he recently renovated condo, listed by Liz Omedes and Kevin Reardon of Mercedes Berk, features a sweeping living room with Brazilian hardwood floors, a built-in bar and window seats while the dining room features a south-facing glass atrium (not where I'd want to be dining mid-August) with views of "the tranquil gardens of adjacent townhouses."

The sellers are merchandising mavens Janet E. Grove, Vice Chairman of Merchandising for Macy's and Carolyn Gigli, a former Woolworth's executive who now runs Gadzooks, a former Texas t-shirt retailer bought by Forever 21 in 2005. Ms. Grove and Ms. Gigli list an East Hampton address on the deed, so perhaps a country life looms in their future.

In 2004, after over three decades at the helm of PepsiCo., Mr. Enrico moved to Dreamworks Animation just in time for the blockbuster release of Shrek 2. This past June the company created a new division, Moon Boy Animation in order to premiere the TBS animated sitcom, Neighbors from Hell. Let's hope for other Butterfield House residents that life doesn't imitate art.

cmalle@observer.com

Lessons learned this week: People are still mesmerized by a little pomp, circumstance and white mystery smoke ( viva Papa Ratzi!); trees do grow in Brooklyn; diets are for suckers; lots of New York men think they look good in flip-flops and flooders (we're not in Cap D'Antibes, fellas!); and our darling girl-crush Jennifer Garner is sadly being sucked into a lifetime of bad box office and a wayward hubby as she joins into rumored betrothal with Ben Affleck …. Who's ready to party? Professional party planner (one of those professions we shake our head sadly at) David Tutera celebrates the publication of his book, The Party Planner, at the party space Loft 11. "My staff and I have been working on it for months," said Mr. Tutera, who describes the look he's after as "clean, modern, with a little Asian influence." As for the book itself, it advises readers on cocktail parties, dinner parties, special occasions and holidays. "You need to touch upon all five senses for a successful party," said Mr. Tutera. "A lot of time, people get caught up on just one of the senses." Meanwhile, further north, there are more diseases to throw benefits for, and tonight's worthy charity of choice is the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, which has their annual "Dinner of Champions" (different than breakfast, obviously, which would involve Wheaties) celebrating "the individuals in both the public and private sectors who have worked to advance research, policy, education and general awareness of M.S." Meredith Vieira, one of the younger hens from ABC's popular program The View, will M.C., the always-fabulous Carol Burnett will present, and legendary composer (with fun name to say) Marvin Hamlisch will perform.

[David Tutera book party, Loft 11 Westside Loft, 336 West 37th Street, sixth floor, 6:30 p.m., by invitation only; "Dinner of Champions" Multiple Sclerosis Gala, New York Marriott Marquis, 1535 Broadway, 6:30 p.m., www.msnyc.org.]

Thursday 28th

Thursday is the new Thursday yet again, as there are more events tonight than there are women wearing silky camisoles under tight blazers (and is it just us, or do these delicate little tops just plain look like underwear?). For the uptown set, we have Madison Avenue: Where Fashion Meets Art, a two-week exhibition that involves about 100 different high-end boutiques and art galleries in a fusion of art and fashion the world hasn't seen since peanut butter met jelly or since Yoko met Coco! Tonight, there will be private receptions to chug free cocktails and view some of the more exclusive highlights, such as the Calvin Klein Collection's horde of landscape paintings by local artist Brendan Cass and Bulgari's unveiling of a painting by Francesco Clemente. All of the moolah goes to the Whitney Museum. Or scoot yourself over to " Stir, Splatter and Roll," held at the Upper West Side's Martin Luther King Jr. High School, where the Kate Spade Company is honored for their help in raising money for Publicolor, a nifty nonprofit that uses paint and color to lift the spirits of inner-city schools. "Color has a real psychological affect on us. It has the power to affect our mood, our emotions-everything," said Publicolor founder and president Ruth Lande Shuman. "I founded Publicolor because I wanted to find a way to help engage students. I had seen a number of middle schools, and I was appalled by the state of them. They looked like a prison; there was no joy, no color, no light. And it occurred to me that if I got a bunch of volunteers to paint warm colors in an intelligent way, we could use color as a way to underscore the importance of education." If we had to assign a color to our middle-school memories, it would be dingy gray! At tonight's event, "everyone will be given white jump suits and paint. They're drinking margaritas; they have dinner and a D.J. and will have the opportunity to paint." Isn't that how Jackson Pollock got his start? The veiny Stanley Tucci acts as auctioneer, and designer Michael Kors and musician Philip Glass are among the "team leaders." More homework (yuk, yuk) goes down at the " Design on a Dime" benefit sponsored by new magazine Domino (which clearly wants to announce itself as part of the swampy Condé Nast party circuit). Six of the city's top interior-design firms will create "special room vignettes" that will then be sold, with the proceeds going to Housing Works, which works to help New Yorkers living with AIDS. Hey, speaking of charity, Sweet Charity's Christina Applegate (who had an unfortunate run-in with a lamppost) is co-chair. And winning the most random event of the night, Air Tahiti Nui celebrates the "world's first and only direct flight service from New York to Tahiti" in the Hiro Ballroom at the wanked-out Maritime Hotel. Naturally, the president of French Polynesia, Oscar Temaru, will be in attendance, and the evening promises performances by Les Grands Ballets de Tahiti; a traditional tattooist ( yowch!); Tahitian pearls modeled by (who else?) Tahitian models; and "a band of hulking Marquesan men." (Somebody get the hose!) We are truly at a loss what to say. Vying for most random event, the Onion Film Series presents Monkeypiece Theatre, which means 90 minutes of "Monkey Shorts," including Chimp the Fireman, Chimp on the Farm and Zippy's Birthday Party. When all else fails, monkeys will cure what ails you.

