It certainly didn’t take long for ABC entertainment president Stephen McPherson to fill the void left by Ben Silverman in the “what is he thinking?” department. Case in point: The news earlier this week that ABC is teaming with Friends creator Marta Kauffman for an adaptation of The Time Traveler’s Wife. On the surface, this seems like a good idea, especially in light of the feature film version of Audrey Niffenegger’s novel grossing over $21 million thus far at the box office. The only problem? Apparently everyone at ABC forgot that NBC tried doing their own twist on The Time Traveler’s Wife already, with the similarly themed (and long-canceled) series Journeyman. (In Mr. McPherson’s defense, the novel did come first and, supposedly, The Time Traveler’s Wife has been in the works at the network for a while.) This bit of hilarity comes on the heels of ABC’s latest roster of new shows for the fall, which include a Lost rip-off (Flash Forward), a remake (V), and new comedy series’ like Hank (with Kelsey Grammer) and The Middle (with Patricia Heaton). Looks like someone is out of ideas! But fear not, Mr. McPherson: We’ve come up with four potential new shows to help save your third place network.

Missing

Our pitch: It’s about a group of interconnected “strangers” (played by a United Nations–like group of actors, fronted by James Van Der Beek) on a flight from Australia to Los Angeles that crash-lands on a mysterious island. Expect time travel, red herrings and polar bears.

Steve McPherson’s possible response: “This sounds like Lost, but different! Sold!”

One Day

Our pitch: A special agent (Jason Patric) at a government agency has 24 hours to thwart a terrorist attack against America using any means necessary (read: torture!). As an added bonus, the show will run in “real time.”

Steve McPherson’s possible response: “Why hasn’t anyone else thought of this?”

Stunted Expansion

Our pitch: A single camera comedy revolving around the wacky antics of the Bloom family, a rogue’s gallery featuring an everyman dad, his awkward son, boozing mother, incarcerated father and magician brother, among others. Henry Winkler will do the voice-over narration.

Steve McPherson’s possible response: “We can pair this with The Middle!”

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

Our pitch: From Aaron Sorkin comes a behind-the-scenes look at a late-night sketch comedy show. Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford co-star.

Steve McPherson’s possible response: “This is gonna be the biggest hit EVER!”

Can Michelle Trachtenberg become a series regular?

Our love of Ms. Trachtenberg is no secret—she’s so believably demonic as Georgina Sparks that if we saw her walking down the street, we’d probably cross to the other side. So then consider our outright joy last night when Georgina informed the N.Y.U. admissions office that she would not only be attending the school but also hoped to become Blair Waldorf’s roommate. Perfection! Forget all the other characters—and believe us, sometimes we do—a series about Blair and Georgina living together would be one of the very best on television. Think: The Odd Couple with headbands, backstabbing and Vitamin Water.

Who will play Serena’s Dad?

As the curtain dropped on last night’s episode, Serena was off to Fiji (!) to find her long estranged father. Since Andrew McCarthy played what would wind up being Serena’s grandfather in the Gossip Girl spinoff, we’re wondering what other ’80s icon will take the role of her dad. Here’s hoping James Spader has some free time this summer. …

What shenanigans are planned for Jenny?

While everyone else on the show is going to college, Jenny Humphrey (or Little J, if you’re Gossip Girl) is still in high school. And we can’t wait to see how Josh Schwartz keeps her involved in the show. (Poor Jenny seems totally disconnected from the rest of the characters now.) Considering earlier this season Little J became a 15-year-old fashion designer who tried to emancipate herself from her parents, we’re expecting something along the lines of celebrity chef for season three.

Yesterday, we appreciated the News' decision to commit space on the wood to the ongoing travails of the M.T.A., but counseled them to offer readers results right on the front page. We even suggested that the headline ought to read "$2.25," the price it looked like negotiations would establish as the base fare in the New York City Transit system. Well, maybe the Post was reading! Because, after the fare became official in Albany talks that completed on deadline last night, that's what the newspaper chose for it's biggest-type headline at the bottom of the page. The subhead: "Official: Your new subway fare." There! Couldn't have been simpler.

