The show was nowhere near as racy and edgy as the posters might lead a person to believe.

It looks like 666 Park Avenue learned the hard way that the only thing harder to find than a sprawling rent-controlled apartment was renewal for another 13 episodes.

The supernatural evening soap opera, which was shameless when it came to the inaccurate portrayal of  Manhattan real estate, has been evicted from ABC's Sunday night lineup for a lackluster performance, according to Variety.

There's nothing scarier than failing to attract viewers.

Did viewers simply become fed up with having to pretend the Ansonia was on the Upper East Side? Were they angry that we never got to see that dramatic spiral stair featured so prominently in the ads (a spiral staircase that the real Ansonia actually has)?

Did they, like us, spend their time thinking that whatever miseries were visited upon poor Jane they couldn't possibly be that bad. After all, she had a free Park Avenue apartment. We would watch her shiver and beg to leave and we'd feel nothing so much as disgust. Let her try a dingy studio in Washington Heights that costs half her income.

No, probably the cancellation had more to do with the erratic plot, the wooden acting, the lack of any sympathetic characters and for those who care about these kinds of things, the incoherence of the "evil" plaguing the building. Even The Shining's Overlook Hotel, whose bag of tricks was all over the place, made more sense than the Drake's evil. Maybe part of the problem was that the show spent half its time having the evil owners play fairy godparents to the two leads. Fancy dinners, diamond rings, designer dresses, job opportunities, all on top of that mouth-watering apartment.

Moreover, Jane and Henry were dull as dirt, their characters undeveloped. All they talked about was what a great opportunity for Henry this all was, how much the evil landlords had done for them, how much they loved one another and whether or not they should move back to Ohio. Jane, despite poking into all the odd corners of the building for us, was oddly complacent and complaint.

But now we're betraying the fact that we've actually been watching. It was kind of addictive. For those wondering what will become of the evil box or Jane's family secrets, ABC will screen the remainder of the first 13-episode order.

kvelsey@observer.com

We can't wait for the bed bug episode.

Recently, we've started watching 666 Park, mostly because we like to fantasize that we live rent free in a spacious two-bedroom on Park Avenue. Also, once in a while, when we're feeling lazy, we like to fantasize that a hard day of work would involve a little light reading at the library, mulling for 30 minutes or so over some blueprints, visiting the basement 10 to 15 times for no real reason whatsoever and a leisurely lunch at a very expensive restaurant.

But when we cut away for the umpteenth time to the exterior of the Ansonia, it's just too hard to ignore the fact that it would take an act of god (or the devil) to relocate the Ansonia to the Upper East Side and our thoughts return, as they always do, to real estate. Some of the real estate-related thoughts we had on viewing the most recent episode:

An extra room in the basement!? That’s amazing. What a dream come true. I wonder how much that would rent for.

How does an up-and-coming journalist afford to live in the building? They don't even bother to stick in an obligatory reference to her grandmother's rent control. I mean, that's just bad writing. I could suspend my disbelief for the playwright and the photographer, but this is too much.

Now that I think of it, everyone who rents in the building appears to be middle class. How do they get these apartments before they sell their souls?

Someone wants to break their lease in the building? That's even more unbelievable than a Beaux Arts building constructed in the 1920s.

I thought you got seven years between the time you sold your soul and the devil came to claim it. The journalist didn’t even get a night off work. What the hell? Writers are always signing terrible contracts.

I'll admit, the little girl ghost is creepy, but not the worst I've ever seen. (That honor goes to The Ring.) Plus, it's an old building. What old building doesn’t have creaks, drafts, a few child ghosts?

Please tell me we're not going to go back to the basement again. I wish we spent more time in the penthouse. I mean, we don't even know if it's a floor-through or a duplex. And the owner may be the Devil, so it could be a floor-through triplex for all we know!

kvelsey@observer.com