[Sixth Annual Madison Avenue: Where Fashion Meets Art, Madison Avenue boutiques (natch!), 6 to 9 p.m., by invitation only, www.madisonave.org, open to the public through the 14th; "Stir, Splatter, and Roll," Martin Luther King Jr. High School, 122 Amsterdam at West 65th Street, 6 p.m., 212-213-6121; "Design on a Dime" benefit, 157 East 23rd Street, 6 to 9 p.m., www.housingworks.org/dime; Air Tahiti Nui nonstop flight party, Hiro Ballroom, the Maritime Hotel, 371 West 16th Street, 7 p.m., by invitation only; Monkeypiece Theatre, Anthology Film Archives, 32 Second Avenue, 8 p.m.]

Friday 29th

Who needs a nap after yesterday? If you're the kind of guy (like a certain guy we know) who, while seemingly a grown adult man, loves comic books and Smallville and worships The Simpsons, then you probably live for the hilarious The Family Guy, brainchild of Seth MacFarlane. Not only are you in luck, as The Family Guy will soon make a triumphant return to the evil Fox network, but the cast and creators will be at Town Hall tonight and tomorrow for a live reading of a classic episode, a performance from the first new episode, and a Q. and A. session. The show features a hard-drinking, dry-witted dog, a diabolical toddler bent on world domination and your basic clueless New England dad. Next! Much more highbrow is the James Beard Foundation Journalism Awards Dinner. And we ask you, is there a better job than getting to write about delicious food and then being rewarded for it with-what else?-a delicious dinner? Tonight's festivities take place at the Grand Hyatt, with guest chefs from Boston and Santa Barbara as well as a couple of New Yorkers to boot. Bring a very large purse to stuff leftovers in, but leave room for Moby.

[Just for Laugh's Family Guy Live, Town Hall, 123 West 43rd Street, 7 p.m., www.ticketmaster.com; the 13th Annual James Beard Foundation Journalism Awards, Grand Hyatt New York, 5:30, www.Jamesbeard.org.]

Saturday 30th

Cherry on top! The Brooklyn Botanical Garden offers a tempting alternative to the New York Botanical Garden's "Antique Garden Furniture" show (going on right now in da Bronx) with the 24th annual Cherry Blossom Festival. And seriously, what is more gorgeous in the spring than a plethora of cherry blossoms? (We defy you to find something prettier!) The garden has over 60 events in tribute to the flowery trees and Japanese culture in general, including a samurai-sword performance ( duck!). Watch out for a heavily disguised Tom Cruise … Fellas, if you're looking for a great first date, all we can say is: Sure thing. (But make sure to check first and find out if she's crazy … we're just sayin', is all.)

[Brooklyn Botanical Garden's Cherry Blossom Festival, 1000 Washington Avenue, www.bbg.org.]

