Okay, so you're Citigroup:

And you hit upon an idea. There's a certain equity-derivatives salesperson around town who might be available. It's not just that she used to be a Ford Model (American Eagle, Abercrombie & Fitch and Nordstrom, thank you very much), or that she was a contestant on the fifth cycle of America's Next Top Model (Business Insider remembers our heroine, who later "helped create a lesbian blog called OutNYLez," for kissing fellow contestant Sarah Rhoades in a limo).

Her whole résumé screams that this is someone that your clients will want to know: Goldman Sachs internship, check. Forthcoming book on our collective social media obsession, check. MTV host? HuffPo blogger? SAT tutor? All of that.

Per Bloomberg:

Citigroup Inc. (C), the third-biggest U.S. bank by assets, hired former “America’s Next Top Model” contestant and MTV anchor Kimberley Stolz for a job in equity- derivative sales, said two people familiar with the matter.

Stolz, 29, left brokerage BTIG LLC to join Citigroup, according to the people, who requested anonymity because the move isn’t public. Stolz will be a vice president and report to David Silber, head of flow equity-derivative sales, the people said. Simon Yates oversees global equity derivatives.

Chief Executive Officer Vikram Pandit, 55, is seeking to halt a slump in the equities business after revenue tumbled more than 40 percent in the 12 months ended June 30 from the previous year. The bank overhauled the unit in March and has since lured equity-derivatives executives from competitors including Citadel LLC, Jefferies Group Inc. (JEF) and Deutsche Bank AG.

“Our business is past the problems of the second half of last year and we continue to execute well,” Chief Financial Officer John Gerspach, 59, told analysts last month. “Low levels of client activity remain a substantial challenge and that will likely continue into the third quarter.”

Good hire.

Bryanboy, pre-'Top Model' fame (Patrick McMullan)

Yesterday, the New York Observer was spending the day hanging out in a high school in Newburgh, New York, as we are sometimes wont to do. Actually, we were watching People's Revolution maven Kelly Cutrone give ten high school seniors their dream gowns and accessories in a collaboration with Nine West called "Prom Crashers."

In between takes (for this was to be a web series special, and you know what they say: there's no such thing as a free prom, because tickets are $65 and due in homeroom by next Monday), Ms. Cutrone spilled some gossip about the upcoming cycle of America's Next Top Model.

First of all, screw all that "no contract" noise, because BryanBoy (Bryan Grey-Yambao) is definitely going to be on the show, Ms. Cutrone told The Observer.

"He's great," Ms. Cutrone gushed about her new co-star, who has come to fill the gap left by J. Alexander, Jay Manuel and Nigel Barker's departure. "He cares so much about the contestants, he cries whenever someone is booted off."

She quickly corrected herself. "He's not sobbing or anything. It's not like he spends the whole show crying. He just tears up when they have to go."

Sniffles or no, we're still waiting to hear in what capacity Tyra Banks will be using the fashion blogger. We're guessing he'll be a judge for the season, while the other two new faces—model Rob Evans and celebrity stylist Johnny Wujek—will function more in the mentor/adviser capacity to the latest crop of hormonal waifs.

Ms. Cutrone

Tyra's got a new sidekick.

Kelly Cutrone will take over as the newest judge on The CW's America's Next Top Model, taking the place of André Leon Talley, the former Vogue editor-at-large.

The Observer received confirmation during a chat with the People's Revolution head honcho herself.

"I'm really excited," Ms. Cutrone told The Observer via speakerphone from her apartment. "I'll be in contact with the audience that I had from MTV. A lot of those young women who watch The Hills and The City also watch America's Next Top Model.  I think it's gonna be be fun."

The offer was a last-minute deal, she told The Observer, that left her without any time to meet with producers for discussion. ANTM will be her first priority, of course, but Ms. Cutrone will still be a featured guest on Dr. Phil. Also, we hear that her new project--a teens in the 'burbs show called Normal Gets You Nowhere--has been greenlit by MTV. Plus, she's got her fashion line, Electric Love Army, that's backed by Christopher Burch. And all the New York events she throws! Kelly, you've got a busy few months ahead of you.

Ms. Cutrone is no stranger to the small screen. The public relations queen first appeared on The Hills, as Lauren Conrad's boss, and carried that role over to MTV spinoff The City. Most recently, she starred in and produced Bravo's Kell On Earth, which focused on the inner workings of People's Revolution.

And will Lauren Conrad's boss be best buds with Tyra Banks?

"I haven't seen Tyra in a long time but she's incredible," Ms. Cutrone said. "She's made an amazing name for herself."

The seventeenth cycle of America's Next Top Model is currently on air.

"André," Ms. Banks said, clutching the microphone with two hands, "was the begininning of taking America's Next Top Model to high fashion."

