Grim is in! Gloom is in bloom! The Hurt Locker and Precious are the new light and fluffy. Bleak misfortune is back in vogue, and I for one could not be more delighted.
Call me maudlin, or just plain Maud—the dreadful unpredictability of life has taught me to answer to anything!—but I am convinced that Read More
“In fashion, you’re either in or you’re out.” So says Teutonic temptress Heidi Klum at the beginning of every episode of Project Runway, currently unspooling its seventh season on Lifetime.
Achtung! If Heidi were correct, I would be out of a job and so would vast numbers of other fashionably employed New Yorkers. Thankfully, Mrs. Read More
Attending an Alexander McQueen fashion show was like taking a stroll through a fashion Fallujah. There was always this magnificent sense of impending catastrophe. Would the gals get electrocuted as they sloshed through all that water? How will the models, in their Blade Runner–inspired, condom-tight dresses, navigate those treacherous glass stairs?
I remember one Read More
I love a good armory, and given the fact that gays are not allowed in the military, I am continually surprised at how much time I spend flaunting myself at various armories. Which armories? Any armories. Ironic, isn’t it? We poofters are not deemed combat-worthy, but we are, for some reason, considered to be armory-worthy. Read More
I have never really understood why name-dropping is so frowned upon. If you happen to make a connection with a famous person, no matter how glancing it may be, why keep it to yourself? Why hide your Brangelina under a bushel? It seems downright selfish. Sharing the experience, enthusiastically and vivaciously, is the neighborly thing Read More
There is a warehouse 20 minutes from the White House. It houses all the holiday decorations from presidential administrations past. To poke through this twinkly archive is to examine U.S. history. Here lie giant spools of Nancy Reagan’s favorite red ribbon, as lush and thick as the shoulder pads on an Adolfo socialite suit. What’s Read More
The past 10 years have been filled with jolts and jiggles and shocks and horrors, and I’m not just talking about the time I caught my Goyard man-purse in the closing doors of the M2 Limited bus. Some really heavy shazzit went down since the turn of the century. You know what I’m talking about. Read More
This is typically the time of year when I, Mr. Retail, embark upon the laborious task of writing a holiday gift guide for you, the ordinary woman in the street. Not this year. After a casual poll of friends and colleagues, I recently ascertained some important information: People HATE gift guides, universally. I was, in Read More
What a week! Or, should I say, “Wart a week!”
Yes, a horrid wart! In full view of my public? Can you believe? That’s what I get for trying to avoid the H1N1 virus. What the hell am I talking about? I’ll explain all about Mr. Wart in just a moment. First, let’s talk Read More
PALM BEACH—The first thing I do whenever I arrive in Florida is carry our Norwich terrier Liberace into the ocean and wash away any dingle berries from his most private arena. I have become quite skilled at routing them. No dingle berry can escape my detection. Just call me “the dingle-berry whisperer.”
Canine hygiene Read More
