This place is teaming with baddies. (Cornell)

After they came after our hummus, it was only a time before they came for our mobile app engineers.

Anti-Israeli groups set on depriving New York of two of its most important commodities have moved on from the dowdy old Park Slope Food Co-op to the shiny new Roosevelt Island tech campus. What do both have in common? A commitment to the environment and Israeli imports. Curbed has spotted a new group, New Yorkers Against Cornell-Technion, dead set on stopping the new tech campus, Mayor Bloomberg's biggest achievement since the smoking ban, because of the affiliations of Cornell's lesser-known (on these shores) partner.

According to the New Yorkers Against Cornell-Technion's website, Technion is complicit in every nefarious Israeli deed from the settlements to circumcision.

What the public was not told is that The Technion is complicit in Israel’s violations of international law and the rights of Palestinians, specifically by designing military weapons and developing technologies that are used to drive Palestinians off their land, repress demonstrations for their rights, and carry out attacks against people in Lebanon, Gaza, and elsewhere.  For these reasons, The Technion is directly implicated in war crimes.

Furthermore, The Technion practices institutional discrimination against Palestinian students by severely restricting their freedom of speech and assembly, and rewarding Jewish students who, unlike Palestinians, perform compulsory military service in Israel.  This is in direct contrast to Cornell University’s founding values of universalism and inclusion embodied in the university’s motto “any person any study”.  Any collaboration with The Technion makes a university likewise complicit.

Emphasis theirs, and while there is no mention of circumcision, Alan Dershowitz would agree that that cannot be far off.

mchaban [at] observer.com | @MC_NYC

Looks just like election day. (Fucked in Park Slope)

As those of you who pay attention to critical foreign policy issues may know, the Park Slope Food Co-op voted yesterday against a referendum that called for a vote on a ban of Israeli products.  Technically, the meeting wasn’t open to the press, but as a part of both the co-op and the media, we try to embrace our multi-faceted identity. We felt it our civic duty to attend.

The atmosphere outside the meeting was something between a gladiator match and a high school student council election. Though we arrived early, a line that could be seen from outer space snaked down the street. We overheard fellow members yapping about “democracy in action” while eating sandwiches. We followed the line for two blocks, and as coop karma would have it, spotted a member on our co-op work shift. The days when we refilled legume containers in peace and harmony seemed distant, but in the spirit of cooperation he agreed to hold our spot while we did a little sleuthing.

We struck up a conversation with Failey Patrick, who, in a word, found the referendum ridiculous. “I’d rather we do something like this to feed the homeless, some shit like that,” she said.

Then we found Hima B., who stood in a cluster of protestors and held a “Vote Yes on the Referendum” sign in front of her chest. After she scolded us assuming her name was spelled “Bee” instead of “B.,” B. explained why she spearheaded the issue years ago.

“We had it [a referendum] for whether or not we carried meat and I’m sure we’re going to have a referendum for the plastic bag issue,” she said. “I don’t understand why this issue has a total double standard that they’re using to essentially suppress us.”

Then a man setting up a tripod caught our attention. “I feel that supporting the boycott is a support for terrorists,” said Yankee Teitelbaum, who was not a co-op member. He then showed us a graphic poster of an Israeli family that had been killed in cold blood, and we had to walk away. We got back in line contemplating the summer we spent in Israel and our complex relationship with hummus.

As we approached the front doors, a woman donning the coop’s signature orange and yellow work vest gave us the scoop on the proceedings inside: find the correct sign-in table, have membership card out and ready, take a paper ballot and do not lose it because it cannot be replaced under any circumstances. (Then she implanted a tracking device in our arm, instructed us to grab supplies from the cornucopia and take shelter in the woods.)

With baggies of dried, unsulfured pineapple rings and organic medjool dates in hand (purchased at the co-op, naturally), we hunkered down in the back of a packed Brooklyn Tech auditorium. Board members sat onstage and spouted off rules (no tweeting, photography, hissing or applause) and platitudes about the democratic process (“no demagoguery, but be as passionate as you like”) before calling the first round of speakers to come on down. Immediately, we tried to connect with civilization via Twitter, only to discover we had no reception.

