Listen up everyone, a 10 is speaking! (NBC)

...she lied.

Jenna the performer:

and a philanthropist:

Who wants a baby:

With her own fears:

....And loves:

And singing abilities!:

Muffin Top from Martin Torres on Vimeo.

Jane Krakowski of 30 Rock was the first to show, rushing through a covered tent in a powder-blue, knee-length dress and silver pumps with 4-inch heels, but O.C. star Adam Brody was feeling more chatty. We asked about his police record. "Man, I got busted shoplifting, stupidly, as a teenager," he said. "So it was the San Diego Police Department. Actually it was the Fry's Electronics undercover cop." What did you steal? we asked, expecting to hear something expensive. "A camcorder battery," he said.

Wearing a red leather tracksuit, Mr. Morgan zoomed past, creating a mass scramble that left his co-star (temporarily) unmolested by cameras and microphones. Mr. Willis was wearing a silver-tinted suit and tie. "I'm good friends with lots of New York cops and you should be, too," he advised us with an extended finger. "Well, just in a really general way. I play cops, they're cops ..."

Guillermo Diaz, who plays the Mexican gangster Poh Boy in the film, said he had two run-ins with the police but would only talk about being pulled over for a busted taillight when he was 17. "They were cool, they were fine, but I was scared shitless. I mean, I'm Spanish, I got a shaved head, c'mon, man." And the other incident? "It wasn't so good," was all he offered, adding how much he's enjoyed working with actress Michelle Trachtenberg on NBC's Mercy.

 “This whole experience is just a wonderful experience from beginning to end," said.Law and Order’s Sam Waterston, who has performed at the Delacorte in Much Ado about Nothing and in two productions of Hamlet. " To be a member of the audience, to be in the shows, to have the sun go down, to have the whole city concentrated around this 'O' here"--he indicated the round theater--"is just a wonderful experience. Whether you’re up there or out here, it’s just great.”

Actor Liev Schreiber offered a different opinion. “It’s much more fun to be in it. Any time I go to a show that I’m not in, I feel a little bit like I’m intruding. Especially here. And I get envious. To have a night when it’s not raining and it’s not hot, the gala’s going well, you know at 8 oclock, you’re almost positive it’s not going to rain, you’ve got a keyed up audience. There’s nothing quite like the gala night. The audience is completely keyed up. I’m jealous.”

Ms. Parks, who excitedly proclaimed, “It’s a beautiful day! Yay!” said that her favorite part of Shakespeare in the Park is “That it’s free! And they say the best things in life are free, so there you go. This must be one of the best things in life because it’s free.”

Jane Krakowski, meanwhile, recalled her childhood experiences as an audience member, saying “Since I was a little kid--I grew up in New Jersey--I’ve been coming in with my parents and waiting in line all day and having a picnic and finally getting your tickets and watching the show, there’s something so romantic about being out on a New York summer and looking over at the castle and over the pond, and it’s just one of those great New York experiences.”

Mr. Schreiber recalled another aspect of performing at the outdoor Delacorte theater, one that’s been causing the current company a bit of mischief. “I had a raccoon wander up on stage in the middle of a soliloquy in Cymbeline. And he just kind of stared at me as if I was a hack actor. He almost looked like he had his arms folded. He was watching me … totally unimpressed.”

Mr. Kushner says the raccoons are one of his favorite parts of the Shakespeare in the Park experience. “I love the raccoons on the stage! They’re very tough [critics].”

Alas, no raccoons made it on stage during the performance, but Anne Hathaway as a cross-dressed Viola and Raul Esparza as Orsino sizzled next to Audra McDonald, who played one lusty Olivia. 

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It's official: 30 Rock wins every award ever.

We're always happy when 30 Rock gets recognition. But, enough already! 30 Rock took home awards for Best Actress (Tina Fey), Best Actor (Alec Baldwin) and Best Ensemble Cast in a Comedy Series (the SAG Awards' version of Best Comedy), giving the show roughly 143 awards during the past year. Put it this way: if 30 Rock had been eligible to win the MVP trophy at the NHL All-Star Game on Sunday night, we bet it would have won that, too. All that being said however, it was a treat to see 30 Rock win, just to hear Jane Krakowski's acceptance speech on behalf of the cast. Ms. Krakowski has wandered around the edges of 30 Rock since the show began, but at the SAG Awards she took center stage. Citing some of the cast members as "weirdoes we picked up off the street", specifically highlighting Jack McBrayer (who hilariously muttered "not cool" within ear shot of the microphone), was funny enough. But saying that the 30 Rock cast is "one thousand times heavier" than her former cast mates on Ally McBeal was sublime. We particularly loved how much she made Ms. Fey laugh. If only Ms. Krakowski was given material like that each week.