Mr. Talley, in a black leather trenchcoat, nodded.

"Andre and Miss J were the first people I went to, 8 years ago," Ms. Banks went on. "And André was, like, 'What is this reality show thing! Ahhhh!"

"Ahhhh!" Mr. Talley joined in, and burst into laughter. As the reel for the new season ran he kept on laughing — well, he mostly laughed when his face appeared onscreen, usually behind the judges' booth.

After the presentation, the two of them sat down at our table and began to discuss how the partnership with Italian Vogue and its editor, Franca Sozzani, would take the show to a new level. 

"Tyra had brokered this extraordinary relationship with Franca—having been in Franca's legendary, fabulous, collector's-item issue that was all about black models," Mr. Talley said.

Mr. Talley reached for a strawberry from the rich spread of fruit and popped it in his mouth.

"She wanted to do something deeper with me," Ms. Banks said of Ms. Sozzani. "She really wanted to take Vogue Italia to the American audience. She felt that we had a strong connection to the American audience."

The conversation segued to a debate regarding the problem with pushing very young children — those who are 13 or 14 years old — toward modeling, and soon Ms. Banks was talking about the fictional book series she's been working on, Model Land. It will be about four less-than-perfect-looking girls who infiltrate a school governed by body image, she explained.

There was a brief discussion of Lady Gaga's Terry Richardson-shot cover for Vogue Homme Japan. "She posed with meat? Raw meat?" Mr. Talley exclaimed. Then a bell rang, and the duo left for the next table.

After bacon, eggs, blueberry streusel muffins and sticky buns were all served, Mr. Talley and Ms. Banks again took to the microphones at the front, this time to answer random questions drawn from a box. One question prompted Ms. Banks to list her worst fears, which happened to be "Birds, cats, fish, whales and dolphins," she said.

Another asked for advice on posing for cameras, which led to a discussion about the red carpet. "I hate the red carpet," Ms. Banks said. "Like, I haaaate it—"

"I hate it too," Mr. Talley said.

"I don't like the red carpet because with a model background — well, I'm not modeling anymore, I'm retired — there's one photographer and you know where that one photographer is and you can find whatever angle is right because of that photographer," Ms. Banks said. But on the red carpet, "there's like a hundred of them. And so it's like, 'ugly shot, ugly shot, ugly shot, pretty. Ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly—pretty.'"

Then, to answer the question "What is the best angle for a flattering picture face-wise," Ms. Banks shared her own personal trick.

"You have to do the turtle. So everyone do it together." She stuck her head out slightly. "Do the turtle, and then raise it a little higher, push it out, and it's gonna look crazy from the side, but from the front, girl, you're gonna look so fine."

By then everyone in the room was doing the turtle. 

"And then we're all gonna take a picture, one by one, me and Andre. We're gonna do a smize, and I'll teach you guys how to smize."

To smize, as fans of Ms. Banks know, means to smile with your eyes. 

Has Anna seen the show now that you're on it?
Oh no, Anna doesn't look at television. Maybe tennis. Just tennis.

She's not a fan of reality TV?
Well, we haven't discussed it, but I don't think she's a television-watcher. I've been to her home many times and I've never seen her watch the TV.

Does she own one?
I ... I don't know! I never even realized! I don't recall her having a TV! There's certainly no TV in her living room. I think there may be a TV in her guest room.

To be fair, Wintour's statement was "I look forward to watching him on the program," which does not exactly scream "regular viewing habits."

This world demands a new vocabulary, for example:

Clothes aside, Talley took his responsibilities — to evaluate contestants and make good TV — “very seriously,” he said. He devised a catchphrase of sorts — “dreckitude,” a melding of dreck, one of his “favorite” words, and “quackitude,” a term he’d heard on Rachel Maddow use on her show. “‘Dreckitude’ was whipped out when I thought the challenge was not met or if [the contestants] showed up in perhaps an outfit that I just couldn’t wrap my mind around,” he explained.

But Talley will maintain the level of luxury and style to which he is accustomed. His wardrobe for the show consists of "13 custom-made Chado Ralph Rucci cloaks, varying only in color or fabric" and "based on 17th-century Edo samurai tunic-coats."

Naturally, WWD wants to know whether this season's winner could appear in Vogue. Talley replied, "I say yes — in my opinion, she has the potential. But that’s not my decision, that’s Ms. Wintour’s."

Contacted for comment on the ANTM escapade, Anna Wintour said this through a spokesman:

“André is always onto new things on television, and I think his latest adventure sounds like a lot of fun and I look forward to watching him on the program.”

