Yes you are!

Updated: Tina Fey responds below!
Have you been reading all about Taylor Swift telling Amy Poehler and Tina Fey that they are going to hell for their Golden Globes jokes in the most recent issue of Vanity Fair? Or wait, was that Katie Couric who told Taylor Swift that, and the singer was just relating it back in an anecdote? Did Amy Poehler say she was actually going to hell? Did Couric totally rip off a very famous Madeleine Albright quote about a basketball?

If you are confused, don't worry. Here are some GIFs from Mean Girls to help explain.

Okay, so first of all there is Taylor Swift, who is a person who is not above mocking her ex at Grammys during her opening song, because:

And she is pissed because during the Golden Globes, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey were making some jokes, and one happened to land on her. Technically, Ms. Fey was the one who dug it to the singer about her relationship with Harry Styles, warning her not to go after Michael J. Fox's son.
"Or go for it!" Ms. Poehler said.
"No, she needs some me time, for herself," Ms. Fey countered. Remember, they were pretending to be drunk.

And then Taylor Swift, who never told Kanye West to go to hell BY THE WAY, was all:

So she waited until she was on the cover of Vanity Fair this month, so she could say this in a profile (re: the Golden Globes jokes):

"You know, Katie Couric is one of my favorite people, because she said to me she had heard a quote that she loved, that said, 'There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.'"

Because seriously, Amy and Tina, don't even try to mess with the girl who literally wrote a song called "Mean":

Unfortunately for Katie Couric, who you just know is feeling like:

Especially when it was Madeleine Albright who actually said that.

So right out the gate, we're pretty much feeling:

But luckily, Amy Poehler is a classy lady, and responded, "Aw, I feel bad if she was upset. I am a feminist and she is a young and talented girl. That being said, I do agree I am going to hell. But for other reasons. Mostly boring tax stuff."

Ms. Swift has not yet responded, nor has Tina Fey. But as it stands right now, we have Amy Poehler being all:

While a grown-ass 23-year-old is freaking out in a corner, like:

Update: On Wednesday, Ms. Fey joined the fracas, telling Us Weekly that Swift should just get over it."It was just a joke, and I think it was actually a very benign joke," said the comedian. To New York Magazine, she added that the young singer wasn't the only one who could take out her fury in verse:

"Me, too, though! Me, too. I could do a song. I could do a whole song about it."

Which, as much as we'd like to see, is also kind of defensive response for someone so much older, wiser, and cooler than Taylor Swift. Like, turn the other cheek, Tina Fey! You do not have to drag yourself down to "Dear John" levels! Be more like Poehler, who has a new social network for girls about self-esteem issues, instead of the woman thinking up satirical songs that rhyme "Swift" with "John Mayer's dick."

Kaitlin Monte, Miss New York. (Ethan Miller/Getty Images)

With temperatures dropping into the low single digits, is it any wonder that most of us would prefer to spend our weekends indoors? Sure, we could be doing something with our families and friends on these blustery Saturday and Sunday evenings: Throwing a fondue party, perhaps, or helping the kids put together a jigsaw puzzle with one hand, a glass of Malbec in the other. But how can you expect us to concentrate when there are so many amazing things going on inside that spectacularly flashing flat screen?

Saturday night had us flipping the channels frantically: Did we want to watch the Miss America Pageant—complete with ads for Scientology interspersed with shots of Kaitlin Monte, our very own Miss New York, criticizing the Occupy Wall Street Movement—or the playoffs? Well, it’s obvious which one we’d pick, since we happen to know what place Miss New York finished after strutting across the stage in Vegas but can’t tell a touchdown from a Tebow these days.

That’s not even taking into account the after-hour events! At 11 p.m. we dutifully switched over to Saturday Night Live to watch Daniel Radcliffe slog through the gauntlet of his post-Harry Potter career. We almost wished we could have cast an invisibility cloak over Lana Del Rey during her traumatic musical performances. Note to SNL bookers: Never book a guest who has yet to cut an album, no matter how much the hipsters love her.

