But even as Manhattan's media and real-estate circles buzzed over the sale, the News Corp. titan found himself outdone last month by pharmaceutical magnate Stewart Rahr's record $45 million purchase of commodities trader David Campbell's quirky doppelgänger of Dracula's Castle: the 18,000-square-foot Burnt Point estate in Wainscott.

And so the East End record topped the East Side's, making it the priciest home sale in New York State history.

And things could get even more dramatic: Deep-pocketed buyers sick of the sleet and chilly rain of a Manhattan midwinter know there's still Cheryl Gordon's $75 million Three Ponds Farm up for sale in Bridgehampton.

In fact, it's prime selling time out on the East End-and so Manhattan Transfers decided to fix a hot toddy and take a look at who's planning a warm Hamptons summer.

In November 2003, Ford Motor Company heiress Charlotte Ford, the daughter of the late Henry Ford II and the author of 21st-Century Etiquette, listed her Southampton Village estate on Squabble Lane for $15million (the move comes one month after she nabbed a one-acre lot nearby for $2.12 million). Now, Ms. Ford has completed the downscaling deal with the sale of her Squabble Lane spread for $8 million, township records show. The 1970's French stucco-style mansion-which shares the same block with tennis-ace-turned-failed-CNBC-talker John McEnroe-has six bedrooms and five and a half bathrooms. The grounds cover some seven acres and include private beach access, a separate two-bedroom guest cottage, a tennis court, a three-car garage and a swimming pool with pool house.

Peter Hallock, the president of Allan M. Schneider Associates, who brokered the sale of Ms. Ford's Squabble Lane spread, didn't return calls seeking comment.

Ms. Ford's Southampton divestiture followed shortly after Dorothy Lichtenstein, the widow of famed pop artist Roy Lichtenstein, laid down Southampton roots of her own with a $1.75 million purchase in Southampton Village. Township records show that Ms. Lichtenstein, the president of the Roy Lichtenstein Foundation, snapped up a 3,000-square-foot shingle-style home on a three-quarter-acre plot on Layton Avenue. The spread has five bedrooms and three bathrooms. Ms. Lichtenstein didn't return calls seeking comment.

Apparently, more art types were pulled eastward by the Suffolk County tractor beam last year. In August, Chelsea art-gallery owner Christophe Van de Weghe paid $2.1 million for a 4,000-square-foot contemporary home in East Hampton Village, township records show. What was the draw?

"His clients are here, and socially it worked for him," Sheila Smith of the Corcoran Group, Mr. Van de Weghe's broker, said. Diane Saatchi, Corcoran's regional vice president of finance, represented the seller.

The well-appointed modern home on Cove Hollow Road was built in 1989 and is sheathed in white wood. The alabaster-hued spread has four bedrooms, five bathrooms, central air, a heated pool and a two-car garage.

"He calls it Casablanca," Ms. Smith added. "You can walk to the ocean, and he saw the space as being blended with his line of work."

Last February, Mr. Van de Weghe also snapped up art dealer Stellan Holm's 2,100-square-foot Soho loft at 77 Mercer Street for $1.6 million.

Mr. Van de Weghe didn't return a call seeking comment.

some lettuce on her fork and let out a husky chuckle. "It's a little hard to do

an interview and eat at the same time," she said, as we sat over a simple lunch

of chicken salad in the dining room of her Sutton Place apartment. "So we'll

all forgive each other for talking with food in the mouth."

Outside Ms. Ford's apartment, an icy wind was coming off the East

River, where Coast Guard cutters kept watch on the United Nations building.

Though almost a week had passed without any real terrifying news, New York was

still afraid to exhale. The urban civilization that we cherished, its routines,

luxuries and social mores, had been thrown into disarray. In the aftermath of

Sept. 11, what was considered proper conduct in this new world? A chorus of

public officials had told us to move on with our lives, but they never

explained how. Could we attend a party in these emotionally raw times? Throw

one? Tell jokes? Or leave a failing relationship?

