Dangerous to your health (MTV)

This just goes to show that even the best music in the world can turn ugly if sung too many times by your drunken boyfriend at his birthday party.

A 23-year-old Colorado woman named Samantha Malson was arrested this weekend after she choked out her boyfriend for singing "Thrift Shop" by Macklemore over and over, even when she asked "25 times" for him to stop. Unfortunately, it was her lover's 26th birthday that evening and the victim was wasted (as birthday boys tend to get), leading to an unfortunate altercation in which Ms. Malson literally started choking the life out of her boyfriend rather than listen to lines like "Savin' my money and I'm hella happy that's a bargain, bitch" and "I'ma take your grandpa's style, I'ma take your grandpa's style."

While Ms. Malson was busy demonstrating the shoving/choking gestures that she performed on her boyfriend because "He just annoyed me," the police ran her I.D. and found there was a warrant for her arrest for failing to appear in court for a previous assault charge. As she was being led away, Ms. Malson told the police it wasn't fair to arrest her for "self-defense." Unfortunately, assaulting one's sense of good taste is still legal in Colorado.

A 51-year old man with $55 worth of cheese hidden in his pants was arrested last week in a Brooklyn supermarket after a store clerk tried to stop him, according to the Brooklyn Paper.

The man was stopped in a market in the heart of Williamsburg (Broadway between Hooper and Keap) at 2 in the afternoon after an employee saw him stuff large blocks of cheese in his pants.

Cops reported that the cheese-napper pulled out a razor blade when approached by staff. The employees quickly called for reinforcements and the man was arrested. It is unclear if the cheese was returned.

While we encourage Williamsburg residents to remain on alert, it should be noted that queso-clepto is neither hip nor exclusive. According to a previously conducted study by the U.K.’s Centre for Retail Research, cheese has held the title of most stolen food in the world since like, 2011. Put that in your pants and steal it.

A Queens homeowner facing foreclosure. (NY Times)

New York City has, in many ways, been spared the worst ravages of the foreclosure crisis. A city of renters, where single family homes are the exception rather than the norm and co-op and condo boards regularly turn their noses up at perfectly decent financial packages, we have avoided the magnitude of problems suffered by many other American cities.

But foreclosures have still troubled the city—and often indirectly. For example, many renters in overleveraged multi-family properties suffered when landlords fell behind on payments and ceased to conduct maintenance. And where foreclosures have hit New York, they have also been tied to increases in crime, according to a new report by NYU's Furman Center for Real Estate & Urban Policy.

That the two should be tied together is not so surprising. Across the country, a combination of falling fortunes and vacant homes, desperation and a place to conduct desperate acts, have produced similar patterns. Marijuana growers and meth labs have both taken advantage of empty abodes and absent neighbors.

But the correlation between foreclosures and crime in New York, even given the city's active street life, its declining crime rates and its far-from-abandoned neighborhoods, is noteworthy. For each property receiving a foreclosure notice, the immediate neighborhood saw a 0.7 percent increase in total crime, a 1.5 percent increase in violent crime and a 0.8 percent increase in public order crime, according to the report. However, significant increases in crime only occurred on blocks where there had been three or more foreclosures. Neighborhoods with the highest concentrations of foreclosures and existing crime rates saw the biggest upticks.

While the study took pains to look at foreclosures block-by-block to diminish the classic problem of causation versus correlation, it still suffers from that ambiguilty. The question of whether foreclosures caused crime, or whether they simply happened more often in neighborhoods long beset by poverty, where underground and illegal economies were already thriving, is difficult to answer. That empty, unattended properties invite illicit behavior is well-established, but do they actually cause crime, or just harbor it?

The study did establish that crime was not simply relocating from adjacent blocks, as might be expected in high-crime neighborhoods where local law breakers would be inclined to seek out new spots suited to their nefarious purposes. However, it was impossible to tell whether or not the crime might have migrated from other, more far-flung areas.

"This research indicates that foreclosures are not just an issue affecting individual homeowners; they threaten the stability of the surrounding neighborhood as well," Furman Center Co-Director and study author Ingrid Gould Ellen said in a release about the study.

Likewise, the study's finding that properties which resolved their foreclosures before going to auction had less of a negative effect on communities than those that had failed to do so is hard to separate from other factors. Foreclosures resolved before auction would seem to be associated with homeowners who had more resources at their disposal—financial, community, legal—that would also prove helpful in combating crime.

"This suggests that finding ways to help homeowners avoid foreclosure and resolve their cases more quickly might go a long way to addressing the effects we see," Ms. Gould added.

Greater financial assistance and community intervention may well help to curb the negative impact of foreclosures and, in connection, crime rates.

