All the actors in the show-which has been running since mid-November-are between the ages of 8 and 12, and the hilarious spectacle feels something like a grammar school Christmas pageant. There's even a mock nativity scene where the boy who plays the Church's founder, L. Ron Hubbard, is "born" and then shown curled up surrounded by children who are on all fours and wearing pig and chicken noses (so to speak). During another part of the show, the kids portray Scientology members Kirstie Alley, John Travolta and Tom Cruise.

The show's Web site promises the "The inspirational story of one teacher, author, explorer, atomic physicist, nautical engineer, choreographer and horticulturalist named L. Ron Hubbard who motivated millions-and made some as well," and-even before the show was mounted-this description wasn't much to the liking of Mr. Carmichael, who sent the show's producer, Aaron Lemon-Strauss, a letter on Nov. 5 that voiced his concern over the possibility that the musical would "ridicule" Scientology. He hadn't been to rehearsals, but had seen that the musical's Web site had links to various articles and Web sites that denounced Hubbard and the Church.

"The various clichés about Scientology making money from Scientology are not just clichés, but lies. Both you and Kyle [Jarrow, the musical's author] have told me your work comes from research, not clichés," Mr. Carmichael wrote. "Real humor … is based on truth, not blindly accepted clichés.

"There are dozens of scholars and independent experts who have bothered to look at the religion and found it to be just what it says it is," he continued. "Scientology is a religion which millions of people around the world testify helps them to live a better life, and to know themselves spiritually. Scientologists are decent people, involved in the world around them, and using what they know to help others."

Himself a "decent" person, Mr. Carmichael-an affable looking large man with graying hair-clapped at the end of the performance, which he attended alone. But when reached by The Observer this week, he said he didn't feel comfortable commenting on the show at this time.

The creators of the musical maintain that they feel the show lets the religion speak-or sing-for itself.

-Anna Jane Grossman

Big-Shot Night

A black-tie dress code and white-maned Lord Lichfield as M.C. may have given the Dec. 1 grand opening of the Mandarin Oriental New York in the Time Warner building a touch of class, but Long Island boy Billy Joel gave it soul. "This is water, O.K.?" the bantam-like Mr. Joel told the appreciative crowd-a reference to his 2002 drying out at Silver Hill Hospital in Connecticut-before addressing another kind of rehab. "Columbus Circle needed a little sprucin' up," he said as the skyline of Manhattan twinkled through the floor-to-ceiling windows behind him. "It was a little funky." Mr. Joel then proceeded to play a series of his standards-"Piano Man," "New York State of Mind" and "Movin' Out"-to a crowd that included author Frederick Forsyth, police chief Ray Kelly, chef Eric Ripert and his wife Sandra, restaurateur Steve Hanson and songwriter Denise Rich. Mr. Joel was just about to call it a night when Four Seasons restaurant co-owner Julian Niccolini ran to the stage and convinced the singer to play an encore, "Just the Way You Are."

Earlier in the evening an auction raised some dough for the City Harvest charity. A fashion package that included a pair of Fred Leighton earrings worn by Nicole Kidman to the 2003 Oscars fetched $22,000. The catering business must be hopping because the winning bid came from Rhona Silver, the chief executive officer of Huntington Townhouse, a catering hall in Huntington Station, N.Y. And when Ms. Silver, resplendent in a fur hat was led off to claim her prize, one of the evening's organizers asked her: "Did you think you were going to get it?"

"No," Ms. Silver replied, and then she let drop the reason she was bidding so furiously. "My daughter wants the earrings."

-Frank DiGiacomo

Rich, But Not Chapin Girls

When MTV's reality TV series Rich Girls, about two wealthy Manhattan private-school girls, Tommy Hilfiger's daughter Ally Hilfiger and her sidekick Jaime Gleicher, first aired, the opening credits featured shots of both Dalton and Chapin private schools. Because friends of Ms. Gleicher had often heard her refer to her "Chapin friends," they assumed that the shot of the latter institution was a reference to her alma mater.

But now as the series winds to an end, eagle-eyed viewers have noticed that the Chapin footage has disappeared from the Rich Girls opening. When The Transom asked an MTV spokeswoman why the school had been excised, she said, "I'm sure it was a clearance issue," but added, "Jamie never went to Chapin." (Attempts to reach Ms. Gleicher through MTV were unsuccessful.)

A spokeswoman for Chapin said she had never heard of the show, but one recent Chapin graduate said that she's "relieved" the school was removed from the opening credits. "It's deeply embarrassing," she said. "I think that the show exceeds every negative stereotype that exists about New York City private-school girls."