New York no longer needed a guide to proper behavior in the

gilded electronic age. It needed a manual of manners for the new guilty age.

And so it seemed like a good time to talk about etiquette. The

December issue of Vanity Fair was

reexamining the life of Emily Post, and Ms. Ford, who had published a

best-selling etiquette book in the 1980's- Etiquette:

Charlotte Ford's Guide to Modern Manners (revised and updated some 10 years

later)-was coming out with a new one, which she'd written with Jacqueline de

Montravel: 21st-Century Etiquette:

Charlotte Ford's Guide to Manners for the Modern Age .

"I don't think there's much I would change because of Sept. 11,"

she said over lunch at her home. "I'm always saying that etiquette really is

consideration of others. Thoughtfulness, basic manners-those things don't

change."

The meal was served at one of two large round tables in her

dining room, watched over by two ancient-looking carved wooden Buddhas. Ms.

Ford, who just turned 60, wore a chocolate-brown cashmere sweater and tweed

pants. A headband held her blond hair back, preppie style, and around her neck

was a chunky necklace made of wooden berries alternating with gold leaves.

Ms. Ford passed the salad dressing. "I think manners are always

important," she said. "People have become nicer for some reason in New York.

It's amazing. Cab drivers don't honk their horns as much. People are nicer in

stores. But I think it sort of takes you back and makes you think about what

your priorities are in life.

"I'm wondering if this is going to be temporary or not," she

said. "I walked out of a doctor's office the week after this happened, and the

woman in front of me held the door for me. I said, 'Oh, thank you so much.' And

she stopped and looked at me and said, 'Do you think that everybody is nicer in

New York?' I said, 'Yes, I do.' Maybe it's more important to be a little nicer

than to be nasty. And it takes so little to be nice in life. It takes so little

to say 'please' and 'thank you' and 'oh, I'm sorry.'

"Outside of New York-my daughter lives in Michigan, and I'm sure

they care and everything, but it's like nothing happened. They're not curious,"

she said. She was referring to her daughter Elena Ford Niarchos, from her

marriage to the late shipping magnate Stavros Niarchos. "Here, you say to

somebody 'How are you?' and they say, 'We're trying to get from here to there,

trying to keep body and soul together'-and you know that they've obviously had

a tragedy in their family. Here, everybody knows somebody who knew somebody."

That brought up a key question: When a new acquaintance is made,

what is the proper way to determine if that person has been directly affected

by the events of Sept. 11 and afterward?

"You talk first about how tragic it is, and then you say, 'Did

you know anybody?' And then that sort of opens up Pandora's box," Ms. Ford

said. "And then I think the only thing you can say is, 'I'm so sorry. I'm so

sorry.' There really isn't a lot you can say to comfort people."

Were there any questions that should be avoided?

"I wouldn't push people to talk about tragedy," she said. "Some

people like to talk and get it off their chests. Others like to withdraw. I

think sometimes when you approach a subject, you'll get a clue right away if

they want to talk or don't want to talk."

Then, of course, there are the people who haven't been directly

affected by the events of the last two months, but who insist on telling

everyone in earshot about the Cipro prescriptions that they've cadged out of

their doctors and the Israeli gas masks they've got in their briefcases.

"I think most people have tremendous anxiety, whether they admit

it or not," Ms. Ford said. She paused, held her hand to her mouth and coughed

the way that every other New Yorker seemed to be doing these days. "I looked

out my window this morning. The U.N. is right down here, and I see all these

Coast Guard ships and I think, 'Am I safer, or should I be more nervous?'" She

smiled. "We do have to get on with our lives, and we should get on with our

lives. But we're in the middle of a world war. You can't forget it. It's here."

Ms. Ford grew up in Grosse Pointe, Mich., and came to New York in

1959. She said that, in the aftermath of the attacks, "I never thought about

leaving."