Sunday 1st

Speaking of cartoons, DreamWorks continues to plot against the reigning Pixar peeps with a bushel of animated flicks making their way to theaters even as you sleep. Flexing their mighty Speilbergian muscle is tonight's Animation Now: Imagination, Innovation, Inspiration at Lincoln Center, which will take the audience "from sketch to screen" and give them a behind-the-scenes peek at the intense effort that goes into creating the movies that people plop their kids in front of for hours at a time (and provide actors with their easiest paycheck ever). "DreamWorks came to us with this idea, because they do have all these films in different stages of production," said Kent Jones, event coordinator and associate director of programming. "We were obviously very interested." And who wouldn't be, since funnymen Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld and Mike Myers are all showing up to entertain? "The first film in this group out from DreamWorks is Madagascar," said Mr. Jones, of the film that boasts the vocal talents of Ben Stiller, David Schwimmer and Andy Richter in addition to Mr. Rock as New York City zoo animals who find themselves in Madagascar. "I think Chris Rock is a zebra," said Mr. Jones. Al Roker (who, if you think about it, looks suspiciously like a cartoon himself these days) hosts. Next! Last year, a fire forced an Upper East Side foodie favorite, Eli's Vinegar Factory, to close down-but they're back, baby! To celebrate, and as a token of thanks to the neighborhood, Eli ("Zoot Suit") Zabar and the staff of the Vinegar Factory host a complimentary tasting of all 35 of their ice-cream flavors (we can't believe Al Roker is going to pass this one up!). Or be healthy if you must: The "Five Boro Bike Tour" is back for its 28th year as the largest recreational cycling event in the U.S. Try not to groan as your boyfriend drags his $3,000 Italian racing bike out of storage and squeezes his fat self into some spandex …. Us, we could live without biking through Staten Island; we'll be eating ice cream.

[ Animation Now: Imagination, Innovation, Inspiration, Alice Tully Hall at Lincoln Center, 70 Lincoln Center Plaza, 4 and 7 p.m., www.lincolncenter.org; "Ice Cream Sundaes (and Saturdays)," Eli Vinegar Factory, 431 East 91st Street, 12 p.m. to 5 p.m.; Five Boro Bike Tour, www.bikenewyork.org.]

Monday 2nd

Fresh off his world-dominating,

take-no-prisoners win at the magazine awards, New Yorker editor David Remnick struts out into public ( strut, strut, strut … ) to interview author Norman Manea. Mr. Manea will read from his memoir, The Hooligan's Return, about his experience in the Transnistria concentration camp in the early 40's. Can you think of a better way to start off the work week? Perhaps cheerier (or perhaps not) is the American Music Center Awards at the American Airlines Theatre on 42nd Street (which makes it an event we've never heard of at a theater we've never heard of either). We hope we're not giving anything away when we say we hear that swingin' William (Count) Basie gets a posthumous Founders' Award!

[David Remnick, Kaufmann Concert Hall, 92nd Street Y, 1395 Lexington Avenue, 8 p.m., www.92Y.org; American Music Center Awards, American Airlines Theatre 227 West 42nd Street, 5 to 7:30 p.m., www.amc.net.]

Tuesday 3rd

Hipper strippers! Nicole Miller, known to bridesmaids everywhere as a heaven-sent alternative to puffy monstrosities, debuts her first lingerie/intimates collection (naughty, naughty!) at … the vile booby bar Scores! "We like to do things a bit differently," said Ms. Miller, who will be using some of the hookers-err, dancers-there to model her lingerie. "A lot of them are just regular girls," she said. "They always do other things on the side." We know what she means-we've met lots of bankers, lawyers, writers and retail executives who also dance naked in clunky heels for drunken bozos! "I think it's going to be fun," added Ms. Miller said, who hadn't yet decided on the music (which- hello!-every stripper knows is key). Better clean the pole, too. Perhaps more sedate will be the Newhouse School at Syracuse University's scholarship dinner honoring the great Marv Albert, among others. HBO maniac Bob Costas is the master of ceremonies, and it all takes place at the fancy-schmancy Mandarin Oriental Hotel. We know a lot of "Orange" alumni from that very same program, and all we can say is … they sure can hold their liquor!

[Nicole Miller Lingerie, Scores, 536 West 28th Street, 6 to 8 p.m., by invitation only (and no touching!); Syracuse's Newhouse University gala scholarship benefit dinner, Mandarin Oriental Hotel, 80 Columbus Circle at 60th, 6:30 p.m., http:newhouse.syr.edu.]