Sunday posed an equally prickly question. Should we watch the three-hour painfest that was Ricky Gervais getting booed off the stage at the Golden Globes or the Giants game? Either way, we were expecting a lot more tackling … especially from those A-listers who got all dressed up to receive the usual masturbatory accolades from the Foreign Press Association and instead were forced to grin and bear it while a Brit with bad teeth gave them a spanking. We almost wished that the Globes involved a fourth quarter event as exciting as Brandon Jacobs’s touchdown. Instead, we had Meryl Streep, Matt LeBlanc, Brad Pitt and Madonna accepting awards at a ceremony that could have been called Back to the Future: 2001.

Fortunately for Mr. Gervais, mining the past for humor was less abrasive than trying to open new wounds. At the very least, the jokes were less scandalous the second time around. We’re still making fun of Johnny Depp for The Tourist, are we? How naughty.

Of course, there was another reason to celebrate the last long, freezing weekend. No, not Martin Luther King Day—that would go without saying (unless you happen to be one Juan Williams moderating a Republican debate in South Carolina). Yesterday was also Blue Monday, a pseudoscientific holiday marking “the most depressing day of the year,” which occurs on the third opening weekday of every January and can be dated back to 2005, when it was invented by psychologist Dr. Cliff Arnall as part of a British Sky Travel campaign ad. The formula to determine Blue Monday was fairly complicated and involved factoring in things like weather and broken New Year’s resolutions and was originally printed in a mental health journal as if it were scientifically legitimate.

But, hey, that’s no reason not to celebrate it! (Xanax for everyone!) Let’s face it: Dr. Arnall picked a perfect day for his made-up experiment. Any Monday in the middle of January could accurately be described as the worst day of the year, but had it occurred any earlier this year we might have been too comfortable in our windbreakers and T-shirts to find fault with the shortened days and long nights.

All things considered, it wasn’t too bad … inasmuch as we experienced the blues, it was largely in the form of hypothermia.

Golden Globe-winner Madonna, singer of "American Life." (Getty Images)

The most likely, of last night's awards, to an awards-show junkie in 2002 imagining the hazy future:

1. Meryl Streep. Sure! Bet the speech was great.

2. Christopher Plummer. Glad he's still around!

3. Martin Scorsese. He deserves some recognition!

4. George Clooney. Did he win for playing Cary Grant?

Middling likelihood--not impossible to imagine, but sort of weird:

5. Michelle Williams. It's nice that the girl from Dawson's Creek figured it out. But if Michelle Williams has a Golden Globe, Katie Holmes must have two Oscars, right?

6. Claire Danes. It's nice, and unexpected, that the girl from My So-Called Life figured it out. So, is Jordan Catalano a movie star?

7. Jessica Lange. She's not a recluse in 2012? She says lines, on camera, and not just to the mirror in her creepy haunted mansion? Oh, she played an old witchy lady living in a mansion full of ghosts--that makes much more sense. Moving her up to spot #3.

Very weird:

7. Kelsey Grammer. Frasier is still on? They convinced the cast to keep coming back? Wow, NBC must be the number-one network!

8. Matt LeBlanc. Friends is still on? See above.

9. No one accepted their award riding a hoverboard. Truly tests credulity of what 2012 will be like.

10. Madonna. Did "original song from a movie" stop being a thing that really exists, with integrity, at all? What a terrifying future!

ddaddario@observer.com :: @DPD_

Ricky Gervais at the Golden Globes (Getty Images)

Welcome to New York Observer's Golden Globe coverage of the 2012, where you'll be able to read (and participate!) in real time as Drew Grant and Dan D'Addario take bets on which acclaimed actor will be the first to slap that lopsided grin right off Ricky Gervais' face. Let the fun begin!

