Mr. Deen.

Turns out that James Deen has his finger in many pies—and not just in the gross sexual way that you were thinking.

The it-boy porn star, whose claims to fame include a hefty endowment and a co-starring role in The Canyons with Lindsay Lohan, is branching out yet again, with the release a new video food blog called "James Deen Loves Food."

The blog, which is featured on the porn site WoodRocket.com, is surprisingly safe for work, and features a fully-clothed Mr. Deen engaged in various quirky dining stunts, which include ordering everything on the Burger King Menu and making ice-cream with liquid nitrogen. We just hope he washed his hands.

Don’t worry, this new venture doesn’t mean the habitually filthy Mr. Deen is cleaning up his act, and the blog itself has a sufficient dose of sheer creepiness to disqualify him from becoming the next mainstream foodie sensation. (Although, frankly, we aren’t ruling it out. Diners, Drive-ins and Dicks, anyone?)

You see, Mr. Deen is apparently obsessed with serial killers, and the blog features various allusions to some of his fave mass murderers, including segments in which he samples the death row meals of infamous inmates like John Wayne Gacy, Ted Bundy and Gary Leon Brown. Creeeeepy.

Let’s just hope that Mr. Deen’s interest is purely academic, because the porn industry simply won’t survive another scandal.

That being said, it’s hardly the weirdest thing on WoodRocket. The site bills itself as "the future of porn!" and features avant garde productions like the scientifically-probing “What fits down her throat?,” the literary “Topless Girls Reading Books,” along with something called “Spongeknob squarenuts XXX.” Something for everyone!

So yeah, lest the New York Times article failed to convince you—James Deen is NOT your average porn star. He’s just your average serial-killer-obsessed porn star turned Hollywood actor with a food blog. Are you getting all this?

Lindsay Lohan acts with props. (YouTube)

You can really feel her frustration in this scene, which is obviously from the movie because Lindsay Lohan would never spend that long trying to find a missing cell phone. (Also, like, who even owns a land line anymore?)

But then you can really feel how scared she is when her boyfriend (porn star James Deen) stalks in and hits her because he knows about her and Ryan. (Ryan who? Ryan Lochte? Probably Ryan Lochte.)

On the plus side, Lindsay Lohan found her cell phone (it was in her boyfriend's drawer, not that weird), and also, acting!

Lindsay Lohan and James Deen in The Canyons. (Facebook)

If there ever was a week for longreads, this would be it. After Elizabeth Wurtzel's 5,500-word essay published in New York about crazy landlords/Not Compromising on Life, The New York Times Magazine proved that it hadn't cornered the market on histrionics. Thus, an 11-page exposé about Lindsay Lohan and The Canyons, the Kickstarter-funded film written by Bret Easton Ellis and directed by Paul Schrader, co-starring porn heartthrob James Deen.

As you can imagine, the piece chronicles what a nice time everyone had on the short shoot—which took place over three weeks last July--with a lot of fond, funny anecdotes. Like the time Ms. Lohan took too many sleeping pills, locked herself in a closet, and refused to come out until Paul Schrader took off all his clothes? That one is great. The pitch-perfect tone was immediately reflected in its  blog-snark title, "Here Is What Happens When You Cast Lindsay Lohan in Your Movie."

A fine choice, but a little unsubtle. We offer these 10 other titles that would have equally reflected the appeal of such a long, labor-intensive piece of journalism.

1. "Here Is What Happens When You Take All Your Meetings at Chateau Marmont"

2. "'Julia Roberts Is Late!': The Lindsay Lohan Story"

3. "Paul Schrader Takes It All Off"

4. "How Not to Make a Film"

5. "That Time Lindsay Lohan Called Everyone Else Unprofessional"

6. "I’ve got one assistant passed out at my house and the other one in the Palisades saying he wants to hang himself. Life’s great.”

7. "Do you know that iPhone app that makes explosions?”

8. "Grownups Crying"

9. "When Porn Is the Least Interesting Part of Your Film"

10. "American Psycho 3"

James Deen, up for grabs, lady journos! (E!)

Come on, ladies! Fess up ... we would have totally loved to step forward to claim that we were the lucky, anonymous interviewer whom James Deen told Kelly Bourdet from Vice.com on Friday he had sexual relations with. But you know, journalism and ethics and stuff. So we can't lie, we never touched the golden god of pornography's Dirk Diggler. But that doesn't mean you can't!