Indeed, she seemed to have suffered the same kind of urban

agoraphobia that has affected many locals. "Other people I know have packed

their bags and gone to live, if they have a second house somewhere, they've

taken the kids and gone there.

"I'm a fatalist, though, you know," Ms. Ford said. "When my time

is up, my time is up.  It's a very

uncomfortable time."

That discomfort extends to New York's night life, which has been

laced with guilt and confusion over what constitutes proper behavior.

"Is it O.K. to throw a party for no particular reason or worthy

cause?" I asked.

"I think it's fine to throw a party," Ms. Ford said. "We have to

get back to normal life. So many people did nothing for so long. And when you

think about what got canceled-whether it was charity or dinner parties or

whatever-life was really put on hold for quite a while."

Then the next question becomes, How does one invite people to a

party these days, given that the mail is not currently seen as especially

reliable or safe?

"I think in this area we have to bend the rules a little," Ms.

Ford said. "I wouldn't ordinarily say this, but I think if people are going to

send out a lot of invitations, it's O.K. to do it by e-mail or fax or by

calling."

Similar confusion reigns when it comes to getting dressed for

social events. In her new book, Ms.Fordinvokes Socrates' "Know thyself" as a

good rule of thumb for personal fashion, but she admits that she is not a fan

of the casual-dressing trend that coincided with the Internet boom.

Ms. Ford said that the night before, she had gone to the

restaurant Estiatorio Milos for dinner. "I had on a black wool skirt and a

little jacket. It was a little bit on the dressy side," she said, and then her

eyes began to squint with dismay. "I want to tell you, there were people in

this restaurant. Everybody was so casual, and I thought to myself, 'People make

no effort to look nice at night.' And I hear that from people who go to the

ballet and to the opera. What is it? They go in blue jeans. That would never

happen in Europe. People have more respect for that kind of thing."

What about the New York uniform of all black? Was it still

appropriate to wear in a city now dominated by mourning? Ms. Ford had no

problem with that: "I love black. I love color, too."

I asked Ms. Ford about the boundaries of humor in social

situations. I told her about being at an event at the restaurant Jo Jo on Sept.

25, when Prince Dimitri of Yugoslavia, the international director of jewelry at

the Phillips Auction House, approached a table of young socialites (including

Alex von Furstenberg, Serena and Samantha Boardman, and Todd Meister) and

attempted to tell a joke about the hot new restaurant in New York being

"Windows on the Garage." Prince Dimitri told The Observer that he told the joke "in the context" of explaining

an e-mail he'd gotten that had contained jokes about the tragedy. "We were

discussing that, after the fact, there were always these jokes that originate

from Wall Street. It was actually a very serious conversation," he said. "They

probably just heard the joke."

The joke was greeted with

silence, and the upstairs area near that table emptied out soon after. Ms. Ford

agreed that "if I had been at that table, I would have gotten up and left."

I told Ms. Ford that I'd run into a number of women lately who'd

said that the events of the last few weeks had made them want to solidify their

relationships with the men in their lives. Given the circumstances, how did she

feel about women proposing to men?

"Leap year," Ms. Ford said, throwing in a dusky chuckle. But then

she added: "Since I've grown up, things have changed so much. But I think it's

very healthy. Actually, I asked my husband to marry me. My last husband."

"Ed Downe?" I said.

Ms. Ford rolled her eyes in a way that left no question about her

feelings for him.

"Actually, I had a few questions about him," I said.

"Well, let's see what the question is before I answer it or not,"

she said with a smile.

Ms. Ford has married and

divorced three times in her life: to Stavros Niarchos, Wall Street financier

Tony Forstmann and, most recently, investor Ed (Upside) Downe. In 1992, Mr.

Downe was a member of the "Society Seven," who were implicated in insider trading.

At the time of her husband's indictment, Ms. Ford told British gossip columnist

Nigel Dempster, "Just because he's got a problem, I'm not about to leave him."

Ms. Ford was practicing the advice at the beginning of Chapter 12

of her new book: "Difficult times require everyone to act with sensitivity and

grace," she wrote. "It is times like these when treating others with decency is

of utmost importance."