Who stunned? Who flopped? Let's run down the line:

• Nicole Kidman: "Wearing elegant white sequin Prada."
• Olivia Wilde: "Bustier bombast of tulle and sparkle and perfectly combed hair."
• Natalie Portman: "Comfortable, modern elegance. Loved it."
• Tina Fey: "Gorgeous midnight-in-Paris blue L'Wren Scott velvet column."
• Sandra Bullock: "Super sixties cool."
• January Jones: "In a league of some of the best dresses ever seen on the red carpet."
• Michelle Williams: "In a nude daisy-chain appliqué Valentino—such an original choice."
• Tilda Swinton: "Impeccable glide and beautiful posture."
• Angelina Jolie: "A bit of a matronly choice, and the slightly extended shoulders didn’t help. Why would arguably the sexiest star in Hollywood go for something that looked as if it had been recycled from the back lots where Adrians or Orry-Kellys might have been discovered at the last minute?"

One of these things is not like the others! In the middle of an almost overdone outpouring of praise, André throws Angelina under the bus, offering some pretty damning critique in the middle of a softball fashion summary.

André saved the only other damning criticism for Helena Bonham Carter: "Her Vivienne Westwood lamé and a haze of tulle and point d’esprit and James Dean-style sunglasses, was the evening’s train wreck."

Hey, there's always next year!

SLIDESHOW: Check Out The Best Looks From This Year's Golden Globe Awards

nfreeman [at] observer.com | @nfreeman1234

Some of us woke up with the very first flush of awards season fever! Today the nominations for the 67^th annual Golden Globe Awards were announced and here are a few first impressions.

We Are Not That Unhappy With the Picks for Best Drama:

And that’s odd! Usually, the Golden Globes (Oscar’s party-hopping drunk sister) tend to get a little weird. However, in the case of the Best Drama Feature, Avatar, The Hurt Locker, Inglourious Basterds, Precious, and Up in the Air are all truly deserving. We’d have liked to see District 9 and maybe even Bright Star in there, but you can’t win them all.  However, we're guessing Peter Jackson is feeling pretty unhappy this morning. Ooof, sorry Lovely Bones.

The Hollywood Foreign Press Sure Loves Themselves Some Meryl Streep! (Part 1)

In hindsight, it’s totally predictable that both Julie & Julia and It’s Complicated were nominated for Best Comedy/Musical Feature, but when you see those two amongst the other nominees – (500 Days of Summer), The Hangover (!), and Nine….it would have been nice if they could have nominated just the Meryl half of Julie & Julia movie. Because, really? What about The Fantastic Mr. Fox? Hey, we'd have been happy with Drag Me To Hell!

The Hollywood Foreign Press Sure Loves Themselves Some Meryl Streep! (Part 2)

Ms. Streep will be competing against herself for Julie & Julia and It’s Complicated, along with Julia Roberts (which, wow! Way to remember all the way back to Duplicity, voters!), Sandra Bullock for The Proposal (she’s also nominated for The Blind Side which is, we think, where Abbie Cornish for Bright Star should have been) and our girl crush, Marion Cotillard for Nine. There are so many good actresses in Nine, we’re a little unsure how Ms. Cotillard got pushed out in front. Is it because she got two songs?

Viggo Got Robbed! Viggo Got Robbed!

We know, we know: it’s 2009 and no one wanted to see a depressing movie about living out of a shopping cart after the world dies. But jeeze, the man was amazing in The Road.  We don’t know who we’d replace him for, because jeeze….good group in Best Actor. But while we're at it, District 9's Sharlto Copley, we're sorry. Here's hoping for better come Oscar time.

Here’s the Question We Ask Every Year

If the Golden Globes can divide themselves between Drama and Comedy/Musical, why do the supporting actors all get tossed into one? It makes no sense! So this year, there are the two (excellent) actresses from Up in the Air going up against Penelope Cruz (Nine), Julianne Moore (A Single Man and Mo’Nique? How does this make sense?