That said, the Chapin alumna said she enjoyed the show. "It's sort of a car accident, and it's hysterical because they're so ridiculous," she said. "It makes it seem like everyone's really dumb and really loaded but still gets to go to the right colleges."

-Alexandra Wolfe

Hampton Hilton

Around the same time that a slew of Internet spam advertising the full 42-minute version of Paris Hilton's sex tape landed in e-mail boxes everywhere promising "close-up shots of her pounded rich ass!", Ms. Hilton's rich ass surfaced in the Hamptons for the Thanksgiving holiday weekend. On Nov. 28, the Friday after turkey day, Ms. Hilton lunched with her parents, Rick and Kathy Hilton, at Bobby Van's in Bridgehampton, a restaurant as well known for its people-watching as its food. The Hiltons were literally the center of attention, given that they were seated at a table in the middle of the room and Paris was wearing a hot pink jumpsuit with the word "Tokyo" emblazoned in large white letters on her back.

-A.W.

Librettist-à-Go-Go

Sure, we've all heard of struggling-actors-cum-waiters and writers-cum-actors (the real moneyed ones, baby!) but a Broadway-success-cum-go-go-dancer?

When the spirit moves him, Jeff Whitty, 32, a blond and boyish Oregon native, can be found gyrating on bars in a trucker's cap, boots, overalls and absolutely nothing else at the Park or at other illustrious venues around town. "When I'm dancing, my persona is of a stupid idiot farm boy," said the clean-cut, perky Mr. Whitty over green soup at Terramare Café the other day. The contours of his chest were visible beneath his gray baseball T. He was wearing diamond studs in each ear, brown motorcycle boots and an ear-to-ear grin. "I love it when people come up to me expecting me to be dumb!"

That's because dumb he ain't. Mr. Whitty is the man responsible for the highly acclaimed book of the Broadway musical Avenue Q. He's also an actor and has a choice role as a sexy, hot-pants-clad Earl of Southampton in The Beard of Avon, a comedy at the New York Theatre Workshop that's getting a lot of will-it-go-to-Broadway? buzz. Needless to say, the man is currently making some decent money: He also has a sitcom pitch that's being considered by a major network, and a show he wrote is opening at the Atlantic Theater next month. This is on top of the royalties he collects from Avenue Q.

But early this year, Avenue Q was still only at the Vineyard Theatre off Broadway, and the money he'd received after working on it for over two years had yet to come through. "I was at its rehearsals all day and was watching its previews all night and I had no idea how I was going to make ends meet," he said. In the past for extra money he'd waited tables, catered and transcribed, but all those options seemed so unglamorous. So when, last February, a friend asked if he wanted to go-go dance at a fund-raiser for Tweed TheaterWorks, the theater company that co-produced Lypsinka's latest, Mr. Whitty figured he could give it a go-go. Alas, hardly anyone showed up for the fund-raiser, which was at the Marquee on the Bowery, but it turned out that the nightly dancing boy at the Slide, the club downstairs from the Marquee, hadn't shown up that evening. So Mr. Whitty understudied the role.

"And it turned out that I was really good at it!" he said. "It was great because it was physical and it was performing and all that was totally the opposite of what I was doing at Avenue Q.

"It was the perfect job for me," he continued. "Because I could do it a couple times a week and have some money coming in and it didn't interfere with [my work on Avenue Q]. The hours were perfect, because I could go after previews and then work till like three in the morning and then wake up and go to rehearsals. And the money was great!"

By the time Avenue Q made it to Broadway last summer, the money he was expecting for its Off Broadway run had come through and the royalties for its current production had begun. Yet he wasn't quite ready to give up dancing-he was starting to get a following at several clubs around town, and, gosh darn it, it was fun! What with the hunky men eyeing him and the occasional bachelorette parties of women yelling at him to show his hoo-hoo. Even Avenue Q's director and choreographer would swing by to catch his gigs.

"And at that point it was good to have a project. If I don't have something to do, I go crazy. So it provided a kind of weird/good structure to my life. Something on the calendar, because at the time I was taking a lot of meetings but nothing was really concrete. And it was totally creative. A total performance," he said. "It's all about getting people worked up, but in a fun way. It's all about the tease. I mean, I'd never show anything you wouldn't see on NYPD Blue. But it's so great because you get up there and everyone gives you so much power, and then the minute you step down, no one recognizes you, you know? You're just another schmo."

But since word has gotten out that the cute, dumb Southern dancer has an alter ego, the game hasn't been as much fun to play.

"It's just getting harder because I'm getting to be less anonymous. Too many people know now," he said. "Like, it was a little overwhelming when the first person came up to me with a dollar and said, 'I loved Avenue Q.'"

