Clockwise from left: Damian Lewis in Homeland, Steve Buscemi in Boardwalk Empire, Andrew Lincoln in The Walking Dead, Jon Hamm in Mad Men, and Bryan Cranston on Breaking Bad. (Ed Johnson)

On Sunday night, as Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were making history as the first two women to successfully elbow out a male host for the Golden Globes, audiences took in an unprecedented display of girl power. With Lena Dunham winning for Best Actress in a Comedy, Girls taking Best Comedy, and Julianne Moore winning for Game Change, we trumpeted a new era ... one in which women could not only captivate an audience but do so with an unlikable protagonist. (Hannah Horvath is no Tony Soprano, but she can be plenty unappealing at times.)

Many of the night’s other nominees, including the stars of Veep and Nashville, fit into the same category, as did the un-nominated (but still there in spirit) Edie Falco in Nurse Jackie, Laura Linney in The Big C and Laura Dern in the criminally under-watched Enlightened, which premiered its second season this week. This last is perhaps the best example of these hard-to-watch heroines, with Ms. Dern playing the most delusional, self-righteous and self-martyring female antihero ever to traipse through premium cable.

It was a great night for rude, crude, progressive women. Unfortunately, it was an even better night for Bad Men.

In 2007, when Mad Men won the Globes for both Best Drama and Best Actor, AMC’s new prime-time show featuring gin-swilling 1960s philanderer Don Draper as its protagonist was still considered edgy for a non-premium cable show. Today, networks feature increasingly despicable, morally complex and utterly doomed characters, and the awards tend to follow. In the last several years, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association has seen fit to nominate a serial killer (Dexter), a U.S. Marine-turned-Islamic terrorist (Sgt. Nicholas Brody in Homeland), several corrupt politicians (Enoch “Nucky” Thompson from Boardwalk Empire and Boss’s Tom Kane) and the world’s most dangerous high school science teacher (Breaking Bad’s Walter White) in its Best Drama and Best Actor categories.

This year, four of these ne’er-do-wells crowded the Best Actor box, with accolades for Homeland’s Damian Lewis, Breaking Bad’s Bryan Cranston, Mad Men’s Jon Hamm and Boardwalk’s Steve Buscemi. The only exception to the rule: the disgruntled-but-ultimately righteous Will McAvoy from The Newsroom. God save us when an Aaron Sorkin antihero is the closest we get to a good guy.

The rest are endemic of a new trend in millennial TV protagonists—men who are, if not quite villains, then at least Bad Men. At best, our guy is an immoral misanthrope and a latent misogynist. At worst, he’s a sociopath, one who may or may not be running an international drug cartel. Or a terrorist ring. If you’re lucky, he’s merely a serial killer who kills other killers. And the scary thing is: we relate to them. We empathize. And if they don’t already hate their wives and children, not to worry—we do. How can we not, what with the missus harping about domestic nonsense when there is a meth empire to run or a presidential front-runner to assassinate?

It’s not just awards-season accolades that reflect the shift away from shows about good guys: Homeland, Breaking Bad and Dexter beat their top ratings last season. The Walking Dead surprised even its biggest fans by shattering basic cable numbers with its season-three premiere, which saw an audience of 10.9 million total viewers, the “biggest telecast for any drama series in basic cable history,” according to The Hollywood Reporter.

It’s not hard to see what attracts today’s audience to these characters. For the first time in our history, the majority of men will not be able to surpass their fathers in wealth or status. With the recession, record job losses and lack of affordable health care, the Great Emasculation is well underway. Thus our need for men who at least take a stand, for good or ill, men whose nihilism often stems from psychic trauma. Men who, if not kind or ethical, survive and even flourish under dismal conditions. They might not be heroes, but we respect them.

Unlike, say, their horrible wives.

Take, for instance, Jessica Brody, the wife on Homeland played by Morena Baccarin. Not only did she cheat on Sgt. Brody during his eight years in captivity and after he returned, she pestered him for “the truth” throughout season one, only to freak out about his embrace of Islam and finally kick him to the curb. Meanwhile, Brody tried—he really did—to be a good husband and father even as he plotted his terror attack. If only Jessica hadn’t been so nosy, if only his daughter Dana had shown him a little bit more respect, maybe he wouldn’t have felt the need to run off with a bipolar C.I.A. agent.

Which isn’t to say that the protagonists of these shows ever voice any misogynistic tendencies. They don’t have to. It’s the programs themselves that turn the viewers against long-suffering wives, female colleagues and blameless children. A recent Huffington Post article on the 21 Worst Characters on television included the love interests on The Walking Dead, Mad Men and Boardwalk Empire. These shows, along with Breaking Bad and Homeland, all portray nosy, ineffectual matriarchs who are simultaneously ice-cold bitches, helpless victims and puritanical enforcers. We resent these women for the usual reasons women are often resented: because they are nosy, because they aren’t affectionate enough, because can’t keep their husbands from straying, because they are not always perfect mothers. Of course, they are driven to the brink by their husbands’ actions. But in a world that glorifies amorality, women are the spoilsports. They might be “good” (at least in relation to their husbands), but that makes them worse than bad. It makes them sneaky, shrewish and thoroughly unsympathetic victims.

Walter White is a Bad Men:

But Skylar is kind of worse:

Even worse, they are whores.

For instance, even though both Jessica Brody and Lori Grimes had the moral loophole of thinking their husbands were dead, we can’t help but resent them for carrying on with their husbands’ best friends. Betty Draper and Skyler White are also guilty of the cardinal female sin of infidelity, which is much harder to swallow, somehow, then when their fellows stray. (Poor Walter White has been at least sexually faithful to his wife, only to have her retaliate for his drug dealing by having an affair with her boss.)

Despite the flagrant violence of these shows, the Bad Men still tend to put “family first,” long after they give up every other social convention. And if they lash out occasionally (Draper’s constant bordering-on-abusive-relationships with his paramours, including both his current and former wives) or engage in stalker-level harassment (Walter White breaking into the house of his separated wife and refusing to leave), we sympathize.

In December, a 26-year-old Long Island man named Jared Gurman got into a fight with his girlfriend of three and a half years. They were arguing about The Walking Dead. Mr. Gurman—who described himself on Facebook as “an underappreciated person,” who felt that he should be “making more money at work”—took out a .22-caliber semi-automatic rifle and shot his girlfriend in the back. She ended up with fractured ribs and a punctured lung and diaphragm, all for calling Mr. Gurman’s theory about the zombie apocalypse “ridiculous.” Fans of the show might recognize a certain irony: despite a plethora of semi-automatics and reasons to put one to his wife’s head, Rick Grimes never took a shot at his wife.

