We love you, No. 54, but you're bringing us down.

Last week, when we wrote up the contract signing on The Observer’s old Upper East Side home, the brokers we spoke with were skeptical that the house would fetch its ambitious $28 million ask.

"I have a feeling it’s going to be low," one veteran townhouse broker of 54 East 64th Street told us. Another concurred, throwing in a dig at Douglas Elliman super broker Dolly Lenz, whom the source claimed "tends to kind of dump her stuff."

While we were not privy to the price negotiations behind the sale of the salmon-tinted mansion, the gossip about the low price turned out to be quite prescient.

If anything, in fact, the brokers we spoke with weren't pessimistic enough. The property transfer deed hit city records around noon today, and it's worse than we expected: $18 million on the dot, or a full $2 million less than the previous owner purchased it for from Irish businessman Derek Quinlan in 2011. Not to mention that it's a breathtaking $10 million less than its ask. Selling at a deep discount after less than three months on the market, it sounds like the seller—a vaguely-named LLC, who, as we reported last week, may be Middle Eastern given that they took out a mortgage from a Lebanese bank—must have been highly motivated to cash in on the brick-faced home. Even if it meant taking a loss.

We aren't sure who the buyer is—they're listed only as an LLC with a care-of address at a fancy Park Avenue law firm—but the transfer deed listed the property as an office building, despite its location in an exclusively residential zone. Maybe another newspaper will be moving in?

The hallowed halls in which The Observer was born.

The most expensive home in the five boroughs to go into contract last week (according to the Olshan report), is an address quite familiar to The Observer: 54 East 64th Street, this salmon-colored paper's Upper East Side home before Arthur Carter sold the paper to Jared Kushner.

"Four floors, a giant alimentary center-hall staircase, caked moldings, brass chandeliers, glass-fronted oak cupboards, The New York Observer sometimes felt like a Henry James society home or a 70′s swinger pad, with reporters stacked and stuffed in its confines like Hong Kong tailors," longtime editor Peter Kaplan described the mansion. "Our legal reporter set up his computer in the fourth-floor closet, near the tuxedo that was used by whomever had to go out to a formal evening."

But while The Observer has extensive knowledge of the mansion's past, everything about its present and future—from the buyer, to the seller, to the price of this current transaction—is shrouded in mystery. Alas, our reportorial powers do not include psychic ones, but we do have some clues.

The current bullpen is not nearly as glamorous.

The current owner of the 25-foot-wide, 12,551-square foot townhouse is SM 64th Street Holdings LLC, domiciled in a midtown lawyer's office. There has been some speculation that the townhouse is owned by a partner at Deloitte, but the fact that the owner took out a mortgage from Al-Mawarid Bank, headquartered in Beirut, would seem to point to an Arab seller.

The house also has an odd tendency to trade hands more often than your average Upper East Side manse (an old Observer curse?). Mr. Carter sold the brick beauty to Russian townhouse flipper Janna Bullock in 2004, who doubled her $9.5 million purchase with an $18.7 million sale just two years later—the only house she's ever actually made money on, and one that may have encouraged her to attempt a string of far less successful flips.

Ms. Bullock sold the property on to Irish businessman Derek Quinlan, who ran into difficulties once the Irish property boom turned bust, and had to sell it in 2011 for $20 million to pay off debts, reportedly in the hundreds of millions of euros.

Two years later, and it's being sold again. While it was listed for $28 million, the contract price is not public knowledge.

We did, however, speak to a few brokers who were skeptical that the seller fished his wish.

"I have a feeling it's going to be low," said one veteran Upper East Side townhouse broker, "because that broker"—Dolly Lenz, vice chairman at Douglas Elliman and often called America's top broker—“just doesn't care about the price."

"She tends to kind of dump her stuff," said another.

Ms. Lenz has not yet returned our call, so we'll have to wait and see whether a buyer thought the home's fine bones and noble lineage worthy of the full asking price.

What's wrong with it?

Doesn't a 6,459-square-foot Hamptons manse with seven bedrooms, an outdoor pool, tennis court, carriage house and four-car garage sound like the perfect place to spend the holiday weekend?

But alas, apparently the former home of power broker Dolly Lenz is not perfect, as the new buyers are suing Ms. Lenz and her broker for breach of contract, reports The Real Deal.

Ms. Lenz, who engaged the services of Corcoran Senior Vice President Tim Davis and the group's Southampton office to help her sell the Water Mill, Long Island property, closed the deal with Upper East Siders Henry C.K. Liu and his wife Judy for $5.47 million in April.

Brokers, especially real estate superstar, most successful Prudential Douglas Elliman of-all-time brokers certainly know how to show a home to its best advantage. So maybe the place just looked better than it should have when Mr. Davis showed it, much like a date in the dim light of a bar? Or could it be a pest of sorts? A rodent infestation, raccoons in the attic, a neighbor who loves nude sunbathing?

For now, at least, the problem will remain a mystery, reports The Real Deal, as the couple only filed a one-page summons suing Ms. Lenz, her husband Aaron, Mr. Davis and the Corcoran Southampton for breach of contract and negligent misrepresentation. And they don't feel like commenting.