Mr. Downe did not reciprocate, however, and Ms. Ford divorced him

in 1994, after she reportedly discovered that he had been having an affair with

Mary Conley Baker. Mr. Downe wound up marrying Ms. Baker and being pardoned by

President Clinton. Mr Downe said reports of the circumstances of his divorce

from Ms. Ford were "untrue. There were certain irreconcilable differences," he

said, but he declined to elaborate.

I asked Ms. Ford why she had stuck by Mr. Downe. "That's the way

I was brought up," she said. "My mother did the same thing when my parents got

divorced. My mother never washed her dirty laundry in public, and I always

admired her for that, because it's such an easy thing to do …. I did marry him

for better or worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health. But then,

when it got past the point of no return …. " She didn't finish her sentence,

just said, "Hmmmm."

Etiquette dictated that I change the subject. I asked Ms. Ford to

tell me about the décor of her dining room, but her descriptions of the

antiquities and artwork were as understated as the décor itself. A beautiful

sepia-toned Oriental screen was described merely as "a screen": the Austrian

painter responsible for a lush landscape on another wall had slipped her mind;

and of the Buddhas, she would say only that "I bought [them], gosh, years and

years ago." The carvings were once in another part of the apartment, she added,

but she'd redecorated a year and a half ago. "I got rid of a lot of stuff. I

got rid of all the ghosts in this apartment," Ms. Ford said. A smile crossed

her face and she snickered.

If you could call Montauk an escape from Sag Harbor, you might understand this purchase. The buyers–a philanthropist and an architect–live with their three children on a six-acre waterfront home in North Haven, about a half-hour's drive from Montauk. They will consider Mr. Avedon's property, which they first saw about four months ago, a retreat from the tortuous Hamptons season set to open in just a few short months.

"They want to get away from all the activity when it gets really intense in August," said a source.

The property, on the south side of the Old Montauk Highway, is nestled between the Atlantic Ocean and a nature preserve. There's a main house and a guest house–with six bedrooms and seven-and-a-half baths between them–a stable, a small studio, gardens, an orchard, a pool and a garage. "The most impressive part is that it's on cliffs above the ocean," said a source.

Said another source, "It's desolate."

Mr. Avedon moved in about 20 years ago, threw a bunch of parties–including his son John's wedding to Maura Moynihan, the daughter of Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan in 1990–and brought out his picture-snapping students for field trips. He also let a film crew in for a portion of Richard Avedon: Darkness and Light , a documentary. In 1998, he put the place on the market for $10 million.

Last summer, Tina Fredericks, who runs a real estate brokerage in East Hampton, brought comedian Jerry Seinfeld by to look at the cluster of buildings. Mr. Seinfeld didn't make an offer, but another one of Ms. Fredericks' clients, who wanted the place for $6.5 million, was rebuffed by Mr. Avedon. Since then Ms. Fredericks has brought six other clients to see the property. She said $9 million was a "very fair price."

Brokers at Allan M. Schneider Associates Inc., the exclusive firm handling the property, didn't return calls, and Mr. Avedon and his lawyer, Bob Wise, would not comment on the deal.

THE HEIRESS AND THE HECKLER: FORD'S OUT, McENROE'S IN Six years ago, Manhattan lost Elena Ford to Detroit when she went to write ad copy about her great-grandfather's assembly line. Now she's saying goodbye to the Hamptons, too. On March 13, the 34-year-old–who is now the director of e-marketing for the Ford Motor Company–sold her oceanfront mansion at 11 Squabble Lane in South Hampton for $5.495 million.

Ms. Ford, the daughter of Charlotte Ford and the late shipping magnate Stavros Niarchos, took the Ford name at 13. She has a $200 million stake in the family corporation. And in June 1996, she married for the second time to plumber Joe Rippolone; they live near the Dearborn, Mich., headquarters. Ms. Ford could not be reached for comment on her sale.

