Prison Yard Workouts

Illustration by David Saracino.

Body by Rikers: Getting to Know My Trainer, The Ex- and Future Con

A few months after I became a member of a cheap gym in Hell’s Kitchen, it dawned on me I had visited the place only once—when I signed up. I needed professional help.

The trainer occupies an odd position in our lives: despite often being someone you would have never met outside of the gym, he’s privy to your tenderest intimacies and physical vulnerabilities. Like a parent or spouse, he criticizes your smoking, drinking and eating habits, and you actually feel guilty. You’re his boss, sort of, but he’s also yours.

I’d long thought of trainers as an indulgence of the well-to-do. Paying someone to perfect my body seemed a sexy soupçon of vanity and sloth, as decadent as having a private chef. Then again, I told myself, maybe my suffering would lend the endeavor just enough wholesomeness to preserve my radicalism. Plus, the first session was free.

“Do you work out?” my taskmaster, Bashar, asked me, 15 minutes into our introductory session, as I struggled to bench-press the bar. Since I had not done anything more strenuous, for years, than bounce along on the elliptical for the duration of a medium-length Terry Gross interview and two Rihanna singles, I lied. Read More

RIP

Of Lats and Legwarmers: The Well-Toned Spawn of Jack LaLanne

As we mourn the loss of fitness guru Jack LaLanne, let’s remember that no man–not even the most health-conscious man in history–lives forever. And rather than grieve, let’s give thanks for all he gave us. Not just our health, but our health gurus. (And inspiring Martin Short’s Uncle Jack cameo on “Arrested Development” was cool, Read More