Forget Doubt! Can we give Meryl Streep an Oscar for her SAG Awards speech?

While it might seem pre-determined that this is Kate Winslet's year to break free from the unfortunate moniker of "best actress to never win an Oscar," it is never wise to bet against Queen Meryl. Ms. Streep defeated Ms. Winslet in the Best Actress category last night, taking home the hardware for her work in Doubt--though it was Ms. Winslet's performance in Revolutionary Road that lost and not her Oscar-nominated turn in The Reader (which incidentally won Best Supporting Actress honors from SAG). And though we feel Ms. Streep's performance gets better in our minds as time moves forward, we'd much rather see her get an award for the acceptance speech she unspooled in front of her fellow actors. Ms. Streep managed to be equal parts humble and conceited, while never uttering a false note. She's great, she knows she's great and she doesn't seem to care what anyone thinks. That is in stark contrast to Ms. Winslet's weepy speeches at the Golden Globes, and her underwhelming one earlier in the evening at the SAG Awards. Ms. Streep hasn't gotten an Oscar in twenty-seven years. Don't count her out come February 22nd.

It is written: Slumdog Millionaire has already won Best Picture.

While this does feel like one of the most wide-open Academy Awards races in quite some time, there is no doubt what film will win Best Picture. Slumdog Millionaire has captured the hearts of voters all over Hollywood and its dual wins over the weekend from the Producers Guild of America (Best Picture) and the Screen Actors Guild (Best Ensemble) cement things further. Slumdog Millionaire is a juggernaut the likes of which we haven't seen since... No Country for Old Men. Sigh. Seriously, just once we'd like to see a Best Picture race where the outcome wasn't already decided months in advance. Maybe next year...

Tuesday: Se7en
As you get ready for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, the third team-up of Brad Pitt and director David Fincher, maybe take some time out to revisit their first pairing. We're still shocked Mr. Fincher ever got Se7en released at all, especially with that ending. Simply put, you don't normally see the pretty blonde female lead end up with her head stuffed in a box. Dark, scary and soaked in utter hopelessness, Mr. Fincher's most complete film is gloriously unrelenting. [Encore Mystery, 8 p.m.]

Wednesday: Christmas at Rockefeller Center
Jane Krakowski rarely gets more than a handful minutes per week on 30 Rock, despite having third billing. Perhaps, then, in an effort to make her contract appear more palpable to the accountants, Ms. Krakowski is being farmed out to other NBC broadcasts. Last week she appeared on Rosie Live; this week she's helping Al Roker light the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center. By New Year's Eve she could be co-hosting The Today Show. [NBC, 8 p.m.]

Thursday: Oldboy
The geek world was rocked a couple of weeks ago when it was announced that Steven Spielberg would be remaking Park Chan-wook's Oldboy with Will Smith set to star. While Mr. Smith has since said that the project will focus on the original graphic novel and not the previous film, fans are still upset. We can see why: Oldboy is a decidedly non-Spielbergian venture. Mr. Chan-wook's film is crazy violent and features a denouement that would make the aforementioned David Fincher cackle with deranged delight. [Sundance, 1:45 a.m.]

Friday: Trading Places
If Trading Places were remade today, it would be a scrubbed clean PG-13 summer blockbuster starring Adam Sandler and Chris Rock. Thank goodness that hasn't happened... yet. The original Trading Places is a hard-R and a time capsule of 80s nostalgia which reminds everyone that, at one time, Dan Akroyd was hilarious, Eddie Murphy was brilliant and Jamie Lee Curtis was super hot (and, in Trading Places, topless). More than anything else, we love the hodgepodge supporting cast: Denholm Elliot, Paul Gleason, Jim Belushi, Ralph Bellamy and potential United States Senator Al Franken, as an inebriated and dimwitted baggage handler. [Outer Max, 8 p.m.]

Mr. Kors did not appear to be ruffled, no pun intended, by the fashion industry’s increasingly demanding schedule. “We have something new every two weeks,” he said. “I tell everyone, ‘Don’t pay attention to what it’s called.’ It’s perfect for ADD times. If you fall in love, might be a rain boot, could be a bathing suit, could be a coat.”

