This is P-Stew's hangover face. (Twitter)

As the world went bonkers over the discovery that Patrick Stewart was eating his first “slice” of pizza in 72 years, New York magazine’s Daily Intelligencer got in touch with the star to get the scoop–er, slice–on the Tweet that brought a nation to its knees.

Turns out, it wasn’t that big of a deal.

“There was a school of thought that I had eaten my first pizza, but of course how could that possibly be true? I would have had to have stayed locked up in a cellar,” P-Stew told the magazine. “But nevertheless, this was my first slice of pizza, which I was only eating because my fiancée and I were a little hung-over yesterday morning … When it was brought over to me, my first comment was ‘There's no knife and fork.’ Of course, I was mocked for thinking that I could eat a pizza slice with a knife and fork.”

He was then “instructed” to use the famous New York fold to avoid a greasy, tomato sauce-y mess. “It proved effective,” he added.

But Sir Stewart did kind of grow up in a cellar, as he only saw a pizza for the first time when he was in his twenties. “I know that will sound bizarre to you, but I grew up in a small community in northern England,” he said.

Apparently steak and kidney pies (gag!) fare better across the pond than plain old pizza.

Mr. Stewart also expressed interest in trying hundred-year-old eggs, an unappetizing-sounding Eastern delicacy. Curiouser and curiouser!

Patrick Stewart and his first "slice" of pizza.

Patrick Stewart has boldly gone where every other New Yorker has already gone before.

This afternoon, the 72-year-old Park Slope resident and X-Men alum ate his first ever slice of pizza, according to his Twitter. He flawlessly implemented the famous New York fold.

Responses on Twitter range from “WTF?!” to “What’s with Montreal Canadiens cap?” Could it be Shatner's influence?

Mr. Stewart’s Twitter handle, by the way, is @SirPatStew – an adorable moniker that sounds like it was coined by Perez Hilton.

Suspiciously, the word “slice” is in quotations. The Observer wonders: does this mean that P-Stew has consumed plenty of whole pizzas in his time? How does one go 72 years without ordering a slice of pizza, anyway? A quick Yelp search reveals that there are 205 pizzerias in Park Slope alone.

Sadly, no answers are forthcoming.

This is either the strangest bit of celebrity buzz we've heard in a while, or a very public bid for a cameo in the next Star Trek movie.

https://twitter.com/SirPatStew/status/339786117530415104

Photograph by Jamie McCarthy/Getty.

As Katy Perry and John Mayer touchingly reunited this Memorial Day (and thank goodness!), Lena Dunham drew conservative ire for the zillionth time with a dynamic duo of pee-related tweets. Her punishment was swift and severe.

Enraged conservative writer Noel Sheppard blasted Ms. Dunham’s tweet as a searing indictment of “liberal disdain for America's most-revered national holidays.” Because when one liberal tweets about peeing on Memorial Day, it’s like all liberals are tweeting about peeing on Memorial Day.

Conservative blogger Michelle Malkin quickly aired her disgust as well, calling Dunham a "rude, classless ingrate."

Ms. Dunham's offending Tweet?

https://twitter.com/lenadunham/status/339098727161683968

This was in fact Ms. Dunham’s second pee-Tweet of the day, following a deep meditation on the sweet release of death.

https://twitter.com/lenadunham/status/338425517235634177

But Ms. Dunham wasn’t the only one celebrating Memorial Day in her own, er, special way. Here’s how other celebs spent the holiday:

Rapper Snoop Dogg–sorry, Snoop Lion–did what he did best.

https://twitter.com/SnoopDogg/status/338932585617051648

Amanda Bynes, meanwhile, kept her eyes on the prize by addressing her recent NYPD “bong bust” and announcing her candidacy as the nation’s hottest new singer-slash-rapper:

And Hulk Hogan shared a gag-inducing photo of his shredded hands following a radiator explosion on his motorcycle:

https://twitter.com/HulkHogan/status/339039973955219458

Why does Lena Dunham's apparently erratic bladder function warrant such unmitigated disgust, while Hulk Hogan's bloody meat-paws go unpunished?

Conservative pundits, please Tweet accordingly.

You will no longer be needing these. (GOOP)

Guys, have you wondered what sort of cleanse Gwyneth Paltrow is endorsing for the new year? Is it Diet Detox? Her patented Colon Cleanse? The Clean Program?

In 2013's first big shock, Ms. Paltrow revealed in a surprisingly curt GOOP newsletter that this January's cleanse will be ... no cleanse at all! WHAT?

Happy 2013! I am not on a detox. I am not on a diet. I know, New Year’s cleansing and all that. Not this year. Can't do it. Maybe later in the year. Maybe in the spring. So for now, I would like to continue with my pasta and cheese, but perhaps be more mindful of ingredients. I asked my friend Dr. Frank Lipman about his list of superfoods so that I could incorporate them into my diet a bit more. If you are going to eat pasta, why not serve it with a walnut pesto (walnuts are on his list)? You get my point. We had great fun in the goop test kitchen coming up with these ways to incorporate these miraculous foods into very tasty recipes. We hope you enjoy.

Love,
gp

P.S. New Year's holiday snaps from Sugar Beach below.

That's right folks, Gwyneth Paltrow is NOT ON A CLEANSE, and we can all eat pasta again. Hooray!

A re-creation of what didn't happen to Justin Bieber. (Getty)

During a recent gig at Madison Square Garden, Justin Bieber was not, we repeat, was NOT, strangled to death with a paisley tie and then castrated in a plan hatched by a convicted child rapist and murderer serving time in a New Mexico prison. Once again: this did not happen.