What a mensch!

2013 Golden Globes, Bill Murray

If you are too busy watching the Australian cycling thing and can't understand what the hell is going on with Twitter (honestly, we don't know who you follow, but no one on our feed actually bothers naming the winners of these things), here are the latest updates for the 2013 Golden Globe Awards.

Best Motion Picture, Drama
WINNER: Argo
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama
WINNER: Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln

Best Performance by a Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama
WINNER: Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty

Best Motion Picture, Drama
WINNER:

Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical
WINNER: Les Mis

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture- Comedy or Musical
WINNER: Hugh Jackman, Les Mis

Best TV Series, Comedy or Musical
WINNER: GIRLS

Best Director
WINNER: Ben Affleck, Argo

Cecil B. DeMille's Lifetime Achievement Award/Freestyle Portion of Evening
WINNER: Jodie Foster

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series - Comedy or Musical
WINNER: Lena Dunham, Girls

Best Animated Feature Film
WINNER: Brave

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series - Drama
WINNER: Claire Danes, Homeland

Best Foreign Film
WINNER: Amour

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series - Comedy or Musical
WINNER: Don Cheadle, House of Lies

Best Screenplay
WINNER: Quentin Tarantino, Django Unchained

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
WINNER: Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables

Best Performance by a Supporting Actor in a Mini-Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television
WINNER: Ed Harris, Game Change

Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television
WINNER: Kevin Costner, Hatfields & McCoys
(RUNNER-UP: Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock)

Best Performance by an Actress in a Mini-Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television
WINNER: Julianne Moore - Game Change

Best Television Series - Drama
WINNER: Homeland

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
WINNER: Christoph Waltz - Django Unchained

Best Performance by a Supporting Actress in a Mini-Series
WINNER: Maggie Smith - Downton Abbey

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series - Drama
WINNER: Damien Lewis - Homeland

Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
WINNER: Game Change

Best Original Song
WINNER: "Skyfall," Adele

Best Original Score - Motion Picture
WINNER: Life of Pi

Best Actress in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy
WINNER: Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Lining Playbook (Also, best speech? Y/N?)

Is THIS a metaphor?? (Showtime)

These questions regard the second season finale of Showtime’s Homeland. Please answer the prompts with specific examples from SUNDAY’S EPISODE, though supplementary material will be accepted as a secondary source. Please write legibly. No. 2 pencils only. You have an hour to finish this test. See below for questions and sample responses.

1. Whoa, that was pretty heavy? Did you see that coming? BE HONEST.

Yes, it was pretty heavy, to say the least. Watching Saul say kaddish pretty much ruined me. And honestly no, I didn't see that coming. I knew two things going in: that there would be some kind of twist (because it was a highly anticipated finale on a show that relies on twists), and that it would end with either Brody or Carrie or both implicated in whatever happened (because it needed to set up some tension or suspense for next season).

As for how it happened, it certainly was surprising, but it also didn't blow me away (pun intended). In the aftermath of the explosion, Brody says that Nazir "played us from the beginning," but that doesn't seem that shocking, or comprise a particularly satisfying explanation. Without knowing how it was done--who put the explosives in Brody's car, and when?--all we know is that there was some kind of plot. Of course, unraveling these strands will be a major plot point next season, for which we are left in panting suspense, and so good job on that level, writers. But the twist in this finale just didn't seem particularly "twisty." Everyone acted pretty much the way we expected them to, given the circumstances (well except for Quinn, but that is a whole 'nother can of worms, because his actions made no sense in any context); nobody turned out to be something or somebody unexpected. I wanted my mind to be blown, and it wasn't.

2. God, Carrie and Brody were mopey this episode. For a show that hinged on a Grecian level of dramatic irony--we all knew SOMETHING bad was going to happen--the characters didn't act that thrilled by the calm before the storm. Traditionally, an epic tragedy is preceded by a happy occasion...a party, a new love, the feeling that things are finally going to turn out okay. Which (as you predicted) lead to her suddenly going stir-crazy and questioning her feelings toward Brody. Is it possible that barring the explosion, the two would have actually "made it"? Or did that bomb do the best thing possible for their relationship by making it impossible to be "easy"...a word that obviously made Carrie's teeth clench when she and Brody first went to the cabin.

I know that trying to figure out the intentions of the author(s) of a story is a mug's game (not to mention a fallacy, as the New Critics taught us). But for the last several episodes, I confess, the relationship between Brody and Carrie has had me relentlessly trying to figure out what the show's writers can be thinking. Can it be that they think this really is a love for the ages, a real, true, all-consuming and abiding attachment? They certainly seem to keep suggesting as much, and never more so than in this episode. But all the while, there have also been hints that this is really a passion born of tension and excitement, that will necessarily fizzle in its absence: that gritting of Carrie's teeth, Brody picking up the gun, Brody momentarily seeming to put his fingers around Carrie's neck as they say goodbye, and the weird language of surrender he uses to speak about her love ("You gave it up to me"). At this point I don't know, but I do think it is important not to forget that Carrie is a very sick woman, and apparently unmedicated at this point. And of course her disorder provides an important metaphor for her relationship with Brody: as long as there is a crisis to channel her passions, all seems well. But leave her alone with her quiet thoughts and the demons attack.

3. The "How stupid do you think we are??" visual metaphor of the week: Brody showing off previously unknown skill of being able to LITERALLY juggle, the Carrie/Chekhov's gun still loaded in the cabin, or Saul's drinking the milk left by Estes? (Just kidding: The last one is the Saul's Mourners' Kaddish over the room full of dead bodies juxtaposed with the recitation of the Salat al-Janazah on the boat before dumping Abu Nazir's body.)

Or how about Jessica braiding Dana's hair, or Brody paying for a beer with Mike that he never drinks, or any one of a thousand other images that telegraph a major theme. It has gotten a little out of hand, as if the show doesn't trust us to get the point but has to use italics and underlining to put it across.

The juggling was pretty clever, though, not for the metaphor, but for the opportunity it gives Brody to say that he's funny. Because it makes you consider and realize, no Brody, you're a lot of things, but you're not a funny guy. (And Homeland is a lot of things, but it isn't a funny show, even in its lighter moments.) That lack of an honest self-image is an important part of Brody's character. He thinks he's this one guy, but he's totally some other guy.