And, now, for the City's Shame: For the fifth time in a row, the Yankees have lost to the Boston devil. The Post gives us a nice little refer of Joba Chamberlain, who seems to be just completing a telling temple-massage of despair.

New York Daily News: Let's begin at the end: the News puts Joba and the Yankees story in exactly the same place as the Post, on the lower-left in a small box. That seems about right! And their headline is better. The Post had "Yanks fall again to Sox," while the News went with "Yanks drop 5th in row to Sox."

Everybody had this Kiefer Sutherland story late yesterday. Here's the rundown: At a late-night party after the Costume Institute ball at the Met Monday night, Kiefer Sutherland headbutted Proenza Schouler cofounder Jack McCollough after the two had an altercation at downtown celebrity moth-flame Submercer. The story also appears in Page Six this morning, but the News went frontal on it; there are six reporting and writing credits attached to the story inside. It paid off: Among the details delivered in the News story were that the altercation began after Mr. McCollough bumped into Brooke Shields; that the two argued for a while; carries quotes from Mr. McCollough's interview with police in the misdemeanor assault case; blind quotes from Mr. Sutherland's friends; and the news, from Ms. Shields' representatives, that far from appreciating television's Jack Bauers bid for gallantry, she may be speaking to police today to support Mr. McCollough's version of the events. The News decided to pursue this as a celebrity and crime story, broke it out of the gossip columns and gave it some space. The problem is the sale of the story on the wood: "Kiefer head-butts designer." If you don't already know something about the story, it sounds like it might be some kind of metaphor; the smiling picture of Mr. Sutherland confuses things further. This story needed more display to be sold, but there wasn't room for it on the front this morning. Why? Because of this headline: "FINALLY! FARE DEAL DONE: Albany pact derails MTA doomsday hikes, but riders will still pay more." There is a picture of a train, the same picture of a train that everybody has been attaching to these faceless M.T.A. stories for months now. It's a pretty big picture! And once again, the News opts for a processy headline about Albany instead of a consumery, news-you-can-use angle aimed at riders.

General observations: Let's do the small thing first: We've talked before about the differential treatment of bad news about the Yankees on the front pages of the News and the Post; here it's like the Post resisted driving in a final nail, and the Post suffers for it. We're getting a little tired of these giant plays of secondhand news from Vanity Fair on the front page of the Post, too, but that is probably too much a media-insider complaint: The piece will play well, and feels gossipy and relatable. The better story is the Kiefer Sutherland story, for roughly the same market; why didn't the Post hustle on that? Not clear; maybe the story couldn't be broken out of Page Six and therefore had to comply with the strict word-count limits and constricting design of that format. Either way, the story inside the Post didn't belong on the cover. It should have belonged there! And if it had, the Post would likely have done a lot better than the News selling the thing. In fact, with the much better, more compact headline about the M.T.A., the Post gets as much bang out of the news—probably more—than the News did just by devoting acres to it so that it could type out a long headline that missed the point of contact with its readers.

Winner: New York Post.

Tuesday: Life After People
Because we haven’t seen the apocalypse played out on the big screen enough over the past five years, The History Channel brings us Life After People. Based on the successful movie event of the same name, the 10-episode series—which premieres the day before Earth Day—will track what would happen to the planet after our extinction. By the end of the first episode, expect to have an answer to the following question: Where do all those dead bodies go? [The History Channel, 10 p.m.]

Wednesday: Leatherheads
Stasis, thy name is John Krasinski. By all rights, the handsome Guy Next Door should be a huge movie star by now. Instead, he’s been left to look increasingly bored on The Office—as a friend recently said, Jim has become the least interesting character on the entire show—and stumble around in relatively lame studio pictures. Leatherheads is certainly better than his previous attempt at movie stardom, License to Wed, but that isn’t saying a whole lot. Despite many charms, the film ends up feeling too easy for Mr. Krasinski. Perhaps he needs to get out of his comfort zone before he can hit the big time. Growing a beard for Sam Mendes’ summer indie, Away We Go, is a start. [HBO, 7:30 p.m.]

