Say Hello to 'Philip'
Turns out Derek Jeter lacks imagination when it comes to things that are not sports or women.
The Uber-Yankee has been caught trying to hoodwink employees in a Greenwich Village Starbucks into believing he’s a man called Philip, according to The New York Post. The plan may have failed when they released he’s one Read More
On Sunday afternoon, Brian Cashman, general manager of the New York Yankees, stood by the dugout at George M. Steinbrenner Field in Tampa watching the team take batting practice prior to a spring training matchup against the Detroit Tigers. A pair of dark glasses shielded Mr. Cashman’s eyes from the bright Florida rays, but his mostly bald crown was exposed. A man walked up to Mr. Cashman and gave him a warm greeting.
“What’s cooking?” the man asked.
“My head,” Mr. Cashman replied tersely.
The 44-year-old GM has plenty of reasons to feel the heat aside from the temperatures in Tampa, which topped 80 degrees nearly every day this month. Mr. Cashman spent much of the offseason dealing with a sex scandal that saw photos of his alleged pajama pants make the blog headlines and found him in court facing an alleged mistress he claims stalked and harassed him.
Several weeks ago, we reported on the oft-heard rumor that if you are lucky enough to catch the Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter‘s penis and put it inside you, you would go home the next morning with a gifting suite worth of goodies. (Including but not limited to a signed baseball! How very Freudian.) The best part of all? There wasn’t a cap on how many times you could pull the one-night-stand move on Mr. Jeter, since he apparently has the memory of a goldfish when it comes to the women he’s bedded.
Sorry ladies, but your free ride is officially over.
While our comment board is going crazy (almost as crazy as that investment banker) over whether or not a man should pay for dinner if its unclear whether or not he’ll be getting some action later in the evening, there’s one man who still abides by those traditional forms of courtesy. You know, like paying a woman after sex–but not actually paying her, because that would be gross–but paying her with free stuff.
That man is Derek Jeter.
Sometimes we like to imagine what life would be like if everything had turned out differently—if everything we’d wished for this week had actually come true. We like to imagine, for instance, that we’d be in line for the new iPhone 5 and that it would be so shiny and magical that it wouldn’t matter that we still get no reception anywhere in Manhattan where you’d actually need to make a phone call. We like to imagine that Chris Christie is running for President because we like outsized… personalities. (We’ve sprained all of our extraocular muscles rolling our eyes at Michelle Bachmann but she seems to have more staying power than Mitt Romney’s hair gel.) We like to imagine Derek Jeter hammering some of Justin Verlander’s 100 mph fastballs into the nosebleed seats at Comerica Park. We like to imagine that Girl Scout Council employees are paragons of public service and would never, ever embezzle $310,000 of organizational cookie money for cosmetic laser procedures and cruises.
But, alas, none of it’s true.
The Daily Transom
New York’s hit king has dropped his catch and singled! Derek Jeter, a hero to Yankees fans and schlub lifers alike, has split with Minka Kelly, his actress girlfriend of three years. Just Jared had the scoop just after midnight last night.
“The split was amicable,” sources exclusively tell JJ of the 37-year-old Read More
Words of Wisdom from the Yankees Locker Room
After last night’s extra-innings loss to Boston in a crucial game for the New York Yankees, there was little consolation to be had for their fans. Except for this: the New York Post got their hands on and excerpted the new memoir from a former Yankees batboy, one of the last of his kind who didn’t have to sign a presumably eternal confidentiality agreement. If the excerpt they used is any indication, this is going to be one of the better, jucier reads in Yankees history.
beer and loafing
On July 5, the New York Yankees were up 6-0 in the bottom of the sixth inning in an away game against the Cleveland Indians. Orlando Cabrera snapped the quiet with a sharp grounder between second and third that looked to be an easy base hit for the home team. The 37-year-old Derek Jeter, in his second game back after more than two weeks on the D.L., grabbed the ball as he spun in one fluid motion, like shine off a diamond, thunder-bolting a cross-field throw to Jorge Posada at first.
Mr. Cabrera was out by an inch.
Last weekend in the Bronx, Derek Jeter made Yankee history by becoming the first player in the franchise to reach 3,000 hits. His dramatic homer deep into left field in the third inning of Saturday’s game against the Tampa Bay Rays thrilled fans—especially Christian Lopez, who caught Read More
Derek Jeter’s 3,000th hit came just as the sport whose virtues he personifies is about to endure yet another public disgrace. Roger Clemens, one of Mr. Jeter’s former teammates on the great Yankee teams of the late 1990s, will soon find himself on trial in a court of law for the crime of lying to Read More