Wednesday 4th

Our pal the pirate pointed out that all the girls on America's Next Top Model look like aliens. To which we say: Check out their giant bobble-headed leader! Tyra Banks' head grows larger and scarier each week, and her weave is looking angry!

[ America's Next Top Model, UPN, 8 p.m.]

And what else truly heralds the start of the holiday season more than the highly anticipated office party? Where else can workplace terrors and ambition be seen so nakedly on display, tongues loosened by liquor and the sex that fizzles under the politically correct surface of the American workday allowed a measure of release-the girl who wore that dress; the married segment producer who propositioned the sexually ambiguous P.A.; the assistant who did a dead-on, hilarious impression of his boss? And can anyone forget the thrill of recognition when Elaine danced at an office party on Seinfeld?

But there's something else that happens as well. It's the Santafreude quotient that happens here and nowhere else: Who's sitting where at the Condé Nast party lunch? Who's headed into the Times Magazine party, the City Hall party, the Vogue magazine party? Which Goldman Sachs party were you invited to? Did you get the party favor Bill O'Reilly is giving out? Does yours run on two "D" batteries?

Who's going to be there? And why weren't we invited?

And that kind of question leads to jitters and bad behavior. It leads to four drinks too many. It leads to unburdening yourself to the object of desire toward whom you've been suppressing your aggression and your instincts all year. It leads to trundling off to the after-party when a little voice inside of you is chirping: "Go home … go home … go home!" It means crashing somebody's corporate family so you can tell your most brutal competitor the most brutal truth you can think of-a message made much more necessary by five Absoluts, four Pinot Noirs, three Bushmill shots, two Bloody Marys and an Amarretto in a giant glass.

It leads to telling your worst adversary-whom you suddenly feel close to thanks to all the booze-every chink in your own flawed character. It means unburdening yourself to people who will remember everything you have to say. It means unleashing lots of feelings-feelings that are hopped-up and tense, few of which have to do with Peace on Earth and Good Will Toward Men.

But you know what? The hell with it! They'll be loaded too. They won't remember either. Christmas parties mean letting the maniac you can't stand stagger in the door. The media mistletoe is being hoisted again this year, as the old-fashioned office party begins to make a comeback, from Condé Nast throwing down some bucks for editors to Jann Wenner finally bringing all three of his titles together after several years.

Crashing most of the below parties won't be a problem. Most tweedy magazines have at least a few mothballed contributors no one's ever laid eyes on; wear a rumpled cardigan and taped-together eyeglasses. For the glossy magazines, suit up like a hooker, cackle loudly and keep repeating, "That is so Sex and the City!" And if we're lucky, Jann Wenner will grab the mike, swivel his hips and sing with his band, Rack of Lamb. And Bruce Wasserstein and Rupert Murdoch and Si Newhouse will all be there, shaking their old carcasses like the mechanical Santas you see in the mall. Come on in! The bars are open to all! Ho-ho-ho!

Excuse me, how do you spell your name? Are you sure you're on this list? We're checking it twice. Security!

Happy holidays.

Vogue: 176 Perry Street

Leave it to Vogue to have their holiday party in a place so exclusive that it hasn't even opened yet. A lot of huge, bony feet in very high heels will be tottering west to Jean-George Vongerichten's new restaurant, Perry Street, located at the base of the monstrous towers blocking the skyline in the West Village. Past partygoers describe a predictably high attendance of the stylish, ridiculously thin fashion editors having trouble recognizing any of the contributing writers, and a no-fly zone around Anna Wintour.

MTV Networks: Dec. 9, Hammerstein Ballroom, 311 West 34th Street

Remember when MTV was synonymous with cool? Now 1515 Broadway's halls are filled with 22-year-old girls dressed like the tramps from The Real World (Las Vegas) and emo-friendly boys with lip piercings and trust funds. In days of yore, the former music channel threw quite the bash. "It used to be craziness," said a longtime staffer wistfully, who repeated the urban legend that head honcho Tom Freston used to fire up the festivities himself. And then there was the time the party planners hired live penguins, to general befuddlement. "PETA must have been having their holiday party the same night, otherwise someone would have spoken up," said a VH1 old-timer. "These poor birds were in a half-conscious stupor, surrounded by drunken ad-sales guys all angling in for a boozy grope." But those days are long gone. "Now it's just the interns and mailroom folk who go overboard with drinking and lewd conduct," a producer complained. Nothing a few penguins couldn't fix.