While Mr. Whitty might soon give up the gyrating life, he'd like to use the experience and parlay it into something legit. He's currently in talks with Broadway choreographer Jerry Mitchell about turning the annual fund-raising burlesque show, Broadway Bares, into a full-scale eight-performance-a-week musical.

"And what librettist would be better suited to write a burlesque show than me?" he said, beaming.

-A.J.G.

P. Diddy or Didn't He?

Huddled in a V.I.P. section of the midtown club Show on Monday night with model girlfriend Kim Porter and male model Tyson Beckford among his entourage, Sean (P. Diddy) Combs was working damage control. Mr. Combs denied the New York Post's account of his VH1 Big in '03 awards show antics. Mr. Combs, who showed up for the publication launch party for Intimate, photographer Marc Baptiste's book of nude portraits (in which Ms. Porter appears) told The Transom: "I've won enough awards in my career," adding: "If I want to put my foot down, I'll put it down for bigger things."

According to the Post, the hip-hop entrepreneur arrived at the VH1 Big in '03 awards expecting to be honored, only to learn that VH1 had slated him merely as a presenter. This reportedly prompted Mr. Combs to tell the show's producers, "I am not going on stage unless I get an award!", and eventually coercing them into presenting him with the "Big Maverick" award that he got during the telecast. "You can't believe everything you read in the paper," Mr. Combs said. "The VH1 show was cool. There was no confusion. There was a discussion on how the award was going to be presented. This is my name, my brand that people are trying to defame."

Reached for comment, the Post's Richard Johnson responded: "We had a credible source. We did some reporting and it checked out. But he probably didn't have to complain that much. If he really had complained, they would have given him two or three awards."

-John Gallagher

The Transom Also Hears …

With the 2003 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show come and gone, supermodel turned magazine mogul Helena Christensen is finally relieved of the pressure of having to strut down the runway in only a sequined balconette bra, matching panties and rhinestone stilettos. On Sunday, Nov. 30, Ms. Christensen, wheeling a stroller, stopped by Magnolia Bakery for their famous frosted cupcakes.

-A.W.

Larger-than-life American Idol winner Ruben Studdard arrived at Alicia Keys' Dec. 1 AOL for Broadband–sponsored concert at Webster Hall to see what uncontested talent was all about. Safely inside the V.I.P. room, Mr. Studdard told The Transom: "I love her music, I come to all her shows," he said. At least the ones that don't conflict with his American Idol–related appearances. "They put me on the map, you know, so I gotta pay them homage," he said. "But I'll be on a couple of other TV shows. I want to do That '70s Show real bad!"

Ms. Keys said she had invited Mr. Studdard to her concert that day after running into him at a radio interview. "We run into each other everywhere," she said after her performance, though given the five burly bodyguards that surrounded her, running into Ms. Keys seemed damn near impossible.

-A.W.

Jazzy is dead; long live Jazzy Jr. As Off the Record's Sridhar Pappu reported last month, New York Post columnist Cindy Adams' beloved Yorkshire terrier, Jazzy, died this past summer. But his memory persists, both in a new Saks Fifth Avenue boutique and in the name of Ms. Adams' replacement dog, Jazzy Jr.

"He meant everything to me. So that's why I am continuing his name-in his memory," Ms. Adams told The Transom.

On Nov. 9, from 1 to 5 p.m., Saks Fifth Avenue will celebrate the opening of its eight-floor Jazzy Couture boutique with "Jazzy on Fifth," a street fair for pet owners and their pets. According to the press release announcing the shindig, it "will mark the first time a city block was closed for a dog-related event"-including the lane of traffic on Fifth Avenue closest to the department store. And if you wonder how Ms. Adams pulled off such a feat, you've never seen Mayor Bloomberg cowering in her presence.

But that's beside the point. Open to the public, the street fair will feature hot dogs, cotton candy and artists sketching portraits of people with their pets. On sale will be select items from the Jazzy Couture line of upscale pet apparel, carrier bags, ceramics and accessories. Among the items that will be featured in the Jazzy boutique (though not necessarily at the street fair) are doggie sparkle tees with removable marabou collars, a leather doggie trench coat and a leopard faux-fur jacket. (A part of the proceeds will benefit the ASPCA.)

The center of attention at the street fair will no doubt be Ms. Adams and Jazzy Jr., the Yorkshire who replaced the original. Although the press release makes no mention of the fate of Jazzy, Ms. Adams told The Transom that Jazzy, who would have been four in September, "was with his trainer in the country" near Albany "when he suddenly started to lose everything. He was throwing up, bleeding, everything." He died on Aug. 17. Ms. Adams declined to name the trainer because "I don't want to put this heavily on her"-but, she said, she did have an autopsy performed, and the results showed that Jazzy "had E. coli in his system." However, Ms. Adams added, the medical examiner's reports offered no answer as to how or where Jazzy might have ingested the bacteria. "It's something that does not give me any closure," she said.

