Channing Tatum, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Rooney Mara and Jude Law (Patrick McMullan)

“Tickets out!” they barked. “This area is not cleared for standing!” It was as if the AMC Lincoln Square had been converted into an international airport and Shindigger was preventing aircraft from landing.

The multiplex was bursting with the arrivals of Michael Douglas, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Jude Law, Rooney Mara and Channing Tatum for the premiere of Steven Soderbergh’s Side Effects, hosted by Open Road Films, The Cinema Society and designer Michael Kors.

Turns out no area was cleared for loitering, and Shindigger wound up in a circling pattern—up and down the escalators—trying to take it all in. When even Donna Karan was told to keep moving and make her way promptly to her seat, we finally surrendered to the cineplex goons and followed suit.

“I’m on a beta blocker right now and I feel fine,” joked Mr. Soderbergh before the movie began. “The less I say the better!”

His pharmaceutical humor was very apropos for a psychological thriller that tells the murderous tale of a seemingly depressed young woman (Ms. Mara), who struggles as her husband (Mr. Tatum) is released from prison following a white-collar banking crime. After an alleged suicide attempt, she begins to see a psychiatrist (Mr. Law) who prescribes Ablixa, a powerful, fictitious antidepressant, to combat her illness. The movie was The Cinema Society’s trippiest in recent memory, and we weren’t the only ones wandering about in a daze afterward.

“Are you on medicine? Are you having a vision?” Shindigger overheard Ms. Karan saying to her daughter Gabby Karan De Felice with a laugh. “Oh my God, I can’t believe how old I am!”

We dashed through the wintry chill to the Stone Rose Lounge in the Time Warner Center, wondering if we were still hallucinating when we spotted Liza Minnelli—face aglow—as she preened herself in the back of a black Lincoln Navigator SUV. Shindigger sidled up to knock on her window and say hello, but the driver shot us a look of “don’t you dare.” (My, how security people get crankier the farther north you travel.)

Ten minutes later, we had nestled into the warmth of Stone Rose with a medicinal glass of rouge.

“I love, love, loved it!” Ms. Karan screeched over the deejay’s music as Cinema Society founder Andrew Saffir escorted her behind Mr. Kors, who had designed the dress Ms. Zeta-Jones just happened to be wearing. We shuffled over to Ms Zeta-Jones and exchanged a few words, unbeknownst to her just-as-cranky-looking gatekeepers.

“The script was so well-written—it just jumped off the page,” the Oscar winner explained. “With Steven Soderbergh at the helm, it was just a dream.” Shindigger leaned in for a bisou-bisou, but she had already moved on.

We grabbed some fiery libation off a passing tray and darted toward Ms. Mara. The Vogue February cover girl was mum. Had she signed some exclusive with Anna Wintour not to talk to the press? Or was she simply too big for words these days? Shindigger played nice and tried to butter her up with a compliment. “Your couture is phenomenal,” we said.

“I’m wearing Alexander McQueen,” she replied sharply, then slunk away.

We surveyed the crowd and came up with what looked like a Baldwin. “Which one is that?” we asked a pair of friends. “It’s Stephen,” one ventured.

Unconvinced, we wound up chatting instead with Richard Kind, who plays screenwriter Max Klein in Argo. He went on for a bit about the upcoming Clifford Odets play he’s starring in at The Roundabout, but we had more pressing matters to discuss. “Will Argo win the Oscar for Best Picture?” we asked.

“If I say yes, I will put the kibosh on it. But I do believe—and this is the honest to God’s truth—and not just ’cuz I’m in it and not just ’cuz I know the producers ... I do believe that it should be Best Picture. I feel it fills every category that a Best Picture should.”

Shindigger nodded in agreemnt. “We have the SAG copy at our house,” we confessed.

“So you didn’t pay your 11 dollars? That’s money out of my kids’ mouths!” he yelled with a smile before we departed for a refill.

Over by the bar, we found Laila Robins and complimented her performance in the movie as one of Jude Law’s psychiatry associates. “He was so lovely to work with. He had seen me in a play. I showed up on set, and he was so nice to me,” the delightful Ms. Robins explained. “We had this nice little icebreaker about all the things he wants to do in the theater. I think he wants to do Henry V. It was a nice way to even the playing field!”

“I don’t know if he’s here tonight,” she continued, looking around.

She apparently missed Mr. Law lounging alongside co-star Ms. Zeta-Jones on a scarlet leather banquette. Unfortunately, Shindigger was not fortunate enough to grab a few words with the dashing star. Maybe we don’t do enough theater?

blehay@observer.com

It is unclear whether Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones kept their legs uncrossed ...

“Please return to your seats!”