Thursday: Trouble the Water
During his mostly unfunny one-man show, You’re Welcome America: A Final Night with George W. Bush, Will Ferrell–as–Dubya framed the president’s handling of Hurricane Katrina around the American public’s lack of attention span: “It’s great because you can half-ass shit and it doesn’t matter.” We’re coming up on five years since Katrina ravaged New Orleans and at this point the story seems about as newsworthy as bird flu. Trouble the Water, however, puts the disaster back front and center. The outstanding 2008 Academy Award–nominated documentary about the hurricane and its aftermath makes its broadcast television debut here, and we would highly suggest giving it your full support. You can watch that new episode of Grey’s Anatomy over the weekend. [HBO, 8:30 p.m.]

Friday: Never Been Kissed
Why doesn’t Drew Barrymore get more credit? The question needs to be asked after seeing her riveting tragicomic performance in HBO’s Grey Gardens. Ms. Barrymore has been Hollywood royalty since she was a kid, has weathered storms of personal crisis and is still young at 34 … yet it seems like she’s an afterthought when people discuss superstar actresses. Never Been Kissed is vintage Drew, of course, but we love it for the supporting males: Michael Vartan, when he was still famous, as her bland crush; David Arquette, when he was still famous, as her wacky brother; and John C. Reilly, when it was still a novelty to see him slumming in a comedy, as her curmudgeonly boss. [@Max, 12:15 p.m.]

Monday: 24
Remember all that stuff you read about 24 taking it easy on the torture during its seventh season? Well, scratch that. Prolonged exposure to Jack Bauer could turn a nun into a Geneva Conventions violator. Just look at what happened to F.B.I. agent Renee Walker (played by Annie Wersching) during the season premiere: One minute, she's telling Jack to control himself; the next, she's at a hospital cutting off a suspect's oxygen supply in an attempt to get him to spill information. Thus far the new season of 24 seems like a rehash of all the previous ones, but stupider and more outlandish. However, thanks to the aforementioned Ms. Wersching (she'd fit in perfectly on Fringe as a replacement for the wooden Anna Torv), Cherry Jones, Carlos Bernard, Rhys Coiro ("Billy Walsh" from Entourage) and Mary Lynn Rajskub, there are still plenty of reasons to tune in, even if the mechanics of the show have atrophied. [Fox, 9 p.m.]

Tuesday: You Can Count on Me
Kenneth Lonergan's tale of an estranged brother and sister is one of our favorite movies from the last decade—a genuinely touching and simple look at familial strife. Mark Ruffalo and Laura Linney star, and are predictably fantastic. Mr. Ruffalo was compared to a young Marlon Brando in the reviews for this film, and Ms. Linney nabbed herself an Oscar nomination for best actress. You Can Count on Me also features the best performance ever by a Culkin: Macaulay's little brother, Rory, plays Ms. Linney's curious son to impish and adorable perfection. [HDNet, 8 p.m.]

Wednesday: Lost
It's been nearly eight months since we last had new episodes of Lost to obsess over and, frankly, the show can't come back fast enough. But after catching the first 30 minutes of the two-hour season premiere at the Paley Center over the weekend, we're slightly concerned. Put it this way: If you like convoluted discussions about time travel and quantum physics, then this is the show for you! But, if your nose is bleeding from reading that last sentence, then you could be in for a long and arduous haul. [ABC, 9 p.m.]

Thursday: Hard Eight
Paul Thomas Anderson's first film is famous for the behind-the-scenes issues the wunderkind director had with the now-defunct Rysher Studios over the final cut. But beyond that, Hard Eight is an interesting watch simply because of what it points towards. Even if it's one of his lesser works, all of Mr. Anderson's gifts are on display here: the long, gliding shots; the Michael Penn and Jon Brion music; and the cast of repertory P. T. Anderson Players, including John C. Reilly, Phillip Baker Hall, Melora Walters and Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Speaking of the cast, it's amazing to see Samuel L. Jackson in a role that doesn't require him to scream for the rafters. Hard Eight is a reminder that Mr. Jackson actually used to be a good actor. [Showtime Extreme, 2:45 p.m.]

