Disclaimer: All quotes from Thom Yorke were spoken in a British accent. We advise the use of your imagination.

• Alec Baldwin asks listeners: “What’s in your wallet?” (A whopping $2, Al, what’s in yours?)
• Radiohead “thumbs its nose” in stuff. (What does that mean?)
• Thom Yorke has a new band, Atoms for Peace, but he doesn’t like to do press. (Oh. Oops)
• He emailed some friends, like Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, to get the project going. (#Casual)
• Mr. Yorke has a troubled relationship with his guitar. (At least he’s doing better than Lindsay Lohan)
• Mr. Baldwin throws some stones at the Stones and the Yankees simultaneously; both birds are killed. (“[The Rolling Stones have] changed partners over the years like they were the New York Yankees, you know, there’s somebody else playing third base every four or five years.”
• Mr. Baldwin fondly recalls the knowledge imparted to him by Paul McCartney: “Even the Beatles got tired of being the Beatles!” (First world problems are always exhausting)
• Radiohead songs bring Al closer to spirituality. There’s a “vibe.” (*Crickets*)
• Mr. Baldwin: “The studio is a whole different animal.” (Like, a spirit animal?)
• Mr. Yorke, on his not-so musical family members: “My great-grandmother she’s get really hammered and then stay up playing her pump-organ thing downstairs, all night. And keep the family up. That’s it.” (Kid [A] got it from his Grandma.)
• Mr. Yorke started his first band at the ripe age of 11, but they broke up due to creative differences: “That sort of fell to bits; I kept fighting with the drummer.” (Over what? Legos?)
  • Mr. Yorke then describes how, at 16, he put Radiohead together and made it a thing. (Pull Quotes:)
    • “I got Ed cause he was dressed like Morrissey and he had some cool socks.”
    • “I got Colin because I knew he could play very well, and I needed a bass player who could play very well, but he had never played bass before.”
    • “[Colin’s] his brother Jonny was this mythical, musical prodigy.”
    • “Phil was the only drummer we knew anyway—and he had a house down the road that we could rehearse in.”
    • (Voila)

Then Thom Yorke says something about “bollocks,” which are like balls, but more British.

Timberlake on Saturday Night Live with Steve Martin, Chevy Chase and Martin Short. (NBC

We knew this weekend's Saturday Night Live would be good--Justin Timberlake being to the variety show what fruit and sprinkles are to plain frozen yogurt ... just something that you know will make the whole supposed treat actually delicious--but did we know it was going to be history-making? Probably not. From Lorne Michaels lifting the Chevy Chase ban to the Jay-Z duet, the return of Stefon, Andy Samberg AND the classic Festrunk brothers, Mr. Timberlake proved once again he's the consummate entertainer: a song-and-dance man who also can also land a punchline.

Which is more than we can say for the majority of guest hosts this year. Below, the five best moments from this weekend's show, along with our favorites.

1. "Five Timers Club"
Can we be real for a second? The moment the concept of the opening monologue was made clear, we knew that Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin would be popping up, since they are constantly competing for the record of "Most SNL appearances ever." Paul Simon, also not surprising. (He always pops in for the opener.) Martin Short and Dan Aykroyd were both unexpected, but not really anything to tweet about. Candice Bergen was totally out of left field, but it was Chevy Chase--who hasn't shown up on SNL since he was banned for verbal abuse in 2007, and hasn't been in the good graces of the program that launched his career ever since he punched Bill Murray in the face during his first alumni appearance 30-plus years ago--who really made this work. Why can't he hang up the phone??

"Wait are you guys friends or not?"
"Exactly."
--Pretty much sums up Chevy Chase's relationship with everyone.

2. "Suit and Tie"
From his forthcoming album, including a special appearance from his best friend/tour partner Jay-Z. Now THAT is how you do a live performance, people.

Also the fact that Timberlake covertly dissed Jay's protégé Kanye West with his zinger, "My hits so sick got rappers acting so dramatic"? BOLD MOVE.

3. "It's a Date"
The Dick in a Box duo AND "two wild and crazy guys" on one game show? The biggest surprise here was how well Bobby Moynihan was able to hold his own as the straight man/losing bachelor.

"Girls can't get pregnant in the summertime/It's a known fact, and that's that/Ladies can't get pregnant in the summertime/So throw away that jimmy hat girl/SCIENCE!"

4. "Weekend Update"
WE HAVE MISSED YOU, STEFON!