But it almost did.

The strange story begins with Dana Martin, a 45-year-old with a Justin Bieber tattoo on his calf, who is serving out a life sentence in Las Cruces for the rape and murder of a 15-year-old Vermont girl in 2000. Mr. Martin met parolee-to-be Mark Staake in prison, and hatched a plan to have Mr. Staake and his nephew Tanner Ruane prune Mr. Bieber of his plums during his November 28 concert at Madison Square Garden. Each testis was worth $2,500, according to The New York Post, which, most tween fans well tell you, is quite a low-ball number (woof) for such pricey family jewels.

The other element of this totally fail-proof plan was Mr. Staake and Mr. Ruane strangling Mr. Bieber to death with a paisley tie. Yes, it had to be paisley. No, the color didn't matter. It just had to be paisley.

Luckily, when the bumbling duo were picked up separately by the authorities, their plan was easily traced back to Mr. Martin, as he had strangled his last victim with a paisley tie.

For now, Mr. Bieber's balls remain safe. And probably insured for much more than $2,500, though lord knows some people *cough*ScooterBraun*cough* would probably be happy to have Mr. Bieber remain a prepubescent castrato for the rest of his life.

- MTV is going to hold a live fundraiser for the Jersey shore. It's about time they paid back to the community they took so, so much from.

- Jon Hamm's penis is an Obama supporter, naturally.

- Here are the two main characters of your favorite TV show of all time, telling babies to get out and vote.
http://youtu.be/QJpv_1YkFLs

-Here are photos of all the celebrities voting on Election Day. ALL of them. Thanks, Huffington Post!

Johnny Lewis. (Getty Images)

Johnny Lewis, a 28-year-old actor known for his role as Kip "Half Sack" Epps on FX's Sons of Anarchy, has died. Los Angeles authorities tell TMZ that Mr. Lewis is also their only suspect in the murder of 81-year-old Catherine Davis, from whom the actor rented a room.

TMZ reports on the awful scene discovered after cops arrived at Ms. Davis's Los Feliz home:

According to our law enforcement sources, 28-year-old Lewis was found in a driveway Wednesday morning in the Los Feliz neighborhood -- and the elderly woman who owned the home was found dead inside ... the victim of a homicide. Investigators say they believe Lewis beat the woman to death.

Mr. Lewis, who once dated pop star Katy Perry and also starred in films such as AVPR: Aliens vs Predator--Requiem and The Runaways, also allegedly attacked two men at the scene with his bare hands and a 2X4. TMZ reports the actor seemed "phenomenally strong" and may have been on PCP or meth at the time of his death.

The Los Angeles Times reported that Catherine Davis was indeed bludgeoned to death.

It isn't clear whether Johnny Lewis died while trying to flee the scene or committed suicide.

Madonna, doing what she does best: rabble-rousing.(YouTube)

This is how Madonna endorses political candidates: by playing on a widely-held falsehood about his religious upbringing. During her second night in D.C. on her already controversial MDNA tour--what with all the pub(l)ic nudity and swastikas superimposed over heads of state--she encouraged voters to support Barack Obama, "the black Muslim in the White House" who's "fighting for gay rights." Then she said "You all better vote for f---ing Obama, okay," before promising to take her clothes off if he wins.

This will definitely play well in the red states.

(Quote start at 1:50)
http://youtu.be/i7R78LOpyM8

With celebrity endorsements like hers, who needs invisible chairs?

Russell Simmons, Leila Lopes. (PMc)

Though Uncle Rush has been playing coy with the rumors that he's dating the 26-year-old Angolan former Miss Universe, last night the couple showed up at the Waldorf-Astoria, all but confirming their romantic status's upgrade from "It's Complicated."

Leila Lopes, who had to give up her crown in June to her successor, was holding hands with Russell Simmons as they made the way down the red carpet for the South-South Awards celebrating e-government and sustainable tourism.

The night brought presidents and first ladies from around the world (who admittedly were probably there for this week's U.N. summit, but what the hey, if it worked for Bill Clinton's CGI, why not this?), though no one drew more looks than the gorgeous Ms. Lopes, who won an award for her work as the UNCCD Drylands Ambassador.

Though the two have been out in public before looking chummy, and they have the Twitter history to prove that they, like, like-like each other, it was the hand-holding that did it for us. After all, when was the last time a guy you were just casually dating let you hold his hand in public? Now imagine that scenario, plus a thousand paparazzi, and you've got a pretty smitten mogul.

Lindsay Lohan, American disaster.

Today the NYPD released surveillance footage of the Wednesday-night incident that left actress Lindsay Lohan accused of striking a pedestrian then leaving the scene. The video may be more useful in defending Ms. Lohan than prosecuting her. It shows a typical late-night street scene, several people milling around a parking area entrance. Ms. Lohan's vehicle noses through then leaves the frame and no one seems alarmed or concerned. Take a look:

WABC reports that the cops may know the video won't help the case:

Detectives acknowledged that the video does not clearly show Lohan's Porsche hitting 34-year-old Jose Rodriguez. Investigators say the video does show Rodriguez running after Lohan's vehicle as she drove away from the Dream Hotel.

While police seem certain alcohol wasn't involved in the incident, Mr. Rodriguez has insisted otherwise, claiming Ms. Lohan was slurring words and smelled of alcohol.

Ms. Lohan could face more trouble in California if she did indeed strike Mr. Rodriguez and leave the scene. She is still on probation for jewelry theft.