Ms. Adams said that not only was she devastated-"I was sucking my thumb for two months"-but so was Juicy, the Yorkshire terrier pup she had obtained as a playmate for the original Jazzy. "After I lost Jazzy, Juicy was upset," Ms. Adams said. "She went under." Ms. Adams didn't explain what this meant, but she did say that "I had to get another puppy to annoy Juicy," who is now 14 months old.

Enter Jazzy Jr., who, according to Ms. Adams, comes from the same bloodline as Jazzy and Juicy.

When The Transom asked Ms. Adams if the procurement of Jazzy Jr. had anything to do with the business venture behind Saks' Jazzy Couture line, she replied: "No, no. The logo is there-Jazzy Couture. It's like Lassie: There were 400 different Lassies. We have Dior, and Dior is gone a long time," Ms. Adams continued. "This is doggie Dior: He's going to have a couture line. And then there's going to be Jazzy Cruise. I mean, have a little respect here."

The original Jazzy entered Ms. Adams' life unannounced, as a bereavement present from New Millennium Press co-president Michael Viner following the death of her husband, comedian Joey Adams. The Evian-lapping Yorkshire later became the subject of Ms. Adams' 2003 book, The Gift of Jazzy.

Ms. Adams said she has recovered enough from her loss to write about Jazzy, Juicy and Jazzy Jr. in a Post column that will probably appear on Friday, Nov. 7. She also said that she wouldn't be seeking any kind of legal redress over Jazzy's untimely death-an interesting decision for someone who announced at her husband's memorial service that she would "never forget" those who had not done right by her Joey.

As the gossip columnist explained, however, proving any kind of negligence regarding Jazzy's demise would be near-impossible. For another: "What you can get back only is the price of your dog. I don't want that. I want my dog," Ms. Adams said. "So there's no litigation. There's just my tears."

-Frank DiGiacomo

De Niro Shuts Hudson

Robert De Niro has closed the olive curtains for good on Hudson Lounge, his Tribeca bar at 116 Hudson Street. "All I can say is that we are no longer open for business," said one of the lounge's operators, Ken Jowdy. The nightspot, which opened in the summer of 2001, closed sometime during the last week in October, not long after press reports that Mr. De Niro had been diagnosed with prostate cancer.

Although it's unclear what will become of the space, Mr. De Niro-who recently tried to purchase a townhouse on the Upper East Side-doesn't seem to have abandoned Tribeca. He owns the two buildings next-door, 112 and 114 Hudson Street, and is involved in opening a luxury hotel around the corner. Representatives for Mr. De Niro declined to comment on the closing.

-Alexandra Wolfe

It's a Ghoul Thing

At the Oct. 31 Halloween Party at the Four Seasons, the most unexpected costume belonged to Martha Stewart: She came as Martha Stewart. Wearing a long black dress and a scraggly black wig, the crafty broad cunningly sported a paper-cutout mask of her face. In fact, she had two such masks-one on a stick and one with an elastic band-and the real chills came when she held up both. It was as if, like The Matrix's Agent Smith, Ms. Stewart had replicated herself in triplicate.

"I addressed her as Martha because she was dressed as Martha, and then from behind the mask she said, 'Bonsoir, mon ami,' and I realized it really was her! Ingenious!" said restaurant owner Alex Von Bidder, who was in negotiations with union representatives for his staff up until five minutes before the party began. Indeed, he was fielding money-related questions from his staff throughout the evening; their contract was to expire at midnight, and there'd been talk of an impending strike.

But most guests were too busy comparing costumes to notice the management's strife.

Partygoers included fashion designer Patricia Field, who was dressed as a large red-haired clown with pointy shoulder pads; Page Six's Richard Johnson, wearing a polyester gangster-style pinstriped suit; and Kim Cattrall, who was dressed as something that involved pink hot pants and driving gloves. When Ms. Stewart, there with her publicist Susan Magrino, was introduced to The Transom, she wanted to know if we were a waiter. When she learned that we were something less helpful-the spooky media-she suddenly grew mute. We asked if she'd made the mask herself and a pantomime ensued, with a lot of nodding and pointing and a two-fingered motion that we think was supposed to represent scissors.

Then she held the mask so that we could see the top of it. It read: "Happy Halloween From Forbes.com."

The mask, it turns out, was one of five downloadable ones that Forbes posted on its Web site last year. The others were of former WorldCom chief executive Bernard Ebbers, former Enron chief executive Ken Lay, the frighteningly freckly former Tyco chief executive L. Dennis Kozlowski and former ImClone Systems chief executive Sam Waksal, whose biotech company is currently at the center of the investigation into Ms. Stewart's alleged insider trading.