Friday: The Heartbreak Kid
The much-maligned Farrelly Brothers remake of the Neil Simon classic wears thin at times and features one too many grossout jokes (mostly at the expense of a very game Malin Akerman, doing her best Cameron Diaz impression). But at the center of The Heartbreak Kid is one of Ben Stiller's best comedic performances, and a wonderfully charming Michelle Monaghan as the object of his affection. Plus, the brothers end their movie with the best final line of dialogue ("Fuck me") and music cue (David Bowie's "Suffragette City") this side of There Will Be Blood. Yeah, it's that good. [Woman Max, 4:40 p.m.]

Dollhouse has been a cursed endeavor for a while now. The pilot had to be reshot and production was shutdown for two weeks to allow for some script rewrites. According to the producer/director, via his blog: "Basically, the Network and I had different ideas about what the tone of the show would be. They bought something somewhat different than what I was selling them, which is not that uncommon in this business." Uh-oh.

Adding insult to injury, Fox is placing the sputtering Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles on Fridays at 8 p.m. as a lackluster lead-in for Dollhouse. All of this spells predictable doom, which is a shame since the recently released trailer for Dollhouse makes the show look pretty good; a deft mix of Alias, the Bourne movies and James Cameron's Dark Angel series. Needless to say, "Save Dollhouse" fan campaigns are already underway.

As for the rest of the Fox lineup, House fans take note; starting on January 19th your favorite cantankerous doctor is moving to Mondays at 8 p.m. ahead of the seventh season of 24. Fringe will stay put on Tuesdays at 9 p.m. following American Idol, meaning the J.J. Abrams thriller is sure to retain its strong Fall ratings. And the new Tim Roth series Lie to Me, where Mr. Roth plays a "human lie detector" (seriously, who are the execs who green light these shows?), will air on Wednesdays at 9 p.m. in another plush post-American Idol time slot. Set your DVRs accordingly.

Now that the election is finally (finally!) over, we can rest easy knowing that Sarah Palin will return to the backwoods of Alaska never to be heard from again. Ha! As if! The Alaskan governor has come too far and gained too much notoriety to just simply accept running a non-continental state. As Tina Fey so hilarious stated last weekend, Ms. Palin is never going back. But while we aren't sure if the most polarizing figure in the country will ever become the "White Oprah" (don't you have to be even moderately likeable to accomplish that?), Ms. Palin could easily have a ginormously successful television career if she so wanted. That is, at least until 2010 when she starts her presidential campaign in earnest. Here are four shows that would benefit from the addition of the former Vice Presidential candidate.

Saturday Night Live

This is an obvious one. Nearly 17 million viewers watch Sarah Palin's appearance on Saturday Night Live, and if it wasn't for her emergence during the campaign, we have a feeling the most talked about show of the year wouldn't have been talked about at all. Lorne Michaels is reportedly looking for female cast members in an effort to offset the loss of series MVP Amy Poehler. We already know Ms. Palin is good at reading cue cards, so she seems like a natural fit. At the very least, she'd be funnier than Victoria Jackson ever was.

24

Despite being a show made by right-wingers and featuring enough torture to make Dick Cheney blush, 24 has actually been quite bullish on the Republican Party. While they never come out and say it, most of the bureaucratic assholes that Jack Bauer has to deal with on a yearly basis appear to be Republicans. Or maybe we're projecting. Either way, who wouldn't get a kick out of seeing Ms. Palin yell that Jack Bauer has gone "rogue"?

Lost

This could work perfectly! Ms. Palin is an expert hunter and she looks great in a bathing suit. Plus! She already has a Sawyer-esque nickname, though we think in addition to "Caribou Barbie", he'd also call her "Glasses". But best of all, she might be the only person on earth who can rival Benjamin Linus when it comes to passive-aggressive manipulation.

