If there ever was a week for longreads, this would be it. After Elizabeth Wurtzel’s 5,500-word essay published in New York about crazy landlords/Not Compromising on Life, The New York Times Magazine proved that it hadn’t cornered the market on histrionics. Thus, an 11-page exposé about Lindsay Lohan and The Canyons, the Kickstarter-funded film written by Bret Easton Ellis and directed by Paul Schrader, co-starring porn heartthrob James Deen.
As you can imagine, the piece chronicles what a nice time everyone had on the short shoot—which took place over three weeks last July–with a lot of fond, funny anecdotes. Like the time Ms. Lohan took too many sleeping pills, locked herself in a closet, and refused to come out until Paul Schrader took off all his clothes? That one is great. The pitch-perfect tone was immediately reflected in its blog-snark title, “Here Is What Happens When You Cast Lindsay Lohan in Your Movie.”
A fine choice, but a little unsubtle. We offer these 10 other titles that would have equally reflected the appeal of such a long, labor-intensive piece of journalism.
Big Apple Idolatry
– Maybe? Hopefully? Last week, the American Psycho author went on Twitter to vent about Lindsay Lohan missing her ADR (basically, redubbing tracks when the audio was unintelligible) for their upcoming film, The Canyons. He threatened to sic Patrick Bateman on her, which could only end one way:
50 Shades of Grey
Yesterday we commented on the announcement that the uber-popular sex novel Fifty Shades of Grey would not be adapted for the large screen by American Psycho’s Bret Easton Ellis. (Even though he really, really wanted to.) Instead, the job will go to Terra Nova scribe, Kelly Marcel, which pissed Mr. Ellis off to no end.
We reached out to the Nikki Finke-fighting auteur–whose film The Canyons just got a trailer–to have him elaborate on his booing of Ms. Marcel.
Bret Easton Ellis’s new film, The Canyons, may just provide a little something for everyone involved: a sidestep away from porn for soft-core superstar James Deen, a reinvention–and paying work–for Lindsay Lohan, and a platform for Mr. Ellis to promulgate his idea about “post-Empire” culture, famously put forth in a Newsweek article and his Twitter feed. Post-Empire culture, which Mr. Ellis once described in part as “pure transparency,” looks a lot like the sunlit California splatter films Quentin Tarantino lovingly lampoons! Perhaps it’ll catch on–certainly Lindsay Lohan, having recently asked Barack Obama to cut her taxes as she’s not a millionaire despite public perception, is an avatar of transparency.
Anyone who has been paying attention to Bret Easton Ellis’ Twitter account this summer knows the American Psycho author has had his sights set on writing an adaptation of the world’s most popular book, EL James’ 50 Shades of Grey. He was already dream-casting the project to include Lindsay Lohan, or possibly Lena Dunham!
But after the news that TV scribe Kelly Marcel (Terra Nova) would be doing the 50 Shades of Grey script, Mr. Ellis went on a wee rampage against the upcoming film.
James Deen may be a porn star, but he’s still a babe in the woods when it comes to being a celebrity. After being accosted by a TMZ paparazzo outside Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills last weekend, Mr. Deen–who just finished filming Bret Easton Ellis and Paul Schrader’s The Canyons with the “super great” Lindsay Lohan–was more than happy to give the digital tabloid some amazingly doofy soundbites.
(This, despite the fact that his lawyer was present, and Mr. Deen seemed to be aware that he shouldn’t be talking about the film.)
Let’s look at the transcript, shall we? But a quick word to the wise: Don’t be fooled by TMZ’s headline … Mr. Deen never mentioned that Ms. Lohan helped him climax.
Lindsay Lohan needs to update that Facebook status to “In a Relationship”: at least work-wise. Apparently not outraged enough by the “full nudity” required of her in Bret Easton Ellis and Paul Schrader’s Kickstarter-funded film The Canyons, the star was revealed yesterday in a Facebook photo to be shooting a scene with porn star James Deen…in bed.
Of course Bret Easton Ellis discovering Twitter would turn out to be a wonderful thing.
James Deen is the best. We couldn’t be more excited for the male version of Sasha Grey to become a mainstream sensation, especially if he keeps up the hardcore porn and amazing blog entries.
But we’re a little worried that Mr. Deen has been spending time with the wrong influences ever since Bret Easton Ellis announced the cast of The Canyons…
Bret Easton Ellis and Paul Schrader’s super white-hot project (via Kickstarter) The Canyons has already hit its first casting snag. Despite announcing Lindsay Lohan and approachable porn star James Deen as the movie’s stars earlier this week, the car-crashing actress apparently hasn’t signed her contract yet.
Which may be an issue, since someone on her team has been coaching the Herbie: Fully Loaded star how to read scripts.