"New York's hottest club is Your Mother and I Are Separating ... This place has everything: a shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch, a sensible dinner, those shoes that nurses wear ... and you can dance the night away to the sounds of Donald Duck waking up from a Vietnam nightmare."

5. "Moët & Chandon"
Loved seeing the return of Brookie and her friend, the two wannabe late-night infomercial hosts of classy products, whose biggest claim to fame is that they "aren't porn stars anymore." The original sketch "Swarovski Crystals," was probably the funniest part of that whole Jamie Foxx episode.

"One time I did a weird shoot in Mexico. Two of the girls disappeared, but I'm alive. Thanks champagne!"
"One time I got banged into a sinkhole, but a mole person banged me back up. I'll drink to that!"

Matthew VanBesien

“We’re pedaling as fast as we can,” the New York Philharmonic’s still-newish executive director Matthew VanBesien told the Transom with a laugh, when asked how things had been going since he took over from Zarin Mehta last summer. “There’s a lot to do.”

It was a brutally cold January morning, and Mr. VanBesien and his orchestra colleagues—including radio host, board member and donor Alec Baldwin—were on hand for the Philharmonic’s announcement of its 2013-14 season at WQXR’s Jerome L. Greene Performance Space. His cycling metaphor might well have been replaced with the luge—or even the Nordic combined.

Perusing a list of planned soloists that included five violinists, three cellists and classical comedy sketch duo Igudesman & Joo, we formulated a complaint, or, rather, an observation. The viola, that oft-neglected and ridiculed member of the string family, had been left off entirely.

Mr. VanBesien laughed and gave a shout-out to the Philharmonic’s viola section and its principal, Cynthia Phelps. Then he pedaled right away.

As the space filled up, Mr. Baldwin shuffled through some papers. Meanwhile, across the room, the Transom spotted Charles Hamlen, the vice president for artists and programs at the Orchestra of St. Luke’s.

Asked about cellist Alisa Weilerstein’s scheduled Nov. 1, 2012, appearance with the OSL, which was canceled in the wake of Superstorm Sandy, Mr. Hamlen, former chairman of IMG Artists, explained that it had been rescheduled with cellist Steven Isserlis for June 1. He went on to note of Ms. Weilerstein, “I knew her parents before they knew each other.”

The Philharmonic’s chairman, Gary Parr—a deputy chairman at financial advisory and asset management firm Lazard Frères—then kicked the event off with a nod to one group that was conspicuously absent: the orchestra’s musicians.

“They are the New York Philharmonic, and they are so extraordinary, so exceptional,” he gushed. “They are, of course, at Avery Fisher Hall at this moment, rehearsing. As they should be.”

“We have some moments where we’re just going to have fun this year,” Mr. VanBesien promised. “And I think that’s a really good and healthy thing.”

This season will be music director Alan Gilbert’s fifth with the orchestra. Messrs. Gilbert and VanBesien were joined by artistic administrator Ed Yim, and there was quite a lot of talk of collaboration.

“Part of what the three of us do is keep a very open radar to what’s going on around us and what people whom we respect are interested in, and kind of take those ideas and try to work with them and make them a part of who we are,” Mr. Yim offered.

Highlights of the season will include artist-in-residence Yefim Bronfman’s performance of the complete cycle of Beethoven’s piano concertos. Mr. Bronfman wasn’t there; he was off in Dallas, likely in warmer weather, preparing to play Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 24 with the Dallas Symphony Orchestra as part of its Mozart Festival.

Also on tap, and perhaps the biggest news garnered from venturing out in the cold, is the New York Philharmonic’s Inaugural Biennial—which will run from May 29 through June 7, 2014. Mr. Hamlen told the Transom that OSL is one of the Philharmonic’s partners for the biennial, which, he said, they’re “very excited about.”

Hugh Jackman (Getty Images)

Lifetime achievement awards usually go to those who are, well, fairly far along in a lengthy lifetime of achievements. Not that he hasn’t done a lot in his career, but should we be worried about Hugh Jackman’s health? The star of the Les Miserables movie—coming this month, so bulk-order your Kleenex now—joins the ranks of past awardees Clint Eastwood, Robert De Niro, and Sidney Poitier as this year’s honoree at the Museum of the Moving Image Salute. The party’s at Cipriani, where stars like Rachel Weisz, Anne Hathaway and Alec Baldwin will present a tribute to the Aussie stud. The star of stage and screen got a similar toast at the Tonys this year—by now, he’s perfected his graciously self-deprecating speech.