Here’s how the meeting worked: any members who wanted to speak could drop their names into one of three bags when entering the building: pro-referendum, against, or in between. Board members pulled an equal number of names from each bag; those chosen had two minutes of “air time.” To express agreement with a speaker, we could use Occupy Wall Street-approved twinkle fingers.

The speakers, 46 in all, left no stone unturned in their arguments. They came from all walks of life and referenced Passover, the United Nations, magical co-op moments, the negative feelings of olives left to rot on Palestinian soil because farmers can’t get to them, Apartheid, Bjork, Noam Chomsky, GMO foods, the IDF, justice, kale, couscous, religion, race, sexuality, peace, tolerance, and Sabra hummus (which, according to its website, is made in the U.SA.)

We tried to listen to everyone, but certain folks didn’t deserve our attention, like yellers and white girls sporting feathers and/or dreadlocks. Despite the rules, the inevitable applause, hissing and heckling forced some audience members to cluck like grass-fed free-range chickens. One woman mentioned that Human Rights was her college major, and we wanted to strangle her. Another highlight included co-op founder Joe Holtz taking about the storied co-op past, and how this issue was ripping people apart. By this point, emotions were running high.

Just when we were feeling impressed with the relative calm, a speaker kvetching about massacres and ethnic cleansing prompted a man sitting two seats away from us to yell, “Don’t send missiles to Israel if you don’t want to get bombed.”

Vitriolic emotion erupted in the room. The moment lingered, anxiety set in, we longed to tweet, but still no reception. Thank goodness for the woman sitting in front of us peacefully threading orange and brown yarn around a sandwich-sized wooden frame. Her artsy manual movements were lulling and hypnotic.

The speeches wore on, until we came to the stand-up comedy portion of the evening. First a ponytailed man refused to get off stage, and the board cut off his mike with impeccable timing. A hipster/Chasid hybrid (curly pais, wearing a hoodie) joked that because he hated lima beans, the co-op should ban them. And our favorite opening line—“This doesn’t feel good right now. But neither does an enema”—got quite a few laughs. (We would’ve kindly directed him to  a gentle colon cleanse product in aisle six for a less invasive detox.)

Finally, ballots were collected and quickly tallied (two people on each side of the issue presided over the process.) The board screened a brief documentary about the co-op in which members talked about challenges and joys of membership. We hunted down a few of the more interesting people we’d heard speak, and were surprised to find that after the light pandemonium, they still had a very kumbaya attitude about the co-op.

“I have to say, as far as the co-op, I haven’t been a member for a very long time and I’m continuously impressed with how well it’s run," said Yoav Gal, who spoke against the referendum.

“I thought there were some pretty powerful testimonies, which just really touched me,” said Phan Ngyun, who was in favor for the referendum.

The announcement of the tally brought an uncertain reaction—in part because the crowd was dispersing and the board had yet to vote. They were against it 5-0, and that was that.

On the way out, we spoke with board member Bill Penner, who had been a voice of calm throughout the evening. “I was trying to remain as neutral as possible,” he told us. “I think that at the end of the meeting, a lot of people were relieved to know that the co-op could work it out.”

editorial@observer.com

The boycott's a schmear campaign!

Probably the last person anyone would ever expect to shop at the Park Slope Food Co-op has decided to weigh in on the heated controversy roiling the organic aisles of the brownstone bastion. At the ribbon-cutting for Steiner Studios this morning, Mayor Bloomberg was asked for his position on the proposed Israel boycott. Were he to actually don an apron and sort bulk natural supplements for two hours a month, the mayor's vote would be a resounding "no."

For those who know the mayor and his non-New York politics, the reasoning is simple. Like fellow pol Chuck Schumer, he is a staunch defender of Israel. (You don't have to be Jewish to boycott the boycott, either, as Public Advocate Bill DeBlasio did earlier today.) In fact, the mayor encouraged stronger ties with the Land of Milk and Honey."Israel is one of the few friends that America has, that's dependable and represents everything America stands for," the mayor said sternly. "It's the only real democracy in the region, and it has been supportive of America's products and people."

He took a moment to note that "It was created in Queens," referring to President Truman's recognition of the State of Israel in 1945 during a tour of the borough.