Maybe Ms. Ford's mother, Charlotte Ford, who owns a home just down the street, warned her that John McEnroe had bought the place next door about six months ago. Sources say Mr. McEnroe paid $4.2 million for Werther House, a two-acre affair with eight bedrooms, eight baths and, of course, a tennis court, at 9 Squabble Lane.

Or maybe not. "I sought it out," said Andrea Ackerman, a partner at Dunemere Associates Real Estate. Ms. Ackerman was acting on behalf of a couple from Fifth Avenue who had unloaded their landlocked East Hampton home for $4.2 million and were in the market for something on the water. Ms. Ford's 11,000-square-foot stucco house, designed by architect Preston Phillips in 1991, has seven bedrooms, 14 1/2 bathrooms, fireplaces in the master bedroom and living room, and a pool out near the 230 feet of oceanfront.

Ms. Ackerman's buyers first looked at the house in January. The deal closed on March 16. They have some minor renovations–soundproofing?–and decorating to do before settling in this summer.

UPPER EAST SIDE

MUSICAL CO-OPS: 740 PARK GREEN-LIGHTS SCHWARZMAN, FIFTH AVENUE PONDERS KOSLOWZKI, RALES Even though the co-founder of Blackstone Group L.P., Steven Scharzman, was a Yale undergrad with the president of the board of 740 Park Avenue, investor Charles Stevenson, there was no avoiding a formal meeting regarding Mr. Schwarzman's purchase of the building's triplex penthouse for $37 million from former Reliance Group Holdings Inc. chairman Saul Steinberg.

According to a source, when Mr. Stevenson and Mr. Schwarzman spoke about the April 4 meeting, Mr. Stevenson said, "Excuse me for having to do this formality, but I need to meet with you." Mr. Schwarzman's purchase was approved on the same day.

In fact, 740 Park has green-lighted all potential purchasers of late, including Thomas Tisch, the youngest son of the former chief executive of CBS Corporation, Laurence Tisch, whose family's holdings include the Loews hotel chain. Thomas Tisch bought the eighth- and ninth-floor duplex for about $15 million in early February. And last month, Steven and Christine Rales sold their 14th-floor apartment for just under $16 million without ever moving in, and without a hitch from the board. The purchaser was hedge fund manager Israel Englander.

Apparently, the Raleses, a Washington couple, decided that they preferred a pied-à-terre on Fifth Avenue to one on Park Avenue ("One liked 740 and the other didn't," one source said of the Rales). The couple can expect the same speedy resolution Mr. Schwarzman received when they meet with the co-op board at 820 Fifth Avenue over their agreement with socialite Nancy Richardson to purchase her fifth-floor apartment for about $17 million.

"They have probably been pre-screened to the degree where it would not be moving forward unless a positive outcome was expected," said a source.

"I can't confirm anything," said Brucie Boalt of Sotheby's International Realty, Ms. Richardson's broker.

Ms. Richardson's 18-room, 6,500-square-foot, fifth-floor apartment has been unattainable by everyone, from Valentino Garavani to Steve Wynn and Libbett Johnson. It carries a monthly maintenance of $13,452–about $3,000 more than the Raleses' maintenance at 740 Park.

Before the end of April, Mr. Schwarzman will be sitting on the other side of the board interview–as a member of the board at 950 Fifth Avenue–when Dennis Kozlowski, president of Tyco International Ltd., is evaluated as the new owner of the apartment Mr. Kozlowski is leaving. If things get any cozier, co-op boards might get a bad name.

UPPER WEST SIDE

150 Columbus Avenue

Three-bed, 3.5-bath, 2,050-square-foot condo.

Asking: $1.89 million. Selling: $1.8 million.

Charges: $1,062. Taxes: $500.

Time on the market: seven weeks.

