Chalky White. (HBO)

‘Boardwalk Empire’ Recap 5×3: Jesus Christ, Joe Kennedy

Sometimes Boardwalk Empire reminds me of that girl in school who seems normal and fun and then you go over to her house for a playdate and they have a million crosses and pictures of the crucifixion everywhere and when you go wash your hands you see psalms written in the bathroom mirror in what you hope to be lipstick and you want to call your mom but you don’t know if the house has a phone and the sandwiches taste weird and when you go to play Barbie, your friend is holding a decapitated Ken doll in her lap and wants to play Saint Catherine of Siena versus the Devil and guess which one you are? And you’re like “I think it’s time to go home…” and she’s is all, “Wretch that I am! John the Baptist never sinned and was sanctified in his mother’s womb!” And the doorbell rings and she starts lashing herself with a Nerds Rope, crying “I have committed so many sins…” and you’re like “Jesus at this point I’d watch The Newsroom, just get me out of here.”

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