Vanity Fair: Party to be held in January

Vanity Fair just always has to be a little bit different, so they've shoved their holiday party to January rather than compete with the rest of the grimy masses. Watch for editor in chief Graydon Carter to glide through the crowds, smiling beatifically and ostentatiously smoking. One past party attendee recalls that a male contributor, trying to bolster his confidence enough to approach the Grand Vizier, was overheard saying, "'I've always been good with Mommy, but I was never good with Daddy." A former attendee reports: "Nothing exciting happens at our Christmas parties because everyone is too afraid of embarrassing themselves in front of Graydon, who always sits with Fran Lebowitz. Hitchens gets drunk, which should come as no surprise. Another reporter known for his investigative skills likes to sit next to young female editorial assistants. For two years in a row, the venues we held it in closed soon thereafter, and people started talking about a curse." Ho-ho-ho!

Alfred A. Knopf: Dec. 15, the Carriage House for Global Issues, 149 East 38th Street

Sonny Mehta in soft Belgian slippers, young female "writers" in gravity-defying camisoles, and real writers who are three years late on their manuscripts and suspect (rightly) that their next book will be published by St. Martin's Press. Random House's most erudite imprint had its holiday party in a Chelsea loft last year; this year they get "serious."

Vibe/ Spin magazines: Dec. 21, Viscaya Lounge, 191 Seventh Avenue

Worlds often collide within the Murray Hill offices of Spin (read by nimrods in Willysburg who consider themselves too cool to read Rolling Stone) and Vibe (read by upwardly mobile urban cool cats) magazines. Every month, the powers-that-be insist on a "mixer" party (wings, pizza, beer, social awkwardness). At the annual December party, the culture clash comes to a header as the Vibe rs take control of D.J. responsibilities (think more Jay-Z than Modest Mouse) and Spin staffers blink nervously behind their thick-framed glasses. If it's anything like last year's party, company unity is found in the smokers' section, where the air is filled with a sweet-smelling aroma. Watch for Vibe's smoldering editor in chief, Mimi Valdes, to shake it while Spin's resident "It" boy, Chuck Klosterman, puffs out his chest and holds court on the sidelines.

The Village Voice, Dec. 8, S.O.B.'s, 204 Varick Street

In recent memory, the huddled masses yearning to be free at The Village Voice have had their annual soirée at that dance-crazy Varick Street venue, S.O.B.'s. After a tough year with staff layoffs (including longtime executive editor Richard Goldstein), this year's gathering will most likely be more sedate. "They are being absolute Nazis about who can come," griped a protester- err, contributor-who claimed that the invite insists that only the invitee can attend. "What do they think, that people are going to be beating down the door to go hang out with Michael Musto?" Well, he did know Madonna in her early days.

Wenner Media ( Rolling Stone, Us Weekly, Men's Journal) Dec. 15, Irving Plaza, 17 Irving Place

Us Weekly staffers-they're downtrodden just like us! For the past few years, employees at the addictive, splashy 'n' trashy magazine have suffered not only from the hard-charging (and clearly successful) reign of Bonnie Fuller, but have also missed the company holiday party, which always seemed to be (deliberately?) scheduled on their deadline night. But 2004 will bring the Wenner groups together, in what one can hope will be a call back to the bashes they held at the Roxy on the West Side, where the holiday party might find Lenny Kravitz on drums and Michael Stipe and Yoko Ono on the dance floor. (Savor that for a moment, folks …. ) "It'll be good to have another big ol' Wenner throwdown; they were all so fun," said a longtime staffer. Here's hoping Jann Wenner gets up and warbles some tunes with his band, Rack of Lamb!

ABC: Dec. 9, Cipriani, Vanderbilt Avenue at 44th Street

Word from inside the rat factory is that the House That Mickey Built is trying to save money by smushing their divisions into one blowout at Cipriani's. But apparently the worker bees at ABC are having none of it-an e-mail was sent around to staffers noting that by the RSVP deadline, precious few had responded. C'mon, folks-if you're lucky, Peter Jennings will show you how you, too, can dance to Björk.