But it can't be anything too horrible, as the couple is only suing for $20,700.

kvelsey@observer.com

The five-bedroom, five-bath home was most recently listed by Dolly Lenz of Douglas Elliman, who extolls the "4,000-square-feet of grand living space and high ceilings." A previous listing from Elizabeth Sample and Brenda Powers notes that the place was decorated by top designer Kenneth Alpert, while Ms. Lenz demurs, saying only a "top AD 100 designer" had worked on the home, a reference to Architectural Digest's list of the world's best builders and decorators.

The condo features a 675-square-foot great room and wide views of Central Park. Littered with walk-in-closets (at least five by The Observer's count), there is ample room for laundered goods.

The Murphys former home, which they bought in April 2009 for $12.6 million. was purchased anonymously through an LLC apparently based in Singapore. This is only the latest big sale in the blockbuster building, where the penthouse, once rented by Jay-Z, was also sold to an anonymous Asian buyer. That property fetched $31 million last year.

eknutsen@observer.com

The three-bedroom, three-bath place spans just 3,368-square feet, making the asking price add up to $10,391 per square foot, which would set a new city record and be the first to break five-figures.

Something seems rotten in the the limestone palace. Another apartment on the 31st floor, a full 16 stories higher than unit 15B, just sold for $24 million this week, and at 3,173-square-feet is just barely smaller than the exorbitantly priced unit downstairs. The buyers ended up paying $7,563 per-square-foot for the high-floor pad. So what on earth would compel Douglas Elliman broker Dolly Lenz to list the lowly apartment for $11 million more than the price most recently paid for a comparable, if not superior, apartment in the same building?

It seems that 15 CPW is seeing some post-Weill price inflation! Is the new luxury sales motif aim high (and court foreigners)? We called Ms. Lenz to discuss the matter. “I can’t talk about it, but thank you for your call.” Any time!

eknutsen@observer.com

Tony Carbonetti

For decades, Dorrian's has stood sentry on the Upper East Side, the quintessential prepster hangout and high schoolers' mecca. Carol Dorrian Carbonetti, daughter of the bar's proprietor Jack Dorrian, has lived not so very far away with her politico husband, Tony Carbonetti. But unlike the bar that has watched over many a debauched youth, the Carbonettis are on the move. The couple has sold their uptown digs at 52 East 72nd Street.

While Ms. Carbonetti's family has made their fortune promoting vice, Mr. Carbonetti spent years cracking down on it as Mayor Rudy Giuliani's longtime chief of staff. Mr. Carbonetti later followed his fearless leader, taking a top post at Giuliani Partners and helping engineer his failed bid for the White House in 2008.

Although they didn’t quite get the asking price, the Carbonettis did well for themselves. City records show they bought the property as two separate units, paying $1.9 million for 3A in 2006, and $695,000 for 3B in 2007. They came out on top, selling both apartments for $3.85 million, slightly less than the $3.99 million ask but still a handy $1.25 million profit. The Carbonettis must be glad the place sold, as it sat on the market for over a year before entering contract.

Claremont House.

The 18-story condo building, known as Claremont House, was built in 1986 in fine faux prewar style. Contrary to what one might expect, a listing from Douglas Elliman broker Dolly Lenz notes that the Carbonettis never combined the spread. “Currently configured as two separate apartments, they can be combined to create a full floor home with approximately 2,300 sqft,” her listing states. Currently the spread therefore includes both a kitchen and a kitchenette, in addition to two living rooms.

The combined space is marketed as a four-bedroom, 4.5-bath apartment, which comes complete with a 302-square-foot living room (the main one), a library (ideal for late night Republican strategizing)  and a small balcony off the master bedroom, from which to watch the kids stumble home.

eknutsen@observer.com

Burger King!

Who's the best broker in the land? Brown Harris Stevens' John Burger, according to the Wall Street Journal's annual list of the nation's top real estate agents. The New York based broker is a heavy hitter in the industry, selling $279,841,487 in New York property last year. Figuring that 3% commission, Mr. Burger did well for himself last year, pocketing approximately $8,395,244 before Uncle Sam.

According to his personal website, Mr. Burger splits his time between his homes on the Upper East Side and in Watermill (naturally), and is fluent in Spanish and German. And English, we presume.

Mr. Burger is currently working on several high profile property sales in New York, including a $33,000,000 5-bedroom at 927 Fifth Avenue and a $30,000,000 home at 720 Park Avenue.

Mr. Burger wasn't the only New York broker at the top of the national list—we are the kings when it comes to real estate, after all. While No. 2 was an agent from Menlo Park, CA (where all those Silicon Valley richies live), No. 3 on the list was our very own Dolly Lenz of Prudential Douglas Elliman, who sold $223,092,274, taking $6.69 million home for herself. The next New York City seller on the list is Lisa Lippman, also of Brown Harris  Stevens who sold $189,697,213 last year, raking in $5.69 million in commission. She was ranked No. 6.

Next, following  a bevy of California- and Colorado-based brokers, Roger Erickson of Sotheby's International Realty earned the nation's 12th spot, selling $145,635,000 last year, making $4.36 million off the sales. Finally, Serena Boardman, also of Sotheby's came in at No. 16 with $133,572,500 in sales and $4 million personal profit.