Museum of the Moving Image Salute to Hugh Jackman, Cipriani Wall Street, 55 Wall Street, call 212-245-6570 for tickets and information.

Stephen Baldwin

Stephen Baldwin was arrested on Thursday for alleged repeated failures to file his New York state personal income tax. Mr. Baldwin, an actor, conservative Christian and younger brother to 30 Rock star Alec Baldwin, allegedly failed to file taxes for three years--2008 through 2010--and he may owe the state over $350,000.

CBS New York quoted a statement from Rockland County, N.Y., D.A. Thomas Zugibe, who said Mr. Baldwin's "repetitive failure to file returns and pay taxes over a period of several years" was just another element contributing to "the sweeping cutbacks and closures in local government and schools."

The actor, well-known for both his family name and his role in The Usual Suspects, is an outspoken conservative. Mr. Baldwin has appeared on Fox News as a political commentator. He once famously claimed in an interview with Fox that he'd "leave the country" if Barack Obama became president.

Mr. Baldwin has also had previous brushes with the law, most recently in August, 2012, when he was arrested in Harlem for driving with a suspended license.

If he is found guilty of evading taxes, Mr. Baldwin could go to prison for four years.

Alec Baldwin

Alec Baldwin's 30 Rock character, Jack Donaghy, was revealed in a 2010 episode to have recorded every word of the English language onto a university linguistics department website in order to preserve American diction for future generations.

And, though he hasn't yet been named a General Electric executive, Mr. Baldwin's putting the show's surrealist plots into action.

The actor recorded an online audio version of author John de Cuevas's self-published book Eye Rhymes alongside fellow plummy speaker Blythe Danner; the purpose of the book is to document a series of words that look like rhymes but are not actually (and vice versa). In very clear diction, Mr. Baldwin reads, "Do come here. / Don't go there. / As you were. / Mind your pére."

Why would he bother? Well, once Mr. Baldwin's Hamptons summers end, things presumably slow down a bit. And it was a chance to meet up with a fellow NBC sitcom star of notoriously crisp vocal patterns (Ms. Danner played Will's patrician mom on Will & Grace, though her ability to read words aloud well was never actually the point of a plotline.)

Susan Benedetto and Tony Bennett. (Eugene Mim/Patrick McMullan)

Tony Bennett’s wasn’t the only gala dinner in Manhattan last Thursday, but that’s where Shindigger was, arriving at Cipriani 42nd Street for cocktail hour, just in time to catch a glimpse of Alec Baldwin. “Oh my God, he’s lost so much weight—I didn’t even recognize him!” we heard one guest whisper to another, eyeing the star who would kick off 30 Rock’s final season later that night. Mr. Baldwin’s wife, Hilaria Thomas, flaunted her Hebrew for the night’s honoree, entertainment lawyer Allen Grubman, before the couple headed off to the Norman Mailer Center benefit at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel.

Mr. Bennett, whose nonprofit Exploring the Arts operates in New York public schools, apparently lacked Ms. Thomas’s linguistic talent. Or so we learned when we asked the 86-year-old crooner, whose third Duets album pairs him with the likes of Marc Anthony and Gloria Estefan, about his Spanish. “No habla Español,” answered his 46-year-old wife, co-host and translator, Susan Benedetto. We changed the subject to Mr. Bennett’s next album, a recently announced full-length collaboration with Lady Gaga. “I know that she’s one of the great singers of all time, but people don’t know that,” Mr. Bennett explained. “They just see another, you know, big new star coming up, but she is one hell of a singer. She can improvise as great as Ella Fitzgerald.”

We stopped at the bar to take in the student artwork, alongside photographs of Mr. Bennett (himself a talented painter) with young dancers and musicians. A disembodied voice urged us to our table, where pink paintbrushes matched the flower arrangement. 

We watched Sting, unannounced, dedicate “Fields of Gold” to Mr. Grubman and his wife, Corcoran broker Deborah. “Allen Grubman and I have had a long relationship, over three decades,” the man born Gordon Sumner recalled. “A very mutually fruitful relationship. I once had a meeting with him, though, and I said, ‘Allen, explain this to me. You seem to be taking 20 percent of my money.’ He said, ‘Sting, let me sit you down. Look at it this way.’ I said, ‘How?’ He said, ‘You’re taking 80 percent of my money.’”