Allure: Dec. 16, the Slipper Room, 167 Orchard Street

Watch for slow-moving, frequently stopping Condé Nast town cars snaking their way down Orchard Street for the Allure magazine party at the burlesque-inspired Slipper Room. The bar's Web site claims, "Sceney and pretentious we are not," which makes us wonder what genius in event planning thought this would be an ideal venue for the staff of lovelies. We're sure there will be lots of talk of "a smoky eye," and that managing editor Andrew Wilkes will insinuate that someone needs to lose some weight-for their own good.

Fox Searchlight Pictures: Nov. 30, Tribeca Cinemas, 54 Varick Street

Oops, you missed it! Getting an early jump on the holiday season (they're so ahead of the curve that they have their party in November), Fox Searchlight provided what one attendee describes as a lot of sushi and a little bit of star power in the form of Sideways actor Thomas Haden Church, who was overheard asking, "Where are all the women?"

DreamWorks: Dec. 8, DreamWorks' offices, 650 Madison Ave, 22nd floor

It's always fun to poke around someone else's work environment, and since the DreamWorks party is open not only to staffers but to journalists, one has ample opportunity to see what kind of Tom Hanks–inspired schwag they might keep on their desks. "They usually have great food and drinks," a past attendee recalled. Count on a bright-green-themed drink called "The Shrek 2" (for the movie that put DreamWorks in a very jolly mood for the holidays).

Dennis Publishing: Dec. 21, place to be decided

It only makes sense that the company that gives us lad-friendly magazines like Blender and Maxim would throw a good holiday party ripe with scandal. We were told about a certain engaged editor who, a few years back, was publicly making out with an intern's roommate. Another story featured a very high-level executive dancing enthusiastically to the point where he didn't notice his nosebleed dripping down the front of his shirt.

Time Out New York: Dec. 13, S.O.B.'s, 204 Varick Street

Not only was the TONY staff treated to new office digs last December (escaping their former downtown quarters to take up residence in the same West 10th Street building as Donna Karan), they're taking their party out of the office and into S.O.B.'s. The current staffers (as well as freelance contributors and former employees) will be treated to a buffet dinner and dessert and were advised to dress festively for the event. The invite notes: "Fruit hats are okay."

Hachette Filipacchi Media, Dec. 20, China Club, 268 West 47th Street

The gleaming Paramount building pumps out such titles as Premiere, Elle, and Elle Girl, though Christmas still somehow befuddles the French suits. "Every year, the company gives out a gift. Ten years ago, we would get these amazing gifts-the men would get Coach wallets and the women would get watches," confided a senior Hachette employee. "Last year, our office had a bet as to how cheesy the gift was going to be-little did we know it was going to be actual cheese!"

GQ: Dec. 16, Movida, 1099 First Avenue

We love it when the boys of Gentleman's Quarterly go out on the town! In fact, right now they're doing stomach crunches to fit into last winter's Versace pants! However, since the higher-ups will be coming off their big Los Angeles–based "Men of the Year" award bash, don't be surprised if it's a slightly lower-key version this year. Expect: lots of storytelling (something about someone eating a wolf), young female guests playing the "Is he straight or gay?" game, and the always nattily-dressed Jim Nelson and Fred Woodward surrounded by a clump of admirers.

Teen Vogue, Condé Nast hallway, 4 Times Square, ninth floor

The poor little well-dressed dears at Teen Vogue! We hear that editor in chief Amy Astley decided that instead of spending money on a party, she'd give staff gifts instead-everyone will be receiving the Grace Coddington book, Grace: Thirty Years of Fashion at Vogue. (Hope we're not ruining the surprise!) The theory behind the decision was that the young ones don't have the libraries in their apartments to match their pairs of shoes. Not all is lost, however: We hear that the girls will have chips and margaritas in the hallway. ¡Olé! Careful-when you mix tequila with Ritalin, things happen.

Playboy: Dec. 7, Playboy offices, 730 Fifth Avenue

We like it when a company decides to throw its party in the office, but calls it something else entirely so that their staff won't feel slighted. To wit: Playboy Enterprises' New York publishing headquarters will have a "Winter Wonderland" cocktail party. The good news is that the party will be catered by Dean and DeLuca and features a special apple-martini "ice luge" and sushi bar. The best news? Early dismissal for the staff, who will surely congregate elsewhere to talk about how the Chicago offices get much better parties.