Look Out James Cameron

We are far too tired to fact check this, but we’re guessing this is the first time that the Best Director category has a former husband and wife competing against each other: Kathryn Bigelow’s Hurt Locker against James Cameron and Avatar. Innnnnnteresting right?

Using dolls and some strategically deployed wardrobe items, Mr. Carr describes the challenges of packing for the Golden Globes, the Academy Award nomination announcements, and the Sundance Film Festival. One doll is meant to represent the Globes, another (which looks more like a nutcracker) is a stand-in for Sundance; a pair of sunglasses, a touk, and a bow tie are … Well, just watch it.

"I don't want to complain," Mr. Carr says, "I'm totally happy to even have a job, let alone race around and cover all of these events. It's just gonna take a really big bag to include everything, including my friends"—here, he pulls his dolls into the frame—"that I need to bring with me."

Yesterday the Los Angeles Film Critics Association bestowed their top honor on Andrew Stanton's Pixar smash, the first time in the 33-year history of the awards that an animated feature received the top slot. (The Dark Knight finished runner-up.) Meanwhile, the critics who have released their year-end lists are doing back flips over the tiny robot: David Edelstein of New York placed Wall-E number two on his list; Anthony Lane at The New Yorker writes that Wall-E is "the only American release of the year that filled its imaginative brief ... All hail Wall-E"; and Time's Richard Corliss calls it the best film of the year. With more recognition surely on tap at the Golden Globes announcements tomorrow, is Wall-E building towards a Best Picture nomination? We sure hope not!

We know this year was notoriously underwhelming, movie-wise, but if critics are proclaiming Wall-E as the movie of 2008, then 2008 was way worse than we thought. We'll give them that the first hour of Wall-E is an unparalleled success--a deft mix of post-apocalyptic scare tactic science fiction, Stanley Kubrick, E.T. and Buster Keaton. If the movie ended after that point, it quite possibly could have been the best movie of the year. Unfortunately, it doesn't. There is the second hour, which was, for lack of a better term, a kids movie... and not even a particularly good kids movie! Did we cry? Duh. Obviously. However we always cry. (We've cried during episodes of Grey's Anatomy this season and we hate that show.) But being touched should not be the sole arbiter to decide a film's worth. We're sorry, but when Jeff Garlin dominates a large chunk of your movie, hamming his way through line readings as if he was doing ADR on Daddy Day Care, it doesn't deserve an Oscar nomination. So for all you Wall-E backers out there, be happy with the guaranteed Best Animated Feature award (also known as "The Pixar Award"), and leave the summer blockbuster Best Picture nomination to a more complete film... y'know, like The Dark Knight.

In this clip from last night’s Dateline, Ms. Griffin says that she still loves Awards Season, “because everyone’s freshly Botoxed and shiny and pulled and everyone has long, pretty dresses that they had to puke all week to get into.” It’s true: watching her sling schtick can cause a bad case of the somebody-please-hug-her tingles.

During the special, Ms. Griffin, the queen of self-deprecating laugh riots and hour-long stand-up specials, offers viewers some earnest red carpet advice. (Why she does this is not really explained.) “People think that the red carpet is at 8 [p.m.], but in Los Angeles it’s from three to five. So if you’re an A-lister, you do not want to get there sooner that 4:40…I of course get there at 2:40.” Uh-huh. She then goes on to say that the downside of getting to an event early is that one has to stop and talk to all kinds of reporters—even, she laments, Good Morning Chatsworth and Wake Up Israel.

“When you’re really, really famous, then you blow by everyone else about ten minutes before the show,” the star of My Life on the D-List continues, “When in fact, those same people have probably been circling the hotel for two hours just doing their powder and stuff.” Apparently, Ms. Griffin has also decided that actors who bring their mothers as dates to red carpet events are “either gay or in a very troubled relationship.”