The typical orders were barked from the front row at Michael Kors on Wednesday, September 12 at 10 a.m. Too much too early. Due to some recent Team Kors PR shifts and rifts, we couldn’t locate the familiar faces that would help The Observer with its conquest. Where were Savannah and Lauren to sneak us past the testosterone-pumped security forces void of interpersonal skills who guarded Michael Douglas, Catherine Zeta-Jones and recent Tony-winner Nina Arianda? Yes, it’s true that I, personally would have accosted Ms. Arianda because she was so fabulous in Venus in Fur, but do Broadway stars really warrant a detail to watch cotton blazers and crepe gowns sashay up and down a walkway for 10 minutes?

“Sir, I’m sorry, but you need to take your seat please!” growled the plus-size security goon, leaving me no choice but to traipse back to section A, pondering how on earth he knew my name was “sir.”

So how, exactly, are editors who don't publish the redundant proclamations on trends for their glossy readership supposed to get those juicy interviews we so rely on for cushy page hits? Or even modest news appeal?

As we waited for the show to commence, the only thing deflecting our disappointment at missed interview ops was an unfortunate Michael Kors visuals production staffer kicking us from behind with his obnoxiously pointy boots.

“Uncross your legs and please push in your bags, ladies and gentlemen in the front row!” screeched the photography pit repeatedly. (I don’t mean to get all political ... maybe it's fine for the ladies, but frankly, forcing 200 men at a fashion show to uncross their legs sounds to me like a gay rights issue!)

Hoot, holler, belt they did, until they deemed the runway bony-leg- and Céline-bag-free enough to their liking.

Knees stayed firmly together as look No. 36 walked down at Michel Kors.

Finally the production began, and thankfully our misery was quelled within the first four looks. Mr. Kors trod the familiar  with American sportswear, this season with vague waves at the sport of golf, and crisp and clean nautical references—all with a wearable ’60s touch. Get your stripes now, people! First Marc Jacobs had people just shy of orgasm with his Edie-meets-’60s contemporary pieces, and Kors too laid the stripes on thick. Especially memorable was a studded navy plunger shift dress, which had edge. The collection had more European commercial appeal, a smart move as the now-colossal brand expands more there and in Asia. One sky print on tops and dresses was created from a picture Michael Kors had taken himself. And for evening? Mr. Kors kept things signature and simple with body-con crepe dresses with geo cutouts. As Karlie Kloss prowled down the catwalk, our seatmate whispered, “Crepe never looked sexier!”

It was true. And the punchy color palette was a stylist’s dream. There were pocketing and stitching details that added value and youth … perhaps a bit too much, said a few. The Observer overheard Jamee Gregory commenting to another UES Queen that she actually liked the youthfulness of the collection, “It was very nice, actually,” she said before debating a swim upstream to kiss-kiss Mr. Kors backstage; as this editor watched her go, he crossed my legs.

Catherine Zeta-Jones (Getty Images)

Catherine Zeta-Jones, who's enjoying a mini-comeback with a slate of upcoming films including the musical Rock of Ages, has reportedly been cast as a doctor in Side Effects, an upcoming Steven Soderbergh thriller wherein Blake Lively takes pharmaceuticals to mute the effects of her depression. Ms. Zeta-Jones previously appeared in Mr. Soderbergh's Traffic and Ocean's Twelve, and in an interesting congruence, bravely went public with her own bipolar disorder last year.

For starters, he's actually going to make Cleo--shooting is scheduled to start sometime in April. In the world of Hollywood, where directors like Martin Scorsese pile up projects without ever actually getting to them, this is a bit of good news. As for the film, according to Mr. Soderbergh, he's already found his Julius Caesar: Sexy Beast's Ray Winstone is on-board in the role, joining Ms. Zeta-Jones and hopefully Mr. Jackman (Mr. Soderbergh said he's waiting by the phone to hear confirmation from the Australia star). Of the script, which former Guided by Voices member James Greer wrote in six weeks, Mr. Soderbergh says: "It's like an Elvis musical in a way. It's not serious. I mean it's historically pretty accurate but its sort of like Viva Las Vegas meets Tommy." Umm, awesome.

While we aren't the biggest fans of musicals, this film sounds positively amazing. We just love the idea of Mr. Soderbergh putting his own spin on yet another genre from the 60s and 70s. He's done the Rat Pack film (the Ocean's movies); he's done the Norma Rae female empowerment film (Erin Brockovich); he's even done the Michael Cimino/Terrence Malick film (Traffic, the aforementioned Che). Now he's gone Elvis... in 3-D! We guess this means our dream Steven Soderbergh project, a remake of It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World starring every living former and current Saturday Night Live cast member, is that much closer to being a reality.