Mr. Kors’ collection includes all these things—but not the necessary gear for his upcoming holiday trip. “I’m going to South Africa on safari to the Singita, so I actually had to go to Beretta—this was a rarity!” he said. “Everyone’s like, ‘Oh, you make everything!’ I’m like, ‘We don’t make safari clothes!’ This is a guaranteed way to get New Yorkers out of black. Safari.”

The actress Jane Krakowski, currently starring in 30 Rock,was among those posing for pictures with the designer, whom she first met backstage in Antonio Banderas’s dressing room during a Broadway run of Nine. She was feeling tense about the state of her Christmas shopping. “I keep thinking we have a month to go. And we have like two weeks or something,” she said. “I’ve bought like two presents, I have about 20 to go. I’m giving my nephews Guitar Hero, which we played at Thanksgiving, and it was so fun, because the family didn’t argue. Have you tried it? It’s great for the holidays, so you don’t have to talk about any family issues.”

“It makes me very sad every time I drive down Fifth Avenue and I see the Plaza and it says, ‘Condos for sale,’” said the actress Jane Krakowski last night at the re-launch of the Royalton hotel after a $17.5 million renovation. She was talking about the slow death march of many of New York’s older luxury hotels (a la the Mark, Stanhope, Delmonico, etc.)

“I feel like every city, there’s room for diversity, and I think it’d be great to have both, and there still will be. The big giants aren’t going anywhere,” added the blond actress in black Michael Kors.

When the Royalton opened its doors as one of the city’s first new-age boutique hotels in the fall of 1988, the Philippe Starck-designed midtown sleepery made waves with its fashion catwalk-like lobby. But cold and impersonal is how many people apparently felt about the space, so a redesign was commissioned.

Slideshow

The Royalton's 44—Back in Town

Guests entering the Roman and Williams-designed lobby last night were quite literally smacked in the face by the heat pouring out of a Toyota Corolla-sized fireplace near the front door. (Frankly, the gas, glass-enclosed box-of-cozy looked like something one might find either in a Four Seasons in Aspen or on Larry Ellison’s 452-foot yacht, Rising Sun.) Beyond the wall of flames, the once-sweeping room has been divided into clustered seating areas, where the notion of kitsch has been truly redefined. Bare-bulb geometric light fixtures and retro faux ice-cave chandeliers lit up the laser-cut metal walls and calfskin banquettes. (Relatively few people were actually utilizing the sunken seating areas; almost everyone stayed on the elevated catwalk and in the front bar area.)

“I’m a big fan of design, and there’s so much design going on in the hotels these days, so this is where it’s at in the city,” she went on to say, while servers tried to navigate their way through the crowd while balancing trays covered with full drinks. (One unlucky waitress spilled Champagne on a partygoer’s silk Pucci-esque blouse, sending her off to the loo in a huff.)

“By the looks of this party, people come out to see what they’ve done. I think hotels are still great meeting places, and in New York City, you know, they’re places to hang out whether you’re staying there or not. That’s what I think the design has done for these hotels.”

Though the voice-over delivery was dramatic, some of the arrivals didn't exactly incite the crowd. "Here's costume designer, Martin Pakledinaz!" [nominated for Kiss Me, Kate ], the voice enthused. "Martin, say hello to your audience!" Mr. Pakledinaz's audience did not say hello back. Then again, neither Blair Brown nor Peter Scolari did much better.

Come to think of it, the voice-over cues may have been for the benefit of the penned-up photographers and journalists. "I have no idea who any of these people are !" groused one paparazzo as Kiss Me, Kate star Marin Mazzie passed. And the glamour deficiency of the event was not helped by the sight of publicists going up and down the line of blank-faced reporters, pleading, "Does anybody want [ The Music Man 's best leading actress in a musical nominee] Rebecca Luker? Rebecca Luker anyone?"

Everybody knew who Mr. Byrne was, though. And as he made his way slowly down the press line, he got screams from girls across the street. It didn't lighten his mood, which seemed to be reflected in the dark rumpled suit he'd chosen over a tux, his two days' beard growth and perma-grimace. He looked like he was taking a slow stroll into a hail of bullets.

By the looks of it, Tony night meant to Mr. Byrne what Tony night has come to mean to the rest of New York. As Broadway has become increasingly geared to out-of-town crowds–Jack Wagner in Jekyll & Hyde !–the hard candy-coating of Manhattan glamour that once surrounded the Tonys has been chipped away and replaced with a saccharine taffy geared to the lowest- common-denominator tastes of middle America. (People who aren't interested in theater anyway, judging from Nielsen numbers that made this year's telecast the lowest-rated Tonys ever.)