Here are the details for the next 5 most successful NYC brokers this year:

6) Cathy Franklin, Brown Harris Stevens: $106,299,336 sales, $3.18 million in profits.

7) Lauren Muss, Corcoran: $99,088,250 sales, $2.97 million in profits

8 ) Paul Wexler, Corcoran: $88,055,000 sales, $2.64 million in profits.

9) Marlene Marcus, Brown Harris Stevens: $82,153,500 sales, $2.46 million in profits.

10) Sherry Matays, Corcoran: $70,654,167 sales, $2.11 million in profits

This week, lunch at the Grill was totally booked, except for Friday when everyone disappeared for the long weekend. Pete Peterson was here only one day--he must have been too busy talking about the deficit! I'm surprised we're so busy for the time of year, but all of our events have sold out, too. On Thursday we held a private tasting for Brunello di Montalcino by Mastrojanni, a delicious Italian red wine. We had a lovely time--too much of a good time, with all that wine!

Ralph Lauren was here on Wednesday. So was Ms. Stewart and the actor Chris O'Donnell. Geraldo Rivera, who did his last wedding with us, also came in for lunch, and on his way out, he hugged Bill O'Shaughnessy, who was looking very charming as usual (but still no haircut!). On Thursday Tory Burch was here with a guest I didn't recognize, who was very stylish, of course.

We hosted a breakfast for Henry Kissinger, where he spoke at length about China and his new book. It was fabulous--the most well-attended breakfast in Four Seasons history. It shows that Mr. Kissinger is still in charge. Mr. Obama, you should listen to him!

Over the weekend, MasterChef Australia filmed at the Four Seasons, and I was one of the judges along with Paul Liebrandt and David Chang (Wylie Dufresne was supposed to come but he got sick!) We didn't even start filming until eleven o'clock at night, and were there until six a.m. but it was a lot of fun. The people who won made a chocolate gold cake.

I also got outside the restaurant this week--can you believe it? On Tuesday night someone invited me to Elaine's, two days before it closed. We drank bottles of 1996 Cheval Blanc that were outrageously inexpensive, and there were so many people I knew that I started to go around taking their orders--I was playing the maitre'd, and everyone thought I worked there! The best part about the night was the food. The last time I was at Elaine's was ten years ago, but the food was excellent. I had a steak that's as good as the one we serve in the Grill (don't tell anyone). I'm sad Elaine's closed--it's the end of an era. But at least I got to be there.

editorial@observer.com

Peter Brandt was also here, looking very sharp in a gray pinstriped double-breasted suit--no wonder he's back with his gorgeous wife! The whole week has been a Condé Nast bonanza; on Thursday we had Si Newhouse eating with Leonard Lauder, and on Monday CEO Chuck Townsend lunched with former Vogue publisher Tom Florio. And nearby Richard Beckman was eating with Alan Grubman!

Dolly Lenz was here, sharing crudités with two dark-suited gentlemen. She came in last week with Howard Lorber, but it was so crowded I had to have them wait 15 minutes for a table! They must have been discussing something important because they were drinking a really good red wine, which is a lot to handle in the middle of the day.

The prince arrived at his usual time, but he didn't like any of the tables that were available so he just shook his head and turned around and left. I think he went shopping. He was wearing a suit the color of split pea soup with a pale green tie and matching pochette--like a leprechaun!

Bethenny Frankel finally came but left the camera crew at home. She and her husband, Jason Hoppy, celebrated their one-year anniversary with a very quiet romantic dinner in the Grill--just the three of us, hee-hee. They drank pink Champagne, and she was all elegance in a cashmere sweater dress and pearls--but don't worry, I reminded her about the ice bucket and made sure it was available at all times.

Daphne Guinness was here on a date with her boyfriend, Bernard-Henri Lévy. I think he was celebrating his New York Times article about how he was responsible for rescuing all the Libyans. Ms. Guinness' blond hair looked like a crown, and she was wearing the most amazing shoes--they had no heel! Speaking of sartorial splendor, later this week I'm going in for a fitting for my starring role in Arbitrage at Michael Reslan's atelier. I can't wait--Richard Gere is going to look so shabby next to me in my fresh suit!

Yet just as man once thought the world was flat, times change, the impossible becomes reality, and we walk on the moon.

A similarly earth-shattering event has taken place, as Lenz has relinquished her crown, albeit in exchange for an even higher honor: the newly created Stratosphere Award, of which she is the sole recipient. Now, Lenz will no longer be competing for the top honors she has owned for the past eight years and will instead have to content herself simply with this new prize.

In a release, Herman, Douglas Elliman's CEO, called her best agent, and arguably the best in the world, "peerless." Lenz, meanwhile, took a moment to demonstrate her equally peerless wit: "It feels like they're retiring my number; but seriously, I see plenty of talent in this company and I think it's important that they be given the opportunity to achieve the ultimate recognition for their efforts. It is my every intention to help this pool of talent thrive in this very competitive field."

mchaban [at] observer.com | @mc_nyo