A year after the banks reached a settlement over foreclosure abuses, it is easy to imagine that the foreclosure crisis is behind the country. New York in particular, with a giddy trophy market powered by the international elite, can seem above it all. But the reality is that many homeowners, and in particular those spread across the five boroughs, are still struggling with the problem, which is deeply complicated and in many cases, unresolved by the settlement. Dinette Rivera, a 38-year-old single mother in Queens, recently told The Times that she was overjoyed to receive a letter from Bank of America telling her that her second mortgage would be forgiven, only to receive another letter, a short time later, also from the Bank of America, telling her that her first mortgage was being foreclosed on and she would need to vacate.

kvelsey@observercom

Have you seen this man?

Louis C.K. might play a downtrodden pervert on TV, but does that make him one in real life as well? According to a group of fliers found in California, Mr. C.K. might be even worse than an average Joe Jack-Off: His photo has been connected on the posters to a suspected peeping tom.

But maybe it's just great viral marketing?

Full posters:

Have you seen this man?

So far, the police haven't commented on the validity of these signs, which put the comedian's address at Park 21752 on the Pacific Coast Highway. The picture was first discovered by resident Jacqueline Rivas, who posted the pics to her Twitter account and claims to have had nothing to do with the signs' creation.

Still, it seems unlikely to be the Louie star: though he is on hiatus and can certainly afford a green mobile home, we doubt that the self-described gym-hater would be seen "traveling by skateboard or bicycle."

As for the viral marketing angle, it seems unlikely, seeing as Louis C.K.'s latest round of tours is only bringing him to California for one engagement, in Sacramento in February.

The Observer has reached out to Louis C.K.'s publicist but has yet to receive a response.

How to catch an iPhone predator. (ABC News)

With apps like Find My iPhone now built into most Mac products--and the NYPD is on it!--it's still difficult to, well, find one's iPhone, especially if it's been stolen. That's why one canny victim, Nadal Nirenberg, found a new way to find his phone, lost on New Year's Eve ... by posing as a woman on a online dating site.

When he saw his OKCupid profile being used by the suspect through his former iPhone 4, Mr. Nirenberg played his own game of To Catch a Predator, by hitting on his online avatar, pretending to be a sexy woman.

Julie Patz, on the Today show, two years after her son Etan's disappearance.

A New York grand jury has indicted Pedro Hernandez in connection with the 1979 death of Etan Patz. Mr. Hernandez, a 51-year-old resident of Maple Shade, N.J., has been charged with murder in the second degree. He was arrested in May 2012 after reportedly confessing to killing the little boy.

Etan Patz was on his way to school when he vanished from Soho on May 25, 1979. His disappearance became national news, his image eventually appearing on milk cartons across the country.

At the time, Mr. Hernandez was a stock clerk at a bodega near the Patz residence. According to a statement from NYPD Commissioner Ray Kelly, Mr. Hernandez said he lured Etan into the basement of the bodega by promising the boy a soda.

The New York Post reports that some investigators don't believe the state can win its case against Mr. Hernandez, and they have good reasons:

Hernandez has been described by his defense lawyer as bipolar and suffering from auditory and visual hallucinations. A six-month investigation has yielded no additional evidence beyond Hernandez's four, original arrest confessions plus the word of six of Hernandez's church and family members, who have told cops that Hernandez made incriminating statements about having killed a child or "done something bad" in the past, according to sources.

Mentally stable or not, Mr. Hernandez may have been confessing to the crime since Etan Patz disappeared. Detectives investigating the case in 1979, however, dismissed those confessions as the ravings "of a lunatic" at the time.

This was allegedly intended to demonstrate the letter writer's ability to easily conceal an explosive device inside the store.

It wasn't an idle threat. Police found and managed to disable a functioning pipe bomb inside the Huntington Home Depot's lighting department on October 15, 2012.

The ransom letter stated that unless Home Depot paid $2 million, the writer would shut down the store's Long Island locations on the day after Thanksgiving by setting off pipe bombs loaded with roofing nails.

The would-be bomber later sent another letter and made phone calls which police say they traced to a prepaid cell phone found in Mr. Sheehan's possession.

The F.B.I.'s acting assistant director-in-charge, Mary Galligan, said in a statement that  whatever Mr. Sheehan's motivation for the plot, his "scheme caused economic loss, was a huge drain on law enforcement resources, and threatened the safety of untold numbers of innocent people, any one of which is unacceptable."

If he is convicted, Daniel Sheehan could face 30 years to life in prison.

The complaint against Mr. Sheehan is embedded below.

An earlier version of this post incorrectly stated the U.S. Attorney was Robert Nardoza. The U.S. Attorney for the Eastern District of New York is Loretta E. Lynch.

The children later died.

The New York Times reported that the middle-aged nanny was transported to NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center where according to some reports she was in stable but critical condition. Police say a bloody knife was found near the injured nanny and that she is a "person of interest" in the deaths of the little girl, age six, and the two-year-old boy.

The Times interviewed another resident of the posh apartment building who witnessed the harrowing moments after the children's mother discovered the scene:

“There were bloodcurdling screams from a woman and man’s screaming,” said Rima Starr, who lives down the hall from the victims’ second-floor apartment. Ms. Starr recognized the man’s voice as the building superintendent. She heard him yelling: “ ‘You slit her throat! You slit her throat!’ The mother’s was just bloodcurdling screams.”