Mr. Byrne's mug said it all. The Tonys have become business without pleasure; a prime-time opportunity for Broadway's producers to advertise their big musical numbers on national television, and if they win the award, nab Schubert Alley's answer to the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval. The logic goes that Mr. Iowa is more likely to shell out a few hundred bucks to take the family to see the road-show production of Tony-winning triumph Contact , rather than something that could be described as a pool-hall dance party set to a recording of Robert Palmer's "Simply Irresistible."

"For the majority of people theater has become irrelevant," Mr. Byrne told The Transom on his way inside, moaning in a very Eugene O'Neill way. "Television and rap music and movies are far more relevant to the vast majority of people than theater. It's become much more about advertising, about 'product,'" he added. "There's a lot of reasons why theater has to take a good long look at itself."

If the organizers of the Tonys heed Mr. Byrne's advice, a good place to start would have been Rosie O'Donnell's much-touted opening number for the CBS show. Ms. O'Donnell emerged on stage flanked by grooving fellow television stars Jesse L. Martin ( Law & Order ), Jane Krakowski ( Ally McBeal ) and Megan Mullally ( Will & Grace ). Behind her on risers stood what appeared to be a church choir in black tunics.

Ms. O'Donnell decided to host the Tonys after hosting in both 1997 and 1998. Last year, the ratings tanked without her presence, a fact that probably influenced the producers of the awards show to make the opening number a tribute not to Broadway, but to stars who had started on the stage and had managed to claw their way into Ms. O'Donnell's current medium, television.

This involved Ms. O'Donnell singing wobbly tributes to Mr. Martin, Ms. Krakowski and Ms. Mullally to the tune of Jesus Christ Superstar 's big number, "Superstar."

Then the TV trio sang the songs from their Broadway shows of yore. After they'd all done their bits, they joined Ms. O'Donnell for the finale, a "Superstar" reprise: "Now you know! / Before TV! / We were in musical comedy! / Yes it's true! / Before L.A.! / We started out on the Great White Way!"

"All my friends said, 'What the hell was that opening number?'" Ms. O'Donnell's co-host, Nathan Lane, said the evening after the Tony Awards. "But I liked the number because I know exactly what they're doing. People know all these people. They're wonderful theater performers and they're now successful on television, so it's just a way of saying, look, we're all connected."

Mr. Lane said he was disheartened by the format of the show, in which recipients were limited to 45 seconds of CBS airtime for their acceptance speeches. "There was a time that ratings weren't so important [to CBS]. They did it because they thought it was a classy show. Now, the ratings are more important. They don't care so much if it's classy."

Mr. Lane sighed. "There's this thing about theater being the poor cousin in the entertainment food chain, that we fit somewhere between folk dancing and accordion playing."

The rest of the show went without drama or incident, except when after the rousing "Seventy-Six Trombones" number from The Music Man , the CBS camera briefly found Mr. Byrne politely applauding, but wearing a root-canal scowl. Ten minutes later, Mr. Byrne lost the best leading actor in a play award to The Real Thing's Stephen Dillane.

Mr. Byrne was nowhere to be found at the party at the Marriott Marquis afterward. Nor was Ms. O'Donnell, though Bebe Neuwirth was sitting at her table. Even Steve Urkel-like Public Theater director George Wolfe, whose The Wild Party came up empty-handed, left the not-so-wild party early, with Toni Collette.

Jekyll & Hyde 's Mr. Wagner was there, and he spent a good part of the night crouched next to the seated Ms. Krakowski. Mr. Wagner had competition, though, from a succession of camera-wielding Japanese party guests. Between snapshots, Mr. Wagner attempted to woo Ms. Krakowski by serenading her and, later in the evening, by inserting his tongue suggestively into the wine glass he was holding. "I don't really know him," Ms. Krakowski told The Transom after Mr. Wagner had run through his bag of babe-snaring tricks and made himself scarce. "He liked my number. He says we have met before. I do remember, but it was kind of in passing. I didn't know it meant so much to him."

Nobody can resist those television stars.

