Well this has certainly blown out of control: Mike, the Investment Banker (and your fiancee), who has a penchant for writing long anti-love letters to women he barely knows, may have struck again.
In a letter to LuxurySpot, a woman named Danielle claims to have been contacted by Mike in 2006 after offering her place on Craigslist for studio shoots. She turned him down and he repeatedly sent her messages. (Don’t worry, this is before you guys ever met!) Recently, he contacted her again “just to be friends”–perhaps after you rebuffed him after your fateful eye-contact/hair-flipping date–and she threatened to call the police.
So our question to you is: Is this the same Mike, or a copycat creeper? We’ve highlighted what we believe to be the key parts, just so you don’t have to read the whole thing through a veil of tears.
Are you sitting down? Okay, don’t freak out or anything, because we know you are still mad that we posted that investment banker’s very convincing letter about why you should go out with him again–People don’t grow on trees; on a minute-to-minute basis, you guys had the maximum amount of eye contact; if you didn’t find him attractive it would have been irrational for you to go out on a first date, ergo, you are attracted to him, etc.,– but we think you really should know that your other investment banker paramour (you know, the really creepy one) is in The New York Post today because of that time he followed you to London so that he could sexually harass you in a different accent and was also an Israeli spy?
Yeah, we don’t know what you saw in him, either.
We’re sorry…we know this is super embarrassing, but someone on Reddit found the crazy letter from that investment banker you were dating. You know which one…the guy you met at the Philharmonic who started stalking you after Date One because you wouldn’t call him back, so he was forced to Google your name till he found your email? Remember?
The guy who essentially created a spreadsheet detailing how you led him on because you played with your hair during dinner and said “It was nice to meet you” after your first date?
Anyway, we hate to be the ones to tell you, but that letter is all over the Internet now, and we thought you would like to know since you two are keeping the engagement kind of a secret right now.
Looking forward to the wedding,
Update: By the way, you might want to go check on your ex. He’s not doing too well either.