In an article last week, we posited (after 20 minutes of labor-intensive research) that the most likely candidate was 100 Questions' Gaby Dunn, who wrote up her meeting with Mr. Deen like it was a spin-off of 50 Shades of Grey. But Ms. Dunn responded on Twitter to our post:

Our second suspect was the Vice reporter herself, but she also claimed innocence:

Of course, that still leaves our last candidate, Emily Heist Moss from GoodMenProject.com. Or, jeez, could it possibly be someone from a video interview? Brooke Anderson??! That opens up so many new possibilities! We are looking at you, Inside Edition's Brooke Anderson and Nightline's Cecilia Vega!
http://youtu.be/auYVMxDzIqQ
http://youtu.be/7bxzjEKJJ60

Update: A source just pointed to Salon's Tracy Clark-Flory, who wrote an essay titled "Bringing home a porn star: Sleeping with my favorite male performer gave me new appreciation for the difference between fantasy and reality." It definitely appears that she slept with Mr. Deen: they both live on the West Coast; the description--"smoldering eyes, strong nose and athletic body...He’s a rare male performer who is charismatic, young and handsome — everything the infamous Ron Jeremy is not"--fits; and she wrote about the encounter in March, right around the time the world was getting turned on to his hotness.

But query...does a personal essay qualify as an "interview"? Because that's what Mr. Deen admitted to...sleeping with someone who had interviewed him.

Mr. Deen and not the reporter he slept with.

No, unfortunately it wasn't us. But The Canyon star and pornography icon James Deen has slept with at least one of his interviewers, according to a new Vice.com article.

In "Future Sex: An Interview with James Deen, America's Porn Sweetheart," Daniel Stuckey Kelly Bourdet asked the dreamy Mr. Deen:

Okay, I have one more question for you. Have you ever had sex with someone who interviewed you?

Deen: Yeah, actually I have.

Now comes the fun part where we try to find out who that person is!

Our money is on Gaby Dunn of 100Interviews.com, who definitely had a close encounter with Deen ... at his house:

Later, he reads the Hebrew tattoo I have between my shoulder blades by running his fingers across it through my apparently see-through yellow shirt without warning me. I want to sing the chorus of ‘Don’t Stand So Close To Me’ by the Police.

“Oh my god,” I reply, bringing my notebook up over my face. “Stop. I am trying to just get through this interview.”

and:

He smirks and it’s totally killer. “I looked at your pictures first,” he whispers. I don’t hear him right away and then when I do, I gasp and get tongue-tied. He’s got me again. He laughs, “I am that sleazy. I totally am.”

and:

James shakes his head, “Just for that, now you’re getting finger-blasted,” he threatens, pretending to be tough. “Oh, sure,” I say, because now that we’re joking about it, it’s somehow less likely?

Other possibilities: Amanda Hess for Good Magazine, who also interviewed Mr. Deen at his home (and who quoted Gaby Dunn); Emily Heist Moss from GoodMenProject.com who wrote after meeting him wrote; "I feel strange, like in the last two hours my best hopes and worst fears about pornography have been confirmed"; or Ms. Bourdet herself.

James Deen, over-sharer (TMZ)

James Deen may be a porn star, but he's still a babe in the woods when it comes to being a celebrity. After being accosted by a TMZ paparazzo outside Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills last weekend, Mr. Deen--who just finished filming Bret Easton Ellis and Paul Schrader's The Canyons with the "super great" Lindsay Lohan--was more than happy to give the digital tabloid some amazingly doofy soundbites.

(This, despite the fact that his lawyer was present, and Mr. Deen seemed to be aware that he shouldn't be talking about the film.)

Let's look at the transcript, shall we? But a quick word to the wise: Don't be fooled by TMZ's headline ... Mr. Deen never mentioned that Ms. Lohan helped him climax.

TMZ: How did you like working with your co-star, Ms. Lohan?

James Deen: She's awesome. I have no official comment about her because I don't know what my contract ... what's my contract?" (Mr. Deen then turned and introduced his cameraman to his friend.) This is my attorney, so ...

TMZ: Your contract? I think it's called a non-disclosure agreement.

JD: I have some sort of like ...

Lawyer: (Prompting) She's absolutely wonderful ...

JD: No, she was, she was! But I don't have any official, like, things to say about the movie or working with her or anything like that. But working with her was awesome. She's super professional, super great. She's a fantastic actress, and it was really really awesome. I feel like I learned a lot from her. Like in those scenes that we did together, I feel like those were my stronger scenes, because working with a really good actress, or actor or anyone that ... I did a scene with Gus Van Sant, and it was another one that I feel like was very strong just because working with people that are really strong actors and very talented and stuff kind of like bring the best out of you. So it was very helpful to me as an amateur."
(And, scene.)

Someone should tell Mr. Deen what "non-disclosure agreement" means. Also, "professional." Also, "actress."

