You go, Paul Ryan. (TIME Magazine)

– Just in time for the vice presidential debates, here's Paul Ryan looking like Zach Morris's stand-in during a TIME Magazine photo shoot that teased him by saying it was considering naming him its man of the year. Yeah, right!

– The reason Lindsay Lohan was fighting with her mom on Tuesday? Apparently it had something to do with a $40,000 loan Ms. Lohan gave to her mother to keep her Long Island home from being foreclosed on.

– Last night was the New York premiere of Seven Psychopaths. Watch Christopher Walken, Sam Rockwell and Colin Farrell reenact a scene from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo last night.
http://youtu.be/NzIsz3fU9xQ

– Here's how you know you've been hanging around brooding British vampires too much ... you start referring to yourself as a "miserable c**t." In Marie Claire of all places. Oh, K-Stew!

Amber Tamblyn and David Cross.

– Lindsay Lohan and her mom got into a limo fight on Long Island that was so bad the cops needed to be called. Which means it must have been really bad, because limo fights on Long Island is like traffic on the FDR: pretty routine on the weekdays.

– Amber Tamblyn and David Cross got married, and if that thought doesn't creep you out, you should check out their adorable Instagrammed wedding photos from the upstate ceremony.

– Samantha Geimer, the woman who at 13 was at the center of Polanski rape scandal, is now writing a tell-all book. That will not be making Lena Dunham money, even.

– Did you ever want to know what sex with Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis was like? Okay, it's like having sex with Kenyan marathon runners. How delightful!

– Monica Lewinsky is just out and about these days, eating cake in the rain.

Dina Lohan left 21-year-old son Michael's birthday party at 1Oak early, probably because he is not as fun as his sister. [P6]

At least Jennifer Aniston is open about the amount of Photoshopping her recent GQ cover received. [NYDN]

Donald Trump lost his lawsuit against the developers of Israeli condo complex Crescent Heights Diamond. [P6]

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz posted pictures of son Bronx Mowgli on their personal website because no one would pay for them. [Us Weekly]

Kay McConaughey, mother to Matthew, wrote a book called I Amaze Myself. The excerpts on her Web site seem to frame it as some kind of self-help tome. Sample:

Or three! Anyway, unofficial leaks quickly revealed that it also includes the revealation that Papa McConaughey died during sex, along with details about his, uh, anatomy.

Janis Winehouse, mother to Amy, frequently speaks to the press, and gave a long interview to the Daily Mail in which gave details about her troubled daughter’s childhood, drug use, self-mutilation, and relationships:

John Voight, father to Angelina Jolie, uses the press as a means of attention-getting/communication with his daughter after she famously cut him off for prematurely announcing the adoption of her son Maddox.

Dina Lohan, mother to Lindsay, long turned a blind eye to her daughter's behavior in exchange for B.F.F. status with her offspring, but now has an E! show called “Living Lohan," which chronicles her attempts to turn Lohan calfs Ali and Cody into cash cows.

Alec Baldwin, father to Ireland, detailed his custody battle with ex-wife Kim Basinger over their daughter, calling the work A Promise to Ourselves. This is the same daughter whom he abused over the phone two years ago.

Connie Meester, mother to Leighton, is currently shopping a memoir detailing her "life journey from drug ring co-conspirator to suburban real estate agent to author." Her daughter reportedly approves of the deal.

Debbie Nelson, mother to Eminem, wrote  My Son Marshall, My Son Eminem, a memoir of her fraught relationship with her son, who famously sang about raping and killing her.

Candy Spelling, mother to Tori, has a tell-all in the works, which will presumably include her side of her on-again-off-again feud with daughter, who has already released a memoir and has another in the pipes.

Susan Ryan Jordan, mother to Meg Ryan, wrote "The Immune Spirit," ostensibly a memoir about her battle with cancer, though it mostly seemed to be about her battle with an estranged daughter.

Nancy Aniston, mother to Jennifer, recently wrote an account of her estrangement from her daughter called "From Mother to Daughter to Friends."

Kit Culkin, father to the Culkin children, wrote I Don’t Think So about his career as one of the worst stage parents in history, and Lost Boy, a collection of impressions of Michael Jackson, the bulk of which is based on the time his son Macaulay spent with him. Both are available as downloads from his Web site!

Jaid Barrymore, mother to Drew, posed for Playboy eight months after her estranged daughter did. Some other things, too, but that's what, um, sticks out.

After a short "red carpet" arrival by celebs including Christy Turlington, Christie Brinkley, Abigail Breslin (publicist Lizzie Grubman informed The Daily Transom that Ms. Breslin was "not doing interviews"; she did, however, look adorable!), and a trio of Lohans--Ali, Dina, and Dakota, aka "Cody."

We caught up with the Lohan clan over pre- and post-concert snacks (thanks, Danny Meyer!). Ali seemed sullen; at 14, she is two years older than her sister Lindsay was when she had her first starring role, in The Parent Trap. (The younger Ms. Lohan is best known these days for her reality show, Living Lohan, in which she halfheartedly attempts not to become Lindsay, but not really.) She didn't say much, but Dina was a bit more talkative. "It's all for a great cause. So my son Dakota and my daughter Ali are here. We have a driver. [The Jonas Brothers] are so good live!" She was happy to learn that the brothers originally called New Jersey their home-"I didn't know they were from the East Coast. I'm from the East Coast!" and equally happy to proclaim that she would "definitely be a gymnast" if she were in the Olympics, because, she said, she used to dance.