Apparently not. The book, which isn't due on shelves until May 12, apparently advances the story of Mr. Rodriguez's steroid use beyond his time with the Rangers—both as a teenager trying to make the grade and, more recently, during his tenure with the Yankees. Decency apparently forbids the News from using certain words, so the book's revelation that fellow Yankees referred to him as "B---- T---," for those who can't guess, is actually spelled out in the book as Bitch Tits, and refers to the condition of gynecomastia, or rounding of the male chest, that is a side effect of steroid use. Of course, none of the reporting in this piece comes from the News except for having obtained and read a copy of the book: Everything else simply repeats the reporting found there. But the book isn't out yet, and so it's a very, very clean break for the News. "A-ROD BOOK BOMBSHELL," reads the main headline. And then: "Slugger may have taken HGH while playing for the Yankees," and, "Hints he took steroids as early as high school days." The paper actually fills a lot of space with that text and gives us a nice close-up of A-Rod's face, looking a little bit like the cat with the canary. Others in our party here at The Observer will work on figuring out how the News got the book, but we are betting it's unlikely that it was leaked to them. Which means the likely heavily guarded book wasn't easy to get ahold of.

There's this other one-day tabloid story that is just pure gold! Sorry. "GOLDEN GIRL" reads the headline at the bottom of the page. "Cops: She stole 12M of the stuff ounce by ounce over six years." We'll talk more about this story for a minute. For now, all you have to remember is that for a story about a woman who works at a jeweler who stole millions of dollars worth of gold from her office, "GOLDEN GIRL" is a pretty clear choice for a headline. We suspect that few people are like us, and saw the head and thought the paper was chasing some kind of obscure post-mortem scandal about the recently deceased Bea Arthur, whom we still remember lovingly for her version of "Barbara Song" on the original cast album of The Threepenny Opera performed in the 1950s at the Theatre de Lys.

New York Post: The top of the page is reserved for Andrea Peyser's account of the courtroom drama over erstwhile supermodel and television personality Tyra Banks' confrontation with her alleged "stalker." Go, Andrea: "In crisp, camera-ready diction, the 'Top Model' stunner told a Manhattan judge, 'I don't fear, like, for my life. I fear my safety.'" So Ms. Peyser does have a heart! Because that sentence is not camera-ready at all. Here is a list of some terms that appear in the Peyser column: "sashayed," "stilettos," "sassily." But the column actually raises an interesting point: Ms. Banks is confronting a stalker who, she alleges, has threatened her producer's life in his quest to gain access to her, access he actually came closest to achieving in the courtroom. "He's created enough new fantasies to last a lifetime," Ms. Peyser writes of the accused, who was frequently denied admission to the live audience of Ms. Banks' show because he had gotten himself on a "Do Not Admit" list, and who will get 90 days on a misdemeanor charge if found guilty of the crime, which Ms. Banks has testified upended her life. "He's won."

"GOLD DIGGER!" One of the reasons we love this story of Teresa Tambunting, the 50-year-old Scarsdale woman who, ounce by ounce, over six years, smuggled gold out of the Queens jewelry manufacturers where she worked, is that it's the kind of massive crime that can be performed by just about anyone who keeps his head on his shoulders. The titillation in a story like this is that you, too—provided you don't get too greedy or too sloppy—could probably pull off a slow-motion, big-money heist like this. Of course you never read about these things until the person is caught, so the stories you hear are almost always about the poor louts who get caught. But this even is not enough to quite dispel the fantasy. In the online version of the Post story, commenter White Devil writes: "I wish someone would put me in charge of their gold, I really do. I`d be chillin on the beach in Rio !!!" and amstaffbru writes, "That was a good run, nobody got hurt." We like the headline "Gold Digger" because it plays off the line the district attorney was playing for the press, calling Ms. Tambunting's a "virtual mining operation."

Hey, there's Yankees stuff on the front page of the Post today, too! "Swish, Yanks tame Tigers," reads the copy under a picture of Joba Chamberlain clapping. In light of the News' break, though, the little refer just seems sad.

General observations: Remember what we said about density and the News yesterday? Today's cover is dense. Maybe that's because they completely swept the floor with the Post on the story merits. We'll cycle through the other elements of the two pages: The Peyser column was nice and getting Tyra Banks on the cover will probably move some copies. And "GOLD DIGGER" beats "GOLDEN GIRL" for a headline about Ms. Tambunting's exploits. But there is little question of what the undecided will want to pick up this morning from looking at the covers: this morning, the News has the dirt.

Winner: Daily News

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The book promises to include "inspiring advice, life lessons, and self-esteem coaching for all women," punctuated by Mr. Alexander's "colorful anecdotes." Expect sometime in Fall 2009, possibly alongside his CW pilot Operation Fabulous, which is described as a mix between Top Model and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Miss J will be traveling the country with fellow Top Model fixture Jay Manuel (aka Mr. J) in search of worthy, style-starved small-time girls to glam up. 