TWO GUYS WITH A BUNCH OF PLACES TO BLOW THEIR MONEY "If it were just him, he would have lived in SoHo or TriBeCa," said Gayle Morgan, a broker with Douglas Elliman. But this divorced dad, who was abandoning a rental in the West 50's, decided to stay in the neighborhood because it's close to his 10-year-old son's school. "In the end, he decided it would be so inconvenient for play dates," said Ms. Morgan. Dad, who is in the real estate business himself, will have to settle for this three-bedroom, three-and-a-half-bath apartment near Lincoln Center, an area quickly becoming a little Times Square. The old man likes the 24-hour doorman, the concierge, the Reebok Health Club, the Barnes & Noble. The kid likes the Sony multiplex and the Tower Records right across the street. "He's got his own room," said Ms. Morgan. "He's painting it blue."

MIDTOWN

15 West 53rd Street (Museum Tower)

One-bed, 2.5-bath, 2,000-square-foot condo.

Asking: $1.25 million. Selling: $1.15 million.

Charges: $1,400. Taxes: $1,200.

Time on the market: two months.

POOR LITTLE DOT-COM BOY These dot-commers simply won't stay put. First, they leave nice sunny northern California and set up shop in Silicon Alley–buying lofts for their offices and homes, and decorating with computerized gadgets and lots of chrome. Now they're creeping uptown. Example A: the Internet startup with a flashy car who had to take out a loan to pay the deposit on this apartment. He's a songwriter who has started an Internet company where Web browsers can download movies onto their computer screens–a real Renaissance man. "He's a young man, very successful, but he has no cash right now," said his broker, Sachiko Goodman, managing director of Sumitomo Realty. He's waiting to be paid royalties for songs he wrote and to cash in his stock options. Even though he's "worth" millions, and Blockbuster video is a major investor in his Internet company, "he has no cash right now for the down payment," said Ms. Goodman. "We had to make arrangements for him to get a down payment loan from a small institution–he has to pay a huge interest." At least the condo has a large entertaining area–with a bar. There's also a library and a formal dining room. "I was shocked–he has nice things … fancy cars … this and that–but not much cash in his pocket," Ms. Goodman told The Observer . The poor little dot-commer act is getting a little old with Ms. Goodman–she had to wait on another client's Internet I.P.O. to get his deposit on a new Chelsea loft. Kids today!

414 East 52nd Street (Southgate)

One-bed, one-bath, 850-square-foot co-op.

Asking: $310,000. Selling $307,000.

Charges: $1,272; 61 percent tax-deductible.

Time on the market: one month.

SPARKLY AND SHINY AND EVERYTHING NICE "He wanted [the apartment] to sparkle at night," said Kathy Roeder of Caldwell Banker Hunt Kennedy realty about her TV-biz client, who never comes home in the daylight. "With the mirrors and track lighting, it did," she said. Also shiny: the black marble bathroom and hallway, and whitewashed living room floors, which the night owl found "sleek." The buyer had lived in a different apartment in this four-building complex before he moved out of Manhattan, and he wanted back in. He also liked the wood-burning fireplace and brushed-steel kitchen. The seller, who had been living in the apartment since the 1960's, is planning to move to the West Coast. Joan Menna, who owns her own firm, was the co-broker.

PARK SLOPE

195 Garfield Place

Three-bed, two-bath, 1,200-square-foot co-op.

Asking: $349,000. Selling: $332,000.

Charges: $1,017; 50 percent tax-deductible.

Time on the market: three months.

TWO SCIENTISTS DO NOT ALWAYS MAKE SENSE Five town houses between Sixth and Seventh avenues were morphed into this one building in the 1880's, their facades intact. Two scientists, one a Ph.D., the other a Ph.D. candidate, didn't seem to mind. In fact, most of their logic was lost on their broker, Ezra Orchard of the Corcoran Group. "I thought they were going to like the two-bedroom I showed them on President Street." Nope. Two floors plus three bedrooms, two baths, a dining area and exclusive use of the backyard equaled a deal. "This is not the brightest apartment," he said. "The whole thing kind of surprised me." But it is in a good school district.