A Quick Word From: The Trivia Night Host After the ‘Big Little Lies’ Murder

[Previously on “A Quick Word From“]

Nicole Kidman as Celeste Wright and Alexander Skarsgård as Perry Wright. Hilary Bronwyn Gayle/HBO

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my unfortunate duty as Trivia Night emcee to inform you that there has been a tragic incident at tonight’s trivia night. It would appear that one of the parents has died falling down the steps. This is all of the information I know at this time, but let’s take a quick moment of silence to mourn this loss for our school community.

Thank you…. Okay, so the correct answer was Audrey Hepburn. Audrey Hepburn had a pet deer, not Elvis. I know. I know. It seems like something Elvis would do. He did have a pet chimpanzee named Scatter though! Hahaha…

Please, no one leave. The police will want to take your statements.

All right… next question. Audrey Hepburn or Elvis Presley: which had a twin that died at birth? Just hand on in your guesses. No one? Everyone is frantically gossiping? Okay, well, it was Elvis this time. Elvis had a twin who died at birth.

Speaking of twins, I’m getting information that it was Perry Wright, father of twin students, who fell down the stairs. He was a generous contributor to our school, and he will be missed. Next question…

What was Audrey Hepburn’s favorite color? I repeat, what was Audrey Hepburn’s favorite color? Everyone, please, we let you parents sing for some reason for an hour. It is time for trivia now. We spent a lot of time putting this together, and it is for a good cause.

I have been asked that you all keep in mind, the school did have those stairs roped off with caution tape. We knew they were steep, so please stop yelling at me.

Cyan. Audrey Hepburn’s favorite color was cyan. We also would have accepted “blue.” We would not have accepted “I bet Renata killed Perry.” Please, this is a fundraiser for the school, and I have been told I must keep going.

Who was the number one touring act in America in 1977, the year Elvis died? Lots of death questions, huh? It’s hard not to mention death when talking about Audrey Hepburn and Elvis Presley. They are two famously dead people.

In lighter news, I have just gotten word that the bullying crisis in first grade has been solved! So that’s… something.

Elvis. Elvis was the number one touring act in America the year he died. Isn’t that crazy? We always thinking of him dying well past his prime, but yeah, he was still doing his thing. Yeah… Elvis.

Hey, can everyone calm down? There’s a lot of crying and screaming going on, but we have quite a few more questions to go through. I read an Audrey Hepburn biography for this. Great costumes by the way. I only wish you guys put as much effort into the “trivia” part of Trivia Night.

Who was Truman Capote’s first choice to play Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany’s? What’s that? How can I be asking trivia questions in a time like this? Well, I think we all can agree that Perry was a creep. STOP YELLING AT ME. I’M JUST TRYING TO RAISE MONEY FOR THE SCHOOL.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?! I THINK YOU ARE ALL MURDERERS. THIS ENTIRE TOWN IS TOXIC. TONIGHT IS A TRIVIA NIGHT, AND YOU ALL MADE IT INTO SOME SORT OF SEXY MASQUERADE PARTY. WHO DOES THAT? WHY AREN’T WE DOING THIS IN A RUN-DOWN GYM? YOU ALL CAN GO TO HELL.

Marilyn Monroe. Marilyn Monroe was Truman Capote’s first choice to play Holly Golightly.

A Quick Word From: The Trivia Night Host After the ‘Big Little Lies’ Murder