By Foster Kamer 2/27/12 3:49pm

INTERNAL MEMOS

Explorers_Club_Registered_S

Leaked: Chairman of Prestigious Explorers Club Calls for End to Internal Warring

If you’re not adventurous enough to know, The Explorers Club is a New York City-based 107-year-old professional society and “adventurers fraternity.” It’s a fairly exclusive, prestigious club (members have included great guys like Neil Armstrong, and not-so-great guys like Charles Lindbergh), one that didn’t even allow women entry into it until 1981. The latest territory conquered by The Explorers Club? The trenches of their internal battlefields, as they wage internal war with one another. Proof? A communique to members, attempting to quell the various factions as they take to news outlets to fire shots at each other. Read More

By Christian Lorentzen 3/09/11 1:26am

Internal Memo

Internal Memo: Tina Brown

Buzz. Zeitgeist. Electrifying!

Lists. Lists of lists. Lists of the greatest lists of lists. Lists of the most powerful lists of the greatest lists of lists. Lists of the lists that shook the lists that shaped the lists that changed the world forever. I should make a list of these lists. Or someone should make Read More

By Christian Lorentzen 3/02/11 12:16am

Internal Memo

Internal Memo: Muammar Qaddafi

Let’s say I have $60 billion in assets, not frozen but liquid. And let’s say that after 42 years of glorious rule and personal enrichment, and a few weeks of pointless, no doubt Western-inspired bloodshed, I decide enough is enough. What if I moved to New York? What could that $60 billion buy me?

I Read More

By Christian Lorentzen 2/23/11 1:42am

Internal Memo

Internal Memo: Lady Gaga

Postmodernity has culminated in my torn underwear. The fragmentation of my fishnets signals the teetering of a mode of authority that was in the end so much bad romance. In the depthlessness of my stare heralds equality in superficiality, and digitality allows my hair to be everywhere. The utopian gesture has in my heels undergone Read More

By Christian Lorentzen 2/16/11 1:27am

Internal Memo

Internal Memo: James Franco

Who am “I”? And why do “I” have to be one person? Is it just because the letter “I” looks like the number “1″? Too many people are devoted to their own singularity. “I” am not a monad. Or should “I” say, “I” are not a monad. Or should “I” say, “I” are “we” are Read More

By Christian Lorentzen 2/09/11 12:59am

Internal Memo

Internal Memo: Arianna Huffington

I come from Greece, the land of Zeus. What sprang full-born from my skull has now fetched $315 million. Now, like the Queens of Minos, I will rule an empire, an empire of content. The Internet is a labyrinth. Teeming and toiling within the endless maze are journalists, citizens, citizen-journalists and unique visitors. It doesn’t Read More

By Christian Lorentzen 2/02/11 12:22am

Internal Memo

Internal Memo: Sphinx

I have sat here in the desert for more than 4,000 years. I watched as Pharaoh Ahmose I expelled the dreaded Hyksos from the Nile. I saw the missionaries of Hatshetsup deliver her myrrh trees from the Land of Punt. Thutmose III forged his empire from the banks of the Euphrates to the fourth Nile Read More

By Christian Lorentzen 1/26/11 3:11am

Internal Memo

Internal Memo: Rudy Giuliani

I’m considering another run for president and weighing the pros and the cons. On the pro side, there’s power, fame, the chance to secure my legacy in history and thus ensure that I am remembered in the national consciousness for something more than a few cameo appearances on Seinfeld, as well as the chance to Read More

By Christian Lorentzen 1/12/11 1:07am

Politics

Internal Memo: Snow

We will bury you. You will be helpless in our frigid embrace. We will stop your trains, halt your cars, stall your trucks and cripple your buses. We will put your city into a coma. All of your money is useless against us. Your billionaire mayor is but an impotent elf. We will close your Read More