The New Yorker: Dec. 6, Dos Caminos, 373 Park Avenue South

Don't let the suede oxfords and elbow patches fool you- New Yorker staffers know how to bring the holiday noise and the funk (a few holiday parties back, a highly prominent editor and writer-who were both married at the time, and not to each other-were seen making out). This year's affair seems to have been relatively affair-less, though we're told that Malcolm Gladwell's hair is getting huge. Next year, someone should slip John McPhee a mickey!

Entertainment Weekly: Dec. 9, O'Flaherty's Ale House and Restaurant, 334-336 West 46th Street

We hear that Entertainment Weekly, which is apparently still publishing, used to throw some pretty lavish parties, with multi-levels of eating and drink, themed drinks and the requisite editorial assistants groping one another under the disco lights. Because of cutbacks, however, the parties have been getting slightly less … fun. This year, the staff will go to the theater row's O'Flaherty's, where we see that glazed Christmas ham is on the holiday menu ( phew). Editorial assistants take note: The bar's Web site says there are plenty "of cozy nooks and crannies."

InStyle: Dec. 10, Henry Luce conference room, 1271 Avenue of the Americas

While Time Inc. suffers the no-parties edict handed down by chief executive Ann Moore (company employees are getting gift certificates to the Container Store: "File folders aren't as fun as a party, but I guess they'll come in handy," philosophized one staffer), InStyle managed to fly under the radar with their traditional cookie bake-off party. Yes, cookie bake-off! The staff bakes their cookies, and the best four (in categories such as "most original," "best all-around," etc.) are awarded prizes that "people would actually want to win." One of the judges this year is rumored to be Vera Wang. Champagne flows freely, and one past attendee enthused: "It was really fun! It truly was a party." Isn't InStyle just the sweetest?

Glamour: Dec. 16, Parkside Lounge, 317 East Houston

The well-heeled are heading for the F train (just kidding!) to hit the Lower East Side for their holiday party. The gang from Glamour (who must be smarting from neglect as Condé-daddy James Truman focuses on shinier sister Lucky) will be at the Parkside Lounge on East Houston. The theme is karaoke, which pretty much guarantees good times-we'd lay our entire life's savings on a Grease medley.

News Corp.: Dec. 17, Hilton New York, 1335 Avenue of the Americas

The right-wing organ (New York Post, Fox Broadcasting and TV Guide) that helped propel Paris Hilton and George W. Bush into their respective positions of power is holding its annual herding of workers at the Hilton this evening. The company was good enough to put some sleeping rooms on hold-they claim it's more for commuters than any interparty romping-at $265 a night. Our source from deep inside the News Corp. belly said: "The parties consist of a megalithic sea of guys in suits who probably work in sales. It's utterly lame and depressing, you can't find anyone you know, and I usually split after 10 minutes." On the upswing, we hear that Bill O'Reilly can't stay away from these things. And if Anne Coulter collides with a glass of white wine, you're off to the races.

Cargo: Dec. 9, Lure Fishbar, 142 Mercer Street

Remember when people thought that men would never buy a magazine about shopping à la Lucky? Turns out men are bigger fags than we thought. Ariel Foxman's glossy little magazine-that-could was just promoted to monthly status, and today the beleaguered staff will head to the new incantation of the formerly all-orange Canteen for a boozy lunch and a rousing game of "name everyone who has quit in the past six months."

City Hall reporters' dinner, Dec. 13, Gracie Mansion

Once a year, the reporters who chase the Mayor around and camp out in Room 9 at City Hall are invited to Gracie Mansion for a wet smooch from Mr. Bloomberg. Hizzoner apparently can throw quite a party (he's rich!). The last couple of years have featured professional magician Benjamin Levy, the author of Remember Every Name Every Time: Corporate America's Memory Master Reveals His Secrets. (Wait for the Mayor to make his signature "But can you make the Teachers' Union disappear?" joke.) Less intimate will be the Mayor's second party at the mansion, on the 20th, this time for the general press.

New York magazine, Dec. 14, Maritime Hotel, 363 West 16th Street

The spankin' new and spit-shined staff of New York gathers at the Maritime tonight (we're assuming they'll be clearing the patio and bar of all bridge-and-tunnel undesirables). Adam Moss, according to one of his freelance writers, "doesn't get drunk" and "is extremely warm and very sweet." Bo- ring! We hope that Mr. Moss will bring the New York Times Magazine tradition of having all partygoers wear name tags. It sure makes us wish for the days when well-known names would Xerox their penises during an office party.