4.  Some people (like my dad) have posited that it doesn't even matter who the mole/terrorist is at this point. That options are dwindling: We're left with Estes (in a kamikaze move to prove to the world what Brody was, plus he was certainly acting like a man about to die, making his amends to Saul); someone from the Brody family (oh god let it be Dana, PLEASE let it be Dana); Saul or Saul's wife; Quinn (he was at the the tailor's with the C4); Brody (*said in best Batman voice* "DO YOU TRUST HIM??") and everyone's favorite wild card....Galvez (even the show runners want you to think it's him!) Make a convincing argument for the character you LEAST believe responsible, because at this point, it's probably them.

You forgot the best option out there: Mike. It's not him, obviously, as he'd have been acting against his own best interest this entire season. But imagine the possibilities. We already know Nazir liked to cultivate past friends/squadmates as unwitting co-spies, and who better to keep an eye on Brody than the guy who is sleeping with his wife? Plus he's a high-ranking something in some department or another, and we know how much Nazir loves his high-level clearances.

My money is still on Quinn, by the way, as it is the only thing that could possibly make his failure to shoot Brody make even the remotest sense. But there is a part of me that wishes it could be Saul, as that would be a truly amazing twist. And witnesses he questions do have a weird habit of ending up dead.

5. Consider the phrase "Point of no return" in its various forms and meanings: Crossing the Rubicon; an Event Horizon; fait accompli; the one proposed in the titular fourth season Battlestar Galactica episode; the concept of liminality; the Tree of Life (which can be interpreted as the threshold between life and death), etc. Has Brody reached any of these "points," and if so, which ones?

At least in Brody's head, there is no such thing as a point of no return. As he has shown us again and again, he is a creature of borderlines, of limnality. Muslims pray five times a day, and yet we always see Brody praying the fajr, the dawn prayer, on the border between night and day. He doesn't always seem to know his own mind, and so may be suffering from some form of borderline personality disorder as well.

There is no line for Brody that cannot be crossed in both directions. He has gone farther into the darkness than most people can imagine, and yet he still finds ways of crossing back into (what he considers) the light. The idea that there is a line that he can cross and not come back from seems entirely alien to him at this point. That, more than anything else, is why he didn't blow himself up last season: death is a line he can't comprehend.

Ironically, this is what makes him not really a terrorist. There is a certain impulse of non-return in the terrorist mind-set that he simply does not have. Nazir can make his own death the pivot of his plot. Brody can only make his survival and his return the center of his life.

And even though Brody has crossed some sort of line at the end of this season (while crossing a literal border), Carrie going back to clear his name indicates that he, like the show, will somehow be able to return.

Golden Globe nom-toppers. (Various)

Not too many surprises this year in the nominations, announced today, for the 2013 Golden Globe Awards. This year, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler will be making history as the first female duo to host the ceremony, held on Jan. 13., but other than that, it's all Lincoln (seven nominations), Argo (five) and Django Unchained (ditto).

In television, we're looking at dramas like Game Change (five), Homeland (four, including one for "The Bear" Patinkin), Downton Abbey and, yikes ... how did The Newsroom (two) manage to get on there? That's more nominations than Mad Men (one) received! Comedies remained from last year: Girls, 30 Rock and Modern Family topped the chart. HBO shot to the top of the chart with 17 nominations total, and in a distant second place came Showtime, with seven.

Read the full list below:

Best Motion Picture, Drama

Argo
Django Unchained
Life of Pi
Lincoln
Zero Dark Thirty

Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
Les Misérables
Moonrise Kingdom
Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
Silver Linings Playbook

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama

Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln
Richard Gere, Arbitrage
John Hawkes, The Sessions
Joaquin Phoenix, The Master
Denzel Washington, Flight

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy

Jack Black, Bernie
Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook
Hugh Jackman, Les Misérables
Ewan McGregor, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
Bill Murray, Hyde Park on the Hudson

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama

Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty
Marion Cotillard, Rust and Bone
Helen Mirren, Hitchcock
Naomi Watts, The Impossible
Rachel Weisz, The Deep Blue Sea

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy

Emily Blunt, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
Judi Dench, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook
Maggie Smith, Quartet
Meryl Streep, Hope Springs

Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture

Alan Arkin, Argo
Leonardo DiCaprio, Django Unchained
Philip Seymour Hoffman, The Master
Tommy Lee Jones, Lincoln
Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture

Amy Adams, The Master
Sally Field, Lincoln
Anne Hathaway, Les Misérables
Helen Hunt, The Sessions
Nicole Kidman, The Paperboy

Best Director

Ben Affleck, Argo
Kathryn Bigelow, Zero Dark Thirty
Ang Lee, Life of Pi
Steven Spielberg, Lincoln
Quentin Tarantino, Django Unchained

Best Screenplay, Motion Picture

Mark Boal, Zero Dark Thirty
Tony Kushner, Lincoln
David O. Russell, Silver Linings Playbook
Quentin Taratino, Django Unchained
Chris Terrio, Argo

Find out which star's daughter is Miss Golden Globe

Best Foreign Language Film

Amour (Austria)
A Royal Affair (Denmark)
The Intouchables (France
Kon-Tiki (Norway)
Rust and Bone  (France)

Best Animated Feature Film

Brave
Frankenweenie
Hotel Transylvania
Rise of the Guardians
Wreck-It Ralph

Best Original Song, Motion Picture

"For You," Act of Valor, Monty Powell & Keith Urban
"Not Running Anymore," Stand Up Guys, Jon Bon Jovi
"Safe and Sound," The Hunger Games, Taylor Swift. John Paul White, Joy Williams & T Bone Burnett
"Skyfall," Skyfall, Adele & Paul Epworth
"Suddenly," Les Misérables, Claude-Michel Schonberg & Alain Boublil

Best Original Score, Motion Picture

Mychael Danna, Life of Pi
Alexandre Desplat, Argo
Dario Marianelli, Anna Karenina
Tom Tykwer, Johnny Klimek, Reinhold Heil, Cloud Atlas
John Williams, Lincoln

