If Gracie Mansion were our friend, we’d lightly slap her face and tell her to snap out of it. “Put down that compact mirror, girl,” we’d chide. “You don’t need botox or permanent eyeliner tattoos. You look great as is. Don’t go changing yourself for some man.” She’d then probably start crying and wailing, “Why, oh, why doesn’t he love me?” at which point we’d start feeling awkward and might hand her a box of Kleenex to shut her up.

Because the thing is, we don’t know why Mayor Michael Bloomberg doesn’t love you, Gracie. We don’t know why he refuses to live inside your beauteous walls (well, maybe we do), but the thing is, changing how you look won’t help. It won’t bring your man home. You’re wasting your time, squandering your money, and becoming a cliché. And yet, we know you won’t listen to us. We know you’ll do it anyways; we know you’ll have your kitchen remodeled.

And whatdoyouknow? We were right. Read More