Tomorrow night, the co-op is set to vote on whether or not it will hold a referendum on a boycott—a vote of votes, part of the parliamentary procedure governing the co-op to enable a boycott. Ah, direct democracy. Believe it or not, the mayor doesn't buy it.

"Why any of this has anything to do with selling food, I don't know," he said at the press conference. "We should be pushing for more business with Israel, not less. But this has to do with people wanting Israel to be torn apart and people to be massacred, and America is not going to let that happen."

Heaven forfend Barney Greengrass should ever pull a stunt like this.

mchaban [at] observer.com | @MC_NYC

Is that a Bark hot dog, or Hebrew National?

We already know how Andrea Peyser feels about the Park Slope Food Co-op's proposed boycott of Israeli goods, but now an even bigger inorganic bloviator has weighed in: Glenn Beck.

The gonzo radio host was in Crown Heights for a fundraiser for a a Jerusalem museum where he took a moment to attack the co-op as anti-Semitic, according to The Brooklyn Paper.

“What is happening with the food co-op where they are seriously considering a boycott of Israel?” he said, likening the suggested ban to a subtle version of drawing swastikas. “When you use words like ‘I’m just anti-Israel’ or ‘I’m just anti-Zionist’ — that’s anti-Semitic.”

We imagine he then wheeled out his chalkboard and sketched out the web of deceit radiating out from the co-op. As Brooklyn has long know, the seemingly harmless grocery store is really the seat of the worldwide Illuminati.

This is not the first time Mr. Beck has set his sights on Brownstone Brooklyn. Two years ago, he actually admitted to enjoying some of the Slope's culinary delights, specifically those at the cherished Chip Shop.

mchaban [at] observer.com | @MC_NYC

Senator Schumer prefers his vegetables canned. (Epoch Times)

While desperately lacking in commentary from Alan Dershowitz, The Journal has a nice update on the Park Slope Food Co-op's Israel boycott. The paper reveals that an Escherish vote-on-whehter-or-not-to-vote will take place at the end of March, and more than 1,000 cooperators are expected to turn out, about one-tenth of the glorified grocer's proletarian membership.

Meanwhile, the Daily News gets a hold of the one brownstone sage The Observer could not to get his opinion on this burning Brooklyn issue: Park Slope resident and the Senate's resident Maccabi, Chuck Schumer.“A boycott of Israel, which protects women's and human rights far more than any of its neighbors, is one-sided and unfair and I urge co-op members to reject this misguided and counter-productive proposal,” Senator Schumer, who is not a co-op member, told the tab.

Looks like he won't be crossing the organic aisle any time soon.

mchaban [at] observer.com | @MC_NYC

To begin with, there is hypocrisy in the ranks of the co-op.

Any group that considers itself committed to human rights should be going after Syria, Zimbabwe, Iran, Cuba. It shows a perverse bigotry that more closely resembles apartheid than anything Israel has ever committed. So the people who are behind this boycott ought to understand they are on the wrong side of morality, the wrong side of history, and they're on the wrong side of economics, because I assure them they will be out of business if they pull off this boycott.

They hate Israel. It's not that they love Palestinians. You never see them advocating on the part of Kurds, you never see them campaigning on behalf of Armenians, on behalf of Chechnians. They don't care about people who are oppressed, they only care about the alleged oppressors.

Should a boycott come to pass, who knows what disasters could beset the humble borough.

The next thing they'll be doing is calling for an end to circumcision. And the first thing you have to do is have all these guys who are circumcized demand it back, go to the hospital, and have it sewn back on. That'll make them complete pricks, instead of the pricks that they are, O.K.?

What pains Mr. Dershowitz as much as anything is, being a native son, this is happening in his own hometown, and he will not stand for it.

I have a particular interest in Brooklyn, because that's where I'm from, and I will be there to make sure that the people who start this will pay a heavy price. We can't allow good and decent people to think this is the right thing. This is the wrong thing.

And let's be clear. It's not happening in Brooklyn. It's happening in what's the neighborhood again? [The Observer: Park Slope] It's happening in Park Slope, and Park Slope is not Brooklyn. That's like San Francisco.

And The Observer thought Portland was bad.