring in Shake It Up on the channel for three years. She also has the dubious distinction of being the lynchpin in why Kelly Osbourne quit Fashion Police, after Giuliana Rancic made fun of her dreadlocks. (Yes, that last sentence was decidedly B-list.) Now she’s taking her shot at the big time as Tom Holland’s love interest in Spider-Man: Homecoming. Who’s B-list now, Giuliana?
The old tabloid adage goes that the celebrities are just like us. Well, we can only figure out just how ordinary they are if you know who the hell these people are. With the bright spots of the celebrity universe changing faster than Kylie Jenner changes makeup techniques, it’s hard to keep track of who is cooler than an iced coffee in Greenland and who is hotter than a bowl of chili in the Amazonian jungle.
No fear, amateur star spotters. Here is a list of everyone you’re going to need to know this spring so that the cover of People doesn’t look completely foreign to you.