Sting continued with “Every Breath You Take,” drawing out a last “I’ll be waaaaatching you” to cheers and a standing ovation from table 27, before the Police bassist—who recorded the “The Boulevard of Broken Dreams” for Mr. Bennett’s first Duets album—split to the Children’s Health Fund benefit at Radio City.

With all these duets, we wondered why Mr. Bennett had left out the vocalist behind 1968’s It’s Time for Regis! We posed the question to Regis Philbin.

“’Cause I’m not that good, believe me!” replied the former talk show host.

We objected.

“Have you heard me sing? When did I sing? Come on, let’s hear it!”

Only a year ago, we reminded him, he and Mr. Bennett performed “The Best Is Yet to Come” on Live! With Regis and Kelly.

“You’re right. And that came out okay!

“I love you,” he announced, giving our right hand a squeeze.

Mistress of ceremonies Katie Couric had similar ideas. “Regis, I’m very sorry, Regis, but you didn’t make the cut. Has Tony talked to you about that?” Hey, that was our joke!

After the dessert plates were cleared, Barbara Walters introduced the Grubmans.

“I represent some of the greatest rock stars in the world,” said Mr. Grubman. “I’ve had two idols my entire life—singers: Tony, and of course Frank Sinatra,” who gave his name to the high school Mr. Bennett founded in his hometown of Astoria.

The evening’s host took the stage with his four-piece band. “Because of You” led into a triumphant “Maybe This Time” that brought the whole crowd to its feet. Earlier, we had asked Nancy Pelosi, who had flown overnight from Denver’s debate to a fund-raising lunch on the Upper East Side, what she wanted to hear Mr. Bennett sing. “Oh my gosh, I don’t know!” the House minority leader had answered. “San Francisco, inching toward the World Series, everyone wants him to sing ‘I Left My Heart in San Francisco,’ but he’s not gonna sing that.” We hoped she was listening as Mr. Bennett launched into that tune—although we pity her beloved Giants, down two games to the Cincinatti Reds at press time.

Mr. Bennett introduced his next song: “George and Ira Gershwin wrote a song in 1934 that I consider the most contemporary song you could sing today.” His meaning became clear a few bars into “Who Cares,” as he dramatically covered his eyes when he got to the line “Let a million firms go under.” “There’s nothing like this right here,” the singer announced, and, hearing his unamplified voice fill the former Bowery Savings Bank with “Fly Me to the Moon,” we were inclined to agree.

jwolf@observer.com

A veteran press agent assesses the week in ballyhoo.

FAKE FEUD:  Desperate for attention after ratings for last year’s duo of big butt (JLo) and big lips (Steven Tyler) began dropping faster than Justin Bieber’s voice, American Idol took a page from the WWE playbook and decided  to stage what appeared to be a catfight between new judges Mariah Carey and Nicky Minaj. TMZ just happened to be on the scene when pink fright-wigged Ms. Minaj raised a loud ruckus, shouting, “If I had a gun, I would shoot the bitch.” Ms. Carey whimpered on The View the next day that she was hiring “extra security”—hopefully smarter than the protection she had in Don’t Mess With The Zohan. The most rattled anybody gets in the TMZ video is Keith Urban holding up his hands for a few seconds (“It wasn’t me, boss!”), and rolling his chair back slightly. The media are always hungry for a nice juicy cut of beef, and the battle made the front page of the Daily News, along with numerous other venues. We may not be able to recall the champion of last season’s Idol—the finale was down 32 percent in viewership—but the show’s PR team deserves a round of applause.
Flackery Index: 5.

I’M OUTTA HERE: You can blame two of the Baldwin Bros for inspiring JetBlue’s new “Election Protection” promotion. The airline is giving away 1,006 round-trip tickets to any one of their 21 international destinations to registered voters on their site if the presidential candidate of their choice is not elected on November 6. Who can forget Alec in 2004, declaring that he would bolt for Canada if George W. Bush were re-elected? We’ve seen him a few times on 30 Rock since then. Not to be outdone in pining for foreign citizenship, Alec’s brother Stephen, star of Bio-Dome, threatened to ditch the states if Barack Obama were elected in 2008. For all we know he followed through on the threat; the guy has scarcely been heard of since. So what about JetBlue? Jumping on the Presidential campaign extremist bandwagon may have paid off handsomely in press coverage, but we’d trade all those round-trip tickets for three one-way tickets for the Kardashian sisters.
Flackery Index: 2

JAMES BOND TAKES A LEAK: How do you tell if a song has been really “leaked” by pirates on the Internet or not? Go right to the PR department of the label—if they are as angry as a beehive, then odds are it was pirate booty. So it was interesting when Adele’s theme song for the new James Bond movie “leaked” last week, that the Columbia Records PR department went dead silent about the incident—and more interesting still when the song’s producer and co-writer Paul Epworth practically endorsed the thievery on Twitter: “I hear a short excerpt of "Skyfall" leaked … I can't wait for everyone to hear the whole thing because Adele's performance is jaw dropping.” Remember, conspiracy theorists, nothing’s an accident!
Flackery Index: 2.

