Sporting Briefs

Cosell. (Vernon Biever/Getty)

Betray of Game: On Today’s Penalty-Deserving NFL Commentary

Howard Cosell—the man largely responsible for making modern sports commentating into what it is today and turning football spectating into a careful, tedious study (all while wearing some of the loudest ties)—damn near ruined the game. At a time when the only truly analytical approach to football was being conducted by mobsters calculating the betting spread, his beat-like commentary did something terrible. Harnessing his brash personality and deliberate way with words—and his unchecked arrogance—the law-degree-totin’ foulmouth changed the very nature of how we understood the action on the field. Much of this handiwork involved his ongoing, televised war of words with “Dandy Don” Meredith in primetime. Gone were the days when football was simply football. A new era was ushered in, and with it came the number-crunching sideline savants who bled the game dry of its blue-collar bravado and replaced it with a pedantic, stat-sick approach. Non-athletes were not only welcomed into the press box as vaunted experts, but came carrying a condescending tone toward the battle-hardened veterans who once lived and breathed the game to the utmost.  Read More

SPORTS AND THE CITY

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Mouthy Rich Texan Issues Homoerotic Threat to Local Football Team

Jerry Jones is known as the composite human caricature whose lifeblood was drawn from Dallas‘ J.R. Ewing, all the characters Jim Varney invented that were too unfunny to use, and those “NEW YORK CITY?!“ salsa commercials. He also happens to own the Dallas Cowboys, the NFL team with the most expensive stadium in the country, which features the biggest TV screen in, like, the universe, because the people who go to Dallas Cowboys games are the kind of people who would rather focus on a high-definition televised event of that which plays out live and directly in front of them instead of watching the actual event. Jerry Jones makes James Dolan look like Fred Rogers’s unshaven cousin from Long Island. Read More

THINGS YOU CAN FIND ON TWITTER

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Objections to Penn State’s Removal of Their Joe Paterno Statue on Twitter

Penn State has a statue of Joe Paterno, the longtime coach of their football program whose legacy was recently marred when assistant coach Jerry Sandusky was convicted on several counts of sexually abusing children. A recent internal investigation revealed knowledge of Sandusky’s crimes and efforts to cover them up, including the extent of the knowledge Read More

Red Carpet Real Estate

Mad men! (Getty)

New York Jets, Scared of Scary New York, Tell Tim Tebow Not to Move to Den of Sin

So we’ve been toying with the idea of putting together one of those clever, linkbaity where-should-Tim-Tebow-move stories, but it turns out the exercise would be moot. Just as Jeremy Lin wound up in Westchester like so many of his teammates—but not all of them—the pigskin Jesus will almost certainly move to Jersey. Somewhere like Alpine or Short Hills or just maybe next door to his new intercity rival in Hoboken.

And that is exactly where the New York Jets—despite the team name—want him, according to a rather zany report from Fox News. Because New York is basically Sodom and Gomorrah in Rex Ryan’s eyes. Read More

opinion

Time for a Garden Party, If They’ll Have It

While the football Giants will claim lots of attention in the coming days as they prepare to face the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl, let’s not forget that there are a couple of other New York teams in action these days. The Knicks’ season is in full swing after the long lockout, and the Rangers look like they will be strong contenders for this year’s Stanley Cup.

This time of year should be heaven on earth for New York sports fans. Read More

Football

Hey Coach, Got a Two-Syllable Name? Kiss the Super Bowl Good-bye!

When it became clear that Bears third-string quarterback Caleb Hanie was going to be the team’s signal-caller for the remainder of the NFC Championship Game, I picked up my cell phone to text my friend John.

“Caleb hanie??” I wrote.

“Yeah,” John texted back, “u know yur [screwed] when yur football team depends on a guy named Read More

Internal Memo

Internal Memo: Mark Sanchez

I’m working on my personal brand. I don’t want to be just a football player, a dumb jock who just throws balls in the air further and faster and more accurately than a few other guys (guys like Tom Brady). I want to be a whole human being. I want to have feelings, feelings that Read More

Editorial

J-E-T-S! Ryan Might Just Pull It Off

The New York Jets are headed to a conference championship game for the second year in a row, which means that the team’s blunderbuss of a coach, Rex Ryan, will have another opportunity to endear himself to the team’s fans and alienate just about everybody else connected to the National Football League. That’s a good Read More