Best TV Movie or Miniseries

Game Change
The Girl
Hatfields & McCoys
The Hour
Political Animals

Best TV Series, Drama

Boardwalk Empire
Breaking Bad
Downton Abbey
Homeland
The Newsroom

Best TV Series, Comedy

The Big Bang Theory
Episodes
Girls
Modern Family
Smash

Best Actor in a TV Series, Drama

Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Jeff Daniels, The Newsroom
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Damian Lewis, Homeland

Best Actor, TV Series Comedy

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Louis CK, Louie
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Best Actress in a TV Series, Drama

Connie Britton, Nashville
Glenn Close, Damages
Claire Danes, Homeland
Michelle Dockery, Downton Abbey
Julianna Marguiles, The Good Wife

Best Actress in a TV Series, Comedy

Zooey Deschanel, New Girl
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Lena Dunham, Girls
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

Best Actor in a Miniseries or TV Movie

Kevin Costner, Hatfields & McCoys
Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock
Woody Harrelson, Game Change
Toby Jones, The Girl
Clive Owen, Hemingway & Gellhorn

Best Actress in a Miniseries or TV Movie

Julianne Moore, Game Change
Nicole Kidman, Hemingway & Gellhorn
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Asylum
Sienna Miller, The Girl
Sigourney Weaver, Political Animals

Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Mini-Series or TV Movie

Max Greenfield, New Girl
Ed Harris, Game Change
Danny Huston, Magic City
Mandy Patinkin, Homeland
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family

Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries, or TV Movie

Hayden Panettiere, Nashville
Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife
Sarah Paulson, Game Change
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family

Cecile B. DeMille Award

Jodie Foster

"Posing like you are in a men's catalog is a sign of strength."--David Estes (Showtime)

These questions regard last night’s episode of Showtime’s Homeland. Please answer the prompts with specific examples from SUNDAY’S EPISODE, though supplementary material will be accepted as a secondary source. Please write legibly. No. 2 pencils only. You have an hour to finish this test. See below for questions and sample responses.

1. In last week's episode, Dar Adal expressed nostalgia for the Cold War, when it was obvious who the enemy was. Conventional wisdom has it that militarized societies will turn on each other in the absence of a clear antagonist. And yet it is only now, when Nazir is right before them, evident and nearly in their grasp, that the CIA is really attacking itself, from Carrie tackling Galvez to Estes discrediting Saul "The Bear" Berenson. What does this self-hatred express and why is it all coming out now?

Look, we've all suspected Galvez as the mole from like, the fourth episode of the season. His sudden "reemergence" last week was the perfect red herring. Didn't his appearance  front and center of the FBI's firing squad in the opening of this episode ring some "Aha" bells for anyone else? The fact that Carrie was sure enough to go off the hunch (that I've been screaming at her to listen to since he became this over-eager little ass-licker,) makes me think that this isn't the last time he'll find himself in her cross-hairs.

As for the whole "enemy within" theory, it's always been Homeland's take that everyone is simultaneously  paranoid and clueless. Like:
A) Why has nobody in the FBI watched Spike Lee's Inside Man, because Nazir's "fake wall" act was coined by Clive Owens in 2006?

B) Why does Saul suddenly care so much about Brody? It can't be because of Carrie's feelings, and it's not "just" about assassinating a U.S. congressman. I mean, not even Estes knows for sure that Brody killed the VP (though if he did, he'd be even more justified in taking Brody out). Saul's actions strike me as more of his obsession/blind spot when it comes for saving lost causes than of some deep-down belief that Brody is not a threat.

C) How has Carrie been able to intuit any and all malfeasance towards Brody, but has entirely missed Quinn and Estes sniper-tracking her boyfriend? Especially when she was the one who put Virgil and Max on Quinn detail in the first place? Did she just forget that was a thing?

2. Compare Carrie's two interrogations, of Brody and of Roya. Did she really think her Good Cop routine would work again, in these very different circumstances? Did Quinn know she would slip in and question her and let it happen anyway?

Aww, Roya! I so wanted her empathy with Carrie to be a "real" moment, but of course it couldn't be. Roya knows all about Carrie's affiliation with Brody, which is why she set her up to take the fall when she asks ,"Have you ever met somebody who takes over your whole life (and) makes you do things you'd never thought you'd do?...Well, I've never been that stupid."

Quinn always acts like he doesn't want Carrie to get involved, but I'm starting to believe him. Unlike with Brody, he doesn't use Carrie as an emotional bargaining chip this time around. (Then again, maybe he knows he can't.) She wasn't supposed to be in the room, but he knows how much it would undermine her already wavering confidence if he had to drag her kicking and screaming out of the room, so he lets her take a shot of it.

My creepy question...what was he letting those guys with the big hypodermic needles do to Roya when Carrie finally called?

3. This episode placed a lot emphasis on the literal meanings of words and expressions. Not only did Nazir literally not run away, but Dana literally cried over spilled milk, and a light literally turned green for Carrie. Assuming that Homeland, like any riddle, is tracing some sort of trajectory from ignorance to understanding, what is the nature of the endgame in which this too-emphatic stress on the literal places us? (Things to consider: Saul getting trapped by the yes/no limitations of the polygraph, Jessica realizing that she doesn't even need to know the truth anymore.)

The strategy of Homeland's endgame--or the answer to the riddle to the show's literalness—is simple: It is not real life and never will be. Visual metaphors and wordplay rarely coincide with epiphanies. (Though I have literally cried over spilled soy milk, which struck me even at the time as being too obvious to be anything but a coincidence.)

In reality, terrorists don't accidentally give away the location of their leader by slipping on their verbs, and inmates are rarely running the asylum, as Carrie seems to be doing with heading up the detail on Nazir. When it comes to the polygraph bit (which, by the way, can we give James Urbaniak his own spin-off now?), I find that part literally believable, sadly. Out of all the C.I.A. strategies for neutralizing a threat from within, making  them take a polygraph test with questions that in a court of law would be nothing short of entrapment might be the first one that actually works.

4. Picture yourself watching Homeland when you were Dana's age. Which would you find more romantic: Jessica's "If you don't have to lie to her, you must really love her" or Brody's "I would gladly and without hesitation assassinate a head of state for you"?
The second, and I'd go with it today. But that's less about my age and more to do with the fact that I am a woman with irrational LADY FEELINGS that tell me that honestly is less important than someone killing the Vice President for you. I would have made a great Jody Foster.