Of the show, CW President of Entertainment Dawn Ostroff told the Los Angeles Times, "Jay is your parent in tough love. He tells you the way it is, but only because he wants you to be the best you can be. As much as Miss J criticizes and rolls his eyes, deep down, he's just looking for the girl who can get it done."

Long Island girl Nikki Blonsky, of Hairspray fame, could go to court over an altercation with America's Next Top Model's Bianca Golden. The two 19-year-olds got into a physical fight over a row of saved seats in the Turks & Caicos airport last week. [NY Daily News]

In the Hamptons, Gossip Girl mom Kelly Rutherford was overheard telling a companion that her son Hermes Gustaf Daniel Giersch was named after the designer label. [P6]

Morgan Freeman will undergo surgery for injuries sustained during a weekend car wreck. [NY Daily News]

Entourage's Debi Mazar says her close friend Madonna never said anything to her about her alleged affair with Alex Rodriguez. So that's settled! [Us]

John A. "Junior" Gotti has been arrested by the FBI on murder charges. [NY Post]

According to a soon-to-be-released biography, Sammy Davis Jr. died penniless. [P6]

For the last six weeks, NBC has lorded over Monday nights with the consistent popularity of game show Deal or No Deal [8 p.m.]. (Last Monday’s episode was its most-viewed in over a year with 16.8 million people tuning in.) The streak will likely end tonight, when ABC airs the made-for-television adaptation of Lorraine Hansberry’s A Raisin in the Sun [8 p.m.] starring Sean Combs, Phylicia Rashad, Audra McDonald and the rest of the cast from the 2004 revival. Dennis Harvey, in the blue-collar prose typical to Variety, calls it a “sturdy translation.” Talk about faint praise!

Meanwhile, if Raisin fails to play the part of streak-killer, the March 17 return of How I Met Your Mother [CBS, 8 p.m.] and The Big Bang Theory (the two will be switching time slots) and Two and Half Men [CBS, 9 p.m.], each with nine new episodes, should. Three weeks have never felt so long.

E!’s coverage of the Academy Awards started at noon yesterday, eight-and-a-half hours before Jon Stewart even took the stage. And it’s not over! At 8 p.m., the “Fashion Police” discuss the red carpet winners and losers … for an hour. Then at 9 p.m., it’s “Red Carpet Beauty Secrets Revealed.” Man, isn’t it great the strike ended? Yeah, um …

TUESDAY

In what will some day been seen as TV newsmagazines’ last gasp, ABC has essentially repackaged Candid Camera as “What Would You Do?,” an ABCNews Primetime special which premieres tonight [10 p.m.]. The show will put people in staged situations, like witnessing someone shoplift or vandalize a car, to see how they react. The network promises a “startling lesson in human nature—a lesson that may shock you.” Oh no.

Meanwhile, Andrew Zimmern, the host of Bizarre Foods, does some pretty shocking things—well, he eats some pretty shocking thing, at least. Zimmern does not have the classic good looks or the charismatic personality of your traditional TV host, but he makes up for it by eating anything and everything, making Fear Factor look like child’s play. In anticipation of the second season, we are treated to highlights from the first [TRAVEL, 10 p.m.] Bon Apetit!

WEDNESDAY

It’s the return of Derelict! Remember the fashion line from Zoolander based on homeless people? Well, America’s Next Top Model moves its new contestants into their New York digs [CW, 8 p.m.] and then promptly dresses them up as people with no homes. How ironic and, um, offensive? Maybe! That’s where the fun—and fashion, of course—comes in.

Even Project Runway [BRAVO, 10 p.m.] designers, who, it is clear from last week’s reunion show, are either crazy before or are driven crazy by the competition, wouldn’t come up with something that fierce for the show’s finale, the first part of which premieres tonight. Can anyone stop the little sprite, Christian? Probably not.

THURSDAY

NBC has bought six more episodes of Lipstick Jungle [10 p.m.], perhaps, in part, to compete with the growing popularity of latecomer Eli Stone [ABC, 10 p.m.], which largely thrives off of the tremendous lead-in of Lost [ABC, 9 p.m.] With Cashmere Mafia out of the picture for now, it’s time for the Candace Bushnell produced program to really sink its perfectly manicured nails into its audience.

For the more high-brow inclined, the North Korean performance of the Lorin Maazel-led New York Philharmonic will be shown as part of Great Performances [9 p.m.] tonight. It must have been Kim Jong-il’s reward for topping this year’s list by Parade of the top ten worst dictators. Attaway, Kim!

FRIDAY

20/20 [ABC, 9 p.m.] and Dateline NBC [9 p.m.] go head-to-head with very special two-hour editions. Chances are they’ll wake up Saturday, and regret what they did Friday night, just like millions of other Americans.