Jurrassic Fight Club

Just kidding, Sarah. We know dinosaurs didn't exist.

So we were sad to read about the continuing disaster that the currently-filming seventh season has become! Off three straight years so bad that we questioned whether to keep DVR'ing the show at all, season seven was already a tenuous proposition in our minds. The WGA Strike caused 24 to be pushed all the way to 2009, and then the producers, in their infinite wisdom, decided to take a page out of the Guiding Light handbook and bring a major character back from the dead (Carlos Bernard's beloved Tony Almeida.) When we read that Jack's annoying daughter Kim (Elisha Cuthbert) would be back in the fold, we rolled our eyes in disgust. This wasn't shaping up well.

Now there's word that the seventh season is going to be delayed two weeks while rewrites are done. On the surface, that's fine. We don't mind it when shows decide to reboot mid-season (the course correction that LOST did during its third season is the stuff of legend.) However, when you're already 18 episodes into a 24-episode season and you decide some major plot points need an overhaul to allow for an acceptable ending, you're in trouble. It seems even the 24 producers understand this show stinks.

Based on all the drama, we just get the feeling that this will be 24's last season. We had thought, maybe foolishly, that it would go out with a mushroom cloud. Now perhaps the best we can hope for is a cougar chase.

It’s only been a week, but the strike has done plenty of damage. Late night TV is kaput. Saturday Night Live, too. (Poor Jonah Hill, of Superbad fame, was slated to host.) But it’s Mondays that may suffer the most. Production of 24 has been delayed, with the possibility that Fox may even hold showing the seventh season until next Fall, in order to make sure it airs uninterrupted. Don’t the networks know that if they postpone 24, the terrorists win? End the strike now. Give the writers whatever they want. Please.

In the meantime, enjoy your last episode of the Big Bang Theory for the foreseeable future. Production has shut down. And tonight’s is the last that they have in the can. Also, Billy Crystal is honored with the Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize for Humor (PBS, 9 PM). Plenty of comedians who you could have sworn were dead will be on hand to celebrate.

TUESDAY

“From John Langley, producer of the groundbreaking Cops”—uh oh—“comes the next big law enforcement reality series”—oh no—“Jail” (MyNetworkTV, 9:00 PM). Where does Mr. Langley come up with these ideas? It’s really just another dagger into the slow-beating heart of Tuesday nights. What else is there other than House (Fox, 9:00 PM)? And don’t say the Dancing With the Stars results show (ABC, 9:00 PM) …

WEDNESDAY

Last weeks’ CMA Awards show was a big score for ABC and the network looks like it’s going to roll in November, with at least a month’s worth of episodes of Pushing Daisies (8:00 PM), Private Practice (9:00 PM) and Big Shots (10:00 PM) in the hopper. The same can’t be said for the Back to You (Fox, 8:00 PM) or ’Til Death (Fox, 8:30 PM), which are sitting right in the middle of the ratings pack. Production was shut down on both sitcoms.

And if you weren’t worried enough about the recent rash of noose and swastika sightings, tune into National Geographic’s American Skinheads (9:00 PM). It’s sure to get you all lathered up.

THURSDAY

Cast members and writers of The Office (NBC, 9:00 PM) have been some of the more vocal and visible strikers in the last week. (The Culture Czar linked to this video they made while on the picket line. Warning: not funny. Potentially damaging if you like the characters of Toby, Ryan or Kelly.) Incidentally, and quite tragically, they only have one new episode left. (NBC plans on airing The Incredibles next week in this time slot.) The network finally gets its act together on Thursday nights and look what happens. Somebody confiscate all of Jeff Zucker’s belts and shoelaces.

FRIDAY

Deal or No Deal (NBC, 8:00 PM) has three teams competing for $100 million—yowza!—to commemorate 100 years of the Hershey Kiss. The odds of these people winning the jackpot are about the same as having Howie Mandel’s sense of humor reappear.

• Fox Benches 24 Rather than Running Partial Season (B & C)
• ABC to Air Partial Season of Lost (B & C)