5. As should be clear by now, Carrie is somewhat less fallible than the pope. Can the CIA really afford to burn her, as Estes/Quinn seem determined to, if she is the most intelligent, most forward-seeing, most capable agent in the whole building? Wouldn't that be like smashing your crystal ball on the ground because it is a little too shiny for your tastes?

See, I don't read Estes and Quinn trying to burn her; in fact, they are trying to keep her by getting rid of the two people in her life that she relies on for structure outside of Langley. Estes seems to have a personal grudge against Brody this season, and I don't think it's because the United States "doesn't make deals with terrorists," because obviously…they did. I think deep down he still harbors some feelings for Carrie that go beyond doubting her reasoning. He was always Walden's go-to guy, and if things had gone according to plan, there would have been no way Quinn could have killed the new vice president. (Though they do seem much easier to kill than congressmen.)

The way I read Quinn is pretty similar, except he's cracking a bit. He feels a sort of protective love for her, maybe it's a big brother instinct, maybe it's more. But whatever it is, he couldn't go through with killing Brody on her doorstep, which is basically what Estes instructed him to do. With Carrie being almost level-headed this season, I wonder if next week will end not with her breaking point, but his. Can he go through with shooting Brody in the woods? If he can't, what good is he to Estes and the C.I.A.? But if he kills Brody he will lose Carrie for good…right before she destroys his face with her teeth or something.

Brody finds a payphone! (Showtime)

These questions regard last night’s episode of Showtime’s Homeland. Please answer the prompts with specific examples from SUNDAY’S EPISODE, though supplementary material will be accepted as a secondary source. Please write legibly. No. 2 pencils only. You have an hour to finish this test. See below for questions and sample responses.
1. The only personal item in Quinn's bare-bones apartment is a copy of Great Expectations in which he keeps a picture of his newborn son, John Jr. There is a character named John in Great Expectations: Mr. Wemmick, the man with "a post-office of a mouth" who serves as the go-between for Pip and his lawyer, Jaggers. How may Quinn be comparing himself (John Sr.) to Wemmick here? What other similarities might he see between his current situation and the plot of the Dickens novel?

The most obvious comparison between Quinn and Wemmick, besides the aforementioned "go-between" status, would be that they both go by their last names, as a way of protecting themselves against the world. (That's why his baby's mamma waits for Saul to give John X a last name and isn't forthcoming with one.)

Additionally, Wemmick builds himself a replica of a castle with a moat to live in to protect himself from the outside world; Quinn lives in a secure fortress of solitude and apparently spends more money on security measures devices than decor.

Wemmick's split personality is revealed with his love for his fiancé, which humanizes him in Pip's eyes. The only link Quinn has to the outside world is the mother of his son and his child.

So even while we hate Quinn for trying to kill Brody, we must remember what Pip says of Wemmick, "there were twin Wemmicks and this was the wrong one."

2. The title of the episode, "Two Hats," refers to Quinn's two jobs (analyst/assassin), but several characters conspicuously wear hats over the course of the episode: Nazir, Quinn, Quinn's real boss (F. Murray Abraham!) and, of course, the oft-behatted Saul. We have many expressions involving hats in English beyond the titular one: we do something at the drop of one, talk through one, keep things under one, etc. Which of these or other idiomatic hats are evoked by the characters' various chapeaux?

It struck me watching this episode how the writers have finally found a use for Mike, who now wears "two hats": He is both a source of comfort/security for Jess and the Brodys, and is the apparent go-between for the CIA and the family. (How good is he laying down the law as Dana's new daddy? So good!)
"Keep it under your hat" could be the alternate name for this entire series, while "I'll eat my hat" is usually what I find myself saying in regards to the realism of Homeland. As in: "If it turns out that Carrie is the last person to know that Estes and Quinn have a hit out on Brody, I'll eat my hat." I've eaten several hats this season, BTW.

3. It is clear from Estes comments and Quinn's actions that CIA brass still considers Brody a terrorist and a threat. In light of the two details that Brody apparently chooses to leave out of the retelling of his abduction--Nazir thanking him for saving his life in Beirut, and the two of them praying together--how justified is such a judgment? Has Homeland tipped its hand, or do we still not know where Brody's true allegiances lie?

Ah, nope. We know where Brody's true alliance lies at this point: With Carrie and his family and the good ole' U.S. of A. Of the two things he leaves off his confession, Carrie knows about one of them (that Brody is a secret Muslim), and the second one seems more like one of those lapses that she would forgive him for once Brody becomes "a hero." We don't even know why the CIA would plan on killing Brody once Abu Nazir is dead, or why Brody's life is contingent on Nazir staying alive...a plot device that will inevitably lead Carrie into letting Nazir escape so Brody can live.

4. What is the significance of Nazir's CIA code name "Sandman"? Reference at least two of the following in your answer: "Mr. Sandman" by the Chordettes, "Enter Sandman" by Metallica, "The Sandman" by E.T.A. Hoffmann, the Sandman series by Neil Gaiman, the Spider-Man villain The Sandman.
1. In many of the Spider-Man continuums, William Baker/Flint Marko commits some criminal act in order for his daughter, Suzie, to live a better life, and in doing so sacrifices his life for hers. While Isa ended up dying, it was the impetus for Abu Nazir to wage a more personal war on American soil.

2. The Chordettes sing: "Give him a pair of eyes with a come-hither gleam, Give him a lonely heart like Pagliacci":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CX45pYvxDiA
In the Italian opera Pagliacci, the titular character is the iconic "sad clown" who sings to his audience that actors have feelings too. When his wife Nedda is unfaithful to him, he kills her. One could say that "Mr. Sandman" (in this case Nazir) created a "dream" for Carrie much in the style of the song; he has an unfaithful wife, and is constantly trying to convince Carrie and the CIA that he, too, is a human being. ("Do you believe me?" Brody asks Carrie. "Because that's the only thing I care about.") Although, unfortunately, Damien Lewis does not have "wavy hair like Liberace."

5. These days Carrie seems to be holding it together slightly better with each passing episode. On a scale from one to electroconvulsive therapy, how far off the deep end will she fall if the CIA succeeds in killing Brody off?

It depends on how you define "crazy." We saw what would happen if Carrie believes Brody is dead in the beginning of this episode ... she handles it with remarkable professionalism. However, if she knew Estes and Quinn were behind it, it wouldn't take much for her to go all vigilante on the CIA and start taking them out, one by one. Is that crazy? Maybe, but if Brody was gone, I doubt I'd watch the show either, which could effectively lead to them canceling the series and "killing" all the characters.

