Love in the Time of Algorithms
A few months ago, this Betabeat reporter jokingly created an OKCupid account on a whim with the username “ilovebitcoin” to solicit amusing messages from people who were shocked–shocked–to discover that ladies know about cryptocurrency, too. (“Think of all the randos who will want to message me!” she thought to herself one evening, feverishly pecking away on her keyboard all by her lonesome. “My life is awesome.”)
Indeed, the messages we received were oftentimes hilarious, so we’d occasionally forward them on to friends. What we didn’t realize, however, was that every time we forwarded an OKCupid email to someone, it gave that person direct access to our account–every silly message, chat and photo could be seen and even edited.
The other day, we were washing our dishes and the world’s largest f*cking cockroach came scurrying out of the sink. We’re sorry to gross you out, but imagine how we felt. Jesus, it was the size of a small rat. Actually, a rat would have been preferable. It’s the kind of trauma that makes you wonder if there really is a god, because in her infinite wisdom, why would she create giant, indestructable bugs that quite literally serve no other purpose other than to spread germs and provide nightmare fuel for one of the shorts in Stephen King’s Creepshow? And if you’re going to create them, why make them the one sentient being that could survive a nuclear holocaust? Obviously, cockroaches prove that the world is a cold, meaningless place and we are all alone in the universe. Except for the cockroaches.
On the plus side, now we can map out what parts of the city has the most eating establishments with infestations of these horrific creatures, and use that knowledge to avoid eating there–or anywhere really–ever again.