Wondering whatever happened to those two bottleneck dolphins that were doing laps in the East River earlier this month? Yeah, us too. Strangely, there seems to be no updates past the intial spottings, and though no news is good news in these situations–dolphin death being instant click-bait for this messed up Internet world we live in–we can’t help but wonder where those two magestic specisims ended up. Did they find their way out of the East River? Back to the ocean? Did a rich entrepreneur skyjack the mackerel-eating mammals for their own personal dolphin pool? Why were the police so unhelpful? Please, tell us Riverhead Foundation!
But the not-for-profit foundation has its hands busy dealing with a new crisis to answer our calls about some lost dolphins.
You know, we’re starting to think it’s not a coincidence that all these dolphins have started showing up in New York’s bodies of (filthy) water. After all, in the past decade there’s been an uptick in marine life just kind of moseying into our rivers and canals, mostly with tragic results.
But this weekend’s sighting of not one but two bottlenose dolphins in the East River–both apparently in fine health, from what experts can see–shows that maybe the creatures can survive in these unsanitary conditions … at least for a little while. Which is pretty perfect metaphor for college students’ NYC migration habits, when you think about it.
CONSIDER THE DOLPHIN
Here is an abject lesson in the dangers of premature joy. Often times—especially in New York City—what ostensibly appears to be a magical thing can turn out to be a terrible tragedy, before we’ve fully registered the implication of said joy. For example:
Sadly, our friend the Hudson bottlenose dolphin has passed away. It was discovered, belly-up, on the Chelsea Piers this morning, several days after it was spotted frolicking in the murky waters separating Manhattan from New Jersey.
Though this is devastating news, we do retain some hope that this mammal carcass might not be the same dolphin that has recently been photographed in the water.
Oh my gawsh, there is a dolphin hanging around the Hudson River. Adorbs! Well, not really. Dolphins are smarter than people, at least when it comes to stuff like “how to survive in water,” and even humans are smart enough not to know not to swim in the Hudson.
So sadly, this little dolphin is probably very sick. Or trying to avenge his wife’s murder. Read on!