Over 600 people (who had paid $1500 each to raise money for Ross) then packed into the gymnasium for the noon concert, which began with Kelly Ripa raffling off two guitars. Despite having performed in Los Angeles on Thursday, at Bryant Park on Friday morning, and at Jones Beach on Friday evening, the Jonas Brothers did not disappoint. In a Tinkerbell-with-clapping way, they survive on the screams of young fans; the louder crowd around us shrieked, the more energized the brothers became. Eventually, one imagines, they disappear in a puff of smoke.

Kevin, Joe, and Nick Jonas sang for a solid hour, rotating through time-tested moves such as jumping up and down rapidly, clapping, waving their arms in the air, and clutching their chests while looking longingly into the distance and singing plaintively to girls who broke their hearts via Instant Messenger. They all play guitar, both acoustic and electric (they have a roadie whose sole job is switching their guitars from the sparkly silver one to the faux Louis Vuitton-print one mid-song), and Joe rocked out several times on the tambourine while Nick also played drums and piano.

And so, as eight-year-olds danced on bleachers the way Gossip Girls dance on banquettes, and Dina Lohan eyed Kelly Ripa's back from five feet away, we found ourselves caught up in Jonas mania. Until, that is, Joe, the lead singer and middle brother, asked "Who's ready to go..." and we thought "Already? Well, it is a good beach day," but then Joe finished with: "to the year 3000." "The Year 3000" being one of their hit songs, and we, apparently, being a bit too old for the Jonas Brothers.

“I don’t believe in hypocrisy and deception,” he said, adding that the show is a farce. “She’s supposed to show how she’s a mother and a manager, right? First of all, if she’s acting as mother, why the heck is [son] Cody always going to sports alone or with a driver? You never see her doing homework with the kids.”

On the show, Dina appears to keep a spotless house; Michael suggested otherwise. “The place is always a mess,” he said. “She doesn’t even know what the word ‘laundry’ is.

“And she’s surrounding the kids with all the wrong people,” he continued. “In one episode”—he’s seen advance copies—“her brother Paul Sullivan, he’s out on bail, and he’s sitting at the table. They won’t even show her other brother, who just got arrested for DUI and drug possession.” (As reported in The New York Post.)

The angry father, who unsuccessfully pitched his own show, Deeds, about doing God’s good work, said he’d spent the afternoon fielding phone calls about his upcoming court date with Dina, regarding custody arrangements, on June 3. He said Ms. Lohan had missed 19 of the last 30 of those appointments.

Elsewhere in E! reality-show news: Keeping Up With the Kardashians star Kim Kardashian stirred up controversy recently when she leaked the public-service announcement she shot on the weighty subject of Burma on her personal Web site. Fanista.com, which produced the spot, had intended to hold the video in light of the cyclone.

In the segment, Ms. Kardashian discusses the embattled country with her sister Kourtney, while picking out a skimpy outfit for a benefit in its honor. “What’s this benefit for again, burping?” she asks. “Burma, not burping,” replies her sister.

“It’s hard to know what’s most offensive about this PSA,” quipped blogger Tyler Durden.

The mini-movie is one of more than 30 in a series of 60-second shorts varying in tone and featuring comedians Will Ferrell and Sarah Silverman and the actress Jennifer Aniston. The idea being to use celebrities to draw attention to a very serious cause, and the Burma It Can’t Wait campaign, said fanista.com founder Dan Adler.

“Unfortunately, due to extremely bad timing, Kim prematurely released the commercial on her Web site,” said commercial and music video director Brandon Kraines, who co-wrote the sketch with writer David Nickoll. The spot was filmed some three weeks prior to the cyclone.

But why use Ms. Kardashian in the first place? “At the time she had a No. 1 hit reality show,” said Mr. Kraines, who recently helmed a System of the Down video and an online “viral” starring Jessica Alba. Mr. Kraines noted that the Kardashian video had generated around 250,000 page views; the second-most-viewed PSA in the series had 30,000. “If anyone misconceptualized the spot, all I have to say is, ‘Watch it again and listen to the dialogue,’” he said. “This is not something that was supposed to stir up controversy.”

To judge by the show's opening numbers, Mr. Sheen's boycott may have backfired.

Last night, on Memorial Day, E! premiered the show, which is called Denise Richards: It's Complicated, along with a new reality show starring Dina Lohan, mother of actor Lindsay.

According to Broadcasting & Cable, the two shows raced out the gate, racking up big numbers.

From the article:

The Met's Costume Institute Gala last night was attended by colorful superheroes, extraterrestrial royalty, and oh yeah, some glitzy New Yorkers too. [The Cut]

Alice+olivia designer Stacey Bendet is reportedly pregers with Michael Eisner's son, Eric's child. The two were engaged to be married some time next year, but will probably wed this summer. [P6]

Self-publicizing is in! To celebrate 25 years since being cast in Risky Business, Tom Cruise has honored himself with a video montage of his roles on his personal site. [P6]

Scarlett Johansson is engaged to Ryan Reynolds and showed off her rock at the Costume Institute gala last night. [NY Daily News]

James Frey writes gossip, Perez Hilton, into his new novel, Bright Shiny Morning. [Gawker]

“She thinks she’s a huge star. She thinks everyone is dying to read about her, but she’s lost her fan base. Her decisions are being driven by cash, not repairing her image,” an unnamed source, who claimed to be among those approached by the star, said. Ms. Lohan, who is preparing to record her third album, apparently started with a six-figure asking price before it was whittled to $20,000.

No photos have yet been sold, and the actress-singer’s rep denies the photographic yard sale ever happened. The day after Thanksgiving, however, Ms. Lohan was followed by her usual pack of paparazzi to Armani Exchange and Intermix boutiques in Manhattan. That trip, said another source close to the celebrity shopaholic, was arranged between Ms. Lohan and said stores. They added, “Seems like everything Lindsay does is to make money.” Well, not everything.