Catherine Zeta-Jones buys duplicates of all her clothes and stocks them at her various homes throughout the world so that they all have identical wardrobes. [Vogue UK]

Critics find Indian Vogue offensive because of its spread of real people living in impoverished areas, photographed with accessories like a $100 Fendi bib and $200 Burberry umbrella. [NY Times]  

Halston may replace designer Marco Zanini with a whole design team rather than an individual designer. [WWD] 

Jil Sander has been sold to Onward Holdings Co. Ltd., a Tokyo-based apparel group, for $244.1 million. [WWD]

Photographer Patrick Demarchelier said he'd like to photograph Michelle Obama. [Vogue UK]

Tuesday: Beverly Hills, 90210 Premiere
Since the CW wouldn't give out screeners, we can't tell you too much about the new 90210 except that we feel particularly qualified to tell you about the awesomeness of two of its stars, Shenae Grimes and Tristan Wilds. Ms. Grimes has spent the last few seasons playing super hot, super Christian cheerleader Darcy on Degrassi: The Next Generation, the Canadian teen show. The role's actually prepared her well for what's next; as Darcy, she made money selling sexy photos of herself on the internet (Hey! It wasn't having sex or anything!) and falsely accused a teacher of abusing her. As for Mr. Wilds, we know him from The Wire, where he played Michael, a gorgeous, underprivileged kid in Baltimore who goes to the dark side in order to support his little brother and best friend. We expect his role here to be rather different. And of course, Brenda and Kelly will be back, which is enough to get us to tune in. [CW, 8 p.m.]

Wednesday: No Reservations
No, seriously. Since this movie is in constant rotation on HBO, we finally watched it over the weekend and ... it's cute! It's a remake of the German film Mostly Martha (and yeah, we don't totally understand remaking movies just so they're in English and have Hollywood stars, but whatever), and features a luminous Catherine Zeta-Jones playing a top N.Y.C. chef who finds her life turned upside down when she must take guardianship of her niece (Abigail Breslin) and must also contend with another cook in the kitchen (Aaron Eckhart). We won't say any more, but there's a happy ending, and how often do we get that? [HBO, 12:30 p.m.]

Thursday: Young Frankenstein
This is probably the funniest movie we can remember from our youth (seconded by Haunted Honeymoon ... but we'll save that for another week). Gene Wilder plays the grandson of Dr. Frankenstein, who decides to re-create his grandfather's experiment after inheriting his castle. Madeline Kahn shows up, with the best hairstyle ever; Teri Garr looks gorgeous as assistant Inga; and grumpy old man Peter Boyle (rest his soul) has one of the best comedic moments ever as the Monster, dancing to "Puttin' On the Ritz." They really don't make them like this anymore. [Fox Movie Channel, 6 p.m.]

Friday: Bodies, Rest & Motion
Oh, Eric Stoltz! We can hardly wait for your Battlestar Galactica prequel. But until then, we have to re-watch some of your older movies, like this one, which we loved when we were 18. You play a stoner guy who paints apartments. Tim Roth is a television salesman who gets fired and wants to move to Montana with Bridget Fonda. Phoebe Cates is there, too, but you fall in love with Bridget. Nothing really happens in this movie, which is what makes it such a perfect early '90s film. At some point, you guys all get high. Man, the '90s. Miss them. [Sundance, 5:20 p.m.]

According to Variety, The Weinstein Company is negotiating with Penelope Cruz, Catherine Zeta Jones, Sophia Loren, Javier Bardem and newcomer Marion Cotillard (who recently played Edith Piaf in the highly-praised biopic, La Vie En Rose) to appear in the adaptation.

Bardem follows Raul Julia in the role--Julia played director Guido Contini, who, in the musical inspired by Fellini's 8 1/2, must juggle his many lovers and his career; Antonio Banderas played the role in the revival.

Loren would play Contini's mother, who appears in the musical as a ghost.

Michael Tolkin is writing the screenplay; Rob Marshall will choreograph; and Arthur Kopit and Maury Yeston, who did the original book and music and lyrics respectively, are executive producers.

• Variety

No Reservations’ director, Scott Hicks—himself sporting a long silver mane—also weighed in on the style. “Some of the characters Aaron has played had very sort of buzz-cut-almost hair,” he said. “Here he had a little bit more, almost what in Australia you’d call a kind of ‘surfer dude’ feel about him. I think it’s terrific, you know what I mean?” Meanwhile, Mr. Hicks said, “Catherine was amazing because it was like she would just take her hair and twist it up into a bun and stick a thing through it and bang, that was it. She was really cool about it.”

The director deflected the pressing question of how Mr. Eckhart’s ’do was maintained to the movie’s wardrobe department. “The important thing was that he had something that he was completely relaxed with,” he said. “Because the last thing you want is an actor thinking about their hair.”

[Mediabistro party, Michael’s, 24 West 55th Street, 6 p.m. to 8 p.m., by invitation only; Jonathan Tropper book signing and reading, Barnes & Noble, 2289 Broadway, 7 p.m., www.barnesandnoble.com; No Reservations premiere, Ziegfeld Theatre, 141 West 54th Street, 7 p.m., by invitation only; Sideways, Pier 1, 70th Street at Riverside Park South, 8:30 p.m., www.riversideparkfund.org]