Brody's like a bird, he wants to fly away (Showtime)

These questions regard last night’s episode of Showtime’s Homeland. Please answer the prompts with specific examples from SUNDAY’S EPISODE, though supplementary material will be accepted as a secondary source. Please write legibly. No. 2 pencils only. You have an hour to finish this test. See below for questions and sample responses.

1. The episode's title refers to Carrie's metaphorical desire to fly off with Brody, Dana's emotional flight from Brody, and Roya physically flying off ... with Brody. It's also what I thought that Nelly Furtado's song "I'm Like a Bird" was called for a really, really long time. Using "I'm Like a Bird," Lenny Kravitz's "Fly Away," and that Christian spiritual "I'll Fly Away" sung by Gillian Welch and Alison Krauss on the Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? soundtrack for reference, pick out one line from each lyric to apply to Carrie, Dana, and Abu Nazir, respectively.

Now these are some lyrically complex songs we've got here. Oh! Oh! Oh! Yeah! Well, ok.

Carrie: "When the shadows of this life has gone" ("I'll Fly Away.")
http://youtu.be/sdRdqp4N3Jw
This gospel song about yearning for heaven is actually based on a prison work song. And while Brody is the one facing actual prison bars here, Carrie shows us yet again in this episode just how helpless she is when it comes to him. She may have the excuse that she is protecting an important asset, but she is also waiting there in the dark, spying on the man she loves with another woman. Like Dana in this episode, even if she tells the truth, she'll still feel like she is trapped in the shadows.

Dana: "I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is" ("I'm Like a Bird").
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roPQ_M3yJTA
Pretty self-explanatory. I love that the writers keep finding ways of making Dana her father's Jiminy Cricket. She tells the dead woman's mother she wasn't driving but she was in the car, and the woman replies that it's the exact same thing. The real crime in a hit and run isn't the hitting, it's the running. Don't you wish, just once, someone would answer one of Brody's similar moral evasions with the same no-bullshit klaxon?

Nazir: "I'd fly above the trees / Over the seas in all degrees / To anywhere I please" ("Fly Away").
http://youtu.be/EvuL5jyCHOw
Seriously, can this dude just go wherever he wants? He's the most wanted man in the world, supposedly. Imagine if we ended up catching Bin Laden somewhere in the U.S. Impossible, right? But I guess the best surveillance equipment in the world is stymied when a guy shaves off his beard. Wait til they get Nazir a pair of Clark Kent glasses, he could probably walk right up to Estes and ask for a cigarette. Or a job.

2. An anti-pattern is a software/design/business term that applies to a pattern that is repeated as a norm, despite resulting in more negative effects than positive. In order to be an antipattern, a pattern must contain these two elements:
a) Some repeated pattern of action, process or structure that initially appears to be beneficial, but ultimately produces more bad consequences than beneficial results, and
b) An alternative solution exists that is clearly documented, proven in actual practice and repeatable.
Can you identify five antipatterns that the characters in Homeland acted upon this week?

1. Dana somehow continues to think that she can punish her dad by avoiding him, when that is exactly what he needs right now.
2. Jessica somehow continues to think that arguing logically with Brody will get her anywhere.
3. Quinn persists in believing that just letting Carrie do her insane thing will have terrible results, which it never once has.
4. The CIA continues to think it is smarter than Roya/Nazir and their operation.
5. Mike Faber continues to be Mike Faber.

3. Imagine that you are a parent and this is the first episode of Homeland. You only recorded it on your VHS because your teenaged child tells you that you "really should watch this show," because it will "be right up your alley." After watching "I'll Fly Away," what would you think your son or daughter was trying to tell you?

That I should get out of the Stone Age and get myself a DVR? Honestly, if this were the first episode of Homeland, even with the "previouslies," I would have been totally lost. Without the background on Brody's captivity, his involvement in the conspiracy and his getting caught, none of his or Carrie's actions would make a lick of sense. He'd just be a squirrely cheating husband who neglects his daughter so he can play kinky spy games with his CIA girlfriend. I'd suspect my kid thought I was a depraved sicko who was ruining my family. Incidentally, my dad (like the rest of America) loves Homeland, and in his opinion, anyone who throws over Morena Baccarin for Claire Danes must be—to paraphrase Brody—even crazier than everyone thinks he is.

4. The first season saw Jessica changing hairstyles as often as a mood ring, and with the same purpose. Now that she's settled on her "wife of a congressman 'do," we see Abu Nazir is back, sans his iconic beard. Combined with Saul's subtle facial hair fluctuations per episode, develop a theory about the relationship between a character's follicle choices and their emotional/mental state.

On the contrary, as the scene with the vaguely antisemitic warden last episode shows, hair here is mostly about how people want to present themselves. As with anyone who puts on a show for the public, this may be masking underlying issues: Jessica's changing hair stopped after she gave her big public speech, i.e. both when she became a public figure and when she realized she was never going to be able to count on Brody. In this light, the purpose of Nazir's beard-cutting is twofold: yes, he needed to avoid being seen, but more than that, he needed to convince Brody that he would do anything--including violating his own religious principles--for his cause. His bare chin is itself a rebuke, because that is how Nazir rolls. Roya shouts and threatens, but Nazir just looks at you like he's disappointed and you fall in line. The show has finally pushed toward its logical conclusion: pitting Carrie's manipulation of Brody ("If you're a hero, maybe this will all go away") against Nazir's ("If you make this all go away, you'll finally be a true hero.")

5. They say craziness is defined by doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Would that make Quinn, Saul, and David Estes more or less insane than Crazy Carrie, who can at least be counted on to do something original each week? Why or why not?

Maybe I'm the crazy one, because I persist in believing that the CIA knows what it is doing, in some larger sense. Despite Saul's terrible grimace, female agents are, in fact, trained to use sex to keep assets in line. They may know that Carrie is lying about her feelings, but so far she has given them nothing but results. Quinn is crazy like a fox. When he says "make only one pass," he knows Carrie will buck authority and go for it, because that is what he really wants. He also knows that his order may restrain her somewhat, not to mention giving him plausible deniability. As for Carrie, when Brody tells her she is crazier than everyone says, it is during one of the sanest moments she has yet had on the show. She is straight up playing off Brody's emotions—his feelings for her, certainly, but even more for himself and his own heroic self-image—to get him back on track. Right now, she isn't coming off as an insane person at all, just someone who knowingly fell in love with the wrong man. Brody, on the other hand, is finally about nine-tenths of the way to totally nutbar.