Perhaps this is just genius viral marketing, as we are now more pumped for this movie than ever. We (NSFW) hope it gets released!

Lindsay Lohan and James Deen (Facebook)

Previously, Mr. Ellis announced on Twitter that Ms. Lohan was attached to the film, but there was some dispute over whether or not she had signed her contract.

Here's the full release (no pun intended):

LINDSAY LOHAN STARRING IN PAUL SCHRADER THRILLER “THE CANYONS” WRITTEN BY BRET EASTON ELLIS

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA (July 14, 2012) Iconic filmmaker Paul Schrader (American Gigolo, Auto-Focus; writer Taxi Driver, Raging Bull) is directing Lindsay Lohan in the forthcoming independent feature “The Canyons” from an original screenplay by acclaimed novelist and screenwriter Bret Easton Ellis (American Psycho, Less Than Zero). Lohan went from wrapping Liz and Dick into rehearsals and then shooting with her fellow cast. James Deen co-stars with actors Nolan Funk, Amanda Brooks and Tenille Houston. Esteemed director Gus Van Sant has also been cast and Brendan Canning (Half Nelson) of influential indyrock collective Broken Social Scene will score the film.

The Canyons is a contemporary L.A. noir about the dangers of sexual obsession and ambition, both personally and professionally, among a group of young people in their 20's and how one chance meeting connected to the past unravels all of their lives, resulting in deceit, paranoia, cruel mind games and ultimately violence.

Leading the independent charge is Braxton Pope (Shrink, The Take), formerly with a deal at Lionsgate, who is producing the feature. The film was brought together using new media methodology, financed partly by the crowdfunding platform kickstarter, where the filmmaking team raised over 150k for their endeavor and partly by Schrader, Ellis and Pope in an effort to retain creative autonomy. They also used the internet casting service letitcast and opened the acting search to professional and amateurs across the globe, as well as Schrader regularly updating his progress via the film’s official facebook page and the twitter accounts of Ellis and Pope. Additionally they also cast a role on social media platform Mobli, a leading social photo and video sharing site.

Said Ellis, "Dealing with the casting of The Canyons was a great, liberating process--for both the production team and for actors in general. We used letitcast and saw some amazing actors that we will definitely keep in mind for future projects. The way the entire cast came together so quickly was a thrill and everyone who landed their roles deserved them. Using social media as a way to help build a film is really like riding the wave into the future."

“Bret Easton Ellis' characters are beautiful people doing bad things in nice rooms,” said Schrader. “Lindsay Lohan and James Deen not only have the acting talent they also have that screen quality that keeps you watching their every move."

“Nothing about this film was orchestrated in a traditional way,” said Pope. “We wanted to actively embrace all the digital and social media tools at our disposal and give the film real cinematic value – ‘The Canyons’ is the result of a forward thinking experiment with a terrific cast.”

Lohan is represented by agent John Burnham of ICM, manager Evan Hainey of Untitled and attorney David Feldman of Bloom, Hergott Diemer Rosenthal LaViolette Feldman Schenkman & Goodman. Schrader is represented by agent Frank Wuliger of the Gersh Agency and manager Johnny Planco. Ellis is represented by attorney Barry Littman at Hansen, Jacobson, Teller, Hoberman, Newman, Warren, Richman, Rush & Kaller.

Besides being more of a PR shill for letitcast than the film itself, the whole press release seems a little strange. It's not every day you see the names of agents listed along with the director, writer, and main star--even weirder that at this point, Mr. Deen is not famous enough to warrant his own agency listing-- but we assume that's so press people like us can update our listings on who in Hollywood is currently risking their rep by backing Lindsay Lohan, whose insurance premium per film must be through the roof.

The perfect couple

James Deen is the best. We couldn't be more excited for the male version of Sasha Grey to become a mainstream sensation, especially if he keeps up the hardcore porn and amazing blog entries.

But we're a little worried that Mr. Deen has been spending time with the wrong influences ever since Bret Easton Ellis announced the cast of The Canyons...

All these rumors of Lindsay Lohan and James Deen as a couple are obviously false, because if they had had sex yet, it would be online already. Still, we can't help but wonder how lonely James Deen has to be in order to spend the 4th of July with his co-star. Especially since this was his tweet from earlier in the day:

So many questions! What was in that truck? What kind of gourmet dish could Ms. Lohan have brought to make up for being the least friend? Not a lesser friend. The least friend.

The only way we can find out the real nature of these two's relationship is to audition to be extras in The Canyons. Who here is comfortable with nudity? It's easier than unicycling, we promise.