Backstage at Madison Square Garden’s Stand Up for Heroes benefit, a double-amputee veteran waited with his mother, as he prepared to go onstage to fulfill his—and probably many other people’s—lifelong dream of playing backup for Bruce Springsteen. Nearby stood a 76-year-old man with one eye clouded over with a diabetic cataract. That man approached the veteran and said, “What happened to you?”
“I lost them in the war,” the young man replied, referring to his lower legs.
The old man fixed his good eye on the veteran and patted him twice—thump, thump!—on the thigh. “Oh yeah, you lost them?” he grinned. “Well, where did you put them?”
A moment of silence passed. And then another. And then the man’s mother began to laugh.
In a cluttered Koreatown office, Mike Rugnetta and Andrew Kornhaber huddled around an iMac and giggled over an obviously Photoshopped image of Michel Foucault in a baking apron. In the image, Foucault’s head was twice as large as it ought to have been, sitting atop a female body wearing high heels. Beside Foucault was an oven dubbed “history” from which sprung a loaf of bread labeled “truth.” The image was supposed to convey the postmodernist idea that time can “bake” any erroneous idea into historical fact. But mostly Messrs. Rugnetta and Kornhaber were laughing at an old Frenchman’s oversize head on a woman’s body.
Since we last wrote about Castle Braid, the rich hipster/artist condo in Bushwick, the story has turned darker for the trust fund kids. Apparently the righteous rage of the Occupy Bushwick sect has led to not only accusations about Castle Braid’s developers finding loopholes that allow them to avoid paying specific taxes, but are now in fear of being the target of arson and/or the disgusting KNOCKOUT game?
It’s like an early Spike Lee movie up in this joint, at least according to the person/persons/trolls running the @Castlebraid Twitter account, which may or may not be a real thing. (Don’t give your hopes up.)
For a musician, nothing says you’ve made it like playing a sold-out show at Madison Square Garden. Just ask One Direction. Once you’ve made it there, you’re basically living the dream.
Though thanks to the deal Billy Joel signed yesterday to play a concert at the Garden every month until basically the end of his life (or career, whichever comes first), we have to imagine “the dream” has started to resemble a surreal version of Groundhog’s Day.
In Tyler Perry’s morning, Tyler Perry feeds an infant, helps a 4-year-old brush his teeth and savors some gluten-free toast with avocado in a Dumbo office—all while recovering from dental surgery. This may sound like the set-up for a hit film, but in fact it’s just a regular day in the life of Tyler Perry: executive, wife, mother and more.
Yes, this Tyler Perry is a woman. She is not that Tyler Perry, the prolific and ubiquitous entertainer whose latest project, Tyler Perry’s A Madea Christmas, hits theaters next week.
“Believe it or not, I didn’t know who Tyler Perry was before I got married,” said Tyler Perry, 36. “I think it was the first trip we took with my new I.D., and a person at the airport just couldn’t get over it.”
Oh, you don’t like your deer sans antler and with a giant gaping hole in its stomach? Then burn it! Don’t just stuff it into a trash can in Washington Heights! That’s really bumming us out today.
Occupy Wall Street
Update: Looks like the ad is actually part of a viral campaign for Cinemax’s Hunted, whatever the hell that is. Also, it’s been there for a year? You’d think we’d have heard of it by now!
It’s times like this that we really miss Occupy New York. This advertisement for ByzantiumSecurity.com is featured prominently outside Cipriani’s Wall Street, which is about half a block away from the former Zuccotti Park HQ of the organization that brought the “1%-er” terminology to such a forefront in cultural conversations over two years ago.
Bigger photo after the jump.
Love and Transit
Are you one of those types that can’t help chatting to strangers on the subway? Really? Please never sit next to us. The last woman who tried to talk to use on the A train just mocked us for having the sniffles by asking “Do you need a tissue?” She didn’t actually have a tissue, but said “That’s NICE. That’s real nice.” Ugh, the worst, that one.
Still, we can definitely think of someone who’d be more appreciative of your efforts to harangue people you don’t know into taking down your information, and that’s the owner of TrainSpottings.com. She is currently looking for a new employee to spread misinformation as to what that name actually refers.
The New York Post had this amazing article about the new Bushwick luxury lofts (“for artists”), CastleBraid, today. Apparently, some hipsters are mad about other hipsters moving onto their turf. (Since it’s The Post, anyone who is in their twenties and living in Bushwick is considered a hipster…which is exactly right. Way to get one correct, The Post!)
“I never understood that expression— ‘Have your cake and eat it too,’” director Neil LaBute said last week, munching on a jam-covered bagel at French Roast on the Upper West Side. “It doesn’t make any sense. Who wouldn’t want to eat the cake they ordered? Who wants to go through the trouble, or keeps going through the trouble, all the time? Orders a cake and then is like, ‘No, thanks, I can’t have any’?”