"Hi, I'm Carrie." (Showtime)

These questions regard last night's episode of Showtime’s Homeland. Please answer the prompts with specific examples from SUNDAY’S EPISODE, though supplementary material will be accepted as a secondary source. Please write legibly. No. 2 pencils only. You have an hour to finish this test. See below for questions and sample responses.

1. Even for a show about espionage, this episode was unusually concerned with the seen and the hidden (Quinn disrobing in front of Carrie; Aileen asking for a window, talking about the light, needing reading glasses; Brody hiding his scars from eager watchers). What did this episode allow us to see/understand that was previously hidden?

I'm pretty sure this one was just a set-up. Two words: Quinn ass.

2. Quinn seems to say what Carrie is thinking several times, most notably "Brody is everything." Chart the likelihood that Quinn has actually died and is now just a Tyler Durden-esque outgrowth of Carrie's subconscious.
I'd say these two were Tyler Durden-esque, but that would assume one of them was the manifestation of the other's nihilistic tendencies. In fact, Quinn and Carrie are the opposite of Tyler Durden: Instead of being one person split between his desires and society's demands, these two think exactly alike. They both run around like they are all id and superego but no ego. I mean, was it any coincidence that Carrie saw how cray-cray it looks when you wake up from being exploded in a terrorist attack and your first instinct is to pull out the I.V.s and go back in the field? Neither of them have any control over their impulses except where they draw their own moral lines. If this was another kind of show, they'd be superheroes. Like Batman. Or super villains. Like Bane. No, the Joker. No, Bane. I'm going to stick with Bane.

3. The Talmudic rabbis claimed that every line in the bible could be interpreted in four distinct ways. How many different levels of meaning are present at once in Carrie's conversation with Mike? (E.g., "I hope you get what you want.") How many of these levels is Carrie aware of?
Okay, Saul.
1. Agent Mathison: This is the Carrie that's relating to Mike as a professional; a member of the C.I.A. telling him to "back off" his investigations into Brody because it potentially jeopardizes their entire mission. (Hence, "I hope you get what you want" could actually be seen as somewhat of a threat. As in "I hope you get what you want, but don't go around trying to get it to happen because we will disappear you so fast your assistant's head will spin.")

2. Compassionate Carrie: This is the one that Carrie pulls out of her sleeve and uses on Brody a lot when it's convenient. She allows Mike to see that she's in a similar situation as he is, without revealing that he's part of the reason why she's in that position. (Hence, "I hope you get what you want ... because I too, want someone who desires me but is unable to be with me because of familial obligations.")

3. Crazy Carrie: The next layer on the cake is the Carrie we all know and love, the one who only understands the world through Brody-filters. (Hence, "I hope you get what you want because that means I'll get Brody and then you and Jessica can move far, far away, and while I don't hope you die because someone needs to take care of Dana--who I will reintroduce myself to later in the episode like I'm Jack Donaghy's avian-boned fiance on that season of 30 Rock--I will not want her to be part of our lives. The younger one, maybe.")

4. Off her meds mental patient: Here is the one who is about two blue pills away from causing another 9/11 because she's about to tell this guy Mike the world's shittiest-kept secret. (Hence ... exactly above, but she says it out loud, and then gets all crazy-eyed.)

4. By this point it has become clear that Carrie is using her real feelings for Brody in part to control him, and Brody explicitly acknowledges that he knows this. How does this map onto Homeland's increasingly obvious methods of manipulating its audience?
Oh, I love the idea that this is the writers' way of tackling the issue of government transparency in foreign relations. "Look, when one of us asks another one of us if we are just manipulating each other, and our answer is 'I don't know,' that's our way of telling you that we are definitely manipulating you. And just as Brody 'likes' being manipulated by Carrie (which, by the way, keep it in the bedroom you guys!), you too have come to love of us despite of ... nay, because of ... all this fantastical bullshit we keep throwing your way." Note: This only refers to white people.

5. Once again, Carrie's incompetence ends up looking like competence, while Saul's professionalism ends up making him look like a buffoon. If you were Mandy Patinkin, how would you feel about what the writers have done with your character? How about if you were Bill Hader?
Er ... I'm not really sure what you are referring to here. Carrie was actually quite competent (and surprisingly compliant with the C.I.A.) this week. Saul was not being professional; he let himself be emotionally manipulated by a desperate woman, per usual. So: competent?
http://youtu.be/G2y8Sx4B2Sk

Honey Boo Boo and Nugget. (Facebook)

– Jon Hamm's girlfriend is not a fan of Jon Hamm's penis getting all the attention. Also, apparently Jon Hamm doesn't wear underwear? Very cool.

– The beef between Jonah Hill and CNN anchor Don Lemon is hysterical. Mr. Lemon was so miffed that the famous TV star didn't know who he was that he tweeted about it, then Jonah tweeted back, and then Lemon went and complained about it being treated "like the help" on Starting Point with Soledad O'Brien. How professional.

– I bet you've always wanted to know what Dana's love interest on Homeland did before he was the VP's kid. Well, apparently a lot of rapping.

http://youtu.be/GszV6rvD4sI

– Lindsay Lohan is not going to do a planned interview with Barbara Walters because she doesn't want to talk about her car crash. Fine. It's not like there aren't a billion of other subjects to grill Lindsay Lohan on. It's called compromise, people!

– PETA is scared that Honey Boo Boo will eat her pet chicken, named Nugget. Maybe she can make it up to them by posing topless or something.

"The Expendables" (Showtime)

These questions regard the second season premiere of Showtime’s Homeland. Please answer the prompts with specific examples from SUNDAY’S EPISODE, though supplementary material will be accepted as a secondary source. Please write legibly. No. 2 pencils only. You have an hour to finish this test. See below for questions and sample responses.

1. Imagine Coleridge and Wordsworth were reanimated to watch an episode of Homeland. For the sake of argument, let's say that they also have the same amount of knowledge about the modern world and its government infrastructures (not to mention cars, light bulbs, etc.) as you do.  Walk the two men who came up with the term "Suspension of Disbelief" through last night's episode, and explain to them how we've bastardized their literary idea to apply to almost every scenario in the show. Be specific.