"This Halloween, Dracula and Frankenstein's monster seem positively cuddly," the site proclaimed. "To inspire some real fear, try dressing up as one of these current and former chief executives …. Now that's scary."

-Anna Jane Grossman

Quentin, Crisp?

Kill Bill director Quentin Tarantino sounds a little nostalgic for the wild 1980's. At least that's the impression The Transom got on Oct. 30, while watching Mr. Tarantino frighten the usual crowd of beer-bellied sports fans or theater-going cheapskates in the dark and musty back room of McHale's Pub on Eighth Avenue. Dressed in a red sports jersey, Mr. Tarantino was seated at a corner booth with two stringy-haired brunettes who were a shade below middle age. From 6:30 to 8 p.m. he held court, looking at the bar's extensive-American, Italian and Mexican!-menu, flailing his arms wildly throughout dinner, reminiscing loudly about drugs in the 80's and not letting his two companions get a word in edgewise. "Those were the days, man!" he belted with an ear-to-ear smile and a grand, open-armed gesture. "All the coke people did back then, and heroin-that was the height of it!"

-A.W.

Slip-Slidin' Away

At playwright Jonathan Marc Sherman's 35th birthday on Oct. 10 at the Slipper Room, actor Ethan Hawke wanted no room to slip. Mr. Hawke, who starred in Mr. Sherman's 1993 Off Broadway play Sophistry and also co-founded the now-defunct theater company Malaparte with him, recently split with his wife, Uma Thurman, after reportedly cheating on her with a 22-year-old Canadian model while filming north of the border.

Nervous about being associated with any more lithe young things so soon after the break-up, Mr. Hawke ducked out of all photos at the party-even ones being taken by Mr. Sherman's friends. One partygoer who was in a crowd that included Edward Norton and Sam Rockwell reported that Mr. Hawke could be heard saying: "Oh, man, I can't get my picture taken with girls! I'll get in trouble with the press!"

-A.J.G.

Fear of Fattening

"I'm huge!" author Molly Jong-Fast told The Transom on the evening of Nov. 1, as she plopped down in a plush chair at the New York Palace. Ms. Jong-Fast, the 25-year-old daughter of Fear of Flying author Erica Jong, had just exchanged vows with Matthew Greenfield, 39, an assistant professor of English at the College of Staten Island, and she did indeed look rather large and a little uncomfortable in her white lace strapless gown. But there was a good reason: The bride is expecting her first child-a boy who will be named either Max or Elijah-on Jan. 15, which may have had something to do with her vehement refusal to be lifted in a chair during the traditional horrah dance, and with her decision to go barefoot during the wedding ceremony. But she slipped on green Puma athletic shoes during the reception. "My foot is now a size 12," she said, pausing for effect. "These are all I can fit into! These, and Ferragamo's. Uck!" Ms. Jong-Fast put her finger in her mouth and mimed gagging.

The wedding, which was planned by Claudia Hanlin of the Wedding Library, featured D.J.s playing klezmer music, black and white M&M's (Matt and Molly, get it?) at each table and a Ron Ben-Israel–designed wedding cake created in the shape of a stack of great books, including As You Like It and The Odyssey. Another unintentional part of the cake's appearance were a number of tiny indentations that resulted from numerous wedding guests poking their fingers into the eight-tiered wonder to determine whether it was really made of just frosting and cake (it was).

Ms. Jong-Fast, a freelance writer whose novel Normal Girl (Villard, 2000) is currently being adapted for film by Bret Easton Ellis, is the only child of Ms. Jong. Her father, divorced from Ms. Jong since 1983, is science-fiction novelist Jonathan Fast and the son of the late, renowned author Howard Fast, writer of Spartacus. As might be expected, a bevy of writer types were among the wedding's 330 guests, including Naomi Wolf, Daphne Merkin, Anne Roiphe and Joan Collins, who looked like her taut author photo come to life. Singer Judy Collins, a family friend, wore what appeared to be pink silk Chinese pajamas and serenaded the couple during the ceremony.

Talking to The Transom via cell phone two days after the event, Ms. Jong-Fast discussed the evening. She and Mr. Greenfield had taken an early honeymoon-with their parents-over the summer, and she was spending her first weekday as a wife doing grand-jury duty downtown.

"Someone asked Joan Collins if she was Judy Collins' sister!" she said. "She didn't think that was funny."

She then mentioned another wedding guest, doe-eyed actress Sophie Dahl. Ms. Dahl and Ms. Jong-Fast attended Trevor Day School together-the same Upper West Side school whose principal was arrested last week after being charged with pedophilia.

