Sure Why Not
Imagine if your school newspaper ran a story reporting that some anonymous hater on JuicyCampus said that you were, I don’t know, hooking up with your calc professor. That would be pretttttty insane, right? Well, that’s basically what Defamer, Gawker’s Hollywood gossip blog, did today.
“Secret Sharing App Claims Gwyneth Paltrow Is Cheating with Lawyer,” their headline bellows. The story first contorts rumors about that Vanity Fair takedown piece that never was, and VF editor-in-chief Graydon Carter’s response to those rumors, into evidence. Then, they get to the real proof: a posting on the app Whisper.
Vanity Fair posted an expanded letter from editor in chief Graydon Carter about “the whole Vanity Fair-Gwyneth Paltrow brouhaha” today. In it, Mr. Carter explained, in expanded detail, how the whole thing came to be.
Like many editorial meetings, Vanity Fair‘s devolved into an open forum on How Women Feel about Ms. Paltrow. The female staff was divided between those who thought Ms. Paltrow had nice legs and good lifestyle advice and those who are annoyed by her nice legs and lifestyle advice. The male staff, of course, just thought she had nice legs.
Blake Lively is a celebrity with such a bland persona, this interview from New York Magazine’s The Cut blog starts out, “Blake Lively walks into the room, chewing.”
What could be less exciting? “Blake Lively lies still, breathing.” That’s it. That’s the only less exciting activity.
Still, we are talking about her. This time, it’s because she’s starting a lifestyle website that isn’t a lifestyle website. She announced it in September by saying to Vogue, “The main element of it is that it’s about storytelling and it’s about living a very one-of-a-kind, curated life, and how to achieve that. There’s nothing like it out there – it’s without a genre.”
Oh, hell no.
From PaperlessPost.com’s Tumblr:
Inspired by Gwyneth Paltrow’s eye for casual luxury, goop.com curates all that is needed for a life well lived. Goop draws on modern refinement with an occasional streak of rebellion to create a uniquely upscale aesthetic that doesn’t take itself too seriously. Our newest collaboration with goop was inspired by classic tropes of luxe interior decor—ornate bone china, gilded butterflies, fine chinoiserie wallpaper—as well as contemporary minimalists like Ellsworth Kelly.
Dept. of Corrections
You know who isn’t the biggest fan of the World Wide Web? Website owner, Aol host and app developer Gwyneth Paltrow.
The Duchess of Goop told E! News that the Internet is a cause of concern at her house because of all the weird things daughter Apple can see on it. It’s a freighting place, she said, like sitting through a viewing of View from the Top scary. Anyway, she sung the praises of her “super-smart” daughter for constant inquiries about normal childlike things, such as the sun, devil and renewable energy.
A recent New York Times article misidentified Graydon Carter as an investor in Keith McNally’s Minetta Tavern.
“An article on Monday about Hollywood’s displeasure with Vanity Fair’s sharper celebrity coverage erroneously included one establishment on a list of restaurants in which its editor, Graydon Carter, invests,” read the Times‘s correction. “Mr. Carter invests in the Beatrice Inn and Monkey Bar, but he is not an investor in the Minetta Tavern.”
With her newsletter GOOP, Gwyneth Paltrow has managed to turn her career from actress to something resembling more of an entrepreneur/life advice coach. Like Oprah! Unlike Oprah, however Gwyneth Paltrow’s products and tips usually only apply to “moms like herself” (aka Hollywood dynasty, socialites, or women who are married to the guy from Coldplay).
But Ms. Paltrow is often at war with her own image: She loves food so much that she’s written two cookbooks and posts disgusting photos of gluten/egg/dairy free meals all over her site, but at the same time she promotes cleanses to the point of putting out her own colon cleanse. (Except that one month in January, where the cleanse was to take a cleanse from cleansing.)
So far, however, Ms. Paltrow’s shtick has been successful, in the sense that yes, she’s a ridiculous person, but we always assumed her fanatic obsession with a zen work/life balance (yes, one can be fanatic about that) meant that she was at least a healthy person.
Turns out, no, she’s starved herself into hallucinating for ten days on a “bad cleanse,” as she told Telegraph.
When one thinks of Gwyneth Paltrow, what comes to mind? A women who drinks a bottle of wine whilst cooking and then another before bed? Who told a reporter she’d rather smoke crack than eat processed cheese? Or the dictator of GOOP, an insane newsletter dedicated to making you pay $155 for a felt “catch-all,” which does not seem larger or sturdy enough to catch anything. (Besides maybe a nearby breeze.)
Big Apple Idolatry
Guys, have you wondered what sort of cleanse Gwyneth Paltrow is endorsing for the new year? Is it Diet Detox? Her patented Colon Cleanse? The Clean Program?
In 2013′s first big shock, Ms. Paltrow revealed in a surprisingly curt GOOP newsletter that this January’s cleanse will be … no cleanse at all! WHAT?
– Chris Brown wants to poop and fart on lady comedian; deletes Twitter account.
– Charlie Sheen once gave Lindsay Lohan a check for $100,000 to help out with her IRS “debt,” which is one case of the blinded-by-syphilis leading the blinded-by-syphilis.