The Daily News: Dec. 2, Copacabana, 50 West 34th Street

"Although it seems impossible, the Daily News parties were actually more morose than the newsroom on an average work day," says a former reporter. Yikes! So far, reports from this year's party at the Copa have been more of the same. Quick question: When did the Copacabana get so creepy-looking?

Hearst: Dec. 9, Tavern on the Green, Central Park West at 67th Street

For their last few holiday parties, all 1,400-plus workers from Hearst-the drudges from Esquire, Harper's Bazaar, O, Redbook, Cosmo and (hello!) CosmoGirl, etc.-descend upon Tavern on the Green for a full dinner buffet and open bar. Employees are asked to bring an unwrapped children's book (sweet) and to leave all spouses and loved ones at home (cheap). To save the evening, Esquire's A.J. Jacobs gamely wears his tight holiday trousers and does his "beaver" dance.

Citi Habitats: Dec. 2, Crobar, 530 West 28th Street

Citi Habitats, the company responsible for gouging incoming N.Y.U. freshmen on Astor Place studios and an obligatory stop for every other sucker too lazy to deal with Craigslist, threw themselves a big, fat black-tie party at Crobar last Thursday. The almost 1,000 guests dressed in their finest. Aren't you glad you forked over that two-months-rent broker's fee?

The Nation: Dec. 16, Telephone Bar and Grill, 149 Second Avenue

The fragrance-strip-free folks at The Nation gather their liberal selves down at the Telephone Bar and Grill, that Anglophile heaven of fireplaces, fish 'n' chips and shepherd's pie. With W. in office for another term, the gents on staff no longer need Viagra to stir themselves a Christmas cocktail.

The Onion: Dec. 11, Northsix, 66 North Sixth Street, Williamsburg

We knew the staffers at The Onion were smart, we just didn't realize how smart: They made a holiday party cool enough to invite their staff and friends, plus offer some tickets up to the public (northsix.com). The invite, which has a picture of Santa asking "Where's the f*cking cookies?", brags of performances by comedy guys Stella, downtown favorites the French Kicks and angry comedian Todd Barry, among others. Of course, the whole thing could be a prank.

Lucky: Dec. 15, Ava Penthouse Lounge, 210 West 55th Street

The gang over at Lucky, Condé Nast's money-making machine, congratulates themselves at the high-above-the-grime Penthouse Lounge in midtown. Quick question: Do you think any of the editors actually have to shop anymore?

Corcoran Real Estate: Feb. 2, Cipriani, Vanderbilt Avenue at 44th Street

Taking its cue, perhaps, from Vanity Fair, real-estate heavy Corcoran drop-kicks its annual bash clear into February. We wonder what the significance is of Groundhog's Day, but no matter: Corcoran still holds the $45 million record apartment sale (for a place in the still-scary-to-us Time Warner Center). D.J. Lady Bunny spins. Here's hoping one of the male brokers doesn't realize that Bunny has a "tail" until he takes her home-hippity-hop!

CBS: Dec. 9, Studio 19 at Black Rock, 51 West 52nd Street.

You have to love it when a company as staid as CBS can send out a holiday-party invite with the phrase "Same Digs. Same Pigs (in blankets, of course)." Considering that everyone over at Black Rock is waiting for the Thornburgh report to arrive and, after that, their eventual fates to be decided, we're guessing high spirits all around.

Kate Spade: Dec. 9, Rainbow Room, 30 Rockefeller Plaza

Trust the ridiculously good-looking staff at Kate Spade to come up with a tasteful theme for their holiday party. Held in the Pegasus room at the Rainbow Room, the invite advises "sophisticated retro" (somewhere, at this moment, Marc Jacobs is stomping his foot). The food will be brought in from Cipriani, the music provided by a band called the Mosquitoes. Wake us when it's over.

Gourmet, Dec. 14, Ruth Reichl's apartment, location undisclosed

As if the Gourmet staff isn't well fed enough already-their holiday party is catered by the office's very own test kitchen and brought into editor in chief Ruth Reichl's apartment. (Why doesn't Ms. Wintour do this?)

Showtime: Dec. 13, Strata, 915 Broadway

It can't be easy to be Showtime. However, this past year they got smart and threw some hot lesbians in the mix ( The L Word) and guaranteed themselves a slew of Us Weekly covers thanks to Kirstie Alley's enormous hips. Tonight's cocktail chatter will revolve around how much of a dud Six Feet Under' s last season was ….