"I was just so shocked," Ms. Jong-Fast said, "by how bad he looked in his mug shot! I mean, in comparison, Lizzie Grubman looked gorgeous!"

Ms. Jong-Fast is currently at work on a memoir called Sex Doctors in the Basement, which is more or less about growing up as the daughter of the woman who invented the term "zipless fuck." If Ma Jong had had her way, her strawberry-blond daughter would have done the vow-exchanging between contractions.

"She thought it was so adorable that I got pregnant-she was two and a half months pregnant when she married my dad," Ms. Jong-Fast said. "But she wanted me to be even more pregnant at the time of the wedding. She thought it would've been even cuter."

-A.J.G.

Pretty in Pink Onesies

Molly Ringwald, the Titian-tressed 35-year-old actress best known for being a Titian-tressed 16-year-old actress, is now a mom. On Oct. 22, Ms. Ringwald gave birth to a girl, according to her agent, who reports that both mother and baby are healthy and resting at home. Although the baby's hair color was not disclosed, her name is Mathilda Ereni Ringwald Gianopoulos, which is about one syllable for every year since Mama Ringwald has had a hit film. Last year she starred with Christopher Lloyd in The Big Time, a TNT made-for-TV movie, and in Broadway's Cabaret.

The baby's father is Panagiotis (Panio) Gianopoulos, a swarthy, handsome editor at Bloomsbury U.S.A., where he edits J.T. LeRoy, among others. Mr. Gianopoulos is also an aspiring novelist and has written both fiction and nonfiction about sex for Nerve.com. Earlier this year, his nonfiction work earned him a fellowship from the New York Foundation for the Arts. In the late 90's, he was an editorial assistant at Talk. "He was extremely outgoing and smart, very outgoing and popular," said his former boss there, Jonathan Burnham, now president of Talk Miramax Books.

The star of many of the 1980's iconic John Hughes films, including Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club, Ms. Ringwald spent most of the 90's living in France and was married from 1999 to 2002 to French novelist Valery Lameignere.

Ms. Ringwald and Mr. Gianopoulos declined to comment, but earlier this year Ms. Ringwald announced to the press that she and Mr. Gianopoulos have dated since 2001 and have no immediate plans to marry.

"I think I'll go the Susan Sarandon– Tim Robbins route," she said.

-A.J.G.

All-American Trannie

On Oct. 30, Montblanc North America's dapper chief executive, Jan-Patrick Schmitz, stood on the promenade of Rockefeller Center, at the unveiling of the public art exhibit commemorating the opening of the company's flagship store on Madison Avenue and 57th Street. "Montblanc pens have been used for decades to sign contracts, make laws, hire people, fire people," he said in his refined European accent, before popping the cork on a bottle of Krug champagne. "They're used by world-renowned writers, famous politicians …. "

At the opening that day, however, there were no heads of state extolling the virtues of Montblanc penmanship, no Richard Holbrookes or Norman Mailers signing autographs with snow-capped pens. Instead, crawling on all fours in front of the row of six larger-than-life shopping-bag displays was transsexual Amanda Lepore, the "muse" for David LaChapelle, one of the exhibit's artists.

Mr. LaChapelle's shopping bag, All American, was one of six 10-foot-tall, 882-pound bags that Montblanc had commissioned for its Rockefeller Center exhibit, The Art of Shopping in New York. On the front of the bag was Ms. Lepore's face, made to resemble Marilyn Monroe's in Andy Warhol's famous silkscreen. On the other side was an enormous cheeseburger crushing her, leaving only her flailing legs peeking out from underneath. "My dream was always to work for Andy Warhol," Mr. LaChapelle said, standing near the platform where his bag was displayed. "This bag is a tribute to him." Ms. Lepore, in a snug black mini-dress, climbed down from the side of the bag, where she'd been posing for photographers. "Amanda has always wanted to be Marilyn Monroe," Mr. LaChapelle continued. "She's the Marilyn Monroe of transsexuals. She never wanted to be a woman in the traditional sense."

As the artist stared admiringly at Ms. Lepore, she covered her exploding bosom with her black stole and tossed her platinum blond curls out of her face. "I was more into the idea of a woman, the drawing of a woman," Ms. Lepore said through lips as big as bananas. Then, in a voice even deeper than Mr. LaChapelle's, she added: "I'm the ultimate fantasy of a girl."

Ms. Lepore pranced past the isolated clump of Montblanc execs, who looked like they had just walked out of Sulka to the other side of the promenade. Mr. LaChapelle considered the picture of the cheeseburger flattening his companion. "It's actually anti-food," he said.