SCHICK AND THE ’STACHE: Do the math on this one—in one of the few reasons to show up at Citi Field last month, legendary Mets first baseman Keith Hernandez got his famous mustache shaved off by a barber outside the stadium before a game. Schick jumped in to donate $10,000 to the Jacquelyn Hernandez Adult Day Health Center in honor of his mother, who suffered from Alzheimer’s. So when the barber whipped out his blade in front of reporters, TV cameras, bloggers, and fans, the organizers made sure Keith had a nice big Schick Turbo logo sewn on his bib right where everyone could see it. With all that massive coverage, Schick got at least $500 worth of advertising time per whisker, a veritable bargain for a $10,000 donation!
Flackery Index: 3.

Drew Kerr, a longtime practitioner of the dark arts of public relations, is the founder and president of Four Corners Communications. You can follow him on Twitter at @drewkerr.

Surprisingly, Snoop Dogg did not come in last place. (Zynga.com)

And in a shocking upset, Edward Norton beat out Kristen Bell, Sophia Bush, Jonah Hill and Eva Longoria in Zynga's first-ever celebrity competition of Words with Friends, a game that we had all previously assumed Alec Baldwin was the hands-down champion of. As it turned out, Mr. Baldwin didn't even enter the ring, basically throwing the fight to the Fight Club actor, who won $132,500 for his charity, Maasai Wilderness Conservation Trust.

Mr. Norton did give a shout-out to the WWF master in his acceptance speech:

I'm happy to have won because it will have a huge impact for the work on Maasai Wilderness, which is an effort I'm very involved with and passionate about. This was a lot easier and more fun than asking friends to write checks to support our effort, so I'm grateful to Zynga for their generosity and for turning games into real impact and positive contribution. Next year I want Alec Baldwin in the roster. I want to beat the best. Anybody who would get thrown off a flight for refusing to stop playing WWF is somebody I need to play.

Of course, no man is an island, and Mr. Norton and the other contestants were helped out by players at home, among whom a winner will be announced today. Here are the final standings:

1. First Place – $132,500

Edward Norton, Maasai Wilderness Conservation Trust

2. Second Place – $57,500

Sophia Bush, Maasai Wilderness Conservation Trust

3. Third Place – $20,000

Kristen Bell, Harlem Grown

4. Fourth Place – $20,000

Eva Longoria, The Eva Longoria Foundation

5. Fifth Place – $5,000

John Legend, The Show Me Campaign

6. Sixth Place – $5,000

Snoop Lion, The Snoop Youth Football League

7. Seventh Place – $5,000

Jonah Hill, Harlem Grown

8. Eighth Place – $5,000

Paul Pierce, Truth On Health – The Truth Fund

We kind of love that there are two people below Snoop Dogg on this list. Either he must have phoned a friend, or Jonah Hill is illiterate.

- Rob Lowe, Stephen Colbert, and the cast of Modern Family will be filling in for Robin Roberts on Good Morning America this week while the ABC host undergoes a bone marrow transplant. Hey, we'd take a soggy piece of bread over last week's substitute, Jessica Simpson.

- Would you like to go bowling with Paul Rudd, Rashida Jones, Denis O'Hare, John Oliver, and not one but two stars of a Law&Order franchise? Of course you do. We don't even need to mention that the whole thing's for charity. You were already sold.

- Candace Bushnell keeps having to resettle the same old lawsuit with former manager (and alleged Stanford inspiration) Clifford Streit. She keeps giving him money for his part in helping her get Sex and the City on HBO, and he keeps telling her its not enough. She should just stop and ask herself, WWCBD?

-Alec Baldwin's dream Portlandia role: "A meat salesman with all kinds of charts and graphs of the loins and the sections of the pig and the cow and the organs." Just no pig, please...we're keeping kosher this week.