Ms. Starr also told the Times that the mother was "in a psychotic state" and "just screaming and swaying."

Reports indicate that after entering her dark apartment with her three-year-old child in tow the mother asked the building's doorman if he'd seen the nanny leave with the other children. When the doorman said no the mother returned and found the gruesome scene in the bathroom.

Police believe the nanny slit her own throat after she stabbed the children.

Gilberto Valle III. (Facebook)

Manhattan U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara announced the Halloween-worthy arrest of 28-year-old NYPD officer Gilberto Valle III today. Mr. Valle, who was stationed at the 26th Precinct, has been charged with kidnapping, conspiracy and illegal use of a federal law enforcement database.

Those charges aren't strange at all, considering the crimes were allegedly committed as part of a plot with co-conspirators to kidnap and cannibalize as many as 100 women.

According to U.S. Attorney Bharara, Mr. Valle's plans were detailed and gruesome. In a press release, Mr. Bharara said that Mr. Valle "planned to kidnap women so that they could be raped, tortured, killed, cooked, and cannibalized."

The officer's plans "shock the conscience," said Mr. Bharara.

In the complaint against the officer, investigators detailed plans that allegedly went far beyond the talking stages. Mr. Valle may have thoroughly investigated targets and meticulously studied their lives.

In chat sessions held in July 2012 with someone referred to in court documents as CC-1 (Co-Conspirator 1), Mr. Valle and his associate allegedly discussed the best ways to kidnap, cook and eat an unnamed victim.

Authorities say the cop even created a document titled "Abducting and Cooking [Victim's name]: a Blueprint." The document contained the woman's name, birth date and physical details like height, weight and bra size. Investigators allege Mr. Valle even included a list of items needed, which read,

• Car (I have it)
• Chloroform (refer to website for directions)
• Rope (Strongest kind to tie her up)

Creepier still, Mr. Valle allegedly agreed with another co-conspirator to kidnap a different woman whom he would deliver bound, gagged and alive. Court documents contained a chilling transcript of an online exchange regarding the second would-be victim:

(Co-Conspirator 2): I definitely want her and how much again, I'm sorry to ask but I don't remember.
VALLE: $5,000 and she is all yours.
CC-2: Could we do 4?
VALLE: I am putting my neck on the line here. If something goes wrong somehow, I am in deep shit. $ 5,000 and you need to make sure she is not found. She will definitely make the news.

The U.S. Attorney says federal investigators found evidence of how closely Mr. Valle may have watched intended victims--cellphone data allegedly revealed the cop made and received calls while very close to the second target's Manhattan apartment. Investigators say interviews with "victim 2" revealed that she'd never had Mr. Valle over to her place and didn't know him very well.

In a statement about the arrest, NYPD Commissioner Ray Kelly said, "This is a bizarre case. We suspended the officer immediately upon his arrest, and a review is now underway to determine whether there was anything in his background that should have alerted the department to his alleged proclivities."

The complaint and warrant for the arrest of Gilberto Valle III is embedded below.

Smooth moves. (Reuters)

Normally, when you break into a home, you steal what's inside. Taking a page from hedgehogs and jackrabbits, Shawn McAleese got dig and instead robbed the neighbors, hitting eight different businesses in the wee hours of the morning during a two-month spree this summer.

On August 27, in New York State Supreme Court, the defendant pled guilty to eight counts of burglary in the third degree. Today, Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance announced his sentence: a 28 to 56 year stint in state prison. That is stiffer than some murders.

Mr. McAleese, 43, broke into at least eight residential buildings in the Flatiron District, Hell’s Kitchen, the Upper East Side, Murray Hill, and Central Harlem between May 3 and June 30 of this year. Basically, all over town.

“He not only violated the sanctity of private homes by breaking into residences, but also used those apartments as launch pads to steal from nearby businesses," Mr. Vance said in a statement. "Theft from a business doesn’t end at emptying the cash register – it jeopardizes the job security of those who work there because it affects the bottom line.”

The residential buildings for this belligerent burglar, though, were mere gateways to greater things. Mr. McAleese chose his residential targets according to their relative proximity to restaurants and bars. He used them to gain access to alleys or to dig his way through walls into neighboring businesses.

Mr. McAleese’s appetite for thievery saw him raid an array of eateries throughout the city. His foodie inclinations, though, were clearly not the deciding factor when it came to choice of where to cull. Among the places struck were Molly’s Irish Pub and the desert shop Kyotofu in Hell’s Kitchen; chic organic canteen Bareburger in the Meat Packing District; a Chipotle on the Upper East Side; and The Famous Chicken Place in Murray Hill.

One thing we remain unable to gleen from the objects of his offense, is Mr. McAleese’s taste and preference of culinary delight. But at least he should have no problem digging his way out of the slammer.