Anti-food? The Transom asked him.

"I'm a vegetarian, and the idea is that we spend so much time shopping and consuming that it's a never-ending cycle." Asked what the meaning was, he said: "It could mean different things for different people. You can have it your way." For example? "Well, if you like the idea of a giant hamburger crushing you, then it can be a good thing for you. But I don't want to define it. That's too literal."

-A.W.

Fudge Does Film!

The turtle-swallowing 5-year-old on whom author Judy Blume based her character Fudge Hatcher has grown up. Lawrence Blume, Ms. Blume's son, now in his late 30's, has gone from digging up worms to an even grittier enterprise: directing his first feature film, Martin and Orloff, a comedy about a marketing man recovering from a suicide attempt, whose shrink leads him into a series of misadventures.

The low-budget movie, which will premiere at the Sunshine Theater on Houston Street on Nov. 7, stars Upright Citizens Brigade members Matt Walsh and Ian Roberts, who co-wrote the script. And the two told The Transom that Mr. Blume's pedigree had something to do with his hiring. "Ian's a big fan of Judy Blume novels," said Mr. Walsh. "He has written The Annotated Fudge, Fudge Cliff's Notes," and "has those Web sites where you ask questions and Fudge provides the answer."

Well, not really, but then Mr. Roberts said something we did believe: "I've read all her adult-erotica books. They make great Sunday-afternoon reading."

Mr. Blume characterized his mother's influence a little differently. "She was very helpful for me, to see somebody who could be an artist on her own terms and succeed," he said. "You see a lot of artists' kids being artists-part of it is, you see that you can make a living out of it."

And though Martin and Orloff is his first directing gig, Mr. Blume is no stranger to the movie business. He first made a living editing films and writing scripts, and he directed the film adaptation of his mother's novel, Otherwise Known as Sheila the Great. He also co-owned Post Works, a post-production house. "I don't think I've accomplished anything particularly incredible," he said of his directing job on Martin and Orloff. "So I just treat it as blue-collar work." Blue-collar work that may soon involve co-producing (with Mariah Carey) a film adaptation of Wifey, his mother's novel about a bored suburban housewife in the late 60's who lets her freak flag fly.

And Mr. Blume did a little of that in Martin and Orloff. "I like being a little risky, a little bit politically incorrect," he said. "It's like the killing of little girls on a bridge." He was referring to a scene in which three Girl Scouts dressed in a spareribs costume may or may not fall off a bridge into a vat of barbecue sauce. "People think, 'You can't kill little girls!'" he said. "There's something kind of risk-taking in that scene."

Mr. Blume's expectations for Martin and Orloff are decidedly more modest. He said he hopes the movie will draw viewers by word of mouth and will ultimately expand to more theaters throughout the city. In the meantime, he said, "I'm just a single guy looking for a job."

-A.W.

The Transom Also Hears ….

That lobbyist Sid Davidoff placed a winning $2,100 bid on a 166-gram white Tuscan truffle at an international auction for the fragrant fungus on Nov. 1. The New York portion of the auction took place beneath distractingly hot klieg lights at Le Cirque, where those in attendance included author Jay McInerney, Martha Stewart, gourmand financier Roger Yassin, Joan Collins, Four Seasons co-owner Julian Niccolini, Gourmet publicist Karen Danick and Moët and Chandon's international on-trade manager, Charles de Pontevés. When restaurateur Drew Nieporent learned that Mr. Davidoff doesn't cook, he offered to have his chefs at Tribeca Grill cook up a dinner for eight using the truffle.

Mr. Davidoff's truffle ended up being a trifle, however, compared to the pungent load-weighing close to a pound-that brought $35,000 from a trio of Left Coast bidders: Michael McCarty of Michael's, Barbara Lazaroff of Spago and Piero Selvaggio of Valentino. According to a spokesman for the auction, the sum tied the world's record for the most expensive truffle purchase.

-F.D.

· Actor Steve Schirripa, who plays Bobby (Bacala) Baccalieri on HBO's The Sopranos, gave The Transom a brief lesson in how to spot a goomba on Oct. 30. Mr. Schirripa, who has just published A Goomba's Book of Love, the follow-up to his 2002 A Goomba's Guide to Life, joined Knicks Keith Van Horn and Antonio McDyess at Madison Square Garden for the Read to Achieve organization's Halloween party, and-out of the earshot of the 50 third-graders who also attended-he told us, "One thing you will never hear a goomba say: 'Two tickets to The Vagina Monologues, please.'"

-John Gallagher

A group of young idealists, however, is hoping to begin rebuilding the party by trying their luck in the off-year City Council elections this November. Calling themselves the Urban Republicans, this group is hoping that a young mother-to-be named Jennifer Arangio will revive the party's fortunes on the Upper East Side as she takes on Council Speaker Gifford Miller in the off-year election.