Ok, Sammy, you know how when you were writing, it was deeply unfashionable to write stories about vampires and superheroes and stuff? And so you had to come up with this idea that modern audiences could still get real, human ideas, emotions and situations from fantastic stories through a willing suspension of disbelief? (And then your pal Bill, he was going to come at it from the other side, and show the spiritual and the unbelievable and the weird in ordinary situations?) Well, here's the thing: vampires are just everywhere now. No, really. Like the height and the depth of all storytelling. Your concept worked too well. Modern audiences don't like stories about real people doing real things; we find them boring, even when there are spies and terrorists and explosions. A tense drama about the CIA simply isn't enough. To keep today's watchers enthralled, they need to believe in the unbelievable, whether it be the CIA trusting just two guys (I love Virgil and Max, but c'mon) to tail the most important lead the entire agency has, but twenty dudes to go through the accounting books of a dead tailor, or Brody hiding and then revealing (sort of) his murder of the tailor for no real reason but narrative convenience, or Roya Hammad miraculously revealing important intel other than the important intel that Brody was fishing for, or Dana miraculously happening to find the right hospital ward and recognizing the woman Finn hit despite the fact that she only saw her for a split second flying into the windshield, or Carrie not blinking an eye when Brody tells her that he is using the CIA as cover to save his marriage, or Brody thinking admitting this to a woman who clearly has feelings for him, is clearly mentally unstable, and clearly could get him executed for treason if she wanted is somehow a good idea ... Enough to drive you back to laudanum, amirite?

2. When Carrie reaches to squeeze Brody's arm in the car, he grabs her hand and sneers, "What is this? Sex? Understanding? And if that doesn't work, then what?" Implying that Carrie's physical intimacy is just another technique to gain his trust. Yet the final scene, it's Brody who reaches for Carrie's hand when she breaks down over the men she lost at Gettysburg...men that he possibly was responsible for killing, had he signaled to Roya that the C.I.A. was planning a raid on the tailor's shop. Was Brody trying to tell Carrie not to trust his lies, or being sincere? Is there a difference anymore?

It is associations like this that crystallize for me just why, despite all of the unlikeliness enumerated in my last answer, the bond between Brody and Carrie is one of the most interesting and complex relationships that I have seen depicted in any narrative medium. Because there are layers of their doubt and distrust in there, but in both of these situations, we know (approximately) the truth. Yes, Carrie is manipulating Brody, and he is right in saying that her touch is part of that manipulation, but that doesn't make it insincere. Quite the opposite: Carrie is manipulating herself too, deploying her real feelings for Brody to get what she and the CIA need. When she tells Saul that her eyes are open, she is telling the truth, but Saul shouldn't have been reassured. When she touches Brody, it is real. And until the second of these two scenes, we do not know whether Brody knows this, or he thinks it is all just manipulation. But when he sees her really wild and scared and full of doubt, he knows. That hand he offers her is a revision of his previous accusation, not a hint that he is lying. We may not know where his loyalties now lie, but we know he didn't signal Roya.

It's a good rule of thumb (pun intended) on this show: when you want to know what is really valuable to Brody, watch his hands. He raises them over his head to pray, uses them to bury his friend and his Koran, touches Carrie's hand.

3. Dear TeenCosmo:
I broke up with my high school boyfriend of one season to start dating a much more sophisticated guy. We've only officially been "going steady" for two episodes, and while I think he really likes me, he's starting to pressure me into stuff I'm not comfortable with, like lying about his hit-and-run that ended up killing (?) this woman. Now he doesn't want to talk in school anymore, and I feel like we're growing apart. Is there anything I can do to win him back/relieve this unrelenting guilt over being an accessory to manslaughter?

Dear Lost in NoVa,

It appears you have become entangled in a television subplot that often besets teenagers when their lives seem to be going well and writers fear that audiences may forget about them or lose interest. This is a tragic error. Nothing will make us care about you less than becoming the template of an afterschool special. On a show about international intrigue, you are fast becoming a sad footnote. But all is not lost. Now you are wild-eyed and guilty, with none of that remorseless subterfuge at which your father has become so proficient. Forget your new boy, forget what he did, but nurse your inchoate suffering until it causes you do something really interesting, like, you know, out your dad as a Muslim again--maybe on national television this time? Or just start dabbling in super-outre stuff, like explosives. I may know some people you can talk to.

4. On a scale of "One of the Gosselin children" to "Police partner last day before retirement," how expendable is Mike right now? What about Quinn? The other Brody child who isn't Dana?

Obviously Chris is the most expendable character on the show, except maybe magical disappearing ex-boyfriend Xander. I know this because I am only about 40 percent sure his name is even Chris. Why did the show even bother having the Brodys have two kids? Mike's "investigation" is obviously stupid and can't go anywhere except back to Jessica (or getting himself killed); he serves an important purpose, though, because without him to serve as an escape hatch, ready and willing to jump with her into his flashy car and take off, Jessica would just be harried and helpless, rather than a loose cannon Brody has to keep strapping back down. But Quinn, suddenly he is the engine running Homeland's entire plot. Even before the camera showed him, bloody but alive, rather than dead like every other CIA agent in the tailor shop, you knew he would be found alive. In part because why get an actor of Rupert Friend's caliber to do only three episodes, but also because without him it just becomes the Brody and Carrie show, with occasional avuncular commentary by Saul's eyebrows.

5.¿Es verdad? "Los blancos amor Homeland."

¿por qué?

Si, es verdad. El mucho grande cuestion es por que los non-blancos no amor Homeland como mucho.

Ok, I can't sustain this even in my pidgin Bloombito Spanglish, but I do have to wonder why they decided to made this such a white show in the first place. With Galvez's death, the writers have now killed off one of only two non-terrorist nonwhites on the show. When you really take a look at it it is pretty remarkable: Sure, Dana and Finn's school is some Quaker sanctuary for the kids of the elite, but _man_ is that place white. As is the CIA, aside from Estes. At least last season Saul had a wife who was a minority, but now she's out of the picture. For all of the complexity of the themes here, the "us against them" mentality comes into sharp focus when looking at it this way. When Brody was a Caucasian Talibani it was at least unique, but If he really has turned, now we just have a blonde woman and the palest man in Congress fighting the conveniently dark-skinned terrorists.

Bonus Question

Who is the scariest terrorist: Abu Nazir, Jafar, or the Riddler?

I'm going to give the edge to Jafar, because I once heard that they patterned his face after that of Nancy Reagan.