Nine of the Stupidest, Most Hilarious Blunders of the Founding Fathers

These guys were a bunch of drunks, idiots, and hooligans. Pexels

This article originally appeared on Quora: What are some hilarious and stupid things that the founding fathers did/said?

While the Founding Fathers are often looked upon as immortal perfect beings, nothing could be further from the truth. These guys were a bunch of drunks, idiots, and hooligans, but damned if they weren’t great while doing so. Here’s a list of their greatest blunders.

Alexander Hamilton

Alexander Hamilton, America’s 1st Secretary of the Treasury, and a man who ruined his own life.

Alexander Hamilton revealed his own affair with Maria Reynolds to both the public and his own wife via a 96- page pamphlet. Effectively shattering his political career and promising chances to be president.

Benjamin Franklin Joseph Duplessis/Wikipedia

Benjamin Franklin, America’s inventor, and overgrown teenager comedian.

Ben Franklin wrote several letters on how a young man should choose a mistress, and on the glories of human flatulence. Both would be used to overturn censorship laws centuries later.

Speaking of Ben let’s just get all his stuff out of the way shall we?

  • He believed that the national bird of the U.S should be the Turkey. Calling it “A bird of courage” that would “”not hesitate to attack a grenadier of British guards.” This quote was later referenced in the number The Egg from Revolution-era American themed musical 1776
  • He invented text speak—seriously. Franklin believed that the colonies should use simplified English such as spelling “”through” and “night” as “thru” and “nite”
  • He frequently enjoyed “air baths” that consisted of him lounging around naked in his house reading.
  • He was not allowed to write the Declaration of Independence since the other founders thought he might slip a joke in.
  • He brought tofu to America.

Moving on to some other bloopers of the founders.

George Washington Gilbert Stuart/Wikipedia

George Washington, here so regal, in reality mostly anger.

George Washington was surprised that the Chinese were not white, expressing so in his first meeting with a Chinese national.

John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, the second and third presidents, vandalized a chair belonging to Shakespeare while visiting his home in England. They did so by chipping off chunks as souvenirs.

After killing Alexander Hamilton in a duel and losing the vice-presidency Aaron Burr with the help of a few other conspirators attempted to name himself emperor of Mexico.

Robert Morris Jr. died trying to remove a urinary tract blockage with a wale bone from his wife’s corset. Ouch.

Henry Knox Gilbert Stuart, Museum of Fine Arts, Boston/Wikipedia

Henry Knox, Washington may have had a point.

Washington told General Henry Knox to “Shift that fat-ass Harry, slowly, or you will swamp the damn boat” while crossing the Delaware.

John Adams had a dog named Satan while living in the White House.

The gentleman and founder who designed the first United States flag, Francis Hopkinson, asked to be paid in a quarter-cask of wine. He never got it.

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Callum Hanton is a History contributor at Quora. You can follow Quora on Twitter, Facebook, and Google+