Imagined Dialogue For: ‘The Mummy’

“Imagined Dialogue For” is our series by the hilarious and talented Chris Scott—of Reviews of Movies I Haven’t Seen fame. Next up? Chris takes a stab at guessing what happens in Universal’s Tom Cruise scream-athon, The Mummy

Annabelle Wallis and Tom Cruise in The Mummy. Universal Pictures

INT. DAY

TOM CRUISE: Tell me more about this so-called… Mummy.

RUSSELL CROWE: It’s an ancient evil. It’s been around for many years.

TOM CRUISE: And now it’s alive again?

CROWE: Very much so, I’m afraid.

CRUISE: Yikes.

CROWE: Yep, you said it.

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INT. DAY

TOM CRUISE: Tell me more about this so-called… Mummy.

RUSSELL CROWE: It’s an ancient evil. It’s been around for many years.

TOM CRUISE: And now it’s alive again?

CROWE: Very much so, I’m afraid.

CRUISE: So The Mummy just keeps coming back?

CROWE: Right. It goes away for a while, and then it returns.

CRUISE: Just as it was before?

CROWE: Maybe slightly different but essentially the same thing, yes.

CRUISE: The Mummy just keeps happening over and over again?

CROWE: Over and over again.

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INT. DAY

TOM CRUISE: Tell me more about this so-called… Mummy.

RUSSELL CROWE: Same deal as before. The Mummy was here, then it was gone, now it’s back again. It’s an ancient curse that–

CRUISE: Does it ever get tired of returning?

CROWE: The Mummy?

CRUISE: Yeah. It seems like it’s just the same thing over and over. Do people ever get tired of the Mummy?

CROWE: Nobody ever tires of the Mummy.

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INT. DAY

TOM CRUISE: Tell me more about this so-called–

RUSSELL CROWE: The Mummy is never ending. It will never stop coming back.

CRUISE: What does it want?

CROWE: It wants nothing. But every five or six years, here it is again. We are powerless to stop its return.

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INT. DAY

TOM CRUISE: It’s back, right?

RUSSELL CROWE: The Mummy?

CRUISE: Right.

CROWE: The Mummy is never really gone, but somehow always returning. Always right here, again.