Turns out, women are just super bad at objectifying dudes. Even when they try to put into words the perfect male “personal assistant” profile–such as in this Craigslist ad found by ScalleyWag & Vagabond–they only start by listing physical traits (“Yeah send me a pic or five, dick pics are ok but one should be of your face :)))”) before quickly move on to emotional girlie stuff. (“I don’t want to worry about this person’s feelings, our “dynamic” and all that Massengill commercial type bullshit.”)
Fed up seeing your ex swooning over another woman, fresh on the heels of your breakup? One Houston woman decided to take matters into her own hands, and instead of just Facebook stalking both of them, posted the photo and address of her ex’s new girlfriend in a Craigslist ad soliciting sex.
Update: According to Brokelyn.com, the real author of this post was not an Oberlin graduate at all (could have fooled us), but a Wesleyan alum named Harris Danow, a writer’s assistant on The Newsroom, who for some reason decided to funnel his creative talent into writing fan fiction about being Lena Dunham’s gay ex-lover.
L Magazine referred to it as “fan fiction,” but the insanely long rant about Lena Dunham’s Dick on Craigslist discovered today seems to come straight from the source–if not from her Oberlin ex-boyfriend, than someone who has spent a lot of time researching how this guy would react to the Girls creator’s meteoric rise to fame.
Do you ever get tired of your roommate talking about the same thing over and over again?
Well, one Williamsburg resident certainly did, and has taken the drastic measure of renting their apartment out on Craiglist, because they’re no longer going to listen to their flatmate’s “God damn opinions on Syria.”
“Beautiful” and “Craigslist”—a most unlikely pairing of words, but one certainly fitting for a particular posting recently shared all over the internet.
Writing in the New York City ‘Missed Connections’ section, one man divulged his love for a fellow passenger on the Manhattan-bound Brooklyn Q train.
The author remained anonymous, but murmurs in the Twitterverse Read More
Okay, so technically this movie is called True Story, but the synopsis, via Craigslist’s P/T paid gigs pages, reads like it was torn from the Capote non-fiction novel:
SYNOPSIS: STORY OF A JOURNALISTS’ RELATIONSHIP WITH A MOST WANTED MURDERER AND A CASE OF STOLEN IDENTITY.
Short. Brief. Succinct. To the point. And more adjectives! (We wonder if Mr. Franco himself wrote the entry?)
I’m not sure if we have a term in the English language for something like the singularity, except it happens when Craigslist ads for reality shows based on better scripted programs become self-aware, but if we did, the world we lived in would be even sadder. (Presumably because that means this phenomenon happened enough to deserve its own entry in Webster’s.)
So just be glad that the Emmy-Award winning producers behind this new program about Brooklyn/downtown Manhattan hipsters 20-somethings who are trying to figure it all out can only have the one reference like this:
You know how much we love Missed Connections. It’s our favorite part of Craigslist; displaying the entire spectrum of the world’s sorrow and pity (and schadenfreude). See: Missed Connections during a hurricane, from Patrick Bateman: Investment Banker, Missed Connections that aren’t even real Missed Connections at all.
But even reeking with desperation, Missed Connections always knew what it was: A place to post your creepy stalker love letters to other random faces in the crowd. Until now.
Ladies, we know how hard it is to get work out there these days. All the secretary pools are overstocked, and now that the war is over, the men have taken back all the canning jobs at the factories. Sometimes it’s enough to make you want to start an all female baseball team, which a gruff Tom Hanks could manage and tell you when it is and is not an appropriate time to cry.
But, women, we implore you: No matter how desperate you are, don’t go taking every two-bit dancing/bartending job listed on Craigslist. No matter how enticing the advertisement may look, it’s always a good rule of thumb that if someone can’t be bothered to Google the spelling of their favorite movie of all time, they will not be able to pay you in anything other than sweaty dollar bills stuffed into your thong.
We mean, we hope we are misreading this listing under the “barter” section, but we’re pretty sure that this Rockland County family is basically advertising their need for a slave. Or maybe an old-timey hobo? We don’t know, you decide.