Guys, have you wondered what sort of cleanse Gwyneth Paltrow is endorsing for the new year? Is it Diet Detox? Her patented Colon Cleanse? The Clean Program?
In 2013′s first big shock, Ms. Paltrow revealed in a surprisingly curt GOOP newsletter that this January’s cleanse will be … no cleanse at all! WHAT?
Big Apple Idolatry
– Chris Brown wants to poop and fart on lady comedian; deletes Twitter account.
– Charlie Sheen once gave Lindsay Lohan a check for $100,000 to help out with her IRS “debt,” which is one case of the blinded-by-syphilis leading the blinded-by-syphilis.
They Grow Up So Fast
Time sure does fly when you are taking lifestyle advice from Gwyneth Paltrow. Today, Ms. Paltrow sent out her 200th issue of goop, her weekly newsletter to “share all of life’s positives.” That’s four whole years of living la vida Four Years of Goop Gwyneth.
Big Apple Idolatry
– In her continuing efforts to upstage that total biatch Lindsay Lohan, Amanda Bynes decided to strip down in a tanning salon lobby in New York and run around screaming “I’m a retired multi-millionaire!!” Said an eyewitness, “There was definitely something wrong with her.” What do you think it was?
Gwyneth Paltrow has bought her GOOP newsletter to Brooklyn, meaning that all the hip 20-somethings must now pack up their fair-trade bindles and move to Queens.
She has strong ties to the borough: her dad was born in Brooklyn Jewish Hospital. Ms. Paltrow likes using her father to give her credibility. What gives her the authority to write a cookbook? Because her dad liked food. Why is she now a Brooklyn expert? Her dad was born there. Yikes.
Here’s a partial list of places you can never be caught dead in again:
Gwyneth Paltrow, the lifestyle writer/lifestyle coach/lifestyle lifestyle/actresses from Iron Man II and Sliding Doors, is such a giver. Her heart is almost too big, you know? Like she’s always trying to teach the common plebeians who read her newsletter GOOP how to live life to its fullest. (Hint: Buy $82 pajamas for your children; be Gwyneth Paltrow; rinse and repeat.)
And how much does she charge for this service? $100? 1,000 baby seal skins? No way! She likes to give her fans this advice for free…not including the charge of the products she’s hawking, of course.
This week, join us as we check out Ms. Paltrow’s magic GOOP cleanse diet/facial creme! Because you are fat.
Today, to celebrate the launch of Jay-Z’s not-very-personal lifestyle site Life and Times, Gwyneth Paltrow interviewed the rapper for her newsletter Goop–and Jay-Z returned the favor, interviewing Ms. Paltrow for his site. (No one told the two, apparently, that Interview magazine exists, and has for years, Read More
When the Transom signed up to the Zoe Report, the newsletter by stylist Rachel Zoe that began distribution last week, we received a prompt email from Ms. Zoe herself!
“Starting tomorrow, you will receive The Zoe Report, a daily email featuring my current obsessions in the ever-evolving worlds of fashion, beauty, and lifestyle,” she Read More
We received Gwyneth Paltrow’s most recent GOOP newsletter this morning (on time!) and now we (almost) feel bad for being so snippy in our study of paltrow.com. She begins with this scene:
In 1998, I was filming The Talented Mr. Ripley in Ischia, a little island off the coast of Naples Read More
On Monday, Oct. 20, Gwyneth Paltrow was dressed for rain. The Oscar-winning actress slinked down the red carpet at the London Film Festival premiere of her new movie, Two Lovers, swaddled in a furry Felder Felder jacket with long, leather sleeves over a gothic, black Salvatore Ferragamo frock. She looked ghoulish. A reporter from The Read More