Branagh's Big Balls

Kenneth Branagh stood squinting into the spotlight in the front of the Paris Theater, where he was about to screen a cut of his newest star-studded William Shakespeare adaptation, Love's Labour's Lost . He was choosing his words carefully, no doubt because Miramax's co-chairman Harvey Weinstein, the man who put up the money for his film, was in the theater listening to him. "Harvey's been a fantastic collaborator," he said in his plummy English accent. "We've often had a free and frank exchange of views. Read into that what you will ."

A few people tittered. Derek Jacobi, who was sitting in the very back row, chortled. "When we had a particularly challenging preview–some people here will know what I mean, " he said under his breath, "he was right there with us, and I appreciate his support and his input very much."

Mr. Branagh seems to have made his job very difficult. As he himself said before the Paris audience, he chose to adapt the Shakespeare play that–for reasons that became obvious to some audience members during the screening–had not been performed for the 200 years following the bard's death. And he chose to make it a musical using American popular standards. And he chose to set it in World War II-era Europe. And he decided he would use a Citizen Kane- like faux newsreel footage to encapsulate much of the action. And he would put in a synchronized swimming scene and a sight gag involving a dead sheep. And he would do all this in about an hour and a half–an accomplishment considering that the play was one of Shakepeare's most interminable.

"I have to pee really bad," said Alicia Silverstone after the screening. Ms. Silverstone, who portrayed the princess in Mr. Branagh's film, was standing in line to get onto an elevator leading up to the very modest reception that Miramax was throwing for the film in the upstairs banquet room of a restaurant on West 57th Street called Shelly's New York.

Ms. Silverstone wore a dress with a slit going down to her belly button, with multicolored sequins all over it, which seemed like a pretty elaborate get-up for a crowd that included actor Peter Boyle, in chinos, and Sopranos co-star and E Street Band member Little Steven Van Zandt, in snake boots, and a gaggle of scruffy reporters.

Mr. Branagh was getting polite reviews from the guests. "It was a very difficult thing to pull off, you know?" said Mr. Van Zandt, earnestly.

"I found it a goof," said Mr. Boyle, who was wearing a Knicks lapel pin.

Reviews for Shakepeare's play were more guarded.

"I mean it is Shakespeare, but it's not a great play," said Mr. Boyle, nodding.

"You gotta give Mr. Branagh credit," said Mr. Van Zandt. "The man's got balls."

"Balls of an elephant!" Mr. Boyle yelled, perhaps a bit too loudly.

"Balls!" shouted Mr. Van Zandt.

" Cojones !" howled Mr. Boyle. They seemed to be cracking each other up.

Meanwhile, Mr. Weinstein was at a table seated next to a young actor named Jon Abrahams, who was in Outside Providence .

The Transom asked Mr. Weinstein about his rumored disappointment with Mr. Branagh's preview of the film several months before. Mr. Weinstein looked hard at The Transom and chose his words carefully. "I was very supportive of this entire movie," he said. "I had a great collaborator with Branagh every step of the way. I'm very proud of the movie. I'm very proud of my own work. There's nowhere you're going to go on this that's going to get me fucked, because I've been a good boy." The Transom noted that Love's Labour's Lost was one of Shakepeare's longest plays. Mr. Weinstein looked like he was about to say how he really felt about the play. "And probably …" he paused in thought, "his longest."

Samantha Ronson's Massive Attack

D.J. Samantha Ronson put Massive Attack's "Protection" on the turntable and then went on an attack of her own. Ms. Ronson was spinning records at the June 3 cocktail party hosted by Coach leather goods at the Bridgehampton mansion of real estate mogul Rodney Propp when The Transom asked her what she thought of the New York magazine profile of her brother Mark Ronson, also a D.J., and how the article had portrayed their socialite mother, Ann Dexter-Jones.

"You don't fuck with my mom or God–some things are holy!" declared Ms. Ronson about Nancy Jo Sales' cover story, which depicted Ms. Dexter-Jones as "tirelessly self-promoting; if there were a marathon for name-dropping, she'd beat Donald Trump and Russell Simmons faster than you can say 'Phillip Seymour Hoffman.'"

Ms. Ronson insisted that her family–her stepfather is Foreigner guitarist Mick Jones–is "really normal" and that her mother was "a nice lady." And just in case, we had missed her point, she reiterated: "You don't fuck with my mom. I'll kill anyone who does."

Ms. Sales, who now writes for Vanity Fair , replied: "I thought [my story] was affectionate toward Ann Jones. I really enjoyed her and the whole Ronson family and I'm sorry they read it that way."

– Deborah Schoeneman