Ms. Arangio is a 33-year-old lawyer who won the party's nomination the hard way-in an extremely rare Republican primary last month. She defeated 58-year-old Douglas G. Winston, whose bearing and background are classic East Side Republican. Mr. Winston described himself as a moderate, which is the word of choice for Republicans running in Manhattan. Tellingly, however, Ms. Arangio turned Mr. Winston's moderation into a negative.

She and her supporters are not, suffice it to say, classic East Side Republicans. Ms. Arangio stands in contrast to the staid, patrician image of the late Bill Green, who represented the neighborhood in Congress from 1978 to 1992, and former State Senator Roy Goodman, who retired from the Legislature in 2002. They, and several Republican Council members and state lawmakers from the neighborhood, were more liberal than the national party. Indeed, when Ronald Reagan ran for the G.O.P.'s Presidential nomination in 1980, many East Side Republicans sided with George H.W. Bush, who seemed a better fit for their kind of Republicanism. Ms. Arangio and her supporters, on the other hand, proudly cite Mr. Reagan as one of their ideological role models.

"We're trying to bring the Republican Party back to New York City," Ms. Arangio said during a meeting with the Log Cabin Republicans, a group that promotes Republicanism within the gay and lesbian communities. Minutes later, she was asked about her position on abortion. She stepped from behind a podium, placed both hands on her curved abdomen, smiled and said, "As you can see, I'm pro-choice." Her baby is due any day now.

Ms. Arangio stresses fiscal reform, as do her allies among the Urban Republicans. The group pushes a fiscally conservative but socially laid-back agenda in the mold set by former Mayor Rudolph Giuliani. That's not surprising, given Mr. Giuliani's success. More surprising, however, is the group's affinity for Mr. Reagan. Their Web site promises that they will be "[b]ringing the Reagan revolution to a street corner near you."

"It's iconography," explained Manhattan Republican chairman James Ortenzio. "They're trying to associate themselves with who they consider successful Republicans. Reagan has been deified, as has Giuliani. It's attention-getting."

The Republicans need all the attention they can get in their former bastion. Until the early 1990's, the area was home to Republican Council members Charles Millard and Andrew Eristoff, Republican Assemblyman John Ravitz, as well as Green and Mr. Goodman. It seemed for several years that the party had successfully groomed successors for the veteran Congressman and State Senator: Messrs. Millard, Eristoff and Ravitz were young, energetic and figured to have a bright future.

All of them, however, are now out of office. Mr. Millard went to work for Mr. Giuliani-and Mr. Miller won his seat in a special election. Mr. Eristoff soon followed Mr. Millard to the Giuliani administration, and his seat, too, switched from Republican to Democratic hands. And Mr. Ravitz tried to win a promotion to the Senate when Mr. Goodman retired, but he was defeated. (Green was beaten by Carolyn Maloney in an electoral upset in 1992.)

With the younger generation gone, Mr. Ortenzio said, "there were no natural heirs," and the party has never recovered.

In Ms. Arangio, however, veteran Republicans see a chance for revival. "She represents just about the dominant demographic of the area: young professional, successful women," said Mr. Ortenzio.

"She's an up-and-comer in the party," said a Republican consultant who asked to remain anonymous. "She's bright, articulate, young, attractive, and she's got a good résumé. [The Urban Republicans] have managed to excite a lot of the rank-and-file within the party. It's a packaging effort, and a clever one." Ms. Arangio picked up a high-level endorsement and some much-needed publicity in early October when Mayor Michael Bloomberg endorsed her.

Joseph Mercurio, a political consultant who worked for Mr. Millard's campaign, is skeptical of Ms. Arangio's chances, even in the long term. "It's very unusual for Republicans to win in Manhattan," he said. He noted that the primary which Ms. Arangio won attracted a very low turnout. She and her supporters, he said, "haven't engaged the party."

Ms. Arangio's campaign manager, Robert Hornak, said that the Urban Republicans support "cutting taxes, streamlining government and fighting for strong policing. That's what we're all about."

The question is whether the Upper East Side is ready to hear some of their arguments. For example, one real difference between Ms. Arangio and her predecessors is her opposition to rent regulation. Manhattan Republicans have generally supported this government intrusion into the private sector.

"Jennifer's campaign will show that we can run as fiscal conservatives on the Upper East Side," Mr. Hornak said. "For years, people said that you had to run with this lightweight Democrat agenda, and the strategy hasn't been successful. We may never be the majority party, but the Republican Party needs to build itself up as a strong opposition party."